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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/1/2009 3:11:23 PM | I'm in Michigan and it's very segregated up here. Even in the classrooms, white kids sit together and all the black kids sit amongst each other
And most white males don't even associate that much with us black girls...I don't see hardly ANY interracial dating between us.
Even on POF, all you see is the usual done to the death combo between white women and black men..well what about white men why are you approaching us or pursuing us as often? what is going on? | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/1/2009 5:06:14 PM | Well there's also a lot of stand offishness on the issue with black women on POF. First it isn't themed for interracial dating, second I don't believe black women are well represented here numbers wise. How many black women have been told "It's something I've thought about experimenting with." or some variation of that? You know curiosity, fetish, want to see what it would be like etc.?
There was a thread somewhere here were black women were complaining about that kind of contact from white men. So what's worse, getting that kind of contact or none at all?
I dated a black woman for almost 3 years. It started out a ton of fun but she couldn't stand living with me when we moved in together. I don't attribute that to a black and white thing though. I have no issues with it but certainly wouldn't seek out a black woman just because she's black and I have no black matches at the moment and there are next to no members in my area. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/1/2009 6:21:11 PM | And most white males don't even associate that much with us black girls...I don't see hardly ANY interracial dating between us.
When I was in school in Texas I didn't associate with many black girls because most that I met were loud and abrasive, but that was High School and a lot of kids are just obnoxious like that.
Now, I live in Oregon don't see very many black women in general, and I meet even less that I find physically attractive. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 12:07:59 AM | Well... stereotypes being traded might have a lot to do with it. Ie. white guys have small penises or 'black women' are abrasive/over-sexed.
Ever heard of the Oedipal complex... suggests that men go for women who resemble their mothers. Growing up in that environment they become used to that standard of beauty. Also, the media harbors an intense passion with white womanhood began as soon as advertising began... to this day, household/domestic/familial commerial almost always feature a white woman. Its as if ALL men are pointed to valuing lighter as better. You can see this not only in this country but everywhere in the world colonialism has occured. Black women are at a disadvantage considering the lack of exposure and acceptance of their version of beauty. Look at how hard it is for black actresses in Hollywood to find roles in 'regular' romantic comedies... they are usually typecast as best friend, 'mammy' or forced to only work in 'African American' genre. Therefore with all the unconscious pressure... its more likely there is an incentive for white men to stay within their racial boundaries.
Also, there is a history of racial hierarchy in the U.S. which placed white men on top and black women on the bottom for centuries. The widest gap, and perhaps the biggest to overcome. Only recently (past 50 or so years, I use that relative to the history of the 'new world' and slavery) has it even been LEGAL for such unions to exist. Also, there is a fair amt. of historial/political baggage that I tend to think gets in the way on both sides...
There are a multitude of reasons. Also I think because most black women are raised to strive to find another black man. There seems to be more pressure for them to 'keep the community together' which is detrimental. The national average for single women is 51%... whereas... 70% of black women are single. This is bad. At some point, more black women have gotta face the fact there aren't enough eligible black men and will need to seek something outside of their race.
I'd recommend watching a movie called, "Something New" which took a fresh take on the issue. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 12:52:52 AM | | "Cutiepie" that would be a great post if it were 1980. If you honestly believe the media is promoting whites over other races in this day and age you need to seek therapy. If you believe men find something attractive just because they see it on TV or in a movie I've got more bad news for you as well. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 3:01:39 AM | here we go...
IMO it's simple math. there are alot more white girls here than there are black girls. So a white guy is more likely to find someone he likes, in the vast white girl numbers.
Lets assume there are 100 white girls compared to 20 black girls online.
==probability of attraction 20%==
so that's 20 white girls compared to: 4 black girls.
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 6:19:06 AM | C-P-H-B, I think that's a misinterpretation of the Oedipal Complex. The Oedipal Complex deals with a child's romantic desire for his (or her) own parent, and the competition with the other parent for that one's attention.
I think that individual standards of what is attractive are much broader than that; it's not just that people look for a mate who resembles mommy or daddy, they generally look for someone who reflects their values and comfort zone. The biggest problem in this country (the US) is that we've kept up this idea of blacks and whites being very distinct and opposed cultures, which I think is more damaging to our relationships than physical appearance or the idea of "race." I'd bet that many white people would consider black people physically attractive, regardless of complexion. Not each and every one but in a general sense. The trouble is with what non-black people consider to be the typical behavior and habits of black people, the perception that a large number of black people are, basically, uncivilized.
