| Constructive Criticism Please!
Posted: 4/19/2009 12:45:48 PM | Hey guys and girls!
I was hoping to get some constructive criticism about my profile. I've been on the website since about November, I have had NUMEROUS emails from men but very few from the men that I am looking for. I have dated a few and while I don't mind them as friends I have no interest in them for anything else.
I am torn between being very specific about what I am looking for and being vague. I don't want to scare away possibly "the one" because he doesn't feel he fits something I've listed in my profile but I find many of the emails I'm getting are from people who do not fit anything I've listed as what I am looking for.
I would really appreciate some constructive criticism. I would like to know what your first impression of me is and what you think I'm looking for. At the moment I am working towards putting up some more pictures of me smiling and maybe using a different format for the details.
Thanks for your time! | |
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| Constructive Criticism Please!
Posted: 4/19/2009 2:22:11 PM | If you don't mind feedback from someone a lot older than you . . . here goes:
First, it's good that you have a handful of photos. But, of the six you posted, two are of your pets, and two are you seemingly more interested in your computer than the picture. I really think taking the time to get a few good (non web-cam, non phone-cam) pictures taken would make your profile a lot more striking. Get a friend to help out!
I'm of two minds about "exclusions" in profiles. If you're getting people who just aren't right, you could consider putting some exclusions in there, BUT, try to find a relatively positive way to do that. Don't make it the main theme of your profile, and don't do it in a negative fashion. Just have a little section where you say something like, "I'm not really looking for these sorts of things, so if you fall into one of these categories, thanks anyway!" To me, there's nothing more off-putting than people who spend half of their profile time saying negative things about other people.
I would put the "A little about my life:" section first. The first question people have in a profile is, "Who is this person, in general?"
OK, gotta run! :) | |
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| Constructive Criticism Please!
Posted: 4/19/2009 5:52:40 PM | I want to help you here, so bear with me please. This may hurt a little but it is all with good intentions...
I would suggest you go out with a friend on a nice sunny day and get some real photographs of you doing stuff that you enjoy in the real world. Go to a park or walk your dog. Get some pictures of you doing pottery. Show people how much fun you are. Nobody wants to hang out with a downer. I'm not saying you are. Reading your profile, I can tell you are a very upbeat person. You just don't have photos that represent that aspect of you.
With your written profile, you can remove half of what you have and still say as much. Less text will make people more inclined to read it. We are mostly a lazy bunch after all.
Under First Date, remove what you have altogether and just say "Surprise Me". That will show you are confident and willing to take a chance. Guys love that. | |
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| Constructive Criticism Please!
Posted: 4/19/2009 6:47:17 PM | Thank you for the response. I am working on the photos as I mentioned in my first post. I decided to go the route of listing first dates because I got tired of people using the generic response of "I don't care what we do, I dont have any good ideas". As far as how detailed my profile is and individuals being lazy on the website, I don't care to date individuals who haven't taken the time to read through my profile. I took the time to write those things out because I think they are important to me and I feel they are important for others to know that information about me. I want to find someone who has taken the time to read my profile and to think through reasons why they would want to be my friend or more.
Again thanks for your response I am working on the photos. | |
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| Constructive Criticism Please!
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:37:18 PM | Don't get me wrong. I think what you are saying it great, it's just that is can be reworded to make it shorter while still saying the same thing.
Example:
Who I'd like to meet:
People who are not afraid to live life. People who want to see the world. People who understand that you should like someone for who they are and not try and change them.
It can be rewritten as:
Who I'd like to meet:
Someone not afraid to live life, wants to see the world, likes me for who I am and won't try to change me.
You see, that removes 40% of the words and says the same thing.
I don't want to sound like your high school english teacher and understand what you are saying about not wanting to talk to someone who won't read your profile. I wouldn't either, but there are a LOT of profiles here and many people don't have enough time to read every profile they see. Having your profile look easier to read will make a difference to how many great guys will actually read it and contact you. | |
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| Constructive Criticism Please!
Posted: 4/20/2009 6:04:01 PM | First and foremost let me thank you for adding me as a favorite (I'm honored). I am so flattered in fact that I will give you what no one else here probably will......The truth..... Here is the REAL answer to your question, you probably will not like it but do some research and you will find it to be correct.
Guys, all guys are by nature visual and superficial. It goes all the way back to basic human nature it is not our fault it is the way we are hard wired, all interaction between males and females has but one basic purpose...survival and replication, that’s it plain and simple evolution is VERY slow, and it had not caught up with the sociological and technical advances the human race has made, most studies have found that instinctually our brains are still set about 40 thousand years ago, granted education and sociological pressure have caused us to adapt our surface behaviors but the instincts remain the same. Continue the species, survive and replicate.
