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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > How to measure your D ick the correct way..      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 1
How to measure your D ick the correct way..Page 1 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
OK upfront no i did not personally write this but i saw it on another womans profile on another site her name will be left out,,anyhow thought it was too good to skip so i wanted to pass the info along..God knows some of yal need the extra pointers an help.
ENJOY!

an she starts out saying:

You've all seen it ,all these men claiming that their c ock is "long and thick" but their pictures certainly don't agree.

In my past, I had A FEW boyfriends who were truly hung, really well endowed. I'm talking about 9 to 10 inches. However, in truth, MOST MEN are simply AVERAGE -- that's the quintessential meaning of the word, and the measure of the word is 5, 6 or 7 inches.
You will not believe the way some men come up with some truly insane and inaccurate ways to measure their c ocks.
Here are some facts and guidelines for measuring.
Don't cheat guys.

First, LENGTH.

Men say things like "My c ock is long and thick" and that's just as true as "I can eat p ussy all night long." Give it a F UCKING REST!! The ONLY valid way to measure your d ick length is to take an old-fashioned wooden school ruler, place it flat on TOP of your d ick, and push it into your pelvis as far as you can, or until you draw blood. Looking down from above, where your d ick ends is how long your d ick is.

Read it and weep. It does not get any longer than that. If you know what "parallax error" is, then you know that this actually makes your d ick measure a quarter inch longer than it really is.

Now, you uncut unlucky sons of b itches, you're a special case. Your prepuce DOES NOT COUNT for your d ick length. If you're really ignorant, "prepuce" is your foreskin, the male anatomical part most commonly regarded as the most repugnant, rejectable, and disposable part of a man. Besides his personality.
Do NOT measure your prepuce as being part of your d ick length. When you have your d ick inside your f uck partner, your prepuce always slides back, so the only length they can feel is from your urethral opening and back. Your uncut d ick is a d ick and not a fin fish as defined in the Texas Parks and Wildlife Fishing and Hunting Regulations. Pinching a fin-fish's tail to make it long enough to keep is not the same as pinching your prepuce to make your d ick long enough to f uck. Remember fellas. You carry a d ick, you are not a game fish, so skin it before you measure it.

For length, use the school ruler method. If you are actually longer than a 12-inch ruler, you should either say "12 inches plus" or else get a God d amn yardstick from the sewing store. And don't forget to call me.

Using a carpenter's tape measure does NOT count. If it did, you would be hooking the end of the tape in your ass hole and measuring your d ick that way. For those trying this at home, YOUR SICK KINK DOES NOT COUNT!!

Next, GIRTH.

Girth is a technical term that means "How big around it is." I know I've been using a lot of technical terms here. Get over it. Get a dictionary. And NO, that is NOT a book that tells you how large your p enis is, except a few of you have your pictures next to words like "inflated" "exaggerated" "mendacity" and "fraud." And -- I left out "laughable" and "miniscule."

The only accurate way to measure the girth of your d ick is with a flexible tape measure, the kind you can get at the sewing or craft store or can borrow from your "gay-clothing-designer" best friend. You measure your girth by wrapping the tape measure around the AVERAGE-SIZED part of the shaft of your c ock. And you cannot measure the "width" of your c ock, because c ocks are oval-shaped in cross-section and not all proportionately equal in width by depth. Girth counts. Please don't say that your d ick girth is how WIDE it is, because if your d ick were that wide it would not be your penis, it would be the tail of a beaver.

And when you measure girth, wrap the tape just one time. Got that? One time. If you have one of those mushroom-headed c ocks, DO NOT say your d ick girth is the circumference of your mushroom head. That's a f ucking lie, and you know it. If there's an inch difference between your mushroom head and its supporting structure, and if you think it matters, report both numbers separately. I've been told that some d ick recipients like a big-ass d ick head and a slender shaft to push it in and out. In this case, accurate reporting will get you more asses that actually want YOUR individual d ick.

AVERAGE:

To give you an idea of what's "average," Six inches are considered "average." This is what we girls mostly get. Therefore, as long as the d ick owner has a clue of what he's doing, it usually works. If he does not know, then d ick length is totally irrelevant because he's a lousy f uck, no matter what. I don't know if women prefer larger, average, or smaller c ocks but I do know that p ussies can stretch a lot more than rectums, so at least in theory, a p ussy can fit a huge d ick better than a rectum can. Therefore your a ss-pounding mileage may vary.

If your c ock is shorter than average, you may have to work on having a nice personality and good sexual techniques. Whatever you do, just don't lie. We are not blind. We can see you have a tiny d ick. Be a nice person and a good lover, or get used to j acking off. J acking off ALL THE TIME.

