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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/21/2009 10:16:47 AM | Not hard to find them out in the world, is it? Just to bloody many of them.
Mediocre men.
Men who just don’t get it or don’t know they don’t know…..men who are decent individuals sort of.
But they are missing something, in the eyes of us women.
And they can’t figure out why they don’t do well with girls, why their relationships fail.
They think women are too complicated. OK…some of us are, but that isn’t the point of this whole thing.
What does a mediocre man look like? Here are the tell-tale signs my sisters;
They spend extensive time in front of television or video games,
rarely makes any plans to do anything remotely interesting,
hardly ever wants to go along with the woman’s plans, and calls them ’stupid’.
Makes no effort to understand you and he makes no effort to improve self.
Mr. Mediocre has few outside interests, takes his woman for granted, has
few relationship skills because of his lack of substance and lack of purpose.
He is usually complacent and lazy.
Why is this a problem? He isn’t doing anything WRONG, is he?
Here is where the problem lies...my dear girlfriends…. he is boring to women!!!
And we don’t like to be bored. I see some of you nodding and some men rolling their eyes!
Women are entertained or interested by different things than men, some of us anyway!! Sheesh, stick to the bloody subject! What do women wish for?
A man who is compelling, playful, passionate about life, and adds laughter and humour to her life.
He needs to at least try to be a wee bit romantic. Take a shot at being adventurous, (take the garbage out without being asked) intelligent and opinionated (gently). Not 2x 4 therapy!
A man needs to be decisive at times, stimulating and ambitious. Balance…it all needs balance.
Why do men fall so short with their women? Could be a combination of things.
They are bored themselves. They have no purpose to life, no meaning, no reason to strive for excellence, watching to much bloody sports!
Maybe they are loaded with issues or past hurts and think that women are stupid. Why try to be interesting to a girl he thinks nothing of? They are selfish and the world revolves around being served, and they have no concept of serving their women, especially redheads!
Sure, there are all the screwed up guys out there, who are mean, irritable, smelly, cheaters, liars, controllers, disrespectful. These problems are EASY to find in a man, and common.
But often, among the decent guys out there, even if they are not complete arses...They are just mediocre. I think a lot of these average Joes still wonder why does it have to be so hard.
It’s not hard; to be compelling to a woman, but it does take effort. You do have to pay attention.
Why is boring a problem? It’s not like cheating, but it can still cause a man to lose us.
Remember this lyric "she lies and says she’s in love with him, can’t find a better man"
Yeah.
There is a reason why romance novels are the top-selling genre in the WORLD.
No woman wants to "settle". NO woman. And if she is with a boring guy, even if he is decent, she may feel like she has settled. It’s a terrible feeling, trust me on this one guys!
Being in a relationship takes away from us. Our time, our energy, our self.
That’s ok, and wonderful, if it also ADDS to our lives.
But Mr. mediocre is a drain on us woman, because he takes our effort, but gives us no inspiration. We want to be seduced, even by a husband of 20 years.
Life is boring enough, bills to pay, kids to feed, toilets to scrub, man to put up with.
If a man is part of her mundane existence, she may resent him for it.
The man should be the one to lift her up, and take her away from the mundane, if only for a little while, and sweep her off her feet, help her escape! (YES…I know it works both ways…but this is my journal written from my side, guys!!)
Men…..want to be her Knight in Shining Armor? Really?
Here is some advice….
Rescue her from her boring routine and get a hotel room and some wine.
Try leaving a quick love note on her steering wheel, get a sexy book
and take turns reading to each other.
Take her out to somewhere unusual, make it a surprise. YOU PLAN IT!
Learn how to please her sexually….really. Try asking for once instead of assuming you are doing everything right…you know ask for directions!!!
What else? I’ll take a leap here fellas….
Be nice. Learn to keep your mouth shut sometimes and not say stupid things.
Take a class or two, take it together. Have something new to talk about.
Chase your dreams a little, tell her about them, ask her about hers. LISTEN.
Shut the bloody TV off!!! Invite her to be a part of what you are doing more.
Don’t ignore her. Don’t neglect her, defend her.
She wants to admire you, trust, she really does, so be admirable. Volunteer somewhere. Help the old lady next door. Have a purpose to your life.
Don’t be her girlfriend, but you are supposed to be her BEST friend.
Ask yourself……….
What kind of a man is truly interesting to women? ASK women, ask us!! Find out. BE him.
What kind of men do women fantasize about?
What do those guys do?
We will tell you!
No matter how long you have been with your woman, date her. Seduce her.
