| | What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | I wrote a long post the other day about this guy who I had 3 months of great dates with, and who abruptly cut off all communication after he apologized via text message, and I asked for an explanation why he cancelled on our plans last minute and didn't tell me, to go out with his buddies.
Two nights ago he posted on facebook that he's hanging out with a hottie at a local restaurant.
I felt like I got punched in the stomach, I don't know why. It's sad to have shared 3 months of my life with someone, and thought I had bonded with him...only to find out after 2 1/2 weeks of not contacting each other, he had moved on so fast, and announced it to the whole world.
So after a glass of wine and some Kleenex, I told myself I should go out and breathe some fresh spring air.
It's Friday, beautiful sunny 72 degrees here. I'm sure everyone's going to be out and about later. I want to go buy some groceries downtown and maybe have dinner there.
What do you do when you are feeling down, when your confidence got hit? Would you go and have a nice dinner out by yourself? My BFFs are busy with their kids. I'm the single one left. And I don't want to call my 2 male buddies to tell them the date I've been raving to them the past 3 months bailed out on me and disappeared. | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 3:31:00 PM |
Would you go and have a nice dinner out by yourself?
Comfort food – Chinese take out – Szechwan beef -- cures all known ailments.
Stop at the video store and get some Monte Python videos, go home and make a night of it.
Well, it worked for me way back when! | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 3:35:09 PM | I know its hurts alot but consider yourself lucky you didnt marry the guy and count your blessing, itd' be more painful if he was cheating on you while you're still married to him.
Life is too short - Forget him and love only the people who will treat you right.
Good luck to you. | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 3:41:42 PM | Yes it sucks Jo Bean, most of us have been there at one time or another. It's normal and ok to feel let down and sad. Just don't let yourself hang onto that feeling for too long, don't get stuck. Be kind to yourself, pamper yourself.
How about combining Ben & Jerry's with some dancing. Ice cream always feels good, have a guilt free night and indulge in your favorite flavor, put on some feel good dance music if you don't feel like going out by yourself. Dance like a crazy woman in the bedroom. Read a good book (I don't recommend a romance novel), pop a comedy into the dvd player, exercise, knit, play a game online, do something that you normally enjoy doing. Tomorrow is a new day. | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:35:59 PM | I have a playlist of "you suck" songs that I play really loud!! I get out the instruments and start playing to them. As long as I have that list, I know that there was some other guy who went thru the same thing one time over a girl, and wrote about it. I don't feel alone then. Some of the songs are just downright funny as hell. They help me be able to puff out my chest and just say 'fcuk you'...... | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:42:45 PM | Sorry to hear of your troubles.
Call your male buddies. Most guy friends are very understanding at times like these, and would welcome the opportunity to cheer you up.
See a movie.
Go bowling.
If you can't get a hold of your buddies, do something for yourself. Pedicures are simply heavenly...
When I need to clear my head, I jump in the truck and drive, not planning anything, where ever I end up, I go for a long hike. Nothing like fresh air, and beautiful surroundings to pick up the spirits. Sometimes I see the most amazing things...
(Fresh perspective)
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:51:07 PM | 3 months, unless you two had an uncommon "not boyfriend/girlfriend" thing going, is more than enough time where it's not about blowing someone off -- it's about dumping someone. It's a shame he ran away like that, that's really bad.
With that said, though, after a breakup, you can't expect someone to be non-single afterwards. Sure, if it was 2 1/2 days later, that'd be one thing. But after 3 months, when he was the one who lost interest, it's only going to be a couple of weeks before he (or she or anyone else) is going to play a hand in the dating scene.
One thing you shouldn't do: Mourn over them! Don't go to their facebook. Don't go to their MySpace. Don't think about "what ifs". Don't think about "maybe I could...". They died. You can't resistate them. The thought that there could be a possibility for that makes it drag on.
Not to say you should get over it overnight. But realize that yeah, he lost interest -- he handled it badly, it doesn't mean you drove him away. It sucks when things aren't working out for someone and they don't feel "complete" enough to let it blossom into a long-term. It doesn't mean there's some big -flaw- or anything, and ya need to get past that. It's about meshing and matching.
1. Realize that it's over and don't refer to any emails, facebook or myspace in relation to him. It's gone. Your pet died.
2. FTOG - Find Ten Other Guys. (You can replace the F with another word - lol). Even if you don't feel like it. ESPECIALLY if you don't feel like it. Hit up a bar... kick back and don't sulk. Be open for conversation, guys will talk with ya, and the experience alone, being human, will change things for ya.
3. Redecorate your place. Do it significantly. Change the interior of your car, too. Different scenery, different experiences = getting over things from the past. | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 4:55:35 PM | 3 whole months wow?
is that considered long term now?
or is it just the culture of your region?
investing so much emotion in such a short term relationship is always bad
just go out and shake that booty and another will come along real fast
what more important is to figure out why it happened?
often we can drive a partner away, without knowing why
I suspect that you do know what went wrong and saw it coming | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 5:27:07 PM | OP, for me I go for a run and I do very well so it raise my self confidence. Running does that to me now.
Retail therapy is also a good alternative.
