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Posted: 4/11/2009 8:33:17 AM | OK, would someone give me an honest, brutally honest view of mine?
Is it clear of what I am looking for, what I am all about, my way of thinking?
I do know, it's long. But I don't think that's a bad a bad thing.
Please include my pictures.
Thank you. | |
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Posted: 4/11/2009 8:53:00 AM | Okay... WOW... that is a lot of reading... WAY to much reading...
You drop the Axe on your commitment to your daughter... Yes, they see that your a weekend dad, but that doesn't not change the fact you are a dad. Speaking as a dad, that is going to limit the people who respond to you. With that said, I would focus more on talking about yourself in a positive light than telling people to basically F-Off if they can't handle the fact your a weekend dad. So if the desired result of your first paragraph is to scare off potential children haters... it's spot on... but it's probably going to make even the children lovers cringe cause it comes off a big negative.
You need to break up your content... you also repeat some points several times several different ways. See if you can cut it down... A lot!... That much content gets glazed over, if someone can't read it in 1-2 minutes, there not going to read it at all. | |
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Posted: 4/11/2009 9:03:00 AM | Thanks Light Storm..
Speaking from experience my deal is with my daughter must be explained just a way I did..Unfortunetly..So, yes, I wanted to came across to do not contact me, if you don't like to do what I have planned with my daughter.
What points am I repeating?
Being long..Yeah, I know, but I really would like someone to take a time to read it all, other ways I'll be the one who is not interested in her.
So,if she goes- OMG look how long his profile is, she should just skip me. | |
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Posted: 4/11/2009 9:33:06 AM |
So, yes, I wanted to came across to do not contact me, if you don't like to do what I have planned with my daughter.
Perhaps the best approach is to reserve the weekends exclusively for your daughter, while leaving week nights open for dating? | |
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Posted: 4/11/2009 9:42:45 AM | Okay... I can't quote everything... but I will a few highlights okay...
Now, noticed, that's my weekend schedule, right?..OK..
Still reading this? That's a good sign..
More about me..Taking some advice here, trying to be original..
I was born and raise in Hungary, so I can do the spell check, but if my grammar, or my sentences look weird, now you know why.
I think your English is fine... for that matter, it's possibly better than most people who only speak it. Some of the comments come off a little insecure about it... don't worry about it so much, be confident in everything about yourself, confidence is much more attractive than doubt.
Back to being original..
I am a hard working, down to Earth, fun to be with, honest guy, what you see is what you get, not good at pretending to be someone I am not..
OK, is that original or what? I know, I know...Or what..
Your repeating your concern about being original... If someone made it this far... these comments about you self doubt on originality are just slowing them down, it doesn't need to be there.
Well, I guess it's for me to write it down, and for you to find out if it's true.
How is that?...
You might want to consider taking out all the comments where your trying to think for someone else. It's probably makes you a lot of fun to talk to in person, but it's not working for me.
someone asked me if I would pee in a cup..Yes, I would..Would YOU??
Gross... delete it
More things I don't like to do..Dance, sing, party all night, taking about religion, politics, arguing.
Don't talk about things you dislike doing, it's glass half empty, doesn't need to be there
I am easy to get along with, just be honest with me, I am a grown man, I can take it.
Delete it, reverse psychology this is BAD thing to have written down
I am the guy who doesn't like talking about himself. OK, that's not helping.
Nope... it's not, delete it
I am a good friend. There for my friends, not judgemental, my life is somewhat drama free. I am saying somewhat drama free, because if you telling me, that you don't have any drama in your life, I am calling you a liar liar pants on fire!!LOL
Delete it... not doing you any favors at all
I am a grown up, but doesn't show that all the time.You see me on the playground on the swing,or playing with my daughter.
If you where to add the phrase in there somewhere "On weekends..." in my opinion that should be the only content about your daughter on your profile. That first paragraph I feel is over the top.
I'll treat you like a lady, I know how to do that.
It's good to know how to do that, but it's insecure to say it... back to reverse psychology again... I would just take out the second part... or replace it with an example of how you would treat her.
However, I don't think I should stand when you go to use the restroom, or when you return to the table. I think that's over doing it. I'll open the door for you, tho.
I'll treat you with respect, as long as you do the same.
The fact that you said that is kinda scare... delete it
Yeah, I know, it's not original, but I gave up on that.
These type of comments don't need to be there... this is like the 10th time you've said something to this effect
This is getting long, and I heard that women's don't like long profiles, if it's boring. Hope it's not too boring.
More self doubt, and it's just increasing the length of your profile... delete it
Speaking of what I am looking for. I put down FRIENDS.