Find out what triggers her attraction for you, and do it. You cannot slack off, and stop trying, and wonder why she isn’t passionate for you, like she used to be, and seems resentful towards you now. Girlfriends, ever find yourself saying "I just don’t feel it anymore" or "I just don’t feel ’in love’ with him like I used to" and not even be able to explain it? Men, ever had a woman tell you that? Even if you have done nothing wrong... maybe you weren’t doing much right, either. Light bulb moment here!
Yes, you should take out the trash, shovel the walk, and help with the dishes.
Handle your responsibilities. But you can do better than that and you know it.
SHE knows it. Make it happen. Make it important.
Or you may find that, you have packaged up your woman, and positioned her perfectly, to send her away, seeking what she still has not found.
Do this good stuff for her, be fun, even if she doesn’t deserve it, or you have a lot of problems or fights...See how you, the man, can inspire change, deciding that you are going to be that compelling man... and see if she is indeed compelled...she may have been tough on you because she wants you to be a REAL man, and doesn’t know how to tell you. And if you figure it out, she may feel attraction and love for you like you could never have imagined. So figure it out.
Find out how to make your woman thrilled to be next to you.
Do you have any idea what that thrilled woman would do for you in return?
A passionate man will inspire passion…I rest my case.
Happy days my poppets,
Lynn
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/21/2009 3:40:22 PM |
Find out how to make your woman thrilled to be next to you.
Do you have any idea what that thrilled woman would do for you in return?
A passionate man will inspire passion…I rest my case.
Um....the defense has no closing summation, Your Honour....um....
Lol! Enjoyed, Pixie! You do have quite the knack with words.
Hugs, Princess!
(post scripte: it's not gendour specific, either...)
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/21/2009 3:48:39 PM | Do you have any idea what that thrilled woman would do for you in return?
No. But, if I could get a steak dinner and she'd stop complaining I'd be happy. Can you write out in detail as you did so graciously what women want, what she would do for me in return? I really want to know.
But, to help you out here are a few things I would like in return (of course this is only from a man's perspective):
1. That new Dodge Challenger SRT8 (prefer Corvette Z01, but cutting her some slack)
2. Rolex watch(es)
3. All season tickets to the Raptors.
4. All season tickets to the Blue Jays
5. .... Argos.
6. 2 x vacations p/yr.
7. Guitar lessons.
8. Flight lessons (chopper and plane).
9. Yatch
10. Louis XIII Cognac
11. New Harley V Rod.
12. Trips to Veges, 2 x year minimum.
13. Golf membership & lessons.
14. Every Friday night out with the boys.
15. Boss, Armani clothing.
16. Drive me around
17. Sex every single day, at least 3 times daily, some days I'll want more (must include good oral too.)
18. A home cooked meal everyday.
19. A neat home.
20. No panties hanging in the shower.
21. Leave the seat up, where it's supposed to be. (Geezzz how many times do you need to take a crap anyway).
22. Don't move my shit around.
23. New big screen TV, one in each room.
24. Surround sound 7.1 all over the house.
25. Landscaper.
26. Heated driveway.
27. Birthday party every year.
28. No socks, ties for holidays or birthdays (a real gift would be nice).
29. Don't have sex with me while thinking about my best friend.
30. No cheating on those trips with the girls, or on business. If you give me #17 you shouldn't have to.
31. Take some cooking lessons.
32. Go out with your friends and do girlie stuff (don't try and make me).
33. Don't neglect the children.
34. Make some real money.
35. Get a drivers license.
36. Gibson Les Paul Standard electric guitar to go with #7 (I'll buy the amp., pedals, stand, case, picks, cables, etc....)
I can go on, but fingers are tired, and I'm laughing too hard.
Men…..want to be her Knight in Shining Armor? Really?
No I don't. I'm not living in the 17th. century. So, I don't want a princess wearing glass slippers either. I just want a good decent level minded and realistic women. Perhaps, when people stop trying to set unrealistic expectations, especially in the current climate (21st. century), we can be better lovers and try to understand "each other". Relationships are not about what she want's but are about what they want and working to achieve those goals together equally. It takes two people, and lot's of work to have a successfull relationship. Doing everything to make a women feel like some kind of princess and giving her everything she needs is not the answer. Usually, men who try and do this feel, un-appreciated, are neglected, and look outside the home for what they are missing from their woman. Look it up, do some research, you'll find that most men who cheat on their wives do it because they "over provide" and don't get anything back in return. Trust me read up on it, you'll see for yourself. Most recently a study was done by a relationship specialist in the US, wrote a book and was on Ophrah, he did surveys on thousands of successfull men who over-provided and had so called happy homes, they all cheated, and all had the same answer for why the did it. It wasn't for the sex, it was for the attention, appreciation, respect, and admiration they got. They felt neglected by their wives and didn't feel appreciated by their families. So, what am I going to get in return again? Perhaps, many men tried what your suggesting and didn't get anything at all in return.