Failing that Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey is a sure way to lift my spirits. But then I'll make sure I go for a run the next day to work it off :) | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 5:54:02 PM | As I see it, there are a couple of different options here for you:
1) Sad, pity, grieving - This is basically that stage where the world sucks and you want to curl up in a ball and hide from my view. Nothing wrong with being here for a little while from time to time as we all have things that can send us down and then we stay down.
2) Confidence rebuilding - This can vary from playing video games and winning there, to playing sports with friends, to socializing in various ways and anything else that helps build you back up as something special. This can be thought of as a "Getting back in the saddle again" kind of thing.
I'd consider calling either male buddy and seeing if they would like to do something tonight or tomorrow.
Another thought here is that 2.5 weeks compared to 13 weeks is a little under 20% so it isn't like he jumped down the aisle the next week for example as another poster mentioned. | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:18:26 PM | I once walked in the rain for like 22,000 steps (my phone has a pedometer) all over Beverly....
excess energy. And no one could see I was crying. 
IT SUCKS!!!!! but~
he wasn't the one for you.
The more I am disappointed lately (fish is awesome for disappointment practice!!!  )
the more I look back and think: "Yah know? I didn't like him that much anyways. He was/did *blank*."
Sometimes we want to be with SOMEONE so much that we forget the SOMEONE is not really that great.
And them leaving us, not calling, dating someone else, lied to us, (etc. in the forums) was a good thing.
We know...we do. Hone that discernment with each "failure"
Begin to see more clearly (and quickly) who you are with
& who you want to be with~
 put the line in again~
& know he's somewhere out there!
*sigh* 
Its all good. We all deserve love...
even the "jerks" are going to be someone's  true love someday~
Just not our true love....
Distraction!!!!! Clean. Read books. Treat yourself well. Cry cry cry! Journalling helps~
I am cleaning and moving furniture this weekend, myself~  | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 6:56:05 PM | If I remember correctly........
I turned on the Buddy Guy CD,
painted the bathroom,
replayed the Buddy Guy CD,
installed new sink faucets,
replaced the flushing mechanism in the toilet tank,
Then,
jumped in the tub and soaked.
Done deal. | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 7:53:47 PM | By all means go out, enjoy the lovely weather, pamper yourself and show yourself that you can live life for you.
Personally, I'd tell your male buddies because they'll provide new insight. Always works for me; just ask my poor long-suffering dance partner!
And three months is really only long enough to know whether you want to be "in" or "out" of a new relationship. Remember either one of you can have a change of mind.
I'm sorry you're hurting but you're going to be OK.
SARL | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 8:49:17 PM |
What do you do when you are feeling down, when your confidence got hit?
First, I delete them from Facebook, Myspace, Yahoo, etc.
Next, instead of deleting them from my cell phone, I just put a minus sign by their name. May sound silly, but I've had women call me back weeks or months later, (after their new flame dumped them, of course), trying to rekindle what they had thrown away. If I delete their name, and they call, I have no idea who it is until I answer, so the minus reminds me that I have nothing to say to them, don't want to talk to them, and therefore, I don't answer.
Finally, I take a trip - usually to Vegas, to enjoy the fountains at Belaggio and drive up on the mountains (or out in the desert) to analyze, think things through, and basically reboot my emotions. I've found that by the time I return home, I'm pretty much over the initial sting, having realized that it's her loss, not mine, I'm better off that it happened the way it did, and that life goes on.
It may sound cold, but certainly not as cold as how you were treated.
Good luck! | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 9:32:54 PM | Book recommendations:
"The Captivating Heart" (even if you're not Christian, it just has some good insights into human relationships, being yourself and building a stronger person)
Be happy and spend time with your immediate family. Call up loved ones you haven't spoken to in a while. | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/17/2009 11:02:37 PM | I have a picture on my profile where I am all cleaned up and in a tie.
That picture was taken about 4 hours after I found out that my then wife had been cheating on me. Through our entire courtship and marriage! Yet my smile is as real and as sincere as any of my smiles could be.
I learned along time ago that looking for my own personal value and validation from others will always leave me confused, hurt, lost and always looking for answers that never seem to come.
Others choices and decisions are reflections of them selves, not of me!  | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/18/2009 2:47:17 AM | Hugs Jo Bean...so sorry :(
What do I do....go to the hair salon and have my hair done by my hairstylist who has been my friend for years and chat. Then, off to the spa for waxing, nails, and a pedicure. Next, off to my favourite restaurant on the Danforth for my favourite lamb souvlaki dinner, then off to get my celeb gossip mags and home to bed to cuddle with my kitty and read and sleep. The next day dust myself off, pick myself, up and onward and forward not looking back :)
Keep your chin up and keep smiling :) He's not worth your tears or even thinking about. He's just a player who has a lot of growing up to do. | |
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| What do you do when feeling down after a dating disappointment?
Posted: 4/18/2009 4:26:23 PM | I get on an airplane and I take a trip. New surroundings, new sites to see and a bunch of things to do.
I work out - A LOT
I spend some time with my men Ben & Jerry
I spend time with friends
I remember how many good things I have in my life and this too shall pass | |
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