| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/25/2009 5:23:25 PM | | My common-law girlfreind recently up and left with our 11 month old son. She went to visit her grandmother (700km away) for a week, when I had days off I was going to go and pick them up. She informed me 2 days before I was going to get them that they would not be returning to our home. I went there to find out what was going on, and try to get us back together as I never saw this coming. She had applied for welfare and was moving into an apartment. I'm am trying really hard to keep things on good terms but as time goes on it's getting harder to deal with her. She has applied for custody and we are waiting for a court date. I have brought my son home with me on several occasions for a week at a time and have always returned him to his mother when I said I would. She now says I can't take him anymore until a custody arrangement has been reached. Despite the distance I am doing whatever it takes to maintain an active part of his life. She left without my knowledge or consent and it feels like I have no rights as a father. I love my son and am not going to turn my back, but it feels like I'm not getting anywhere! My ex thinks that she is making the rules. All I want is regular access, is that unreasonable? She's the one that left, why am I being punished? This has been his home since birth, his world as he new it no longer exists. I'm just worried about my son. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/25/2009 6:17:33 PM | I don't know about Canadian courts but in the United States wether someone is "legally" married makes no difference and she is not going to be able to get welfare if there is a father around to pay child support. Within that context, you should check with a lawyer and see if you can file a counter claim in your jurisdiction since she took the child. Otherwise, the courts will look toward the rights of both parents and try to do what's best for the chd.
Your son will adapt to whatever world he is in and since she took off with the child when there was no custody in place, I don't believe that the courts will order the child returned to where you live unless you can manage to do something where you live, again, speak with a lawyer, your case is more complicated than most. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/25/2009 6:54:32 PM | | yeah i've been talk'n to lawyers..... because i didn't apply for custody right away I basically have no rights. I have a good job here and available child care. I would move closer but theres no work. Had I applied for custody they would have been ordered back till an arrangement had been made. She's a good mother, but I'm a good father too. I just don't want to watch his grow up from a distance. Is that too much to ask???? | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/25/2009 7:19:44 PM | I wouldn't say you have no rights at all - Your lawyer is just trying to pull more money in from you.
You might not be able to order her to move closer to you (unfortunately) but you can probably be issued access on weekends with your son - If he's at that "ripe" school age, you probably won't be granted weekday visitation with the distance...
Realistically, it's 2009 here people, unless your ex has something BIG on you, you won't lose your child...Some women can't wrap their heads around this concept either...
My son's Father is not the most outstanding citizen - He's got his past, and if I ever had to use it against him, I would - But come the end of the day, he's not that same person, and I know that he loves our son endlessly and would never jeopardize or neglect our son. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/25/2009 7:29:51 PM | | I'm applying for my home to be the primary residence with joint custody and joint guardianship. She has no vehicle but I'm willing to bring him to her and pick him up. I want 50/50 access. I am trying to get her to agree to mediation, so we can hopefully settle out of court. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/25/2009 7:40:30 PM | Sounds like you will present a case that shows you as a stable, loving father willing to do moe than your share to remain a part of your child's life and also to try to be helpful to her as his mother. Hire a good lawyer and just keep doing what you are doing.
Many courts prefer some type of joint custody if it is doable and you will need to figure out how to manage shared custody once he is in regular school but you have a while to figure that out. Truthfully, a lot will depend on the judge you get and if you can, hire an attorney that has spent a lot of time in family court in the jurisdiction where the case will be held. They know the judges and how best to present your case to a paricular judge in a good light for that judge. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/25/2009 9:42:26 PM | You need to file a Petition to Establish Paternity and Custody,
you can either download the forms from the internet, or
go to a paralegal service to prepare the documents and file them for you, and maybe if you want retain an attorney to appear in court for you, or just
retain an attorney to handle the whole case.
The firm I work at represents a lot of fathers, fathers do have rights, and the courts do recognize them, so don't give up! | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/26/2009 12:03:46 AM |
I'm applying for my home to be the primary residence with joint custody and joint guardianship.
Good. That's the mistake a decent lawyer informed me that I made. I allowed my lawyer to call the shots and this was one she didn't take, which was why the courts never considered it.