I've spent numerous hours browsing through profiles and sending email, and egifts and sending sweet poems and giving compliments. These women don't even have the decency to reply back to me and say thanks. So, what kind of message do you think I get from that? It not do more, it's do less. Strangely enough, contrary to what you're saying (do everything she could ever want), I'm getting more responses now. Believe me I don't get it either, because us good guys are taught exactly what you're saying, but, it seems to me your way just isn't the way it is. Ya'll say one thing but you really mean something else.
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/22/2009 10:08:00 AM | Bloody hell....and they accuse women of being materialistic! Quite a list of "stuff"...stuff doesn't make you happy. "We all" are far from the same!
Lighten up sweetie! | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/22/2009 4:01:41 PM | Bloody hell....and they accuse women of being materialistic! Quite a list of "stuff"...stuff doesn't make you happy. "We all" are far from the same!
Lighten up sweetie!
Considering, stuff is the fruit of labour, it's better than having nothing.
Me lighten up, you're the one complaining about how men don't provide all the want's and needs for women. Personally, if I can find that one lady that takes me for who I am, I'll be pleased otherwise who the hell cares. | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/23/2009 11:11:24 AM | | It was all in fun....you are taking this way to seriously. | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/23/2009 4:43:02 PM |
It was all in fun....you are taking this way to seriously.
Absolutely. I get that, and I'm not taking anything on POF seriously at all. As far as I'm concerned POF is one of the options that can be used to meet people.
But, I still want to know what I would get in return, at least that way us "mediocre men" can be motivated to do better. No? | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:26:19 AM | Buy a dog..works for me..lol
Dude. You just didn't compare women to female dogs did you?
Irish Setter? Lol!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irish_Setter
Ya'll some cold mo'fos. She gonna' be really pissed now. hahahahaha......
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/25/2009 11:50:15 AM | G' day all:
Well, no, I didn't mean my comment to be perceived that way...Lol....in fact, harboured is a great warnth in soul for "Irish Setters'. They are awesome spirited creatures.
An attempt to express felt passion is contained in the poem following here.
Regards kind,
TBK
“Irish Setter”
Creature so spirited, one could never tame!
In eye soul exhibited, ignited colour flame!
With energy, contained not, free upon the run!
Irish Setter, spirited, coloured of the sun!
Her hair of passioned fire, flowing ever still!
In happiness, contented, to run at her free will!
Uncollared is her nature, never to be chained!
Her gentle lope in freedom, happiness obtained!
Oh! The Irish Setter, with leg long to run!
Spirited, unleashed, colours of the sun!
When energy expended, with a happy smile
Relax we together, relaxed at hearth a while.
An Irish Setter, the most glorious of canine!
Orange coloured and spirited, a noble heart of shine!
In beauty and Her majesty, such spirit in me release
Contentment, admiration, a joy to never cease!
Spark of eye contented, with energy to dance!
Soul filled with enlightenment, never by chance!
Oh! An Irish Setter! Beautious to behold!
Depths of soul unlimited, in tales untold! | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/28/2009 8:37:54 AM |
To be fair, most women are very cryptic with this information and most women send mixed messages to men about what they want and most women expect most men to read their minds
Cheers. They just complain on POF, while the man is clueless and thinks everything is going fine. | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/28/2009 8:53:56 AM | Well Pixie, I've got to say that I'm relieved that I don't sound like the guy you depict.
But in this day of equality, you can't address the problem of mediocre men without addressing the subject of mediocre women...
You know the types... those that:
-want men to do everything for them... including all planning.
-who want equality... but only when it works to their advantage... and "chivalry" when it doesn't
-constantly read garbage like Cosmo and all the talk about is what actor is dating or having an affair with who and what they wore.
-think they have a licence to act rudely because "that's what girl power is all about"
-expects a guy to take an interest in her interests, but makes no effort to take an interest in his interests.
-uses temper tantrums, petulant behaviour and withholding sex to get her way
-lacks communication skills and instead expects a guy to be able to read her mind... For example... guy asks: Is everything alright? Girl responds in a rude and petulant tone: I'm fine.