As far as girth, do note that "average" girth is proportional to length. Work out the numbers yourself. I am not in the business of measuring thousands of d icks to determine "average" girth, or "average" girth vs. length.
But here are a couple of numbers to make you shut your mouth.

A standard 12 oz beer can (Miller, Bud, NOT Coors) is approximately 8 inches in girth. So if you claim to have a "beer can d ick" you better be close to this. Also remember that a standard 12 oz beer can is only 4 3/4 inches tall / long. That means that your "beer can" d ick is nearly 20% shorter than average, and too fat to use. Don't believe me? In the privacy of your own home, try wrapping your lips around a beer can.

Next measure, a toilet paper roll. The toilet paper roll is just shy of 5 1/2 inches in girth. Again, in the privacy of your own home, maybe the next time you're sitting on the toilet j acking off (that may be right now for some of you), see if you can put your d ick inside the toilet paper roll. If you can, then your d ick girth is LESS than 5 1/2 inches.
I won't offer any smaller standards for d ick girth comparison, because some of you might get your feelings hurt.

I will finish with this -- DO NOT use a p enis pump when you measure, unless you use the same p enis pump every time you show your erection to another person. That should be a much greater embarrassment to you than knowing your d ick isn't as big around as a beer can and you don't need a yardstick to see how long it is.

Now guys, you really need to QUIT LYING and MEASURE UP to the truth. Whether you have a big c ock or a pencil d ick, there are enough people in the world who want different sizes of d icks that you will have NO trouble getting a ss. For those who have lied to me about how big your c ock is, you are nothing but a d ick with a small d ick.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 2
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How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 12:45:02 PM

Now guys, you really need to QUIT LYING and MEASURE UP to the truth.

hahahaha I love it... I think this post should be a must read for all males... the only thing I didn't know is that a beer can is only 4 - 3/4 inches tall.... Hey, I'm a beer bottle baby....
And finally, I'm still above average....
 aeroman444
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 3
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 12:46:17 PM
Long and thick now that's a****br>
 Sepia777
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 4
How to measure ....
Posted: 4/17/2009 12:48:50 PM
ahhh...she sounds like a lovely demure flower of a lady ripe for a meaningful romantic relationship...lol

Nothing wrong with being a "size" queen but geez that's a bit much....kind of like a mans profile slathering on ad nauseum about breast size..but whatever.





Penis Size Around The World
Country, Flaccid Length (inches), Erect Length (inches)
United States 3.4 5.0
Germany - 5.6
Spain - 5.3
France 4.7 6.2 (vive la France! lol)
Japan 3.1 5.1
Brazil - 4.8
Italy 3.9 5.9
Venezuela 3.7 5.0
Mexico - 5.9
Greece - 4.8
India - 4.0
Saudi Arabia - 4.9
Chile - 5.5
Colombia 3.5 5.4
Korea (1) 2.7 3.7
Korea (2*) - 6.1
* from a study conducted on a college campus by The Korean Consumer Protection Board


Interesting how they conspicuously omitted Africa weighng in at
7.0/ 10.5
*ROFL*



 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 5
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How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 12:57:46 PM
What is "average"? Well, here are the medically validated statistics (a dash - means no measurement for flaccid length):

Penis Size Around The World

Country, Flaccid Length (inches), Erect Length (inches)

United States 3.4 5.0
Germany - 5.6
Spain - 5.3
France 4.7 6.2 (vive la France! lol)
Japan 3.1 5.1
Brazil - 4.8
Italy 3.9 5.9
Venezuela 3.7 5.0
Mexico - 5.9
Greece - 4.8
India - 4.0
Saudi Arabia - 4.9
Chile - 5.5
Colombia 3.5 5.4
Korea (1) 2.7 3.7
Korea (2*) - 6.1

* from a study conducted on a college campus by The Korean Consumer Protection Board
 scatterzoom
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 6
How to measure ....
Posted: 4/17/2009 1:00:31 PM
I usually let the "oohs" and the "ahhhs" when I unfurl, do all my measuring...

heh-heh-heh
 urinemyway
Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 7
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 1:09:09 PM
THIS is why the U.S. should control immigration! All those foreigners are driving down our average (except the French, of course)!