Also make sure your affidavits have very little (if any) "she did this" and so on. One thing I noticed in court when I've represented myself is that the judges get tired of that shit. They want the facts... who you are, what you're going to do, and so on. It may not guarantee that you'll get what you're hoping to achieve, but it'll go a lot father than getting caught up in the slugfest that divorce proceedings usually become. That's also the manner in which you should prepare yourself for court should the judge happen to ask you for input. Even though my lawyer represented me initially, the judge asked me to speak on my own behalf about a certain issue at the interim custody hearing. They already know everybody has hurt feelings... they need facts that will help them arrive at the proper conclusion. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/26/2009 6:23:39 AM | | Look man!!! dont let anyone or yourself fool you into thinking you have no rights as a father!!! I'm going through the same thing right now and I was surprised to find out just how much the court system respects real fathers!!! there's alot of kids out there that dont even know what their dad look like!!! your x is making a big mistake by not letting you see your kid and it will work against her in court, I went in there with the best lawyer there is (Jesus) and he told me the truth would set me free, and it sure did!!! Good luck man the world need more men like us, so dont sell yourself short, if your a real father I'm sure you'll do all you can for your kid!!! WE DO HAVE RIGHTS!!! | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/26/2009 7:22:35 AM |
Also make sure your affidavits have very little (if any) "she did this" and so on.
From your posts OP, it sounds like your ex is a good mom so while this is good advice, you CAN and should bring up that it is unfortunate that she moved without consulting you. It is early and I am tired so I am going to be lazy and not go back over the original OP and subsequent posts. Factual information relayed in that way that is pertinent to how this child will know both parents, etc. can be said but as Blblblbl said, sarcasm and bringing up superfluous information to point the finger at the other bad parent, not so much.
I recently testfied for a couple. The ex-wife has had them in court on and off for the last 7 years if not longer. She is abusive to the children, the 14-year-old is afraid of her but he actually requested from his father the affidavit indicating he no longer wanted visitation with his mother even after they told him she would know and he realized she would both be furious at him and would probably take it out on his brother.
This woman truly is an unfit parent and this couple has evidence of the facts relative to that but she dredges up so much b.s. that she feels the need to ask people like me to come and testify to the degree that both the parents were involved with football. Instead of seeing that her sons are in a custodial home that is happy and healthy she focuses on the power struggle between herself and the ex. This type of thing is exactly what the judges don't want to be involved with. For this single episode in the process, they spent at least 3 weeks in the courtroom testifying and with their witnesses testifying.
Make sure the things you introduce are real problems and not petty squabbling. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/26/2009 8:34:28 AM | Mate, my heart goes out to you. You almost repeated my story. It's those damn Social Workers from Welfare Departments that give bad advice, but I repsect that the advice is given in respect of what our ex's are saying.
My advice my friend is NEVER cloud any discussion with your ex with any other subject, such as money etc.. apart from when you may see your son again. Be very very NICE.
Accept that she has applied for custody and in the interim you would like some arrangement when you could see your son. Offer to attend mediation session with a third party (professional or otherwise) and / or you be prepared to put something in writing that you will return your son by a certain time on a certain date etc... Even if you have to do this on each occassion..
The fear she has, or rather the fear someone put into her, is that until there is a legal document in place stating who has custody, you both have lawful custody. Therefore, if you had your son you could also simply refuse to give him back, period. And there is nothing she could do. Understanding this however, you need to make all the reassurances that you will await a custody ruling however you simply wish to see your child in the interim.
I disagree with the system as well as you do but if you wish to see your son, you need to try and continue to be nice and reasonable to eliviate her fears.
After 3 months without my daughter, I put the above advice (someone else gave me) into action and after only 2 weeks and staying on the point 'I need to know when you will allow me to see my daughter again and what you would like from me to make it happen', and my friend I now have my daughter 2 days & 2 nights per week & every second weekend - in the interim of awaiting my ex's custody case.
Be nice, be reasonable and stay focused only on access to your son. Because in the end, that's all that matters!
