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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/4/2009 12:42:47 PM | I hear you. I'm constantly told I look young, and frequently have to show my license to prove I'm not lying. Women my age see me as a young kid, and the only attention I get is from 20's girls. But then when they know my real age they think its weird. So I'm screwed either way. (or not screwed as the case may be).
I think its mostly a western issue, because if you look at most other cultures it is pretty much expected that the man be quite a bit older than the woman. I still find an old man dating an 18 year old creepy, but by 21 I think you're pretty much as adult as you're going to be so date whoever you want. | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/4/2009 12:48:24 PM | there are only double standards if you buy into it.
what i generally see out there in the dating world is a mix of everything--
i think that cougars get somewhat of a bad rap as well. perhaps because it is more accepted now with more equality between men and women, so to speak. i don't think it's any different-- maybe simply because the term ,"cougar", evokes an aggressive slant/fun slant to it-- but, if so, i personally see that as a negative.
women and men are definitely out there exploring the sexual pastures these days.
also perhaps because , until this generation (generally) of women in the age range that qualifies them to be considered a 'cougar', women as a large group have not had the freedom or opportunities (more were married in the recent past, etc.) to explore their sexual freedom.
just tossing out random thoughts-
i know a woman who is in her early 50's and she sees a young man around 30- it works for her, she says, because the only thing missing in her life is sex and she can choose to have someone young if she so desires-- and she does not want to be in a LTR, and neither does he--just sayin | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/4/2009 1:58:03 PM | Excuse me? What color is the sky in your world?
It has been far more expectable for men to date younger than it has been for women. I think only in the last few decades has it even been remotely expectable for women, and now with the whole cougar thing, it’s getting just as bad a rap as men have had.
Date who you want, your free to get judged the same as the rest of us are. If other peoples opinions effect you that much, then maybe you need to look in the mirror, if there is no guilt, than knock yourself out. We all pay the piper one way or another. | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/4/2009 3:39:54 PM | | Nature dictates that a person either man or woman seek out the best mate they can find. Stop worrying about what someone is saying to you out of jealosy and ignorance and just find someone who makes you happy. On the flip side maybe you need to think more of the long term here. How long do you think you can keep someone 15-20 years your prior interested in old reruns of the six million dollar man. | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/4/2009 4:12:44 PM | | Frankly I find both (older men/younger woman or older woman/younger man) equally creepy. I'm 38 and probably at "cougar" age but find NOTHING remotely attractive about the twenties guys. Blah. No. And when I see a woman who's about 15-20 years younger than the fellow she's dating I either mistake him for her dad or think..hmmm...golddigger, perhaps? Or even hmmm...midlife crisis? Refusing to accept he's getting old? To me it just screams issues in either direction. | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/4/2009 5:52:43 PM | For the same reason that male teachers get the book thrown at them for abusing female students, but female teachers who abuse male students are not looked upon so harshly. Why? Because the behavior of males courting much younger females is seen as "predatory" (he's taking advantage of her naivety, and he's only in it for the sex). On the other hand, older women courting younger men as seen as "teaching him the ropes" or "coming of age". For the same reason we as a society are protective of female virginity, but look down on males for not losing it soon enough.
I'm not saying either behavior is right/acceptable... but generally speaking thats how it is. It varies from social group to social group, from generation to generation and from person to person.. but most cliches exist because there is a grain of reality to them. | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/5/2009 8:16:35 AM | so your 52 looking for a 37-42 yr old?
I guess its not horrible...although it does make me wonder why you dont look at women closer to your age. It comes off as you just looking for a better physical appearance rather than genuinely finding someone at the same place in their life as you.
Your profile seems to add to this opinion I have...where you aren't really willing to give much back to a relationship...if a lady is 37 and single I am guessing she is done with stupid games and one night wonders...she is probably looking for something more mature than "intimate encounters". Its disappointing when men like you come around.
Good luck to you and please wear a condom....it would suck if she caught a disease. | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/5/2009 9:15:32 AM | Older women seeking younger men, usually means that they want someone that can keep up with them at their sexual peak, and not more at this stage in their life.
Most have had their kids already, raised their family enough, tried the being a good wife thing, and now they want some stuff for themselves. They are not usually looking for a trophy husband to cart around, but just some adventures to fill the void that they might not have had all these years.
Older men seeking younger women, has been considered the norm, because most will take care of these younger women financially, have children with them because the women have not yet had theirs or raised a family, on and on.
I see no reason to insult older men wanting to date and enjoy younger women as long as they do it with the same mindset that older women have towards younger men......
If men would just be upfront that what they are looking for is a hard younger body, that can please them in and out of bed, with no other commitments, then we could find our own term for "cougar". What seems to happen to many times, will be that the older man must succumb to the younger woman's wishes in order to have her, and that usually includes, financial security, marriage, and children, and thus we have the trophy wife......
When a younger man sees an older woman that is interested in him, one of the last things, if not the last thing, that enters his mind, will be long term commitment, marriage, and children.........and much more of just the short term experience of adventures and sexual pleasure with that person.
I applaud women for being independent and our equals in this area, and what it has taught me overall, is that age is not the main qualifier, but the compatibility of the two of us and the enjoyment that follows.
Just my opinion........   | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/5/2009 9:53:28 AM | | Personally, I don't have a problem with either sex seeking a younger partner...for sex. If it's to be more than just sex, however, no more than a 10-year age gap. More than 10-year gaps tend to simply not be on the same page about anything. The younger is talking about club-hopping, myspacing and looking good for their so-called friends...the older is talking about politics, finances and gearing toward retirement. Ewww!!! | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/5/2009 12:37:25 PM |
What if there is a large age difference but they are still at the "same place in life" because one is a very very late bloomer?
Also, "maturity" is a very complex process with multiple facets, and can't be easily quantified. I have met people who are in some ways far more mature than I will ever be, but far less mature than I am in other respects.
A female co-worker once asked me and another male co-worker, "at what age do you say men grow up?" I responded, "when does anyone ever stop?" | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/5/2009 2:44:59 PM | | I don't think older women / younger men relationships are generally more or less accepted than the reverse. When a younger man dates an older woman, some people will think it's just for sex or the older woman is trying to take advantage of a naive younger man. I know some younger men / older women couples who have received some critcism for their relationship. When an older man dates a younger woman, a lot of think will think that he only cares about looks and she only cares about money or power. Besides if both people are happy, then it shouldn't matter what other people may think. | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/5/2009 7:44:12 PM | | Im 41 and have dated ladies from 18 to 52 in the past year. I just seem to relate better to the ladies under 30. Im pretty open to making friends with any age group, if it turns into more, fine. Ive had mutual friends comment on what a gorgeous daughter i have on several occassions when out on a date. The envy is an ego boost, but the friends ive made are priceless. As long as you use some common sense, date who you are comfortable with if they are adult minded and legally old enough . There is a difference between a 23 year old kid and a 21 year old lady. | |
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| why is that an older woman looking for younger men is OK but...older men for younger girls is BAD
Posted: 5/5/2009 11:11:28 PM | | Well I'm 37, soon to be 38, and I USUALLY prefer women in their early/mid 20's though I have seen exceptions all the way into their 40's, who I would happily go out with if I was able to. My "wavelength" is generally around college age anyway. I am less sexually experienced than the average person at the point of entering college...still not sure what to do in life, still have energy to go on adventures and party and be silly, before responsibilities and harsh reality makes them jaded and less fun. I prefer the woman be at least 21, so legally drinking wouldn't be an issue. Women my age are almost always at a totally different stage in life than I am and I could not relate to. So what is "appropriate" or "inappropriate" for me? | |
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