-Expects a man to be someone he isn't just to keep her happy
-Expects a man to keep her from getting bored.
-Expects a man to do all his responsibilities AND help her out with her responsibilities.
-Does not recognize and appreciate all the things that he does and acts like the car and the exterior of the house just maintain themselves
-greets a man with complaints/misery rather than a hello and a kiss
-spends hours in front of the TV watching Sex and the City and actually believes Carrie Bradshaw is a good role model for women
A passionate woman will inspire passion in a man. But as well... when a man is left to deal with all the sh1t, the passion he has for her will fade and he will withdraw from her.
It's also a woman's job to do what she has to do to keep her man thrilled. And if that means wearing thongs or going commando for him, then she should do it. | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/28/2009 9:36:16 AM | I don't have a problem with women wanting more from me and am willing to give it but what I have a problem with is that this "Mediocre Man" attitude seems to extend to assumptions and ignoring before the fact. I mean all the women on here that never give a man a chance to show that he is something more. I mean all the read/deletes and refusing to talk with them and get to know them before deciding that they belong in the "Mediocre Man" group and walking away from them. There are many fine men on POF that seem to have this problem and are grouped in with either the "Mediocre Man" attitude or the must be a loser/as*hole group without any investigation from the women beyond looking at his pictures and his profile. I think some don't even do that and just read/delete without looking even. I wonder what the criteria for that decision is (Must be a loser if he is writing to me or what?). This essay struck me as a legitimate complaint but it also seems to be deeply ingrained in the older womans attitudes and is applied somewhat indiscriminately I think.
Bob | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/29/2009 2:10:22 PM | A talent somewhat above mediocrity, shrewd and not too sensitive, is more likely to rise in the world than genius.
- Charles Horton Cooley
Well that makes me feel much better in my mediocrity  | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 4/29/2009 7:22:26 PM | OneLifeTwoLive....I can't buy you all those things you have requested but I might could sell enough scrap metal to buy a plane ticket so that you could get some sand in your pockets....not much else can fit in there..... the way you look! | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 5/4/2009 6:25:44 PM | | Great read, but there are also mediocre women as well. I was a great man. I did so much for my loved one and all I got in return was a broken heart. Nothing in the relationship was really wrong, everything was great, but she was just a mediocre woman who took me for granted and had low self-esteem and lots of psychological issues. | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 7/26/2009 11:04:15 AM | | I think I've read this book... or books... Just maybe you could seek employment at Disneyland... the most fun and happiest place on earth... I hear the nightly fireworks are dazzling... that should please you, finally, .... or not? Disneyland... in lieu of a man... something to think about... | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:21:46 PM | ^^^
This guy here hides. Takes zero risks on this site. Too clever by half.
Lady, even the "interesting" men you describe are boring hanks. I don't think you would be able to recognize a "real" man.
It's true though, most men are boring pills. Women want excitement and comfort and security at the same time. Good luck with that. Hotel room and a bottle of wine? Thrill a minute!
Most men who are truly interesting and exciting to be around are damaged goods.
Ain't it a shame? | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 7/26/2009 5:46:37 PM | Oh Lord, here goes ...
I'm sorry but I know exactly who Pixie is talking about. I was married to him for 25 years. His idea of romance was to walk up behind me and grab my ass while I was washing dishes, when he could have kissed my neck instead and started a fire that would take all day to put out. I told him that. Many times.
His idea of foreplay was to yank back the shower curtain while I was in there and waggle his eyebrows, when he could have thrust a wildflower through the curtain and had my undying and unending appreciation. I told him that, many times.
He never remembered a single anniversary without being forewarned, I never forgot one. He never remembered my birthday, I never missed his. He never took out the trash or mowed the grass, or did a load of laundry, or did anything to help around the house, and after spending the day with 3 kids, by 10 pm I was exhausted and he couldn't figure out why I was not ready to jump in the sack for an hour of fun, when he could have gotten off his ass and done the dishes, instead of saying with sweet albeit self-centered tenderness ... "why don't you just leave them 'til morning?" (more waggling eyebrows)
I also told him about these things many times. To him it was nagging, to him it was ****ing, to me, it was the key to save our relationship. I danced naked for him, was as adventurous in bed as he wanted to be, helped him at his work, bore and raised his children practically by myself. Cooked his meals, washed his clothes, soothed his brow, rubbed his back, kissed his ass and never forgot the things he did for me. Truthfully though, it wasn't that hard, it was a short list.
