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 symbolistartist
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 1
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Hiya, on another site I had a lot of men come onto me, assuming that I'm a hot babe. I was surprised to say the least since I never expected it. I actually prefer that men are upfront with what they want, so I don't have to feel uncomfortable and worried about their intentions. So that is not the problem here. The problem is that I don't know how to deal with it. I'm at an age when I really put all my efforts into finding the right relationship but at the same time I'm vaguely tickled by the idea of having some short affair while I'm alone and bored. I'm a bit embarrassed about my body and would feel better about being with a guy who really did love me for real. Having affairs would however (the way it looks now) require displacement and efforts from my side and might end up a really bad experience - anything ranging from violence to simple boredom. Maybe you guys would like to share your experiences? Have you followed up on this kind of offer? Do men assume that all women are sex-crazed? Anyway, the word is free...
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 2
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/20/2009 7:01:09 AM
You know, whether you're hot or not hasn't much to do with it. Maybe it raises your expectations of what kind of guy you can drag in the door ... if you're hot the assumption is that you have a better pick of the litter. But, what does that get you? It really doesn't change the equation on the desire for a short-term versus long term relationship.

You know, it's your call. I can't see how avoiding relationships leads to a guarantee of anything long term. If you were truly "hot" you'd be the one in a million that could look at someone across the room, maybe give out a 100 question survey, and come up with the long-term guy of your dreams. Of course, what short term relationships do is take you out of the loop for a while ... so there goes Mr. Right while you're busy banging Mr. Maybe Once More Before I Give You The Heave-Ho.

I think you're right: having short term relationships increases some risks. Even keeping your own head above water is no guarantee some hapless sap won't get hurt in the process.

Do men assume all women are sex-crazed? That's a great, great question. My take is that men assume women are NOT sex crazed and that they're the driving force behind any relationship at all. I think that's the core myth that truly screws up the works. Women love to blame men when it doens't work out, perpetrating the myth (those sex-crazed men jumping in before thinking it through.)

On that score, I assume women just don't want to take responsibility for their own sexual actions. Sounds like you do, which is very cool. Good luck ... it's a bumpy road, but that's doesn't mean you have to stay home with the knitting.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 3
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/20/2009 7:13:09 AM
357 magnum..... restraining order..... big brother ....a knee to the groin ...easy off oven cleaner ..(sprayed to the crotch ).... mace ....DADDY

or this are the ways I have told my daughter to deal with a guy who comes on too strong
 sdbysassygal
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 4
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/20/2009 10:06:24 AM
OP, I understand how you feel about maybe trying something more temporary while you're hoping to find a long term relationship. I've been single for a long time, and I'm not overly comfortable with the idea of a "fling" either, but I think I've reached the point where it's become almost essential to my well-being in other ways. I would suggest planning a neutral meet, and if you're so inclined then go ahead and give in to the side of you that does want a "fling". Use your intuition and a plan to make sure someone knows where you are, and have some fun. Years have a way of passing us by if we keep waiting for something rather than enjoying life....
 Paul_L
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 5
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/20/2009 10:35:07 AM
^^^ I am packing up some clothes and planning a long weekend to help with your well-being. Yes I'll be bringing a fishing rod too!

 murof
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 6
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How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/20/2009 11:13:22 AM
I have dated and have had relationships with a number of what many would consider "hot" women (great bodies, very stunning looking faces)

My current relationship is a bit overweight, most would probably not consider to be a raving beauty but there is an inner beauty and sensuality that many of my previous relationships did not have. She is in your age range.

We connect on so many levels that I am not concerned that she has a bit of a belly and a bit of celluloid on her thighs. What is important to me is that she is someone that I believe I can build a long term and permanent relationship with.

Yes, some of those "barbie dolls" are great for a man's ego, but if there is not more then a great body and pretty face, how the heck can one build a relationship that lasts?

So, we all have body insecurities. Don't worry about them. When you find the right person to connect to, it won't matter.
 symbolistartist
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 7
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/21/2009 11:02:19 AM
Great answers! Yes it does seem as the "hotness" is really on a man's brain rather than a fact of life, LOL. On the other hand there can be a semantic issue where a guy thinks sex when in actual fact he sees sensuality. It's hard to know, men are all alike in some ways but individuals too for goodness sakes! ;-) Yes I do feel reluctant to stir up some sand that might get in the wrong eyes, I'm not very experienced and though the idea of getting some more experiences is a bit alluring I'm certainly not sure it's worth it in the long run. Now that I have one potential long term partner in mind I'm more reluctant also even though it will be a while before I know if he's right for me (can't meet up now). Good to hear experiences though. We definitely should feel free to enjoy our personal freedom, as was said here years do pass by sometimes and a little adventure might spice up that long boring waiting time, however very good advice about making sure someone knows where you are and stuff like that (oven spray in your handbag, alright!). I also think that if we do feel a bit consious of some body issues it might be good to go out and be with guys and find that it doesn't matter that much (this I'm saying from earlier experience but also as a suggestion since many people exaggerate their body issues) but in some cases it's better to wait for that soul connection where those imperfections disappear. Great thoughts, thanks!
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 8
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How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/21/2009 3:35:12 PM
If I'm interested...it's fine. Otherwise, I just kind of ignore it.
 SandyB1957
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 9
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How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/21/2009 6:03:22 PM
Guys come on to strong? Hasnt happen to me yet......Maybe one day..........or maybe not.........lol
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 10
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/21/2009 6:14:09 PM