Even if there is a practiced preference for lighter complexions, it has as much to do with culture and conduct as it does with appearance. Lighter complected black people - through "race mixing" - in some people's minds have had the negative traits bred out of them. They perception is that they will go the way of the dominant culture, reflecting the non-black parent. Of course, that mentality assumes that the non-black parent is a "better" human, save for the transgression of taking up with a black person (who would have to be someone exceptional, right? Otherwise, the other person is slumming).
more black women have gotta face the fact there aren't enough eligible black men and will need to seek something outside of their race.
More of a want than a need, if these women strongly desire to have a man. And, if so, black women will have to change they way they market themselves. The image of the cinder block-bodied, finger-waving, head-bobbing, domineering black woman is not going to be appealing to most non-black men, nor is the stanky leg-dancing, bad weave-wearing hood rat. But I betcha white guys would line up around the block to put their dingalings in Michelle Obama, and she ain't even mixed. What she is, is attractive, articulate, educated, and poised. As all women should be. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 8:03:50 AM | I am pointing out the Freudian nature of wanting to recreate that romance... of seeking a replacement of their mother without it being highly taboo of the literal parent themselves. Furthermore... the Oedipus complex is not solely manifested in childhood, that is merely where it begins.
Classical theory holds that 'resolution' of the Oedipus complex takes place through identification with the parent of the same sex and (partial) temporary renunciation of the parent of the opposite sex; the opposite-sex parent is then 're-discovered' as the growing individual's adult sexual object.
In classical theory, individuals who are fixated at the oedipal level are 'mother-fixated' or 'father-fixated', and reveal this by choosing sexual partners who are discernible surrogates for their parent(s).
Also, there have been re-creations of teh Dahl study where they gave black school children the choice between white dolls and black dolls and because society conditions a preference for whites, you know the outcome... the white doll gets picked.
Now...
The image of the cinder block-bodied, finger-waving, head-bobbing, domineering black woman is not going to be appealing to most non-black men, nor is the stanky leg-dancing, bad weave-wearing hood rat.
You illustrate precisely the prevailing stereotype the media persists in showing about black women... which only represents a small portion of demonized 'welfare mothers' and entirely ignores their more prevalent white counterparts who are just as 'hood'/'domineering'/trashy/etc. So still its better to be a classless white woman than it is to be a classless black woman. So culture and conduct alone don't explain that... The perception that black people are uncivilized is the definition of racism. That is what it means to be racist. To think of yourself as superior to others.
Now... you also have to realize... Michelle Obama isnt this tiny fraction. If you look at the amount of all African Americans in college, you will note... there is a 6 to 1 ratio of men to women. Inherently, there are waay more college educated black women than college educated black men. So its not merely a want... its an actual disparity in who they have to choose from. Then if you look at the popularity of college educated black males marrying outside of their race, there are even LESS eligible black men. Therefore, such a wide gap between the national average of single women and the percentage of black women that are single. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 11:14:09 AM | Most of the black women are very overweight that contact me; I'm athletic and if someone is 250 and says they are BBF, or whatever they call it; I don't find it attractive and I dont see them jogging with me in central park.
I also am not attracted to them. This thing with Black women that they think it's their right to make white men date them is ridiculous.
With all of the black guys jumping on any big breasted blond girl (Tiger Woods included) I could see the animosity. But if someone isn't attracted to someone, I'm not going to date them. Some mixed black women are attractive to me but again, it's not your right to make men date everyone.
I'm not intimidated, I'm not scared, I'm just not into it. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 12:12:39 PM | | There is also a higher proportion of black males who are incarcerated, so that lowers the pool of available black men that black women can date. Also, have you ever noticed that couples very often look like each other. There's a reason for that. They seek out someone whom they are comfortable looking at. And that someone they are most comfortable looking at is who they see in the mirror every day. So a white guy isn't going to feel comfortable or attracted to a dark skinned woman. We tend to be attracted to someone who most looks like ourselves. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 12:34:34 PM | I don't know I guess I see it differently but in my area it doesn't seem to be such a big deal...
I think it's a combination of 3 basic things....