They should have a "Long term friendship, with a possibility to turn into more, but if not, than you'll have a friend for life" option.
I would just change friends to 'long term' and delete that content
Friends, does not mean only sex.. But I don't believe we need to be married, or boyfriend/girlfriend, to make love.
WAY to much information, seriously... get rid of it
I also don't like if I am being used for my good nature.
More self doubt.... doesn't need to be there... no one wants to go out with Mr Victim.
Do I see myself being married in the next five years? I can't answer to that question. Not against marriage, I can tell you that much.
To much information... None of us know what the future holds... The right one, who knows... delete it
OK, time to wrap it up.
Looking for a sweet women.
First if you read all this, and agree with me for the most part, by all means write to me. I don't think if the women makes the first move, is a bad thing.
Or if I write too you, answer.
I don't think there is anything wrong with going Dutch.But not on the first time.
I can afford your coffee.
I can take a hint..Sometimes..Read/deleted means not interested.
We meet, and there is nothing?..Or if we go out a few times, and there is no spark?..
You won't hear from me..I will not keep calling you, will not show up at your place, I will just thank you for your time, and wish you good luck.
Delete ALL THAT... To say you can afford coffee is like saying you can't afford much else... it's not doing you any favors... You don't need to talk about your ability to take a hint... it's insecure, not good content for any profile
Non smoker, no drug user,light drinker,
Repeat... you said closer to the top "I also don't drink, don't smoke, and don't do drugs, and that I can prove!" Sooo.. delet it!
But I don't like to sleep with all the light on.
Who does? to much information
I am going to finish now..Yeah, I know I keep saying it.
Delete
But I feel like the profile should tell it all, and I hope I done a good job, and you still awake.
Nope... it really shouldn't... It should be a hook to acquire interest and give you a foundation for conversation.
I am open for many things, from friendship, to relationship, as long as my daughter is included.
Are you saying this is open for discussion? Seriously... delete that | |
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Posted: 4/11/2009 9:43:53 AM | In addition to the excellent advice given above by my esteemed colleague Light Storm, I would ask: Why the warning about the weekend visits with your daughter? So what if someone has a problem with it. If they do, you just tell them to get lost. You don't need to put a warning in your profile, ALL CAPS. It makes you sound defensive and hostile and is an immediate turn-off. Translation: You are bitter that you only get to see her weekends and probably still bitter over your divorce. Hopefully I'm wrong - but that's how it's coming across unfortunately. And you should never start out a profile with that type of information and/or warning. Already, women are clicking to the next profile and not even reading your "novel". I would mention your daughter halfway through your profile, and keep it positive.
Also, you're beginning all your sentences flush at the left margin and this adding to the overall length of your profile. You've got to put it all together in paragraph format, about 3 paragraphs. As others have mentioned above, you could really trim about 30% of it off and work with the most basic/important information.
Your photos are good but in the main one we can't really see you. Perhaps just a close-up face shot would be good for your main one.
Best of luck to you! XV | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 5:21:41 AM | Thank you very much for the advices..I'll consider some of it...LOL
I will try to explain my reason for that profile, maybe than it will look better.
First
Why the warning about the weekend visits with your daughter? So what if someone has a problem with it. If they do, you just tell them to get lost. You don't need to put a warning in your profile, ALL CAPS. It makes you sound defensive and hostile and is an immediate turn-off. Translation: You are bitter that you only get to see her weekends and probably still bitter over your divorce. Hopefully I'm wrong - but that's how it's coming across unfortunately. And you should never start out a profile with that type of information and/or warning. Already, women are clicking to the next profile and not even reading your "novel". I would mention your daughter halfway through your profile, and keep it positive.
Why the warning? Probably because I sick and tired starting to talk a woman, just to find out, things aren't going anywhere, because she wants to do something on the weekends that is not appropriate for my daughter. Yes, I know, I could tell them to get lost, and I do, but isn't it easier just to let them know, so they don't even contact me?
You wrong about my divorce, actually my ex and I still great friends, another thing that makes some woman mad, and not helping with my social life.They say I shouldn't even talk to her, etc..
I think your English is fine... for that matter, it's possibly better than most people who only speak it. Some of the comments come off a little insecure about it... don't worry about it so much, be confident in everything about yourself, confidence is much more attractive than doubt.
I didn't mean to sound insecure, I am far from it. But just wanted to throw that out, in case we start emailing, and than I make a mistake.Now I don't want her to think I am some moron.
Your repeating your concern about being original...
It's not a concern really..Tried to be funny, somewhat sarcastic..
It's probably makes you a lot of fun to talk to in person,
OK, that's what I was going for. I mean aren't we all saying I am honest, funny,blah,blah
I figured I say something like that, so if she interested, she can find out herself.
