| i could use some help
Posted: 6/30/2005 11:21:50 PM | | ok this is my first ever thread, but i could really use some opinions here. i just got out of a very long, and very bad relationship. for a while i didnt want to date anyone anymore, but now there is a girl im interested in. i've know her for about 3 years, i used to work with her. it turns out she works out at the same gym i do, and i've ran into her and talked with her twice for about 45 mins each time. i would love to ask her out, but i really dont know how to go about it. i want to play it cool, and most of the girls i have gone out with have asked me to hang out, not the other way around. so if anyone has any ideas for me, i would really appreciate it. | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 6/30/2005 11:24:55 PM | if you talk to her for 45 minutes then this is as simple as "swhy don't we do this over some food?"
I bet that she says yes. ;) | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 6/30/2005 11:27:05 PM | do it very casually. lie in wait for a good segway and what happens next is anyone's guess
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| i could use some help
Posted: 6/30/2005 11:41:12 PM | Even if can't bring yourself to flat out ask her out, I recommend you make sure you show interest in more than just friendship somehow. Smile at her a lot, compliment her occasionally on something (but be honest!), make a point of trying to spend time with her. Fortunately although this sort of thing can easily go over a guy's heads, I'm told that women tend to pick up on this stuff a lot better. The reason I suggest doing this is you want to avoid the deadly "friend zone", where the girl gets used to seeing you as a friend. Many people have a lot of trouble making the transition from friend to more... so you want to establish yourself early as at least a "maybe more".
Also, it gives you a chance to try and read similar green-light signals from the girl... it's a lot easier to ask a girl out if you already know the answer is going to be yes. Unfortunately since you're a guy you probably will have trouble spotting them. Maybe bring along an independant observer? :) It's a lot easier to spot interest when you're not the target. (I'm not sure why.)
I'm not sure if you have a better chance of a yes if you just come out and ask her out, or if you spend time just "hanging out" with her before you ask her out on an official date. Maybe someone else could comment on that?
- bio | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/1/2005 12:08:40 AM | There's a lot of really good advice here. Most of all, it's important to just, as the cliché goes: be yourself!
And yes, for the same reasons that a guy will generally know instinctively if someone is lying or if there's food nearby, girls pick up quickly on romantic intent. It's one of those evolved survival things I guess - Something to keep people safe and well-bred. So your best bet, as mentioned before, is to get it over with as quickly as possible - The asking that is, not the possible relationship or friendship. If you hesitate or wait too long the girl will definitely pick up on it and it may end up reflecting poorly on you and make you look timid.
If you've talked to her as much as you said then you already know whether or not you have anything in common. Just go for it!!
Rar!!!
(that's my intimidating roar by the way) | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/1/2005 12:09:47 AM | mention heading to a bar/club.some damn place she likes.
if she likes you pretty well at all she,ll mention going | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/1/2005 2:19:41 PM | How about asking her out? And the truth doesn't hurt either.
"I've enjoyed our chats and wondering if you would like to do something with me sometime?"
"Dinner, a movie perhaps?" Whatever you'd like. | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/1/2005 3:57:05 PM | Yes just ask her. Girls like to be asked out. Least I do. Worst thing she can do is say no and you still be good friends anyways. Give it a go buddy!  | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/1/2005 11:23:36 PM | i totally agree with blastkist....Just ask her if shes not interested you'll find out pretty much right away.... say something like "wanna go for a coffee?" or "i quite like you, wanna go for a drink?" i mean your both adults and you aint in school nomore :P
Good luck | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/2/2005 1:07:35 AM | Just tell her that you've got a fun night planned and suggest that she join you....then just start flirting with her...she'll know you're interested...just have as much fun as you possibly can....without being so blatant with the "I really like you" stuff....
Actions speak louder and hit harder than words....especially when it comes to women....
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/2/2005 1:18:48 AM | just bite the bullet and ask her out.... to do whatever... eat, movie, workout, lunch, coffee.. whatever.. if she likes you, she'll accept. if she doesn't, she won't. end of story.
that was easy, huh ? | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/4/2005 12:47:04 AM | | hey sorry its taken me so long to check this out. i really appreciate all of the advise. thanks to everyone who replied. im just a little intimidated to ask her out because she is really good looking. she is on vacation now, when she gets back i'll decide what im going to do with it. i will definatly let everyone know what happenes | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/5/2005 8:26:21 AM | Well, one that I used when a lot younger....
( Actually got me into two long term relationships. )
Just ask " What are you doing on X night ?"
If she says " Nothing" , say " How would you like to go out ? "
( First of all, if she is interested in you , she will make sure to say one of two things. " Nothing" or " I am busy, but Saturday I have nothing to do."
If she isn't interested, she will probably tell you she is really busy right now.
( She actually may be, which leads to step three)
If no luck up to there, just say " IF you are ever free, give me a call."
That is the " un-date" approach, a back door in , for first timers.
Another time honoured way, is to start talking about some GREAT night you are going to have. Make it sound fantastic ( but real) and see if she starts to look interested.
Don't mention her being present, just "sell" the night.
Make sure you do it at the end of your conversation, and then say goodbye in the usual way.
Take about three steps, and then turn around and say " Do you want to go with me? " with a nice honest smile.
That's the "three step" way, and takes a bit of flair ( and the right woman) to make it work.
The best way is to just work it in at the right time, and to be confident. Those are just stylistic choices that someone that is nervous might use. | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/5/2005 8:41:17 AM | | dude, she spent that much time with you each time? I don't think anyone would unless they were interested too. You have the choice of making this a friendship thing or a date thing on how you approach it. It's up to you. | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/5/2005 10:30:39 AM | And another thing to worry about - getting that " He is a friend" label stuck on your forehead. 
I know some women that make that decision, and once done, it's like overturning Roe vs Wade. 
( They use some kind of new type of glue. ) | |
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| i could use some help
Posted: 7/5/2005 10:59:20 AM | I'll tell you what NOT to do...I like this guy and FINALLY we both had the same days off. And this was our conversation for an agonizing 2 min..
Sexy man: So, what are you doing on your days off
Me: Nothing, what are you doing?
Sexy man: I don't know yet, so you don't have any plans?
Me: No, you don't either?
Sexy man: I'm not sure yet, depends on the weather
Me: Yeah
Sexy man: Yeah, I'm not sure
Me: SILENCE
Sexy man: SILENCE
Me: well, anyway..
Sexy man: So you have no plans?
Me: NO *waits* well, talk to you later!
He's SO shy and I'm so shy..it's not a good combination. She's probably just waiting for you to ask her out. | |
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