| | Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?Page 1 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | Why is being nervous on a first date a turn off? It seems like it would be kind of sweet and charming to the other person, knowing that the nervous person is atleast genuine and authentic...It seems as though it may be lack of confidence, but isn't being nervous a quality that some people like as old fashioned? As a non-serial dater, if one isn't a little nervous, it kinda shows me that this individual dates a lot, maybe too much, and should allow a little slack for what appears natural...Am I wrong? | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 4:06:56 PM | | some people like nervous people so you're not wrong. just being yourself on a date is always the way to go if you're looking for a relationship. if you're just looking for booty then do whatever works | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 4:07:40 PM | It depends on how nervous, they type of nervous, things said out of the nervousness, and how many times they appologize for being nervous.
So D.) not enough information. | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 4:14:22 PM | Depends on how nervous someone is. Ordinarily I would think there would be a little of that on both sides regardless of how often someone dates. Then again if you take the attitude, which people probably should, that if nothing comes of this at least I have spent an interesting hour with someone, you might be able to approach it without any nervous energy.
If you like can't carry a conversation, that is abit too nervous. | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:40:44 PM | Hmmm, interesting responses. I don't think it would bother me, but since I've dealt with the public for over 20 years I simply don't get nervous and I'm not a serial dater.
I guess my attitude is what's there to get nervous about? Typically the first time meeting is just a meet and greet, not like committing to an LTR. So I always find it interesting to meet new people. | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:46:58 PM | If I'm nervous and off balance on a date, that's a bad thing.
If she's nervous and off balance on a date, that's a real bad thing.
But if we're both on the edge and thoroughly enjoying the fine line of balance with control and energy and fun and don't allow the date to fall into those nervous and awkward moments...well...I'm thinking that the big payoff is that she may get to have wild crazy monkey sex at one or more points during the evening. 
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 8:51:09 PM | I've never met a stranger, only someone I don't know well yet. I've spoken to large groups, small groups and individuals, it never phases me.
The key is to make your date feel comfortable and not nervous. Bob | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:17:36 PM | seriously? so now because i dont get nervous meeting new people im not oldfashioned? that i date too much?... wow
here was me thinking i was supposed to just be myself and i didnt know i was coming off as ... well.... experienced...
so what about me then i am never nervous meeting new people? but if you are looking forsome one old fashioned I blush like no ones business
cant seem to get over that thats stunned me | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:24:17 PM | There's good nervous (glancing away quickly, then back to meet her look), and then there's bad nervous (omgshessogorgeouswhatcanipossiblydotoimpressherrrrrr?!?!)
The bad kind is rooted in insecurity, and insecurity is always a turnoff (for good reasons!)
The good kind is rooted in sexual tension. But she's got to be feeling it to, or it will just be weird! | |
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Arc0n
| | Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 11 | |
| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:25:12 PM | | Everyone gets a little nervous on a first date. Totally natural, I don't care how many dates you've been on. Unless they're totally not interested, then theres no reason to be nervous. | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 9:32:32 PM | My boyfriend is a very quiet guy and can be pretty shy, yet he drove 7.5 hours to meet me. (When we first met, obviously.) We were both a bit shocked / nervous / excited / happy... A lot of emotions. Being nervous in and of itself is not a bad thing. In many ways it is how the other person responds to it that seals the deal. I *knew* he was going to be a bit nervous when he came here so I was ready for it and I knew that for him it was natural and that it was not my doing. What drives me crazy is when someone is clearly uncomfortable and they just try to push past it without letting me in. I suppose that with someone I do not know as well that would be understandable, and I cannot say how I would react to that. But then, I do not tend to meet people unless I know them on a very comfortable level anyway, so that is moot for me. (Well, even more moot then usual since that strange awkwardness is long behind me. Yay.  ) | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:04:01 PM | Because some people are shallow! I am always nervous!
When I get to know someone and see them every day I really warm up to them. I just need a little time to get the feel of their likes, dislikes, and I definitely don't want to turn him off. I am a really sweet, caring person, just need to get to know him. | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/23/2009 10:43:23 PM |
Why is being nervous on a first date a turn off? It seems like it would be kind of sweet and charming to the other person, knowing that the nervous person is atleast genuine and authentic...It seems as though it may be lack of confidence, but isn't being nervous a quality that some people like as old fashioned? As a non-serial dater, if one isn't a little nervous, it kinda shows me that this individual dates a lot, maybe too much, and should allow a little slack for what appears natural...Am I wrong?
OP -- I think nerves on a first date is kinda cute actually. Even the truly confident can find themselves stammering and pausing for thoughts. I do on occasion. It's not something I'd deny either...it's just the way things go from time to time. Depends a lot on the company you're with at the time. I may try to act all cool and collected, but inside there's a full on UFC battle of the butterflies goin' on. It's worse if I'm attracted to them or they wear the kryptonite of perfumes (for me at least)...of which I won't reveal here lol.
Dead giveaway...I can't make eye contact. If you catch me doing that, I'm diggin' you and waiting for the bell to end the round that's going on in my stomach.