So put yourself in the frame of 40k years ago language is just starting to come around humans are barely more than animals. How did a man choose a mate... was he concerned with what she liked to do for fun, her education, what her tasks were in the village, her shoes? NO!! he made his decision based on what he could visually perceive, was she healthy, old enough to successfully mate with, young enough to bear children, did she have favorable genetic traits etc.
Now you ask how did cave man determine all that, well it's still the same things we look for today:
Healthy able to bear children: determined mainly by hip to waist ratio, skin tone etc.
Old enough to bear children: If you remember back to around the time you started having your period, something else also began to happen...You started getting breasts..yay.. that is why guys are so fixated by them they are about the only external indicator that you have reached puberty and are sexually mature enough to procreate. (there is also to a much lesser extent some mommy comfort psychology in there too but mostly instinct is what drives it)
favorable genetic traits: determined by facial and overall symmetry, would a guy date you if you had one eye lower than your nose...probably not one because that would just be strait up creepy but two that would not be a favorable genetic trait to pass on.
That’s about it, that’s what we look for and that is why you have a lack of messages, because your photos only show your face and they are kind of blurry, also you did not list body type just be honest whatever it is you would be better off putting "pleasantly plump" than just leaving it to our imaginations (when it comes to online dating we have beet taught to assume the worst) so in summation to get more responses, put up more pictures doesn’t matter what your doing as long as they sow your face breasts and hip to waist ratio. Also you can take off any pictures of pets, at best guys don't care at worst it seems a little anti-social and creepy.
If by now you have not deleted the response and flipped me off here are a couple tips on what to write in your profile....Not much, there are a few guys like me out there who will read longer profiles simply for the content, the majority out there will not read it, a few will skim it for a topic to use to start a conversation with you, and the pro's out there will read the whole thing and use the information in there to become the guy you are looking for just long enough to get what he is looking for.
So put a little blurb in there about what you believe makes you a good catch but not to detailed and a few things about criteria you are looking for and here is a trick for throwing off the players (the amateurs will try and have all the qualities you are looking for) throw in one or two that you are NOT looking for. That’s it, the rest will happen on it's own.
Hope this helps understand us a bit better, now while all of this stuff is the hard truth on a very basic and general level there are always exceptions to every rule but you will find this to be accurate for the vast majority of people the rest are weirdo's and sociopath so don't worry about them ;)
Oh ya and one more hard truth with a silver lining, at some stages in men's lives they are hard wired for pair bonding (marriage etc.) age is not a determining factor as all guys have different hormonal cycles that trigger this. Here is the catch, a guy will not even decide whether or not he likes/loves you on a deeper level until AFTER he has slept with you, it's just how it is now many guys will deny this until they actually sit down and think about it and almost no woman will believe it until they look back at the behaviors of their former relationships.
This is true for all guys, when we start talking to you, unconsciously we are focused on one thing it consumes all of the brain power, getting in your pants, we cannot internally process ANYTHING emotional until after we have gotten to that point, after we do this, only then do we begin to asses the rest of the situation and we do so logically not emotionally I.e. what do I stand to gain from this....social value, security, replication, money, companionship, etc.
there are a few more things but my fingers are quite tired (I have really big hands and this is a small keyboard) but this should give you a general idea how it really works.
Also if any one is interested I have the same break down for what women look for on an evolutionary level it is quite a bit different and a bit more complex but super interesting, it really puts things in perspective, such as why girls dig ***holes but not you if you simply try to act like an ass hole, if any one is interested drop me a note and Ill post it somewhere | |
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| Constructive Criticism Please!
Posted: 4/20/2009 6:56:42 PM | Dude! It is true that we are all fundamentally animals, but if people allowed their instincts to drive their behavior the way you describe it, we actually would still be living in caves.
Famous quote from Chris Rock:
"Shit! There's a reason to hit everybody. You just don't do it. Shit, there's a reason to kick an old man down a flight of stairs. You just don't do it." | |
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| Constructive Criticism Please!
Posted: 4/20/2009 7:05:57 PM | | body type is prefer not to say, no body shots, and multiple pet pictures=pass for most people.... | |
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| Constructive Criticism Please!
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:14:10 PM | | Instincts drive every behavior, you east because a hormonally driven instict tells you to do so, when you are threatened you feel the adrenaline, because instinct kicks in, with out instincts we could not function, and we do still live in caves, we just make our own with AC, and HBO. Granted things are more complicated now from sociological pressure but it is still the basic hard wired behaviors that drive us, we just dress them up to look pretty. | |
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