For the record, the length of my penis is 58". I measure from the back of my skull...
 luvs2laugh78
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 8
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 1:09:18 PM
LOL! This gave me a chuckle thanks for posting!
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 9
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 1:30:35 PM
o come on this thread is already up for being deleted i guess all the below average guys an men who do an have lied about thier d ick size are getting angry...ive seen way more pointless threads on here that are like 13 pages long,, some titles included do humans get stuck when they have sex, or "can anybody tell me how many women will swallow who does an who doesnt, an the famous why dont women like to swallow,or just today does a woman's nipples always get hard when turned on? i mean come on really its already 2 pages long, etc etc the list goes on an on.. atleast this is helpful info to some hopefully
 kantc
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 10
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History
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 2:54:55 PM
A real man never has to bragg!
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 11
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How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 2:56:17 PM
Thanks Girl, I laughed so damn hard the neighbor came to my door to see what was the matter....

No worries, as one of Jack Nicoles famous movie scene shouting " YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!"

 ramrodguy
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 12
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 3:20:58 PM
Thanks for the tips on measuring. Okay then...I'm 7.25 inches, and in case you were wondering and thought it was impossible, my jaws are muscular and my tongue is wild! I can actually eat **** all night long so there!
 sdbysassygal
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 13
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 3:51:09 PM
OP... my goodness that was almost alcohol abuse!! hahaha I can see it now... nobody will be going on dates tonight because the poor men will be trying to find the proper measuring tools to get some numbers!!! (Sorry guys, I just couldn't resist!!)
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 14
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:13:04 PM
What a great post!!! I could never measure a man by his enormous penis, or lack thereof, but I can say I don't like em small.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 15
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How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:18:14 PM

o come on this thread is already up for being deleted i

I don't know... I think EVERY post gets tagged for deletion these days... it' like someone has it in their head to delete every post.... it's pretty sad... even worse, some good threads get dumped and crap slips through....
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 16
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How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:19:55 PM

nobody will be going on dates tonight because the poor men will be trying to find the proper measuring tools to get some numbers!!! (Sorry guys, I just couldn't resist!!)

Nope. No date for me tonight... but I'm going to go to a bar and see if a beer can really is only that tall.... Maybe I'm misguided because I always compared myself to a King Can or a Tall Boy.... LOL
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 17
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How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:36:10 PM
oh my goodness!! that was brilliant!

thank you so m uch for sharing!!!
 CaRo78
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 18
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 5:14:12 PM
thats a quality read!! one question, anyone know the average size for the uk?? cos i cant remember the last time i saw one as small as any of those on the list! lol
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 19
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 5:44:27 PM
That's great! I love it. We can't have enough man bashing threads around here. Woo-Hoo!


Do you know how insecure a lot of men are about this issue? There are even guys with larger than average equipment who think they are too small. Making fun of them is very insensitive, and frankly, quite ugly. If this were a fat girl thread, and had the same undertones of ridicule, it would be deleted and tickets to banned camp handed out.



Back to our regularly scheduled programming... Enjoy.



BTW... I thought we were supposed to measure from the ground. I just gained a few inches.
 HeartyLips
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 20
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 5:58:01 PM
Lmao..reading this posts makes me more aware of a penis size..I agree with the poster you all men don't lie about the size of yours.
 Bluez
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 21
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 5:59:55 PM
I say mine's as long as a cat's tail... but you have to measure it the same way... from the a$$hole to the tip....


Bluez
 9to9
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 22
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:03:49 PM
msg1.

Well.... as a guy I allways ask myself this:

Can I still grab my penis, and mastrubate in the shower? Or where ever/ and however?

Now unless its suddenly became detachable, or shrivelled into an uber mole.

Then of course, its the right length and girth!

I mean, FOR THE LUV O' GAWD! How else do you expect a male to answer the question!

Especially without having multiple PHD's in Sex Tharpy, Biochemistry (human), Anatomy w/ a specialty in human reproduction, A BAS in female gynocology w/ a certificate of clitoral comprehension. And a DR. in Human Psycology and Pharmocology w/ a certification involving human nervous sytem comprehension.

All in all, methinks its just a matter of opinion. Yours and hers about el penis.

9to9
 stone_artly
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 23
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:09:11 PM
Statistically I'm bigger then 75% of all men. I know this because 3 of my last 4 girlfriends ended up telling me that I was "the biggest d!ck they know."
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 24
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:14:07 PM
wow, sounds like the o/p has an axe to grind...
doesn't matter how big your dump truck is -your never gonna fill in the grand canyon.
gee -i wonder how many guys are going to end up in the emergency room tonight with paper cuts...
 ElectroGirl
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 25
How to measure your D ick the correct way..
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:19:28 PM
Haha, that made me laugh, it is quite abit rediculous(sp?). It isn't all about how big, it is also how they use it.
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