I figure nerves are quite common on first meetings simply because you really don't know how one will react. Sure you may have talked and exchanged mails, and maybe even had a cam session or two just to get an idea...but when you meet face to face, that's a whole different arena. The way I see it, as long as one party doesn't hurl on the other party's shoes during the course of the evening...it's all good.
But nerves on a first meet aren't a turn off for me in the least. | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:22:09 AM | | Sometimes being nervous is a bit on the cute side. To me, it just shows they are human. Now if they start spilling everything and clutzing around knocking stuff over then I might have to at least take them somewhere where it's a bit more open and less "dangerous" LOL. I mean geez, we don't want anyone to lose an eye! Frankly i'd prefer to see someone a little nervous over totally calm cool and collected. I think CC, & C is just a big show of bunk and they aren't showing me their real selves. Real goes a lot further in my book than fake. | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:23:11 AM | Most women like confident, take charge guys. It is only natural that you feel nervous until you are comfortable with a new person. I am a big guy, and have few natural enemies, but a tiny little woman can scare the hell out of me, because regardless that I pretend otherwise, I actually care about what people think about me, and I fear that I will commit a social error.
You can always have a few drinks to help you relax, but I am pretty sure that women prefer nervous over drunk. If you blow the date, there will be others, so you will be no worse off than you were before. Just relax and enjoy yourself. If they don't like you, there is nothing you can do about it except move on to the next victim...er...girl. | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 4:44:10 AM | | I agree with Jinx and the above ^^^^ poster. As old as I am, I still get nervous or a little shy at first meetings til I get to know you. IMO, it's endearing when it's obvious he is as well, or when he takes the time to talk (ask me a few easy questions), or tease me a little (sense of humor works wonders for me), that actually reassures me, and puts me at ease. I, for one, find it easier to communicate when you're on the computer, chatting, and/or emailing, I think, because you have more time to think about what you want to say. But, if you click, then you're going to relax, chill, and let nature take its course. | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:02:27 AM |
Sometimes being nervous is a bit on the cute side. To me, it just shows they are human. Now if they start spilling everything and clutzing around knocking stuff over then I might have to at least take them somewhere where it's a bit more open and less "dangerous" LOL. I mean geez, we don't want anyone to lose an eye! Frankly i'd prefer to see someone a little nervous over totally calm cool and collected. I think CC, & C is just a big show of bunk and they aren't showing me their real selves. Real goes a lot further in my book than fake.
Believe it or not, I'm hardly ever nervous any more. And it doesn't have anything to do with being aloof or phoney... Nervousness boils down to fear, and I'm past my callow youth where women were something I feared! (I do remember those times though - lol)
I enjoy a good conversation (and I'm good at generating one) - And with an attractive lady, so much the better! I don't fear that I'm going to screw something up, because I'm confident in myself and recognise that if she runs... Well that's probably her issue and definitely her loss.
Now, going in for a kiss still makes me a little nervous if she hasn't made it clear yet that she's receptive - Some women are definitely better at that than others. But for the bulk of the date? Nah, I'm quite comfortable, just chilling and chatting with this interesting person!
I hope nobody misinterprets that as a turn-off, but if they do - Oh well, I'm not going to fake nervousness for their benefit!  | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:54:51 AM | I once went to court for a traffic offense that I believed the police officer was out of line. The presiding judge was a woman. Before me several guys got up and very professionally and with total confident explained their case to the judge. I almost wondered if they were just coc cky or they were attorneys. The judge caught them them on their bull and told them guilty. Watching this made me very nervous, to the point that when the clerk ask you to plead "guilty or NOT guilty" I kept saying "Innocent." I was an absolute nervous wreck, but instead of making the judge mad, she ask me to explain my story, and switch from being the grim reaper to mother Teresa. She said, I can understand your point of view "Case dismissed!"
Wow. What had happened?
Now, when it comes to dating having confidence is a plus. But sometimes, it can be a turn off for the ladies because they see you as mister suave, gigolo serial dater. So to humble yourself a little makes them feel more comfortable with you. Now, with that said, the big problem with most guys is that they are so nervous that they STOP BEING themselves and instead try too hard to prove themselves to the woman, and jump over hoops for whatever the woman want or they shot down. That is the kiss of death.
So, a little nervous equals her lowering her guard.
Very nervous equals "what's with this moron." | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 10:00:38 AM | It really depends how that person manifests their nervousness. I totally understand foot in mouth disease on a first date and I can understand being quiet. If someone is TOO quiet though, I'm probably not going to go for a 2nd date so readily.
Unless I'm 100% sure I don't want to see a man after that first date, I generally go on about 2-3 dates with someone to ensure we have "covered all the bases". Unless there is a deal breaker that we both did not know about prior to the date, but I try to avoid that. After that, it's all a crap shoot.
I'd prefer someone a little nervous over a pompous man any day. | |
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| Is being nervous on a 1st date really a turn off?
Posted: 4/24/2009 10:08:40 AM | | Because I tend to be just a little nervous myself, I prefer it if my date is confident, and comfortable in his own skin. It puts me at ease. But it's almost never been an issue, because I like to talk before meeting, and won't meet if there isn't a fair degree of interpersonal comfort already. If we've already had a good conversation, chances are excellent we'll be able to do that in person, too. | |
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