Don't talk about things you dislike doing,
Why not? I would like to read about what she dislikes. Not sure if I understand you.
I am the guy who doesn't like talking about himself. OK, that's not helping.
Nope... it's not, delete it
Again I tried to be funny. I actually liked that one. But do see your point.
Speaking of what I am looking for. I put down FRIENDS.
They should have a "Long term friendship, with a possibility to turn into more, but if not, than you'll have a friend for life" option.
I would just change friends to 'long term' and delete that content
More trying to be funny...Guess I am just not funny to you...LOL
Friends, does not mean only sex.. But I don't believe we need to be married, or boyfriend/girlfriend, to make love.
WAY to much information, seriously... get rid of it
Just wanted to be upfront about things. I was actually asked, if I would only have sex with my girlfriend/wife. Also wanted to let everyone know, what a friend means to me.
Do I see myself being married in the next five years? I can't answer to that question. Not against marriage, I can tell you that much.
To much information... None of us know what the future holds... The right one, who knows... delete it
I said that to weed out those who looking to get married in a hurry.
But I feel like the profile should tell it all, and I hope I done a good job, and you still awake.
Nope... it really shouldn't... It should be a hook to acquire interest and give you a foundation for conversation.
Well, somewhat disagree..I don't like to see a profile that is short, doesn't give out information about likes, dislikes, common interest.
I am open for many things, from friendship, to relationship, as long as my daughter is included.
Are you saying this is open for discussion?
Yes, I am saying that. Just because my weekends are kind of tied up, doesn't mean that she can't come with us to the zoo, or something. I am OK to introduce my daughter after a few meeting. I don't wait years to do that.
I will be making some changes, if you don't mind check back later, to see how I did.
Way to many people say, it's long, and I will delete some of it.
To the gentlemen who said I should reserve the weekend for my daughter, Sir, I am.
I do my more serious dating on the weekdays.
I am working on more up close pictures, as a lady was suggesting. | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 7:36:57 AM | OK, call me vain, or whatever, but I really like my profile now..LOL
If I would see a female profile like that, I would write to her..LOL
Took a lot of it out as you all suggested..How is it now?
I also put up the up close picture.
Thanks. | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 8:02:50 AM |
First off, I am a weekend dad of an 8 years old. So,if on the weekends doing things that appropriate fro my daughter isn't appealing to you, don't say I didn't warn you. ;)
Why do you need to warn me? If they don't like to go to the zoo (I think zoos are cruel, by the way), or if they don't do amusement parks, or whatever, why don't they just have the option of not going? Which brings me to the next point...
We go to the zoo, Tingley park, amusement park, walk around in a mall, the flea market,movies, Summer fest, the State Fair, Balloon Fiesta, that kind of things.
Still reading? That's a good sign. ;)
Why wouldn't she still be reading? Oh, it's because of the previous couple of sentences, right? And next...
Course, for the more serious dating, my weekdays are open for that.
I think that doing things with you and your daughter would be the more serious dating, but that is just me. Maybe I'm way off base here? But I don't think I am. Why can't you just say that you are a weekend dad, and dispense with all of this? It really is off putting. If a woman didn't mind that you had a child, she would date you! So, there is no need to go through this whole spiel. You know? Just say you have a kid, and she is with you on weekends, no need to dramatize it! YOU are the one making it an issue.
I am not good at pretending to be someone I am not.
Who is?
I don't drink, don't smoke, and don't do drugs.
As this information should already be located in your stats section, this is redundant.
I prefer to prove what I am saying it's true, for example, if you wondering if I am really single, I can prove that.
This is really paranoid. Jeez, who needs you to prove it? That's just weird.
I put down Friends, because there is no "Long term friendship that might turns into more, but if not, hopefully I made a friend for life" option. That would fit me.
Friends does not mean sex only. Having said that, I don't think two people must be married to make love. I was told, I am not marriage minded. Won't argue with that.
Guess I am just not in a hurry, but not against marriage. Makes sense?
It does, but it doesn't belong in a profile! Waaaayyyyy too much information here!
It's yucky, and a HUGE turn off. Trust me.
Looking for someone who likes to do the things I do, and doesn't do the things I don't.
Wow, so if she does anything you don't do, you aren't compatible? My mom doesn't do most of the things my dad does as far as hobbies are concerned, and they are doing fine. This is unecessary, in my opinion. Saying something along the lines of "Would like to find someone who shares common interests" sounds a lot better than how you have chosen to word it.
Think about how you are coming across here. I am sure it's not your intention, but that is how I read it.