1. Your attraction to a certain set of features and cultural environment (barring experimental curiousity).
2. Your familiarity or comfort with that set of features or culture and your opinion of it (you were raised around a lot of whites but want anything but that cause you're bored with it; you're white and were raised around a lot of blacks and it's what you're most comfortable around; you are black or white and you were raised with all types of different people and it's not something you notice really; that sort of thing).
3. Your fear of outside opinion based on your preference. Example: you are white and are attracted to non-white but default to date white more often because you stand to deal with a lot of comments from outsiders if you don't, or you are white, like non-white and therefore date non-white cause it's what you like and you could care less what others think. It's basically the amount of crap you're willing to put up with mixed with the actual amount of crap you would actually deal with in your region.
Being sort of multiracial, I don't see black and white with no shades in between - it's all culture and background to me, however some do see things in absolutes I guess tho it's so 1950. Maybe it's my background or where I am from but it seems that here people like who they like and it's not racial as much as it's just what does it for them visually and culturally. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 1:46:39 PM | C-P-H-B, I still don't buy the idea that an Oedipal fixation leads one to choose a mate who looks like their parent, look being the operative word. It's more likely to lead a man to choose a woman who has the qualities of his mother but not necessarily the appearance. If the mother was considered a good cook, he will probably want a woman who is a good cook. There is a nurturing quality there that the man will find familiar and comforting. He's not going to be looking for her doppelganger.
The doppelganger comment is a bit of a stretch but I think that issues of appearance don't have a lot to do with choosing a mate as a reflection of one's parents. Other than a general similarity in skin tone, white people (those cultures that are considered white) don't look all that much alike. And although it's not an overwhelming number, whites have less aversion to intermarrying with Latinos, Asians (upper and lower, geographically), Indigenous Americans, and Middle Easteners. But the appeal of those groups largely depends on how much their culture can be melded with the mainstream.
Yes, (this) society does express a preference for whites. Is not as simple as a preference for skin tone, though. There's more to it than that. The white dolls weren't picked because they were prettier, they were picked because they were perceived as better. It's like my grandfather once said, "Black people always think the white man's ice is colder."
I'm not sure if we're on different sides of this issue; the arguing point seems to be the why of the matter. See, the Michelle Obama type really is a tiny fraction, and I don't take pleasure in pointing that out. Even with a higher rate of college graduates, there is still a perceptible difference between black people and non-black people in culture and conduct, in dialect, and in style. The media is not solely to blame for this, and an aversion to it is not always a matter of racism or necessarily of superiority; xenophobia, perhaps.
So still its better to be a classless white woman than it is to be a classless black woman.
Yeah, the enemy you know instead of the enemy you don't know.*
Far too many black people who have achieved higher education still buy into the notion that they still have to "keep it real," and that often means exhibiting some of the behaviors that non-black people associate with...well, s (I'm using the word to illustrate people's attitudes. It is not a word I use to refer to anyone directly). I've been around some black people who were far more educated than I, had more lucrative careers, lived in better houses (better quality as well as being more costly), and were probably considered better looking. But as soon as they opened their mouths, I could see that they hadn't come very far at all, calling each other "" and exhibiting the kind of behaviors that give fuel to the negative stereotypes. If they think they can just turn it off when they're in the presence of white people, they're fools. Their actions are transparent. Others, still, don't know any better. That behavior doesn't have to be universal for it to have a damaging effect across the board.
There's so much more I'd like to write but I'm hungry. I'll come back to this.
*There is an element of male pride that poses more difficulty for black women than it does for black men or white women. It's not nice, it's not fair, but it exists. No man wants to be embarrassed by his woman. Women will put up with a lot of shit from men than is true in the reverse. So, if there are negative characteristics exhibited in a black woman, it's the rare white man who will take a chance on her, along with the sentiment that black men will find such a woman undesirable, too. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 5:27:38 PM |
I also am not attracted to them. This thing with Black women that they think it's their right to make white men date them is ridiculous.
Over the years, I have only met a few black women who I can honestly say I thought were beautiful... both looks and personality... career oriented,
I would have dated them with no problem... might have even married one, she and I hit it off very well... she was a friend of the family so although we didn't date, we were pretty close for a while...
Quite a few others I have thought were great people...
The rest however, were an embarassment to the human race, let alone their own culture...
