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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > "Dont contact me anymore" some advice on that      Home login  
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 Radia968
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 1
"Dont contact me anymore" some advice on thatPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My Ex just broke with me after 2 1/2 years. It was a good relationship, a little turbulent here and there. Ultimately it came down to me being laid off too much, and
the economy now.. she thought I did'nt want to work much,,which is a croc, cuz she should've known me better
We were on slight talking terms at first,,,then about 2 months after the breakup
she started seeing this much younger guy-(she's 39 he's 25). when I got word..i lashed out with some snide remarks- nothing insulting to her though. Yes because I thought there was still a chance with her, and did'nt want to think she would be taken away for good.
Now It's "don't contact me anymore" even after she said that, I tried to contact her
by going over her place- (when the new guy was there) - to return some things of hers.
I saw his car there- yet I went to the door anyway to return her things,,,not sure why I did that. it was stupid...She was really pissed about that...So, anyhow now I hear things went sour with the new guy...So it's been 2 months, and thinking about contacting her,by sending her a peace offering.
Just asking some advice If I even should.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 2
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/7/2009 9:45:08 PM
If this site didn't have a minimum length requirement for posts all I would write here is a very simple "NO!"
 kuddlekitty
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 3
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/7/2009 10:09:44 PM
So I assume this is the same girl you just posted about and you weren't even sure you were in love with her. Now you're sure?
 GottaDanse
Joined: 10/16/2008
Msg: 4
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/7/2009 10:11:31 PM
I was the recipient of a text 'do not contact me anymore' out of the blue. A police friend and a psychiatrist friend told me that if I contact her for whatever reason, she may whack out and have me arrested. (She's BPD). I know that I will not get my money back or my things back, but it aint worth jail. I chalk it up to experience and hope I learn my lesson.

I vote 'no' also.

P & L ...... Steve
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 5
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/7/2009 10:29:00 PM
The phrase “don't contact me anymore” means that she does NOT want you to contact her anymore. The last time you went against her wishes she got “really pissed”. If she wants to hear from you, she will be in touch. If you keep disrespecting her wishes, her way of getting “in touch” may come in the form of a restraining order.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 6
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/7/2009 11:12:12 PM
If things went sour with the guy, and you showed up at her door and it pissed her off, the last thing she is going to want is to see you say I told you so... Even if you weren't going to do that, that thought will probably be in her mind, and probably at this point since you didn't respect her telling you not to bother her, she isn't going to be MORE receptive now, because things went South.

Let her be, and if she wants to rekindle things LET HER be the one that comes to you. After all as it has been said, is the next contact you want is in a court of law getting a restraining order???

In essence NO!!!!
 Ettien
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 7
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/7/2009 11:13:21 PM
NO MEANS NO.

It's over, finito. Time to let go and move on with your life. She has already moved on. Now it's your turn. Do NOT, under any circumstances, initiate any contact with her ever again. Honor her request and honor your own dignity.
 Ms.petite
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 8
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 12:30:49 AM
Don't do that boy! If she says "No", unless you know for sure she's the say negative expecting the positive girl, then please let her go her own way.
My 2 cents,
 Browngreeneyes
Joined: 12/21/2008
Msg: 9
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:09:14 AM
You've behaved badly and she's stated no contact.

Do so.
 lotto2009
Joined: 4/3/2009
Msg: 10
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:29:26 AM
her romance with this younger guy was nothing more than a love re4action, rebound love. Mate you must believe in yourself. Its always very difficult to go backwards, try doing it walking, can you backwards as fast as you can going forwards ? No way. Thats what you must do, move on. If you want her back , find work and leak it back to her that you are doing very well. If you have done that, then on that basis subtley get a message to her and let her decide. Bare in mind she is looking for a long term partner that can provide for her and her family. Good Luck. Phil
 miska1
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 11
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 6:24:09 AM
No contact= NO CONTACT
Do not contact, do not call, do not email, do not show up at her work, do not show up at her house, do not show up where she hangs out for 3 months or more, do not text, do not leave notes anywhere for her.
 comfort123
Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 12
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 7:03:51 AM
Radia968, your girlfriend has indicated that you should cease and desist from contacting her. Whenever one partner in a relationship requests/demands that the other cease contacting them that should be a cue to collecting their pride and moving on without malice or vindictiveness because NO one owes us anything (ie, recipricated love). It hurts to be told, regardless of the manner in which it is stated, that we do not meet the needs of a significant other. However, that is the nature of life because if there are no appointments (risks) there are no dissappointments (ie, rejection, loss) but a life that is empty and unfulfilling. Congratulate yourself. You took the risk, were involved, it didn't work out but yet you met the challenge and now may wish to focus your energy on finding a viable job, planning a career and involving yourself in other positive endeavors.
 Tazed
Joined: 3/19/2009
Msg: 13
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 8:25:39 AM
What part of "don't contact me anymore" do you not understand.

Why would you want sloppy seconds anyway? Just accept it and move on. It's the only way.
 Radia968
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 14
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 11:18:40 AM
Yes it is the one, I know if she's on my mind this much, I know I cared for her.
Since the fact that she is now currently single, I just wanted to give an update, to let her know I have found steady work, and am taking an online course. and that I do still think of her. We were best friends, and just to say I miss that, not to make her feel obligated in any way. Just to test the water, I don't see where that would be offensive
the way I see it she'll respond or not, it's just something I want to do for closure if nothing else, is a peace offering such a bad gesture in this way?
 luvs2laugh78
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 15
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 12:04:19 PM
Closure for one person is often selfish!

