| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:05:40 PM | Ive been seeing this one woman for 7 years now on and off, its been pretty much just an every now and then thing!! (guss u can say friends with benefits).
For the last 2 and a half years after she told me to get my own place and she will move in with me, it just has never happened!! She just dont wanna commit to a full time relationship and is satisfied with couch surfing with friends and family!! She shows up once a month for a weekend and thats about it!! I dont wanna stay tied up in this relationship but dont know how to break it off!!!! I do love her but cant stand it anymore!!!
The biggest problem im facing here is that Im a 1 woman man and dont feel right looking for a soul mate or even someone to hang out with and just have fun with, i feel guilty like im doing someone wrong, can u feel me on this??? Please help , any suggestions????? Thanks Deltonamike | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:13:09 PM | How do you know you're a one-woman-man? Have you ever tried dating two or more women at once? Typically, when people say this it is because they are in love and the "effort" of meeting and dating multiple women makes them feel guilty...then they feel like they have to lie, etc..
My advice is to tell her that her power game is over...and that you do intend to date others. If & when she calls next time for her monthly hormonal release, if you have plans, tell her so. If being with her makes you feel guilty about the other person, tell her no. And if you simply don't want to feel confused and uneasy, tell her to skip a month.
I understand you love her, but sometimes, regardless of how much you love someone, they aren't capable of returning it in a way that gives you the satisfaction you need. AND heck, if all else fails...show her this post...if I was just described as a couch potato and once a month FWB I'm thinking that may be a wake up call. If all else fails, drop the diamond ring on her and see where the cards fall.
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:15:10 PM | | It sounds to me like YOU don't want to let go.. She can't continue this relationship one-sided. You have to tell her it's over, and take time to heal before you start trying to form a new relationship with anyone. Once you've healed, and you're over her...you'll no longer feel guilty about searching for someone you want to be with. | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:15:41 PM | omg hold still! This a a Kodak moment.,a man with a conscience!! 
ok sorry.. :)
Seriously kudos to you for being a stand up human being and being a good guy BUT
your loyalties are wasted on her
You seem like an intelligent man.. so I believe you already know what you have to do.. you love her so you are draggin your heels on this..
Tell her you aren't going to be her convient piece of man ass anymore..Tell her that you love her but wont settle for fwb's or whatever it is.. Do NOT consider moving in with her until you BOTH are getting what you want and need from the relationship...
Don'T allow her to drop in and pull that wkd crap.Make the decision once and for all and stand by it... personally I think you should just move on sans guilt.. you owe her NOTHING if you have laid this out to her and she still persists on the f*k buddy plan
She will only treat you like a slut if you let her. | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:45:04 PM | | This girl is using you! I think it is cool you are a respectful guy. My opinion is to make more friends, guys and girls. If you increase your friend base you will not feel so alone when you realize she is truly gone, or using you. You do not need to sleep with someone else but, you should start making new friends. At least give yourself some outlets. | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:58:10 PM |
I dont wanna stay tied up in this relationship but dont know how to break it off!!!! I do love her but cant stand it anymore!!!
You break it off by saying you aren't satisfied with a sometime relationship and that you're moving on to find someone who does want more. Then you say, sorry, no more weekend visits cuz I'll be spending my weekends either finding or being with someone who wants what I want. Yes, it's an uncomfortable thing to say to someone but your alternative is to continue with the status quo and keep repeating the above quote forever and ever. You have choices...so make them and stop complaining about your lot in life. | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:59:17 PM | | Change the locks! Don't answer the door. This chick shows up once a month? And the rest of the time she sleeps 'on peoples couches'? Really? Who are these other people? 'Friends'? What kind of friends? What are you to her? A 'friend'? I dunno OP, sounds like you know what to do. Just do it. Cut her lose and move on. | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 1:00:32 PM | OP... After 7 years, I can only think that you have enjoyed the on and off nature of your relationship and she would be right to assume that you do since you haven't told her it isn't okay anymore.
It sounds like you want more from her rather than less so maybe the time has come for you to figure out how to say so and let the chips fall where they may.
Even though it hasn't been a traditional kind of relationship, it is still a relationship so cowboy up and tell her what you're feeling and thinking. She probably senses your current discontent and most of us really like guys who shoot straight from the hip.
Just .. TELL... her! | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 1:08:51 PM | There is soooo much wrong with this situation on sooooo many levels!
