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 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 1
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Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...Page 1 of 1    
Some of my women friends and I have run across a certain type of guy online who seems to collect girlfriends and is always on the hunt for new ones to add to his "collection". These guys are secretive and don't let the women know about all
the others they see and talk to. They tell the women they love them too if the women
are receptive to hearing that. They have a long list of women they talk to and sometimes will talk to two or three online at the same time.

I am hoping for some insight on this behavior, what motivates it and what these guys get out of it. They seem to genuinely like or have some sort of feelings for all of the women on their list or why would they even bother putting in all the time talking to them? Why do they do this?
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 2
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:42:14 PM
When you figure it out please let the world know. I suspect the same thinking applies to the women that do the same thing.,
 WhiteWaterRogue
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 3
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:46:19 PM
Harem:
Animal Behavior. a social group of females, as elephant seals, accompanied or followed by one fertile male who denies other males access to the group
 thaiyellow
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 4
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:46:27 PM
that they are not being honest and upfront about wanting to date others tells me they are insecure and are looking for a way to control their environment/others. the small "joys" that enable some to function on a daily basis.

I multi-date~ I tell each man upfront from the first email; it is possible to get to know more than one person at a time~ I have observed most of us do it every day.

But the Need to Hide so as to Trick has more than a little misogynistic tone here.

Likely their mums bailed on them at some point in the past ~ not an excuse for such behaviour, but can provide a reason that gives distance and objectivity so that the women involved do not take on board their crap. It's not them, it's him (them) :-)
 lostintheshuffle
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 5
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:46:51 PM
I am sure it is like this, having more of a having lots of girlfriends makes him feel good. An ego boost.
 Kaptain Obvious
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 6
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:46:52 PM
I'm thinking two things....

You can't have a conman without a person willing to be conned....

and...

You can't rape the willing............
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:48:10 PM
Some people collect coins, stamps, lint and some collect...

Dont know why...one lady posted the other day that she dated 20 different guys in a 2 month period...probably the same thing...they like attention..
 KatieOneLove
Joined: 4/7/2008
Msg: 8
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 3:02:41 PM
Women do the same thing. The difference is if you are sleeping around and making promises that you have no intention of keeping. Being open and honest about your intentions is important regardless of whether you are a man or woman in this situation. I've be friends with several guys at once, dated several guys at once...but I've never been making out/sleeping with several guys at once...that just leads to hurt feelings. If the man isn't letting the women know that he is "just dating" then yes, he is a jerk. While, he may be a jerk, he could also be legitimately looking for the ONE person that really does it for him and maybe he sees a couple of these women as potential LTR material? I've actually thought long and hard about this from the reverse perspective and I think that once you realize you truly like someone and want things to continue on that path and if they are open to coming along on the journey, then it is the responsible thing to do to stop leading the others on. However, until you have that understanding between a man and a woman, then multiple "dating" is pretty acceptable.
 MrPlatonic
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 9
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Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 3:09:15 PM
A serious relationship requires serious effort and trust.

Juggling multiple women is like adoring somebody else's child for a few minutes. The moment it starts to cry or has an 'accident' in the diaper, you can pass it back to its rightful owner for 'maintenance'. When men keep relationships at the same distance, they can enjoy the physical closeness inherently needed by most people, and also retain financial and temporal sovereignty.

Considering the financial standards some people impose as pre-requisites for dating as well as the expensive messes couples wind up in after divorce, I can understand why some people opt to remain at a distance in new relationships. Failed relationships sometimes involve deep wounds that can affect the way a person perceives an entire gender as well as how they treat their next partner.



They seem to genuinely like or have some sort of feelings for all of the women on their list or why would they even bother putting in all the time talking to them?


Few women are interested in sexual relations with men they feel don't care about them whatsoever.

Some men can't bear to be alone.



I am hoping for some insight on this behavior, what motivates it and what these guys get out of it


Apparently, there is thrill and risk involved. Some men are drawn to that. Personally, I like to take risks, but can't afford to sacrifice honesty in doing so.
 ~vhdc~
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 10
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Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 3:14:54 PM
Serial daters. I don't think you will get anything more than *ego* as insight.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 11
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Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 3:47:39 PM
No if they are telling all the women they Love them and are secretive of the other relationships THIS is my definition of a player. He lies and misleeds women to get in their pants.

Cowboy
 Altruist
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 12
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 4:36:50 PM
These guys are secretive and don't let the women know about all the others they see and talk to.