Good luck my friend and know you are not alone! | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/26/2009 9:56:52 AM | | I really want to settle this out of court. I've been doing a lot of thinking as she only left a little over 2 months ago I have gone through a lot of emotions. I want to settle through mediation. I started out asking for the 50/50 thing, but I will compromise for I get him 1 week she gets him 2 weeks. I just want to ensure the bond my son and I have is not lost. And I want him to see I can offer him everything his mother can (and more). I also want it to be agreed on joint custody and joint guardianship. Somebody please, is this unreasonable?? | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/26/2009 10:47:16 AM |
I want to settle through mediation. I started out asking for the 50/50 thing, but I will compromise for I get him 1 week she gets him 2 weeks... Somebody please, is this unreasonable??
Is she moving back? If so, then it's probably not.
If you can settle out of court, great. But usually people who take their children and keep them from the other parent have something else in mind. Depending on your ex's motivation, mediation might not be something she's interested in. What she did in the first place sounds like what my ex did... take off with the child to establish a pattern of residency so that come court time, "The child has spent so much time with their mother that it would cause a great deal of confusion for the child to spend more time with their father." Not saying that's what your ex did, but that's what lawyers advise. I was even advised to do it. Something wouldn't let me. I wish I could say the same for my ex.
Mediation really is better than court because the mediator isn't going to pit you two against each other like lawyers will. But mediation requires two parties working towards a common goal. If the two of you can achieve that, then that's the best possible solution. I would definitely recommend staying out of court if at all possible. It's not a fun place to be. Also, learn as much as you can about the divorce act and child support laws so that you don't have to strictly rely on the advice of lawyers. Hopefully you won't need the knowledge, but it doesn't hurt to know it just in case you do end up in court. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/26/2009 11:42:47 AM | It's reasonable now hon, but you are going to have to deal with the distance issues. I know you said there are no jobs there but maybe after a time, you could seek out something for her job wise and living arrangement wise where you are so she wouldn't need the support network at home quite so much. Things will also change as your child grows older, she will feel easier about being away from them and raising the child so perhaps you could speak with her about potentially considering that, you work with the problem of distance together now and if the job market in her area does not pick up by the time he is in school....
Unless you agree to home school the child, that is something you can't do joint with although I did have a friend who had her son during the week and her ex had him every weekend. That would be about as close to joint as you can get if neither one of you moves and he is in school. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/27/2009 9:13:33 AM | You know, one of my friends, along with myself, has just recently dealt with this.
Nowadays, the court system RARELY EVER grants sole custody to a parent anymore, especially if the other parent is willing to be active and provides a stable environment, so the least that you can get is joint custody. If you want him half the time, go for shared, then you dont have to pay child support AND you get him half the time. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/27/2009 9:15:30 AM | You are exactly right!! I wish that my son's father had put up a fight like that... he just said, fine i will take him two weekends out of the month, i need the other two weekends to party.
ya.
Good for you!!!! Keep up being the best father to your child | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/27/2009 10:46:25 AM | i'll second,
Chances of her getting sole custody is very very slim. Especially if you guys lived togehter before.
You need to document EVERYTHING, days you had him when he was returned- go back as far as you can remember. Including when you watched him before the split (IE if you watched him when she was at work etc etc).
now as to getting primary residency- that one will be trickier... if she's got a job, and has him now and is a good mother, you probably won't get primary residence... however if she's restricting your access to him that will help you. KEep ASKING her to see him and keep documenting when she refuses. . .
Good luck you sound like a great dad. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/27/2009 12:09:10 PM | since you guys lived together, im assuming you're on the birth cirtificate, Legally, you already have joint custody and guardianship, take it to court not mediation, the judge will make it LEGALLY signed you have joint both.
I dont see why you would want your place as primary, his primary home should be with his mother, she dosnt sound like a terrible parent and neither do you.
for her not letting you see your son until court is going to hurt her in the end,
document EVERYTHING! | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/27/2009 12:27:08 PM |
You are exactly right!! I wish that my son's father had put up a fight like that... he just said, fine i will take him two weekends out of the month, i need the other two weekends to party.