Granted, it is better than the last draft.
And paragraphs would make it an easier, more user friendly read.
Good luck,
CJ | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 8:25:45 AM |
Maybe I'm way off base here? But I don't think I am. Why can't you just say that you are a weekend dad, and dispense with all of this? It really is off putting. If a woman didn't mind that you had a child, she would date you! So, there is no need to go through this whole spiel.
Little tired keep explaining this.You area little off base.
It's just my experience that it's NEEDS to be explained.
Being warned was a joke. Did you miss that smile face thingy?
I am not good at pretending to be someone I am not.
Who is?
Lots of people.
I don't drink, don't smoke, and don't do drugs.
As this information should already be located in your stats section, this is redundant.
Redundant? I only mentioning it once..
I prefer to prove what I am saying it's true, for example, if you wondering if I am really single, I can prove that.
This is really paranoid. Jeez, who needs you to prove it? That's just weird.
I just read way to many complains that ladies claiming that there are married guy here..I am sure there are..So, what is wrong with me telling I'll prove it to someone?
It does, but it doesn't belong in a profile! Waaaayyyyy too much information here!
It's yucky, and a HUGE turn off. Trust me.
Just a part about the sex, or the whole thing?
Wow, so if she does anything you don't do, you aren't compatible? My mom doesn't do most of the things my dad does as far as hobbies are concerned, and they are doing fine. This is unecessary, in my opinion. Saying something along the lines of "Would like to find someone who shares common interests" sounds a lot better than how you have chosen to word it.
Think about how you are coming across here. I am sure it's not your intention, but that is how I read it.
You are right..I will use your wordings. Thanks.
Well, at least it is better than the first one..LOL
I will think about that weekend Dad thing, but like I keep saying it, just tired of keep explaining it. | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 8:29:10 AM |
For the love of all that is holy, look up the word "paragraphs".
I did. Why, is it still long? LOL
Do you just want me to say, "Anything you want to know just ask"??? | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 8:52:55 AM | The paragraphs...
You don't need to
hit the enter key
after every
sentence.
That's all
he means by that.
Go to the end of your sentence, any one, and hit the delete key. This will bring the next sentence in line. If you keep doing that, eventually you will have a paragraph. Ideally, you should have two or three of these "paragraphs", instead of random sentences that don't belong to a paragraph.
Redundant? I only mentioning it once..
It's redundant because the information is already contained in your stats section. You are repeating that information in your about me section, making it: Redundant.
Little tired keep explaining this.You area little off base.
It's just my experience that it's NEEDS to be explained.
Being warned was a joke. Did you miss that smile face thingy?
Then find a better way to explain it.
Or don't, whatever.
And that goes for the rest of the advice you have been given.
You are one of those OPs who feels the need to defend your profile when you are being given advice on how to improve it. Really, it's no skin off any of our backs if you don't want to take the advice. If it's working for you, by all means, keep it. But for heaven's sake, stop coming back with a defense for everything.
I simply told you how your words were perceived. Sometimes a person is too close to their profile so it's hard to see for yourself, but a third party can point you to some of the (sometimes fatal) flaws contained in it.
I was 100% honest with you. I wasn't trying to be malicious in any way. Point blank, that was what I thought when reading it. Take it or leave it. But, I don't care what your explanations are for what you have written. Don't forget, when a woman passes on your profile, she will not have the benefit of you explaining WHY you have chosen to include what you have. Remember that next time you are rationalizing what you have written.
CJ | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 9:09:12 AM | Yeah, on my first profile I didn't do that paragraph thing. On my last one I did.
So,why are you guys still complaining about that? Still reading my original profile?
I appreciate any advice, but why are you getting mad, if I disagree.
Guess you didn't noticed that I took your advice and made some changes?
So,you can't tell me I defending my profile, when clearly I took your, and others advice. I don't get your hate mail.
The advice is just what it is. An advice, right?
You seem to jump on me, if I ask questions about your advice. Why?
As you said, take it or leave it. I simply asking you what was wrong with some of the things I said. You can't just say it's wrong, but not explaining it.
That weekend Dad thing, I can't explain it any clearer.If the women passes my profile becaue she doesn't get it, maybe she should. If she doesn't give me a chance to explain myself, again, she should pass me. | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 9:21:20 AM | | ~sigh............................................................................................................ | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 9:31:26 AM | OK, well, thanks for your time.
Oh, wait, is that keep coming back and defending my profile?
Well, I like it. Took some things out, used different wordings, put the up close picture up, used the paragraphs, it's not a mile long. | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 10:33:51 AM | Okay Getting better....
Look over this edit.... see if you think it's more attrative to read through than what you have.
