| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/18/2009 10:46:20 PM | First of all this is my first post to broken hearts
im writeing this to vent a little bit and to see what other people think,
So I was doing some cleaning the other day and I came across some items that drew me back into the past.
Amazing how you feel as if you've left the past behind you, wrote everything off for good, you have moved on. Then such a little thing like a picture or a poem you wrote can send you screaming back into the past. And all the feeling you thought were buried deep and forgoten slam into you and you remember all the things you lost.
Theres so much I want to say but thoughts are raceing though my head so fast I dont know where to start.
This is just me remembering all the good times, and the love we once shared, how she told me she loved me every day, that she wanted to marry me. Remembering how compleatly in love I was...and I guess I still am. I guess she was my first true love.
Well its been over 4 months since I contact her, It took a while but I thought I made a clean break.
So I broke down and emailed her not saying anything other than its been a long time, how are you. but no reply. I waited a few days and emailed her again not sure if she got the last email. but again no reply.
I dont know what I expected, but I didnt think that she would be so heartless as to compleatly ignore me. Ah well maby its better this way. I dont know. Sometimes I wonder if she thinks about me? If she misses what we had?
All I know is I tried my best. No one could haved loved her more than I did. I gave up everything I knew for her happly. And I guess that was the problem. I didnt know how to deal with being without a job, no money etc etc. I made promises that I couldnt keep. etc etc. VERY long story, but thats the reason she left me.
I must have listened to every sappy love song there was, writeing lyrics down and in general going crazy. Though I never did stalk her, though I dreamed about it often enough lol. She became the most important part in my life and without her...well nothing was right.
I want to move on, I want to be able to forget about her. But not a day goes by that I dont miss her in some way. Should I even be trying to look for someone else? Is that fair to whoever I will be seeing? I need to move on, But im not sure how. | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/18/2009 10:50:28 PM | Moving on when you're deeply involved still with someone emotionally is rough. And it's not always fair to the person you end up seeing. What I suggest is to date, but not get in to anything longterm.
As horrible as it sounds, the best way to get over someone in the past is to enjoy your time with someone new in the present. But if you go in to something seeking long-term, you're going to learn that all you saw in that person was the things you loved in your previous love, and it'll fall apart and you'll feel even worse than you do now.
Best of luck. | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/18/2009 11:58:07 PM | Leaving the past behind you is pretty much impossible and widely misused/interpreted.
It comes down to degrees and how you deal with your memories.
You can put things into a box in your mind much like any momento can be put in a box and stashed in a cupboard out of the way. Sure it will come out sometimes and make you sad, smile etc but it won't be part of your future or in your face day after day. | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/19/2009 12:43:52 AM | | Honeslty you have not moved on at all you went that far to go and email her after you havent talked for 4 months >.> It's ok I understand how this feels myself. There is so many things that comes in that his me every now and then. I remember just looking a the color turquoise and out of now where it reminds me of that time when ....... You just need to accept the fact that it's over. What's even worst is that I hear from people that she already found someone else while i sit here in the my own corner by myself. | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/19/2009 12:59:41 AM | Thanks everyone, all VERY good advice. I know all that deep down inside, I know im making progress moving on, its slow going. I went from going crazy, not eating, sleeping, writing constently, anything to keep her close, to where I am now. And every day she doesnt talk to me makes it just that much easier. But I also know deep down if she called me out of the blue one day I would go running back. lol how sad is that...
BTW she got back with her ex boyfriend 1week after she broke up with me. Even though she told him she didnt love him and never would. I know the kind of person she is, she uses people, etc etc. but I cant help loving her anyways.
Oh I know its over, and theres no going back, but I guess its like someone loseing a arm or leg you miss it, but you know theres no going back no matter how much you wish. You need to accept the loss and get on with life.
Right now my memories of her are more like a dream. I got rid of anything I could that reminds me of her. Anything of hers I packed up and droped it off infront of her door late one night. lol I dont even know if she got it. oh well.
Again thanks for the advice, just hearing someone else give it, is nice to hear. | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:22:33 AM | | thadn321, it is interesting that you didn't tell us in your initial post that your gf returned to her ex-boyfriend one week after she broke up with you. However, this did not stop you from contacting her on two occasions. Why bother? What was your rationale for doing so if you knew she was with another guy? Unrequitted love? IMO, I don't think so. While it appears that you are caught up with her on some sort of level IMHO it does not appear to be love. The fact that you say she left you because you made some promises that you didn't live up to gives you a clue as to where your focus should be; on developing yourself! In short, if you are still unemployed try to focus on obtaining a job and doing other positive things that will improve your life rather than focus on a phantom relationship. | |
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acen68
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Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 7 | |
| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/19/2009 5:25:09 AM | what i cant understand is that when a girl dumps a guy its ok and she will be with someone soon after, women are cunning , they live you mentally first then come right out and say it with no feelings brake your heart and screw around, and us guys are pig, give me a brake. Men take awhile to fall in love but when we do we are in deep. Its hard being a man, these females want you to be strong manly which is fine then they tell you off because you show no emotion , then you get dump your emotional then they tell you to be a man . Go figure.The best way to deal with an x is to live in revenge enjoy your life don't call her even though you want to , they hate guys who chase and who are easy pickings , hate to say it but its true treat them mean keep em Kean. I tell you something you know when you find the right women when she sticks by you though the hard times dose not jump ship when all others have, when you find that one keep it don't take for granted and never let her go .  | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/19/2009 8:40:01 AM | The best way to make her regret leaving you is by living well; by being happy. As one other poster has said, you can focus on doing something every day in order to follow through on your promises to yourself. Make yourself promises every day and then keep them. From there you can find the self-respect that is necessary to get out there and actualize into the man you have always dreamed of being. We are humans...we need to evolve. Peace to your heart.  | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/19/2009 9:09:59 AM | | Theres alot I havent said because if I told the whole story it would take a few pages. As for the job I do have one Took forever to find a good one but I did. and about her new/old boyfriend I found out she and him are no longer together. I guess that was one of the mentle triggers that led me to email her. lol. | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/19/2009 9:10:33 AM | | Theres alot I havent said because if I told the whole story it would take a few pages. As for the job I do have one Took forever to find a good one but I did. and about her new/old boyfriend I found out she and him are no longer together. I guess that was one of the mentle triggers that led me to email her. lol. | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/19/2009 9:33:50 AM | Hi thadn321,
I'm glad you came here and shared your story with us. There is a virtual sea of broken hearts out there and a lot of us are still struggling to get 'unstuck' (myself included) from the past. There are also a lot of folks who have successfully moved on and have already shared their wisdom with you in this thread.
