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 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 1
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Chuck NorrisPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You've heard em.... What are your favorite Chuck Norris jokes?


-- Chuck Norris once taught a German Shepard to bark in Spanish
-- The badge wears Chuck Norris for credibility
-- There is no evolution, only species Chuck Norris allows to survive
-- In the beginning, there was Chuck Norris
-- Chuck Norris put the "Bop" in the "Bop-Shee-Bop-Shee-Bop"
 james_21
Joined: 4/3/2009
Msg: 2
Chuck Norris
Posted: 4/26/2009 1:52:38 AM
- Behind Chuck Norris's beard is just another fist
- There is no spoon only Chuck Norris
 JM2009sar
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 3
Chuck Norris
Posted: 4/26/2009 7:04:49 AM
There's a whole site full of Chuck Norris *facts* - just google it.

My two favourites are;
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
- There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

cracks me up . . .
 darkandmoody
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 4
Chuck Norris
Posted: 4/27/2009 9:48:50 AM
How much wood would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris?
All of it!
 HunterJumper6
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 5
Chuck Norris
Posted: 4/27/2009 12:07:30 PM
-Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.
-Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
-Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times
-China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

I Love Chuck Norris jokes!! Garunteed laugh!
 JM2009sar
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 6
Chuck Norris
Posted: 4/27/2009 2:17:44 PM
I like that they're stated as absolute fact, no question, regardless how ridiculous they are.

Uh oh, I hope Chuck Norris doesn't get wind of this . . .
 ~Katillac~
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 7
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Chuck Norris
Posted: 4/27/2009 2:55:16 PM
At night, when the Boogyman goes to sleep...
He checks his closet.... for Chuck Norris !
 OpenWaterCaptn
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 8
Chuck Norris
Posted: 4/28/2009 1:34:08 AM
-chuck norris doesnt learn from books, he just makes sure noone bad mouths him
-chuck norris doesnt spin, the earth is just getting out of chucks way
-he doesnt chew cigars he smokes dynomite
-walker texas ranger is just his way of saying he does care, but doesnt get carried away
-john wayne once asked chuck norris how to be tough, sadly chuck was only 8 at the time.
 Phantasma Juan
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 9
Chuck Norris
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:26:25 PM
When Chuck Norris does push-ups he doesnt push up! He pushes the world down!
Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. He's not scared of the dark, the dark is scared of him.
Chuck Norris can make water boil by staring at it.
 SWHM76
Joined: 10/5/2009
Msg: 10
Chuck Norris
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:11:59 PM
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can alter your DNA. If you receive one of these kicks today, decades from now, one of your descendants will suddenly grab their head and say, "OW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!
 HilltopperJD
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 11
Chuck Norris
Posted: 10/28/2009 8:11:51 PM
Chuck Norris's tear's can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 12
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Chuck Norris
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:35:03 PM
Chuck Norris invented the cesarean section, when he roundhouse kicked his way out of his mothers womb.

Chuck Norris was born with a beard.
 Natasah
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 13
Chuck Norris
Posted: 10/29/2009 2:15:41 AM
Chuck Norris and Lance Armstrong once had a testicle counting competition, Chuck won, 7-5
 ckeina
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 14
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Chuck Norris
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:49:51 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
 GlindaTheGoodWitch
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 15
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Chuck Norris
Posted: 10/31/2009 6:39:06 PM
Chuck Norris is not hung like a mule - mules are hung like Chuck Norris.
 antiaverageguy
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 16
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Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/2/2009 12:18:48 AM
chuck norris once uppercutted a horse... its now known as the giraffe
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 17
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Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:10:51 AM
Chuck Norris is what happens when The Unstoppable Force meets The Immovable Object.
 carterscutie85
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 18
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:21:59 PM
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.


Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.


Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
 Mozard
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 19
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Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:13:57 PM
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar together .. the bar exploded .. no building can handle that much awesome.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Superman and The Flash raced to the end of the universe .. Chuck Norris won
If The Hulk and Superman arm wrestled .. Chuck Norris would win
When Chuck Norris was born the doctor held him up and smacked him on the ass, within a second the doctor was seen leaving orbit, baby Chuck had roundhouse kicked the doctor and then proceeded to impregnate 2 of the nurses befor having his first taste of breastmilk ...
Chuck Norris lost his virginity befor his father did
Chuck Norris visited The Virgin Islands .. now they are just the islands.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 20
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/2/2009 9:36:02 PM

I like that they're stated as absolute fact, no question, regardless how ridiculous they are.

LOL Chuck Norris must post on Pof!
 carterscutie85
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 21
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:16:07 AM
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
 Natasah
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 22
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:00:17 AM
Chuck Norris has proved we are alone in the Universe, we weren't before he went into space.
 Tamashiii
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 23
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Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/4/2009 8:57:03 PM
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo's hiding.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass - at night.
 Ipostonforums
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 24
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:29:36 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting; hunting implies the chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris once walked down a street with an erection. There were no survivors.
 The Brain
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 25
Chuck Norris
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:39:19 PM
"They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard "
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