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I am the proud father of a little girl and we love spending our weekends at the zoo, Tingley park, amusement parks, walk around the mall, flea markets, events and we love going to the movies.
I was born and raise in Hungary, so if my grammar, or my sentences ever look weird, or funny, now you know why. You should hear me talking, I sometimes make my friend laugh, the way I say words. But it's not all that bad, I get compliments on my accent, so that evens things out. Been in the USA since 1987, in case you wondering.
I am a hardworking, fun to be with guy, I am not good at pretending to be someone I am not. I put everything on the table, what you see is what you get. I don't drink, don't smoke, and don't do drugs. I am a good friend, happy with my life, my job, like to joke around, have a good time. Not a party animal, can't sing, or dance, but would go to the karaoke bar, or the country western bar, to watch people. Would stay seated tho :0))
I like sports, NASCAR, UFC, boxing, hockey, soccer, but not in a fanatic way. Music, I can go from Reba to Ozzy in a heartbeat, it's depends on the mood. Movies would be action, comedy, scary movies scare me..Yeah, that's why it called, scary, I know, but I don't want to be up all night ;)
I can't cook, but I'll help you out in the kitchen. I'm not into religion or politics and I don't even really like to talk about those. Would like to find someone who shares common interests. Someone who after reading this, agrees with me, for the most part. Than we'll get along, than we are compatible.
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Posted: 4/12/2009 10:43:22 AM |
OK, well, thanks for your time.
Oh, wait, is that keep coming back and defending my profile?
Well, I like it. Took some things out, used different wordings, put the up close picture up, used the paragraphs, it's not a mile long.
You can talk to us until your blue in the face about why you love having your profile set up the way you do. But this section is profile reviews... you want opinions on your profile, that is what we are here to help you with. You love your profile the way it is... than that is what is important.... to you.... what's more important... your opinion of your profile... or the opinion of people who don't know you? If you want opinions of people who aren't you... and possibly ones reading through your message as your critical first impression... this is what we have to say.
Like I said... you can justify it all you want to us... we are not the ones you want to impress!... You justification might not help you with the special someone who might have decided to just hit 'next' instead of 'reply.' | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 10:58:39 AM | Light Storm I am sorry if it came out like I don't appreciate any help.
But as you and others can see, I took those advices, follow those advices, I didn't said-Heck with these people, I don't care what they think, they don't know what they talking about. ..LOL
But just because I keep some of my own ideas, doesn't mean I am not listening.
Just becaue I ask a follow up question, doesn't means I am defending my bad profile.
Maybe I am trying to understand better.Am I not allowed to ask what do you mean?
That's not arguing, well, I didn't mean it like that. As you can see, I figured out what the paragraph means, and read her explanation about it, so there are spaces between my profile..LOL..Now you understand why I kept that section about me being from Hungary alone in my profile..So, I don't get a "~sight...."...LOL....
I am going to use YOUR first section as it is. Will include her age tho, so women won't wonder about it. I think that's important.
And I will use some of your tactics, because it does sound better.
Almost did a copy and paste thing, but I have to put some of my touch in it...LOL
So,you would leave out about the marriage thing too?
I just feel like women should know where I stand in that matter.
Thanks. | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 11:13:27 AM | I want to talk a little bit about paragraph structure.
Example Paragraph
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There are three reasons why Canada is one of the best countries in the world. First, Canada has an excellent health care system. All Canadians have access to medical services at a reasonable price. Second, Canada has a high standard of education. Students are taught by well-trained teachers and are encouraged to continue studying at university. Finally, Canada's cities are clean and efficiently managed. Canadian cities have many parks and lots of space for people to live. As a result, Canada is a desirable place to live.
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How this same paragraph looks on your profile
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There are three reasons why Canada is one of the best countries in the world.
First, Canada has an excellent health care system.
All Canadians have access to medical services at a reasonable price.
Second, Canada has a high standard of education.
Students are taught by well-trained teachers and are encouraged to continue studying at university.
Finally,
Canada's cities are clean and efficiently managed.
Canadian cities have many parks and lots of space for people to live. As a result, Canada is a desirable place to live.
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Savvy? | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 12:41:53 PM | | Sorry, I don't know what Savvy means. Tried to look it up in the dictionary, couldn't find it. | |
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Posted: 4/12/2009 12:45:41 PM | | It means "Do you understand?" or "Do you get it?" | |
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Posted: 5/3/2009 2:25:30 PM | Hey You!
I really like your profile. Maybe I am bias...not sure.
But I think you showing your comminment to your daughter is HOT!!!!!! Mor men should be like you!
Peace out | |
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