| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/8/2009 10:55:30 PM | | lost and left without not sure how i ended up where i am , but i am here i'm bitter ,jaded, and HURT ive read all these threads and even posted a real strong post about letting someone else have that control over you and letting them h urt u but i cant seem to get passed this one need a lil encouragement i guess dont really dont want to get into why i am here , its a long story | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/9/2009 2:30:44 AM | Shug you are a beautiful woman, and how you got to where you are at, which is bitter, jaded and hurt says a lot... Sometimes gals that are beautiful end up being seen as some trophy to conquer and when the deed is done, these men will go back to gals they feel are in their league.
I won't say always, but that has been what I have seen in quite a few threads.
Perhaps you just need to find a man who holds you in esteem past being a beautiful woman?
Without knowing how or why you were hurt, it is hard to work on how to get you out of your funk...
In my life I have found that sometimes I have not loved myself first, and appreciated the me I had to offer. Since I was taught that love was supposed to be that feeling given by someone else, I didn't realize I had to love all of me first.
For the other person that can be taxing, and an over size load to bare...
The best thing you can do is love and value you, and then let go of the pain of how another let you down, because people are people, and in this world there will always be people that will let you down...
Good luck | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/9/2009 2:30:59 AM | | We need to know your problem first... we can;t help if we don't know. | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/9/2009 6:08:04 AM | Hello, dear
Well, I passed through something terrible, and all i could do was go to work, really sad, and spend the day waiting to come back home and cry inside my room, by myself. Lost some pounds, but...I am alive! Sometimes we need our own time, you know? To heal... Each person has a very specif way of doing that. I believe you must know yours.
Sometimes it takes longer than we would like it to, but...nobody dies of it. You just have to believe and everything will be just fine.
I can see you can talk to ppl here and they will be here for you, thats a nice way to start, talking to other ppl who can understand your problem. Also, watch tv, movies, go for a walk (even if it means go to the supermarket and buy food haha). I promise you it will be ok, I just cant tell you when.
Kisses! | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/9/2009 10:40:00 PM | | thank you so much for your post to my thread it really sdid help me even though it wasnt much to go on i do thank you for the complient u did give and u are so right | |
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Posted: 4/10/2009 4:00:30 AM | Kiss me, one thing to remember is that very seldom do people get lives where it is always enchanted and wonderful...
In my youngers, and I personally didn't see it, except to say I have a European facial structure, I used to unknowingly have Princes Di's hair style... People would often make the comment of how I looked l like her...
I admired her gentle nature, and the fact that she went through hell trying to be a Princess, and to have a husband that wanted someone most would not think of a pretty....
Here life ended tragically leaving behind to boys that no matter what would always need the love and guidance of there Mum.
Sometimes the "cross we bare" feels so heavy, yet there are literally millions that would trade there life for yours in a heart beat...
That is one thing someone told me as I lamented how tough and frustrating my life was, and felt so depressed that I wondered if I would really be better off dead... Since my friend, who I'd never met told me that, which was in 2002, I have never thought such a dreadful, or so down of a time again... | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/10/2009 6:49:19 AM | Try and succeed, try and fail. Either way you learn what works, eventually. That's encouraging because it means your current set-back is not a life sentence of doom and gloom and misery and depression and pain and suffering and despair and woe. By looking at the big picture of life itself and your own in particular you can see one experience as being but a step along a journey. Like if you were hiking up in the mountains and you tripped over a sleeping grizzly bear and banged your shin, that would not ruin the whole trip, assuming the bear did not wake up and eat you. No, you would limp a few steps until the pain passed, then keep right on hiking along the path to enjoy the rest of the day.
What is an emotion, anyway? Emotions are like songs on the radio. Some are happy, and some are reliably depressing and make you suicidal. They call those Country Western Music. The happy songs are about fun, joy, pleasure, and happiness. The sad songs are about desperate yearning, heartache and stolen pick-up trucks. The thing all songs have in common is they start and end. Then the next song plays. If you don't own an ipod and all you can do is listen to the radio station's playlist, then you are stuck with whatever emotion they play. But if you do own an ipod and download your own songs you can collect the ones you like and play them when you want. Emotions are the same as songs. When you let some one else decide how you feel, you are out of luck. But when you decide how you feel, you can feel how you like. Sometimes you will fumble with the ipod before you can change the song, but it's yours to control in general. On the ipod the way you select a song is by pressing the thing when the song is highlighted. For your moods, you change how you feel by how you think. The way you think about something will change how you feel about it. It can take some fumbling around with different thoughts to find the thought that plays the emotion you want.