I had the same thing from my son's mother, in her case it was Friday and Saturday nights.
This guy's situation sound familiar to me. I had buyers remorse when I put the atty's retainer money down. I didn't want to fight, even though she was fighting me. But I ordered my attorney to defend me, and not attack her. If I hadn't used an atty, I would have my son only on the weekends. Now I have him 60%.
Nobody can tell you what to do. Only you have all the facts and know how everyone involved feels. But as a rule of thumb, just do what you need to do to protect your relationship with your son. Nothing more. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/27/2009 7:49:10 PM | i hope fathers have rights. for every story there is that something works out for the father, there are stories like a good friend of mine that spend many thousands trying to get custody back of his daughter, who lives with a drug addicted party addict abusive mother, while he lives very stabily and has great jobs. All that money just to have the judge basically laugh at him (even with tons of proof presented) and tell him hes not changing custody rights because mothers are better for their children than fathers.
my wife recently left me and took my daughter whom i have an extremely close relationship with (we are pretty much identical, its awesome). thankfully for now she says she wants even 50% custody, but because shes at home w/ her parents with no job prospects because shes not willing to take whatever she can, just holding out for what she wants, i see my daughter just 1 or 2 days a week on my days off. It sucks. I got left with all the bills and responcibilities, and no family. Like many in my situation , im trying to make sence of my new life and stay productive through the sadness that comes with not getting to see your children every day. I think about fighting for full custody of my daughter all the time, but I fear that the results will be much like my friends, because shes a good mother (minus all the crazy stuff right now), and instead of having 50/50, she will tug back and get full custody. I dont know where these states are that have fatherly rights, but here in FL, it sure does not seem like it.
so as the previous advice states, just smile whenever you talk to your ex, be very nice, and do what you can to keep them happy until final arrainments are done. | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 4/27/2009 8:15:17 PM | When my ex picked up and moved our Daughter 120 miles away from me, I had no clue how to modify my child support payments, I was part of the system and felt like my whole life was being taken from me by her I found these folks. http://www.fathers4kids.com/html/Home.htm
Fathers for Equal Rights
They taught me how to work the system and not be bullied by my ex anymore.
That was 5 years ago.
I now see our daughter almost every weekend or whenever I want.
She is the most important thing in my life.
Under the law in Florida shared custody is assumed by the court. Even "custodial" can be eliminated from a custody agreement, as long as BOTH parents share in the daily responsibilties of raising their child.
Fathers need to stand up and fight back! | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/4/2009 8:10:52 AM | One of my closest mates is on bits at the moment. His ex has always made access difficult for him. The only sustained access he gets to his kid is when he agrees to get back with his ex. Suddenly she has upped sticks to go and live with her family over a hundred miles away but part of this is to hurt him.
He's not a deadbeat dad. He cherishes his little princess and works overtime so he can spoil her. Unfortunately UK law allows women to cut men out of their children's lives and brainwash them into thinking their dad doesn't love them, while still sending the CSA round for his money.  | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/4/2009 9:35:53 AM | Dude, Just don't give up. This will always be discouraging but you need to stick with it. Until custody is processed through the courts you have just as much rights as she does. Don't give up - this is what she wants. It's so wrong for a women to push you out of your kids life. It's not fair to y0u or your kid....
GOOD LUCK!!!!! | |
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| Do fathers have any rights in Family Court?
Posted: 5/4/2009 9:46:10 AM | i am sorry to say, us single dads have no rights.do not let anyone fool you or lie to you.
i spent 36,000 trying to get my daughter. my ex was not a good parent and could not take care of my daughter without help from others.
we had so much on her.. the judge ruled that she had not hurt my daughter "yet" so he was not going to take my daughter out of the home she was in.
just cause we have a pecker.... we are doomed before we walk in the court room. in north carolina,burke county.the woman is always right! does not matter whats best for the child... judge stan owlsy,a woman judge. and then i had a male judge,redwing.
just cause i have a pecker i lost.never mind i had my son fulltime from the same woman. something,they brokeup my children cause i was a male. i have my son and she has my daughter | |
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