I don't understand your living situation. You are a 41 year old man but don't have your own place?
You have put up with this crap for 7 years? Yet you haven't told her what you really want or she hasn't bothered to hear you since you continue to allow it? For what reason other than being a less than 1 woman man?
Who doesn't want to let go? It sounds like you are hooked on her but can't get it right!
It's simple!!!! Tell her what you want and go find it in a decent relationship which doesn't include her. My gosh, you are just wasting your life away and you are just now getting it! Grow up! Get real!
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 1:20:54 PM | deltona,
it's time you two split and go your own ways so you can move on.
this truly is friends with benefits.
if you love her and truly want her, explain, propose and marry her if she feels this way too.
if not then explain to her just as you have to us and make it perfectly clear you've grown out of the set-up you guys have become accustomed too and you need to break it and move on wishing her all the best always.
personally, i think you need to do the 2nd one and not the first.
DO NOT FEEL GUILTY....you're not doing anything wrong here but trying to move on to the next phase of your life and apparently that's important enough to you to bring this up.
best wishes..... AND DON'T PUT IT OFF! | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 1:24:30 PM | Seven years...hmmm...and the guilt.
That's a long time to be in a casual relationship. It may be that at least for the first few years, this arrangement worked for both of you for reasons only you know. The trouble started when you wanted more from her and wanted her to move in with you, and she mislead you to believe she wanted the same. Sounds like she's not one to settle down. You both want different things at this point in your lives. You've outgrown her.
I suspect that you may have met someone else, and want to move forward in your life, and this FWB is a big problem because the arrangement has been an established pattern for so long.
Nothing written in stone that says you can't have this woman in your life as a friend.
Time to tell her you are moving forward in your life, and you will not tolerate her dropping in for her monthly connection. It isn't working for you any more. You have the right to want what you want OP, and she'll either accept it, or she won't. If she doesn't it's her loss and your gain.
Good luck. | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 3:24:04 PM | If you were clear about what you wanted, you would have shifted this situation already, in one way or the other.
If you really want a committed relationship with this woman, then offer it to her. If she turns you down, then you know for sure it's not happening.
If you want to break up with her, then just do it. ("Slip out the back, Jack/Make a new plan, Stan/No need to be coy, Roy/Just get yourself free")
If you want to continue on as you are, as you have been for the last seven years, then have at it.
Get clear about what you want, and chart your course. | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/20/2009 3:43:15 PM | Let me get this straight.
You are pretty much seeing someone as a FWB?
She doesn't want to commit to a relationship?
She is surfing your couch/bed once a month for a weekend?
Whose couches is she surfing the other 28-29 days a month?
If you want to end it, then find your testicles where ever it is you last left them, velcro them back on and tell her. That is, if you really DO want out and just don't want her to settle down and be a one man woman with you. | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/3/2009 2:36:18 PM | | id have to say u have given the best advice of them all, and yes, it is a clear or unclear situation im in, and I thank u for ur words of being clear about what i want out of the relationship!! I have told her many of times i want a more committed relationship out of this and she refuses, DUUUUHHHH, what does that tell me????? It is time to move on, u are right, i must do what i must do!!! TY Deltonamike | |
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| what am I suppose to do with a woman that dont wanna let get go!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/3/2009 2:47:20 PM | | maybe I am the one that cant let go, maybe its both of us, I dunno, All i know is it just doesnt feel the same anymore, even the sex aint there anymore, she just left today after being back for 4 days this time, i slept with her once in the 4 days, hell, we used to get it on 3 4 times every time we seen each other!!! And I have gotten a bigger circle of friends so it does consume more of my time, I was going to poker events almost every night when shes not around, mingling with everyone, seeking something better i guess, and when she comes around I dont go to my poker events and try to spend time with her, but when i do decide to go to an event, she gets mad at me then leaves the next day!! I just dont get it, WTF is goin on with her, yes, i know a man can never figure a woman out, this has been proven, so am i just wasting my time??? I found out that she is asking around to my friends if im seeing someone else??? whats that suppose to mean, is she worried her piece of meat is being shared??? Or what?? As far as the rest of the time if shes on someone elses couch, I have no clue, been told that before!! | |
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...........OUCH???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????? Seriously,,,all you gotta do is show her this thread.....or you could just be point blank about it::
...JMO