I'm a bit embarrassed about my body and would feel better about being with a guy who really did love me for real. Having affairs would however (the way it looks now) require displacement and efforts from my side and might end up a really bad experience - anything ranging from violence to simple boredom. Maybe you guys would like to share your experiences? Have you followed up on this kind of offer? Do men assume that all women are sex-crazed? Anyway, the word is free...


your not 18 anymore proceed with caution
 Bluez
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 11
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:16:45 PM
^^^^ and copious amounts of duct tape, cause in this day and age, you just never know....



Bluez
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 12
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How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/21/2009 9:41:08 PM

Having affairs would however (the way it looks now) require displacement and efforts from my side and might end up a really bad experience


OP: Any relationship, whether LTR, FWB, FB, NSA, or whatever......will require effort and will incur risk. There's no way to get out from under that. There is always going to be effort expended and risk undertaken. It's not about whether the dude comes on strong or not---it's whether you really want to do it with that particular guy.

What kind of guy do you want? What do you want to give a guy in a relationship? Focus on that. A guy who matches your specs (who happens to come on strong ) would probably be an offer you'd take up. A guy who's a bad match for you won't be worth it no matter how he comes on. If you're looking to respond to the kind of guys you want, the effort and risk will both be worth it.
 bonnevivant
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 13
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/21/2009 10:34:20 PM
Men have to be really aggressive if they want to get laid (without going to a hooker). Just waiting passively doesn't work for us. Sure, a guy might get rejected hundreds of times. But it's that one that cracks every once in a while that counts.
 Pontoon guy
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 14
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How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/22/2009 2:19:28 PM
I just nicely remind them that i am not gay, just a good dancer so give it arest! lol
that usually takes care of the problem.
 redhairedvixen4u
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 15
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/22/2009 2:26:46 PM
If it's welcome then i flirt back... If it's not i totally change what i'm projecting from my body language. I give them the cold shoulder and talk to them like a friend not a lover!
 HSJS
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 16
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/22/2009 3:11:58 PM
Hiya, on another site I had a lot of men come onto me, assuming that I'm a hot babe. I was surprised to say the least since I never expected it.


You are a hot babe! Don't fight it!



I'm a bit embarrassed about my body and would feel better about being with a guy who really did love me for real. Having affairs would however (the way it looks now) require displacement and efforts from my side and might end up a really bad experience...


You should not be embarassed about your body. From the pictures on your profile, I would definitley enjoy unwrapping you.

I think you are over analyizing the whole proposition, of having fun through frivolous sexual adventures. If you feel safe with someone, and since you value; "men are upfront with what they want", then maybe you should do the same. Men also value, women who are upfront with what they want.

One more thing, I read your profile or started to I should say. Is there an abridged version of what you wrote? Are there Cliff Notes?
 SnowPro
Joined: 8/26/2006
Msg: 17
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/22/2009 6:48:23 PM
LOL your poor daughter
 symbolistartist
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 18
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:32:09 AM
Hm well I fail to see where the duct tape comes in and if there was some criticism regarding my specs then that was not very nice. As for the length of my profile, if someone is having problems with it it shows they have little interest and motivation to find out what I'm saying there... the whole point is to weed out the ones who are not serious minded.

That being said, on another site I've had plenty of propositions regarding intimate encounters only and though at first I thought no way, after a while I was starting to think why not? But I'm a bit shy and the whole problem is that I would be going to meet a man that I've only seen online, and I am wondering if I'd have the confidence to do that. On the other hand the problem is no longer so crucial because I do have a guy in mind for a serious relationship and so I obviously need to check that out first before I go for anything flimsy. Since I expect openness in a real relationship it might be embarrassing to confess to having had one night stands and risk seeming sluttish on the other hand Mr Right might be understanding. You could argue that it's none of any one's business of course but as I said I do expect to be honest...

I've been feeling tired this whole winter and so the idea of making a lot of efforts for something that might leave me feeling embarrassed or worse is a little far off in any case.