Personally, on this website(since you did use the "online" connotation), I let women know that my profile is a cliche dating "fads". Long walks on the beach, nice guy, etc. That, and it's the flexing of the marketing muscle. In my experiences, the women from online dating websites have a biological clock the size of Big Ben, the vulnerability of a wounded kitten, and the libido of a penguin. They're also most likely to be the ones you have to serve a restraining order to. Harmful generalization, but it's been field tested. Besides, why c.ockblock yourself?


They tell the women they love them too if the women are receptive to hearing that.


This is because the fabled Bro to Ho Ratio is all askew. Men are forced to jump through hoops, show sentimentality, and still be attractive-- physical or otherwise. With that said, who doesn't want to feel "loved"? We're all insecure little creatures who seek to have our flaws appreciated, the perfections of imperfections to be noticed by people we think we like.


Why do they do this?


A previous poster said "thrill". I disagree. I call it philanthropy and natural selection.

Look at it like this, after you have intercourse with a woman and never call her back, of course she will be upset. After the two month time-span of her swearing off men, being sexually repressed and seeming like she's been on her period for the past two weeks, those mascara stains will be wiped away. When she enters this proverbial cocoon, a butterfly will emerge. She will become a willing bachelorette who is sexually uninhibited and a consistent barfly. By men opening up this delicate gate, they are opening the possibilities for fellow bros to get laid from his previous exploration and triumph.

Of course, there is the rare exception that she goes bat shit crazy and cuts her wrists or goes lesbian, but that was always a con in Darwinism For Dating. Shrug it off.


THIS is my definition of a player.


Oh please, Cowboy. You make it sound so dirty. We "philanthropists" benefit everyone!
 Landra
Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 13
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 4:48:36 PM
Why do people skydive? Why to people write poetry? Why do people run marathons? Why do people adopt 10 children?
Because they want to and enjoy it on some level.
Collecting women is kind of a hobby for them.
 baby bbb
Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 14
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 5:49:51 PM
In my view they are insecure and need 'ego' boosts.
 celts123
Joined: 5/15/2008
Msg: 15
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 7:22:34 PM
Going out on 1-2 dates with multiple women isn't a big deal. But I think men who go out on several dates with multiple women are looking for an ego boost.
 House Music Derrick
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 16
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Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 7:39:33 PM
I'm going to defend that behavior but hear me out.

Way back in the early days of man the life expectancy of his children and wife for such harsh living were low.

So what nature did was put inside of us the strong desire to plant our seed as many places as possible as often as possible.

This meant if his woman or child were too frail he would still have the will and desire to find another mate and make more children to keep the species going.

Fast forward to today were we live a much safer civilized world then back then will still have the desire hard wired into our DNA so it really creates problems.

But its a scientific fact men are hard wired to want to plant their seed time and time again. I'm not saying there is nothing we can do about but there is a desire there that woman just can't understand because its not in them like it is for us.
 Wylie_Coyote
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 17
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Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 7:40:53 PM
OP:

It appears to me that you and your friends are putting a lot of labels on these men that may not be warranted.

I have been in situations that made me uncomfortable with a person I was dating. If she has more man friends than I do than I perceive it to be "my" issue, not hers. I don't assume that she is sexually active with all or most of them and that's not the part that bothers me.

I want to be the man that she brings her issues to and be the male opinion that she trusts. When she is openly friendly with several men it makes me uneasy because the reciprocation isn't equal. And in turn I have a larger need for her than she has with me and I find it belittling.

There is nothing in your post that indicates your situation is anything but the reverse of mine. I see these and other women throwing throwing around the "L" word as if it has an entire different meaning. This all sounds pretty normal to me.

J Mac
 BrainsAndBrawn
Joined: 2/9/2009
Msg: 18
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 7:41:42 PM

Oh please, Cowboy. You make it sound so dirty. We "philanthropists" benefit everyone!

How noble - clearly there should be some sort of award. Services to the community and all that.

So! Men with multiple girlfriends? Poor fellas. Not only have they NOT found someone they're interested in, but they're tied to a girlfriend(s) they don't really appreciate. What do you think happens when they meet someone they really like, who finds out about their other girlfriends?

As for why they do it - who knows? I wouldn't.
 DoraJ
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 19
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 7:52:16 PM
Internet dating is like going to the candy store. He can have what ever he wants, when ever he wants. Be smart girls, dont let him have what he wants just to keep him, it okay to let him go.
 Sivoph
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 20
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 8:44:29 PM
How dare you judge me. Just kidding.
 OpenBSD
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 21
Men with multiple girlfriends, men who never stop looking...
Posted: 4/14/2009 8:44:37 PM
Damm where is my black book!
Most men have one.
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