That is encouraging because it means you can think about things in different ways, notice the effect your thoughts have on your emotions, and get good at reacting to what other people do so that you can recover from the initial emotion and have one you like instead, just by how you think about the situation. Your feelings are mostly within your control. Not all, but enough. Being hurt is usually self-inflicted, past that first moment when you get the news. From then on if you are hurt it comes from how you are thinking about things. You have the power to think as you please, so, think about things in the way that doesn't hurt. | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/10/2009 9:31:25 AM | Put your mp/ipod player on and go for a nice jog/walk.....if our heart is torn we have a spirit and body to mend it,if our spirit is torn we have our heart and body,they all work
together for a strong you/me. Congradulations to you OP ,most of us dont even recognize being ......bitter,jaded,hurt.....your a lot stronger than you think/feel or
acknowledge at this time......feeling worthless,confused of how you can give so much
and get treachery in return .........whatever a man throws out to the water will return
to him, water logged ,heavier than before ,i feel sorry for the guy who says he sees yet is blind says he walks but is lame says he hears but is deaf.
A good woman might fall a many a times......but they always pick themselves up brush off the dirt and continue .
peace vin | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/10/2009 10:42:11 AM | | Well, think about things this way for a moment: What are the things that make you feel awesome, like life is the greatest thing that ever existed and you wouldn't want to give up this moment for anything? If you don't know what I mean, then you may just have to try a few things to find where you get into that situation where time flies but you don't seem to notice it as everything seems to fit together in a wonderful picture sort of way. If you do know of those things, have you done those lately to realize that there is more to you than with whom you are. While you don't want to get into why you are here, there are only a few things we can suggest and some of us can toss out ideas and hopefully you are doing better now than you were and have a good day. | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:34:00 AM | | baraboom, that was awesome post and as i read i couldnt help the tears u made alot of since and and made me see things for what it is thank you . and your so right about giving it all and getting treachery in return .seems like the better you are to someone the worse they treat you . i fall for this kind of man, men love to take advange of my kind heart i am really tired and weary of trying to find the right man if there is such a thing | |
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Posted: 4/10/2009 11:37:35 AM | | thank you all you know i know what i'm suppose to do just getting to that point is the hardest i know when i look back at that time in my life i will say what a idiot . its getting over the humpand living in this hurt and pain | |
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Posted: 4/10/2009 11:39:30 AM | Kiss me, I used to be jaded and bitter. I felt as if so many things had happened to me and men had treated me badly, and it was so unfair. All it did was keep people away from me. Men would pick up on it and move on. I was unhappy with myself and the way life had turned out.
Somehow, over time that feeling banished. I realized I am the master of my own life and my attitude is something I can control. Only you can control how you feel and what you do. Don't give anyone else that control.
We all have bad things happen. We all lose people we love. What we choose to do with what happens is what is going to shape how we live our lives. I spent way too much time being bitter. I now realize that everything happens for a reason. My life is good. It's amazing how much difference an attitude change can make.
You are a beautiful woman (at least on the outside - I don't know you otherwise). Count that as a blessing! | |
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Posted: 4/10/2009 1:35:29 PM | thank you cannpeters,
what you have said is very helpful and you are so right, i dont let anyone close to me and if they do i end up pushing them away, i dont want to be this way . but everytime i let someone in i always get hurt .and thank you for the compliement | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/10/2009 2:49:41 PM | | Also, can I suggest something? Your profile is very negative. It's either going to run men off who were otherwise interested, or bring you negativity. When I see people's profiles where they talk about people treating them badly or playing games, I tend to stay away. This means the person is probably bitter. I can promise you, from experience, bitterness never will get you anywhere. I bet you will have better luck on here if you change your profile and make it more positive. | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/10/2009 3:00:34 PM | I'm not sure what the problem is.......but I do know,time heals all wounds...and it might be smart to take care of yourself,before you jump into a new relationship.I have been on my own for the past year after a long marriage filled with ups and downs.No dates, no sex, no men in my life. Seems to me that that time was for ME.
Take some time for YOU...and let thing settle in your mind,heart and life....and you'll see things from a much better perspective.I promise! | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/10/2009 3:44:35 PM | | i had that profile along time ago i havent changed it cause i just came back to plentyoffish but i am not looking for a man . trust me i dont want another one for awhile ..i am here go to forums pretty much it . i am married to man that cheated and took all my money out of my account wrote checks on me and his name is not on the account and no there is nothing i can do about it i have already tried...he stole my car and i have kids he has none and already had a car . but cause his names on it he could take it and it not be stolen . i lost my job, and left me with no way to go and did i say took all my money yeah and wrote checks .this is why i wrote the thread.i am dying inside i was in love with him but he was not in love with me, it is obvious.my lil girl loved him and called him daddy its a mess he has since changed his number and hasnt tried to contact me .i guess doesnt want anything to do with us . | |
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Posted: 4/10/2009 3:52:30 PM | Dear OP why are sweating one inconsiderate 3 legged creature when you can probably get anyone you want without really trying that hard.