I don't know what it is, maybe the area I'm in or what, but I've got a few friends who are black and male... but no black female friends... It's like they're from another world... the men are for the most part, healthy, educated, well dressed, employed and well spoken, basically got their shit together...
The women, are for the most part, fat, unemployed, loud, mouthy and have attitude pouring out of them... WTF? Obnoxious is too inadeuquate to describe them...
Even a desperate man would be hard pressed to find them interesting... I cannot imagine anyone WANTING to be around them... let alone have sex with them... It's like they deliberately want to alienate everyone around them.... My G/F knew one of them through her friends... I got the usual "give her a chance" speech, and the "once you get to know her..." speech... The woman borrowed some money off my G/F and stiffed her for it... yeah, ok.... Once she had the money, we never heard from her again... | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 10:13:23 PM | | Again, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but it is harsh to judge a group of people according to the few that you have met or seen. Some of us black are educated, career orientated. Just like there are some black women who do put me to shame with some of their behavior in the public, there are other people of other racial groups who act unappropriately, but being the person I am, I do not judge their whole race on their actions. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 11:22:50 PM | Hi, Jaila!
You mention one of the reasons in your actual post; [I'm in Michigan and it's very segregated up here].
Unfortunately, it's still pretty segregated wherever you go in the states. There are a few socially progressive pockets, but we're not as open, loving and comfortable as we want to be. Excuse me, as SOME of us want to be. Some people are stuck in 1950 and have no intention of moving forward.
As well... where there's already a perceptible barrier, only the very brave are going to bother crossing it. If you are never communicating with each other, then you're never learning about each other and you're definitely not dating.
I think everyone should be able to date/love/marry/fondle whomever they choose (as long as the sentiment is returned).
That said... have YOU ever tried making the first move? They might not know that you're even an option until they see that you've opened that door. | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/2/2009 11:40:43 PM | I'm gonna shoot from my own perspective and experience. Usually I see black women only interested in black men and being hyper-critical when white women are stealing their black men. Rarely have I discovered black women interested in me....maybe one or two, tops!
More often than not, I find myself not attracted to black women. I'm not saying that I think there's anything wrong with black women. Upon further reflection, I've found that the black women that I DO find attractive, tend to have some white girl features. So, they're obviously mixed somewhere along the bloodlines.
Black folks are proud and confident. Nothing wrong there. We hear a lot of talk about "Strong Black women" and that's fine. But I think that lots of white men aren't prepared for the extent of your confidence and directness. Maybe it comes across a bit brash and intimidating to some of us white folks?
OP: I live in Indiana and have witnessed this phenomena of self-segregation. I think it has to do with commonalities and comfort zones.
We hang out with those whom we identify most with.
Let's keep this in perspective. I've dated more black women than I have dated asian and latino women, combined.
But I come from the school of thought that says that women pick their men, not vice versa. So, I tend to date those women that find themselves attracted to me. In fact, my current gf, whom found me on here...picked me, and I kinda just went along with that! But I DO love assertive women! | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/3/2009 6:19:21 AM | Not sure the problem there...I live in upstate NY and seeing a black female with a white guy is still small chance and while I dont like catagorizing people...when you do see it .....hes white trash and looks like he needs a shower...as for white woman with black men...clean...normal folks with children....Ive talked to some in the area and they too arent interested in dating out of their race.... | |
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| Why is there so little dating between white men and black women?
Posted: 5/3/2009 6:15:22 PM | I was just asked this question by a girl i just recently started seeing who is black who blantnatly disagreed with my opinions even though i wasnt sure about them and was speculating.
In my opinion black men integrate more as friends with white people which then leads to going to places,bars,parties where there are more white people thus leading to dating. I can go to a party where there are 200 people and there will be 15 black guys and maybe 1 or 2 black women so based on that its pure mathematics .
when i was in college the fraternerties always seemed to be mixed even if it was a low ratio of black guys there still seemed to be a few and there were black fraternaties where we had a friendly commorodory . Out of all the sororities i might have only seen one black girl .
Another issue and this seems kind of shallow is similar interests.
The girl i am seeing has extremely eclectic taste in music. We have listened to in a short period of time marvin gaye,the cure,the ramones,clash,tribe called quest,beatles,coletrane and so on. She did tell me that very few black females that she knew even had any knowledge or had any interest in different types of music yet i have met many black males who i have shared the same interests with and its been only more recent with black females. | |
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