| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 3:36:13 PM | | I met the woman of my dreams here on POF and after a rather quick whirlwind courtship we decided to move in together. We had the big discussion about money, chores and our friends. She has some ex lovers turned friends and so do I. Although it may be a little uncomfortable for each of us, i think that trust in your partner is paramount to a good healthy relationship and besides whats wrong with opposite sex friendships. I have told all the single women in my life that i was no longer available and have made a commitment to my new partner. I dont think she has done this and i dont think she is being dishonest, i think she just doesnt want to hurt anyones feelings. Both of us have been married before and unfortunately both of us has been cheated on in this past marriages. So trust is something were both working on. I took my profile down when we agreed to move in together, she did not. ( I put it back up today so i could do this forum question) She did however put an update on her profile that she had found someone and would be taking her profile down in a few days (its been at least a week now). She just wanted to thank the men that were writing her. I think this is a nice jesture but shes still getting messages ( how many people read all the profile ) and im wondering how long is reasonable for her to keep her profile up? Am i being overly sensitive? Should i be concerned? | |
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Eenk
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Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 3 | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 3:51:28 PM | | It does not sound to me like she was ready to settle down yet. If she was committed to the relationship she would not be 'thanking' other guys every night. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 3:53:01 PM | | Bashing again. I think she is a polite lady who wants to pay courtesy to other man for their indication of interest. She indicates clearly that she has met someone. Sometimes poeple may say 3 days but it turn out 5. No worries OP. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 3:54:53 PM | From your profile:
looking
About Me
Update; I thought i had found the woman of my dreams but i see she has kept her profile up here. Im wondering what that means? I took my down but i guess were still looking
This issue is eating you and you're acting rashly. This is a fast and new relationship, and you don't know enough about her to have other signs of trust or non-trust. POF is all you have. Get to know her better and see if the relationship doesn't have to hang on one issue. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 3:58:18 PM | i think if you both trust each other and are strong in your relationship,it should not matter if you have online friends .as long as those friends respect your decision .a true friend would be genuinely happy for your meeting someone. some of the people i have dated are my good friends ,and always will be .my honey will have to understand that i did have friends before i met him and likewise i know he will have some ,too.
tricia
keep the faith | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:00:16 PM | Nobody can change anybody, I've learned that the hard way, regardless what other's have told me.
It is one sided, and even if she takes this profile down, it most likely is not the only thing that is out of balance in your relationship.
Maybe you need to review what qualities you were seeking in your new mate and figure out where you are at.
JMO | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:00:55 PM | LOL; first of all according to a 5 year study 91% of people that live together will be broken up within 3 years; thats unreal.
People that live together do it for bills/money, convenient sex and companionship, and many other reasons. Almost always one is committed and the other isn't as committed.
You were foolish to do this in the first place as far as I'm concerned; of course they shouldn't be on a dating site; if they have friends use their email; this is a train wreck in the works. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:01:42 PM |
Update; I thought i had found the woman of my dreams but i see she has kept her profile up here. Im wondering what that means? I took my down but i guess were still looking
Before you decided to play house, perhaps you should have started with an easier game, you know Twister, Scrabble...
So you move in with a woman that you barely know, she has not taken her profile down, so you put yours back up?
You know what Gandhi said "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"
You might want to think about this. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:02:30 PM | OP! It sounds like she is not sure what she wants and is still having her options open. It is so strange to THANK strangers for writing to her! Don't you find this disrespectful? I have a feeling you rushed into moving in together!
Good Luck | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:03:36 PM | The only thing you can do is talk to her about it seeing as it's bothering you.
Also you state: vvv
I took my profile down when we agreed to move in together, she did not. ( I put it back up today so i could do this forum question)
Perhaps you should rephrase that since your join date clearly shows 8/25/2008.
You hid your profile, you didn't take it down. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:22:06 PM | | Personally, I think you should have waited longer to move in together despite what you felt. Its better to play it smart, than rush in to things. I hope things work well for you guys if you truly love each other. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:24:31 PM | I think you both need to remove your profiles and focus on each other and lay off the opposite sex friendships. Not necessary when you're in a relationship from my perspective.  | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:28:06 PM | You both need to just get off here and enjoy each other. If one stays on it is a recipe for disaster. You will always be suspicious of who (if anyone) they are talking with or emailing.
If she insists on staying on why not make one profile together? That might solve it OP. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:29:36 PM | So you're both living together and both still behaving this way?
Your relationship is missing the respect necessary to successfully go the distance. You both are not moving in sync or with agreement or respect for the other person.
I think you've acted in haste and now you're repenting and regretting at your leisure and her slowness to respond to your emotional needs.
Sad when someone makes bad choices and then has to change their mind. But it does happen, and shouldn't prevent you from making the proper choice now. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:43:00 PM | your situation is wrong...it would be understandable if she was on here, if you were not in a relationship and she was keeping her options open..but the fact that you have commited to each other..which you have as you've moved in with her.does not justify her actions.
It seems as if she wants attention. Personally i think you should stop having conversations in your head and just have it out with her, because you're going round in circles by doing so.
and yes i agree with other comments you both need to delete your profiles..you're commited to one another now..so why still be on a dating website when you have found what you want..we've established you have..but has she??? | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:51:17 PM | Be more specific about those dreams.
You failed to mention the woman of your dreams included these peculiarities...
Personally, I'd classify these as the makings of a nightmare - not a dream.
Reminds me of the posting from the fellow who'd committed to a woman in the adult-movie business (she was a porn-actress) - he was concerned cause she was bringing her work home with her - you know, rehearsing her parts - and she just didn't want to hurt coworkers feelings. But it was the woman of his dreams...
At least you know the feeling of being betrayed, I hear the second time isn't so bad. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 5:07:11 PM | A lyrical description of Internet dating:
"relax, said the night man,
We are programmed to receive.
You can checkout any time you like,
But you can never leave!"
Courtesy of The Eagles
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 6:04:32 PM | ^^^ That fits! LOL
I love the creative writing and poetry forums....for that reason I would like to stay on, although, I would make it very clear that I was happily taken!  | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 7:33:08 PM | haha...I leave my profile up and have for years. It's not like anyone is ever going to contact me...lol When involved in a relationship(never long term) I just leave it there because I know sooner or later, I'd just have to post it again. It isn't like love lasts forever!! When I am involved with someone, I just don't go onto any dating sites. Hell, the few that have written to me since I came back on this site, I deleted without even reading. I am just on here for the interesting views that people have on various subjects. Also, I have a personal policy that I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who would want a relationship with someone like me What, have you NO self esteem?? 
 ...JMO | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 7:54:33 PM | | Amen Azalea7! I agree with all you said. Why not discuss this with her OP? If you're in a relationship that is at the stage of living together, you need to be able to talk about the "tough stuff" together. Good luck. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 7:59:12 PM | OP sounds like you jumped the gun, I would say you put the cart before the horse, but there is no horse.
YOU had a discussion about moving in together, SHE said uh-huh and went on about her business. I call BS on being polite to guys still messaging her. Right now she cut her bills in half until Mr. next best thing comes along. Sorry to sound harsh, but you have to open your eyes and take off the rose colored glasses.
Never make somebody a priority when they make you an option, even a live in one. Bob | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 8:00:14 PM | | You are living together now, she should take down her profile. Let's just say I have been there, done that and trust me it doesn't go anywhere good. | |
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| still on POF after moving in together
Posted: 4/19/2009 8:01:42 PM | | I think both of you moved too fast, she should move back out or you, whom ever moved in with the other and try dating for a while before you try this commitment/living together thing. Obviously neither of you are ready for this and both of your actions sound really immature. | |
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