Today, a very wise friend of mine told me quite bluntly that I was not ready for a relationship. Period. End of story.
I asked why and was told that as long as I continued to 'lose myself' in a relationship and not face up to my own problems to begin with, I would never find the right person to share my life with.
Essentially, the message was 'fix yourself first' and then, only then, would I be ready to share my life with someone else in a healthy and loving way.
This person also told me that as long as I kept living in the past, I would never be able to move forward.
There are a lot of things in our lives that we can't control, I admit. We can't control what others feel about us any more than we can stop a hurricane or a tornado from descending on our homes.
But what we CAN control is our own lives to a certain extent. We can try to fix the things that we feel are wrong within ourselves or further develop the things that we feel are right within ourselves. No one else can do that for us...it's totally within the power of each of us as individuals to become as strong, healthy and happy as we can, with or without a partner.
Whether the issues in your own life are about employment, finances or physical/emotional/spiritual health, leaning exclusively on someone else is not going to fix those problems, nor is it going to make you any stronger in dealing with them in the future.
My wise friend also told me that there is never any guarantee that the person you are leaning on exclusively today for your essential happiness and strength will necessarily be there tomorrow (for a multitude of reasons).
My thoughts are that you could truly benefit by learning to love and 'lean' on yourself a bit more. That way, the next relationship you have may involve a bit more give and take and less neediness on both sides.
I hope this makes sense!
Marjatta | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/19/2009 9:50:45 AM | I agree compleatly with you Marjatta, And for the last few months ive done just that. I got a great job, im working out every other day, im going back to school in a few weeks to finish up my degree, and mostly doing whatever I can to better myself.
I know im making progress, I can listen to sad love songs and not cry anymore lol
but mostly I feel...free.
I truly wish I knew about this forum when I was going through my "crazy" time as I lovingly call it.
When I first wrote that post I was just having a MAJOR flashback, and I needed to open up and say whats on my mind.
Now dont get me wrong I still think about her, but the "hurt" isnt there. And for the last few weeks I could finaly see her as she realy was with all her faults and not just looking at her through rose tinted glasses. I still care about her, but I dont need her anymore. | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 4/19/2009 11:28:53 AM | Hey, i just stumbled across this forum and kinda glad i did.
I just wanted to let you know what i did, it didnt make me forget but it let me put things "out there" so to speak and move forward.
What i did was wrote my ex a letter. I didnt mail it because it would have fallen on deaf ears but i wrote it, expressed all the anger, sadness and any other emotion that was messing with me and when i finished it, i folded it up, (thought about burning it) and put it in a box i have of all the "good times". By doing this, it was my way of saying good bye and letting go. I placed that box at the very back of my closet and shut the doors. Dont get me wrong...i still have days of daydreaming about our life but my head and my heart both understand now that its done. (Just for the record too, i ended the relationship) and even though it is hard to be "dumped" its harder doing the "dumping". Awful choice of words but unfortunately, its the truth. I always worried about his feelings and let mine fall to the wayside...not anymore. I agree with marjatta (sorry if i spelt your name wrong) but we have to fix ourselves before we can, in good conscience, welcome another partner. I am 8 months seperated and have only just started feeling good about letting someone else in. Its a long rough road sometimes but always remember that you are worth it even if someone else doesnt think so. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be treated with respect and love that you give out. If you were with someone that only used you and didnt offer you the same love n respect you put out to them, you are in a much better place without them.
Hope you find the happiness your looking for! Always remember: YOUR WORTH IT | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 10/2/2009 6:10:23 PM | | Moving on is a little like forgiving youself. Forgive yourself that you were nieve enough to put someone before yourself. Accept your a human being with feelings for which you are responsable for. It is like you are your own caretaker. Personally I wont put myself in that position ever again, been there done that, where someone else was the most important part of my life. You can loose yourself in that process. Today I look at it as if she compliments my life, adds to it, but not to ever take away from it, no one is more important than yourself and your life. We each have a life to live, your fortunate if you can find someone that compliments your life who brings you happiness in this life. | |
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| Lost and confused
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:38:18 PM | "I need to move on, But im not sure how."
You need to 
And learn not to invest yourself in the future as it always ends at some point. | |
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