She has stated she want's no further contact, and you keep disrespecting that! That really isn't going to help your case to show you have "changed" in her eyes, she will just see the selfish nature of the act and the disrespect!
It is a bad gesture because it is an unwanted gesture. If she wants to ever have anything to do with you again, let her make the decision to contact you, rather then you imposing yourself into her life!
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 16
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 12:08:25 PM
Perhaps what you miss, and what she feels are two different things.

There is a thing of to little to late...

Perhaps if you hadn't of ignored her request the first time when she had company, instead of "bulldozing" into her privacy, you could have let that time go. No instead you marched up to her door, with a guise of I have things to give you, knowing she had someone else over. That is a slight women, and men don't forget, and forgive all that easily.

Now, instead of allowing her resolve her own issues, you want to persist, seeing if there is a crack of the door still open... One has to ask once again is the type of closure you want a restraining order???

You state you are looking for "closure" but the reality is you first stating she's single, I'm doing better, I want to test the water...That isn't looking for closure, but rather wanting to know if it is ok to see if you have a chance...

Sure, go for it, see how it goes for you... Perhaps she will have changed her mind, however one thing I can tell you about women is this. They can remember an offense, which YOU did by stopping by, and maybe at some moment of weakness, she will say ok.. However that offense is still there, no sorry can take that offense away.

Personally it seems that if she wanted you in her life she'd be knocking on your door. She'd be checking in with you to see how things were, and if you were doing ok, but by the sounds of it, she has not. Thus the only thing she will see is a broken down man groveling, and having a job, because that is what she had said she wanted...

Women are funny creatures, they want a man to be strong, not for them, but because of them. They don't want a man to be nice so that they can be with them, but because that is really in his nature. A woman doesn't want her man to work because that is what she needs to help have a family taken care of, but rather because he wants to work to take care of the family.

There are few things worse in a womans eye, then a man doing things he THINKS will make her happy, therefore he's doing them... She wants a man to do things because that is what makes him and the family a unit as a whole happy.

Selfish women, I can't explain to you...

If you go over there now, saying hun its all better now, cause I got that job you wanted me to get, and I'm bringing in money now.....Probably not going to be well received, simply because it won't come across as something YOU wanted...

NOW that is strictly my opinion, and what you do, and how you handle things is all up to you...

I truly hope you get other womens insight on things as well, because I am but one woman, and perhaps in my parts of the country, women are different than your parts of the country...

Good luck
 yna6
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 17
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 12:12:11 PM
It works BOTH ways. Either leave her alone...or expect to branded a stalker. With all that entails...like police, psychictric help (court ordered) etc, etc. Leave her alone. IF she decides to contact you sometime down the road, you can make a decision then. Perhaps you'll have moved on. Then you can tell her "Don't contact me anymore....I didn't when you told me not to, I expect you to respect MY wishes now."
You have to be mature enough to accept that kind of thing. If you aren't, you have no place in the adult world. Quit being so juvenile and grow up...move on.
 namesaname
Joined: 2/13/2009
Msg: 18
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 1:34:00 PM
I really don't get people like this. Its OVER. She doesn't want you. Move on with your life. Yes it hurts but it isn't ever going to get better until you accept that it is over.
Self respect starts today.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 19
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 1:45:35 PM
Maybe if you contact her, she'd consider re-establishing something with you... now that she's single and has no one else in her life right now. Do you really want that? To be wanted by her now because she has no one and can have you immediately? What value do you place on your dignity and what realistic hopes for a stable and content future would there be?

When someone makes you the first runner up, then they don't value you. You already know you aren't valued by her, don't make her prove it.

We all carry around some pain with us of not being able to have what we shouldn't want.
 LadyBoBina
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 20
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:10:54 PM
Don't! Seriously, you are now harrassing her. And there isn't anything wrong with a grown woman digging her claws in a younger guy he is of age you know.
 fortygeek
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 21
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:50:33 PM
OP,
Let it go man. Showing up at her door, as you did, is a deal breaker in my book. That's one that I would never forgive, and I doubt she will either.

No contact works both ways. You need to stop making contact, especially the contact that only occurs in your own head. That means no phone / emails / drivebys / profiles / blogs / and especially reports from the field (mutual friends, etc) . You won't get over this until you do.

IF she forgives the ugly intrusion into her life you put on her, and is interested in your new-found employed status, she'll find out through the grapevine and contact you.

Paul ;)
 kuddlekitty
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 22
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:55:24 PM
You wrote in this post it was basically a "good relationship." In your other post you stated that you wanted to cheat on her several times and she knew it...even though you didn't go through with it.
She's probably had time (with distance) to put things in perspective. A person can only be on an emotional roller coaster for so long. She's made her break, and is trying to stick with it. I would guess she thinks if she went back with you she'd have to deal with you pulling away...and hurting her... all over again.
 Qrah
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 23
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 4:56:58 PM
set her free OP

she deserves to find her 'true love'

it isn't you...
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 24
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Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:36:03 PM
When someone tells you not to contact them it usually means exactly that. Move on, go forward, the relationship is done.
 allenf
Joined: 1/3/2009
Msg: 25
Dont contact me anymore some advice on that
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:46:37 PM
I went through a axe break up now word no communication no ryhme or reason just find some else there are plenty of fish out there dont give up on yourself brother if she wants you she'll call.
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