Don't sweat whatever you had . You'll find someone else | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/10/2009 3:57:27 PM | | i dont want anyone else u fall in love and marry the man u want to spend your life with and this is what has happened to me cant believe it .and i really wished it was that easy to find someone else but really isnt that easy | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/10/2009 4:18:13 PM | OP, I remember your other thread. I'm still confused as how you can be a nurse and not find a job. I have a friend who is a nurse, and she had no trouble finding a job. She had places competing for her. I work for a healthcare company, and I know this isn't a problem.
Sounds like you need to get your life in order. Not trying to insult you. Here you are a pretty woman, have a good occupation, etc but yet you are saying that this man took your car, money, etc. How are you in this position where you don't have your own car and money? | |
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Javex
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Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 20 | |
| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:24:31 PM | Hey "Pretty Woman" - it's enough to make a girl put away the extensions! You are a HUMAN BEING first. Just because you are pretty does not mean you cannot feel and that it takes you less time to get over it. If it were that easy the plastic surgeons would have to beat us off with sticks! Have another cry - you have a right to your feelings.
And when the morning comes - and it will, trust me - go on a Forum and try to help someone else with what you have learned. It's a simple little gesture, but reaching out makes you feel good too. That's the reason all this crap is happening - so others can learn from you. Helluva lesson, but you're going to help someone.
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Posted: 4/11/2009 9:30:36 AM | | he took all i had saved up sis u not read what i had said i moved to nashville to look for work and when i did not get to put a 2weeks notice in well that looks pretty bad on u and companys wont hire you this is the reason op, i have had interviews but no call backs yes he took my car and ALL MY MONEY THAT I HAD . HOW HARD IS THAT TO FIGURE OUT MY I CANT GET A JOB OR HAVE ANY MONEY IF THE **stard TOOK IT ALL | |
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Posted: 4/11/2009 9:31:45 AM | | THAT WAS MY OWN CAR AND IT WAS MY OWN MONEY BUT WHEN UR MARRIED ITS HIS ALSO IN THE EYES OF THE LAW...... | |
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Posted: 4/11/2009 10:31:03 AM | You don't really have to scream (all caps). I wasn't really trying to insult you. I was just curious about the whole thing when you have a really good career. My friend left her husband and didn't give two weeks notice (as it was a bad deal) and she still had no problems finding jobs here. Maybe nursing it not a good occupation in that part of the country?
I understand about your money being his money, too, in the eyes of the law. Sounds like you need to get a lawyer and some help on this. You need to take some action to handle this. If you can't afford a lawyer, go to legal aide for this. The lawyer could maybe help you get your car back, especially if he already has one car.
I know you're hurt right now, but you have to take some action to make your life better. Try to think about that and not how hurt you are. Be mad at the guy. He's a jerk. | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:19:40 AM | | I'm confused, you've been on here since 10/2005 & you're still bitter about your last breakup, in 2005? Whoa, time to get over it & time to change your profile. A pity party is best when there is only one participant. Time for an attitude adjustment. | |
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| encouragement anyone
Posted: 4/12/2009 7:39:27 AM |
i had that profile along time ago i havent changed it cause i just came back to plentyoffish but i am not looking for a man . trust me i dont want another one for awhile ..i am here go to forums pretty much it . i am married to man that cheated and took all my money out of my account wrote checks on me and his name is not on the account and no there is nothing i can do about it i have already tried...he stole my car and i have kids he has none and already had a car . but cause his names on it he could take it and it not be stolen . i lost my job, and left me with no way to go and did i say took all my money yeah and wrote checks .this is why i wrote the thread.i am dying inside i was in love with him but he was not in love with me, it is obvious.my lil girl loved him and called him daddy its a mess he has since changed his number and hasnt tried to contact me .i guess doesnt want anything to do with us .
Not to sound judgemental here but this post in particular leaves me wondering.
You state all the horrible thigs this man is capable of as far as cleaning you and your kids out of finances etc. and leaving you penniless.............and yet at the end, sound like you want him back to do it all over again to you and especiallyyour children.
Perhaps you are the one making bad choices all the time and that's why you're in the spot you are.
If you are the parent of these kids and he is not the father, you'd best start acting in their best interests instead of looking to someone else to come up with all the answers for you.
Stay single, shake off the bitterness and focus on your kid's needs. | |
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