I would give a digit to have back the hours I spent trying to become interested in his hobbies—fishing, golf, football. I would give a LIMB to have back the years of my life I invested in supporting his every ****ing move to better his station in life. I would give every dollar I have for just one magic paragraph that I could read him, that would actually get through to him, to make him understand everything he took from me and what he never gave me that would have been so easy/cheap/effortless to give.
In the end I followed my heart elsewhere and left him stupid and bewildered and scared and alone. He could have listened. He could have tried. He didn't. End game. | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:10:43 PM | Well...Cindi. I see your point there. At this point in my life if I found love, I'm not sure I'd know what to do with it.
It's rare that I was all there for a woman. Men hide. Most do. And they stop trying.
This ties in with my perception of happiness. To be truly alive you have to pay attention.
Really pay attention. Some people are so flattened out that it takes extreme experiences to "wake up."
Risk takers. Men like that draw women, but it is hard to sustain on a day to day basis.
So, whatever. I put one foot and front of the other and move through life, my life and if it gets overwhelming, if the bitterness gets too toxic, I throw it over to God.
"Here! You take it! I give you my life. Do something with this mess!"
If grizzly adams smarts me off one more time... | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:18:17 PM | Lol! Grizzly Adams, you take me back to the 70s(?) I know who you mean, but that made me laugh.
I take exception to the "excitement" part of Pixie's post because I too think that would be hard to maintain. For either sex, for any period of time. There is no way to recapture those initial heart-thudding experiences, and as far as I'm concerned, no reason to. When you look in an old man's eyes as he describes the first time he saw his wife of 5o years and you can still see that spark, that's what it's all about. The rest is just daily life and trying to make it as pleasant and comfortable and meaningful for each other as possible. It can't be one-sided it has to be reciprocal, and when it is, it works. | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:25:46 PM | This is so pitiful!...why do some women make the rest of us look bad, bitter and sour over bad experiences? Men are beautiful and wonderful and if you find one you can be in sync with, he will make you feel out of this world. Can we just look past the BS that everyone seem to focus on and look for the qualities in the person, the essence of what makes us who we really are?
I for one could chose to write horrid things about men. My life with my ex husband was like one of those Lifetime battered women shows; but I have decided that not all men are like the schmuck I was married to. I have decided to forgive myself for having poor judgment. Because it is ultimately the woman's choice on what the outcome may be when we start dating a guy. It was my fault and my fault only for letting myself be blinded by how good I was feeling and ignored the signs. I have no one to blame but myself.
After my divorce and after I had moved on, I have been lucky to meet great guys. Because I know I am not perfect I don't expect anyone to be perfect either; and I know I don't want the perfect man because in case nobody out there knows it; newsflash! he doesn't exists as the perfect woman doesn't exists either. We just have to make the best of what we have and work with it and if it doesn't work out, then move on and be glad you got the chance to learn something about yourself that you probably didn't know until you dated a certain somebody.
Life is about re-inventing ourselves and our lives. Relationships are no exception, I see so many women out there who all they do is complain. Come on, grow up and instead of complaining do something about it, be pro active and pro active to me doesn't mean ranting endlessly about how awful men are. I know that change has to come from somehwere and why not start with yourself.
People will treat you the way you feel and the perception you have of yourself. Change the "tude" and may be the "dude" will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:43:51 PM | Spoken like Dr Laura, thank you.
I've already spilled the beans on my second husband, my first was physically, mentally spirtually and sexually abusive and not necessarily in that order. If I saw him today, I would risk going to jail if I could close my fingers around a firearm. I have made probably close to a hundred posts here since I joined last month and this is the first time either one of these men came up, so it's hardly all I do. I have had two marriages, one horrible, one that took years to recognize as horrible, so forgive me if I'm a bit cautious.
I understand your sentiment, but I think my tude is just fine, and I sincerely doubt you need my help to make you look bad. Sorry if I vented a little too forcefully but you yanked my trigger. If I thought for one moment that all men were like my exes I would be gay by now. (smile) Of course they're not. Thank God, because I like men too much to give up on them. They're, well ... yummy. | |
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| Mediocre men.....
Posted: 7/27/2009 12:47:00 AM | @redheadedpixie
Unbelievably amazing post.
You should get like a noble prize or something. Your post is going in my black book of life lessons and I'm passing it down to my kids, and my kids kids. And then they'll pass it down to my kids kids kids.
In the opinion of this mediocre man. The issue at its root is with society. Its hard to be anything but boring when the pressures of society dictate your life. It wreaks of melancholy. And what better way to treat melancholy than with the illusion materialism brings.
This deserves Mr. Dancing banana  | |
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