I feel that many are talking about encounters that started off IRL and that was not what I intended to discuss actually though your viewpoints are all welcome.

Yes I'm analyzing this a bit because it's a little complicated... I guess the complexity of it all is not so obivous from my OP.

Thanks anyway for the positive feedback, I don't mind hearing something nice for a change...
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 19
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How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:27:32 AM

That being said, on another site I've had plenty of propositions regarding intimate encounters only and though at first I thought no way, after a while I was starting to think why not?

Because PEOPLE are going to go for the easy score first. Not saying you are easy.. not at all. Just saying.

But I'm a bit shy and the whole problem is that I would be going to meet a man that I've only seen online, and I am wondering if I'd have the confidence to do that. On the other hand the problem is no longer so crucial because I do have a guy in mind for a serious relationship and so I obviously need to check that out first before I go for anything flimsy. Since I expect openness in a real relationship it might be embarrassing to confess to having had one night stands and risk seeming sluttish on the other hand Mr Right might be understanding. You could argue that it's none of any one's business of course but as I said I do expect to be honest...

Honesty is always best, imo.

I've had countless offers for me to meet up so I can give them head. Um. No thanks. While I enjoy doing that.. it's not what I want, and really.. since there was no mention of anything for me, it seems the guy is only in it for himself... and I'm not interested in selfish lovers.

When they come on too strong.. slap their pee pee. Makes them pay attention. If it's only online that they are being rude and pushy, you have this wonderful thing called block/delete or the ability to ignore them in some fashion. That is if they don't get the hint when you tell them to back off. I move at my own pace, and that might be too slow for some, or not slow enough for others.. and I don't really give a fig because it's the pace I want to move at. I'm easy, just not cheap.. and you have to get into my head before I let you into my pants.
 kazuoy
Joined: 2/13/2009
Msg: 20
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How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/24/2009 8:29:30 AM
just ignore them, period...
 MandaKay
Joined: 4/13/2009
Msg: 21
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:45:06 AM

How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?


Taze 'em in their package!

But online....respond to those you have interest in, ignore those you don't.
 flanneryfan
Joined: 10/1/2007
Msg: 22
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:23:45 AM
Dear Symbol-

I am going to offer some CLARITY which I hope will speak to your logical mind.

I always say it's not a good idea to have casual sex, unless you are " man enough" to have casual sex. And I promise you, if you do, neither the men you have sex with (nor will you) be impressed with the fact that you have opted for the lower suit of your nature.

When it come to sexual waters, males are sharks. There is a reason why, as a little girl, you were taught not to jump into the ocean to play with them. Don't go against this better judgment.

What matters at the end of the day is that you get through it with a minimum amount of "problems." Problems will find you, whether you want them or not. You don't want the kind of problems which will follow from having casual sex (pregnancy scares, std's, the nuissance of "strange" men coming and going from your home - this is not how to secure respect among neighbors, by the way).

And as for men who push for quick involvement - that is a red flag and a half. It can only mean one of three things:

1. He is a sexual lecher who needs to get the idea of "it" out of his head (desperately)

2. He is pushing for quick involvement to avoid the necessary steps for successful courtship (because odds are he is an abuser, and such a filtering process will expose him for the Woman-Hater that he reallly is)

3. He wants a mother-figure more than he wants a mate. In other words, he wants to hurry up and get the first 3 bops behind him so that he feels entitled to have you bail him out of legal problems, drive him places, and ask you for loans.

Symbol, I always say there are good men out there, but the odds are against you. This is the main reason you should NOT be having casual sex, not the excuse that you should.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: human beings tend to be succubuses. (over 50% i'd, say).

Choose to live in the real world. That is the best gift you can give yourself.
 symbolistartist
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 23
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:27:18 AM
Yes well actually the offers were quite respectful towards me and I didn't get a sense it was all that selfish. I wouldn't be writing this if they had been real idiots that needed to be blocked at once. Oh well, I suppose they won't disappear so I can always reconsider if nothing better comes along this summer True though that women my age still have a little bit of inner conflict about these things, I don't know if it's just a generation thing (which it could be) or the fact that one doesn't want to ruin any chances of real happiness at this point. Though as I said Mr Right might be understanding. Dunno...
 LadyBoBina
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 24
How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/24/2009 11:41:28 AM
It's a turn off for me when guys come on too strong, but also boring when they go too slow.
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 25
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How do you deal with guys who come onto you strongly?
Posted: 4/24/2009 12:09:50 PM
Cut people a bit of slack.

Most people are learning how to use these sorts of sites and it can be very intimidating or overwhelming.

I'd say as a good rule of thumb trust your instincts and then test them.


You should learn to recognise the insincere soon enough.
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