| | "you deserve better"= bullshit... Convince me otherwisePage 1 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | | I think I've had just about enough of the bullshit that women come up with. I was the kind of guy who wore his heart on his sleeve. I always liked to look for the good in people and i trusted them. but now I'm left cynical, and angry. You may ask yourself, what made this change come about? Well, all thanks and congratulations can go to the last 4 ex girlfriends I've had. all of which at one point used the line "you deserve better" or "you'll find someone who will make you happy" well, i haven't! I've tried and i thought i found it a few times. but every time i begin to trust someone and open up to them i was let down by either someone being un faithful, lying, or generally being disrespectful to my feelings and our relationship. i give up! and if you can convince me otherwise it would be greatly appreciated. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/5/2009 4:14:54 PM | run through a couple nasties and you'll feel better i promise!
There is a 99% chance you are not being man enough in your relationship and they are quickly losing attraction to you. That being the case, they really don't care about hurting your feelings. Wait awhile before jumping into another relationship, and the when you carefully weigh the benefits of how amazing this girl is, take it extremely slow and never, ever, EVER be anything less than a man in the relationship. After all...you are a man. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/5/2009 4:20:06 PM | The line "you deserve better" is what people say when they're dumping somebody that they like but they're not attracted to. What they really should say is "I wish I was hot for you because you're a wonderful person. But I'm not." It may sound harsher than "you deserve better", but it's also more honest.
So, what do you do about it? You have a few choices:
- Wallow in self pity. Beat yourself up for not looking or acting like other people want you to look or act. Drink yourself to sleep.
- Accept that you are who you are and focus on finding somebody who wants you exactly like you are. You might not be attracted to them, but hey, at least they're willing to stick around.
- Take this opportunity to really look at yourself. Are you 100% happy with your job, education, physical fitness, hobbies, financial situation, etc.? If the answer is "no" then work on those things. Being rejected by somebody that you like hurts like hell! There's no denying that. So why not take that pain and use it to fuel you through self-improvement? If you fix one thing in your life for every time you're dumped, before you know it you'll be an amazingly well-adjusted person. It'll help make you that much more attractive when you feel like dating again.
Having tried all three approaches, I can tell you that number three is the best. I'm still single and still get my heart broke. But every time I get dumped I fix something in my life. It makes me feel better, gives me a distraction to keep from wallowing in thoughts about the break-up and at least I feel like some good came out of each break-up. It really doesn't help with the pain. Only time can do that. But so long as the pain is along for the ride, I use it to fuel my drive for making myself better. Try it. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/5/2009 4:52:13 PM | Don't feel bad. I hear this shit all the freakin' time.
I guess I am not destined to be with someone afterall, so I have pretty much just stopped trying and am going it alone. It's much better and a whole lot less complicated that way. Trust me. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/5/2009 5:50:00 PM | | If it makes you feel any better girls hear the same silly crap. I agree with you 100%. I've determined that the only real love there is in this life is what you feel for your family...parents, kids, etc...I've given up also. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/5/2009 6:09:44 PM | and I forgot to say that I really, REALLY love it when they call my cell when I am busy or better yet, when I am offline and leave some really, really cheezy and lame message telling me as such.
- They can't "man up" and do it face to face so they do it via voicemail, text message, or email.
What a collasal bunch of BULLSHIT!!!!! | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/5/2009 6:39:53 PM | PDXpilot - word.
Yup, the pain is still there but find something constructive about a difficult situation. There is a silver lining. Take a good long hard look at yourself. Self-improvement cannot be emphasized enough!!
Also wise words about going extremely slow after a painful rejection. It's weird, but being friendly, yet unattached, not uncaring, but detached almost indifferent, brings women out of the woodwork. Conversely the remotest wiff of attachment sends women running for the hills.
Hmmm... people are perverse. It seems we only desire what we cannot have.
The trick then would be to not want what you want. Be a good poker player and bluff. Better - even bluff yourself! ;) | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/5/2009 9:49:05 PM | It's a cop-out because they don't have the guts to tell you the truth.
Seriously, I very seldom have any trouble with someone being up front with me unless they go out of their way to be mean. It's when people try to hide the truth, even when asked direct questions, that the problems begin. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/6/2009 1:18:36 PM | | Can't say I can convince you otherwise...don't have a lot of faith in romantic/sexual love as a path to everlasting happiness, although I'm always open to a quick liason if given the opportunity. Time to throw yourself into more "manly" activities, like violent sports or working out. Hang out with us guys. We'll be buddies and keep your chin up. There are other forms of "love" besides romance/sex. "Brothers" have to stick together too! | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/6/2009 2:05:00 PM | Hey ryry,
You got to learn, at an early age, that the term "you deserve better" is a nice euphemism for "sorry, just not that attracted to you".
You wear your heart on your sleeve, you look for the good in people, and you have implicit trust? Diagnosis of nice guy syndrome sounds right.
Step back and heal up some. As others have suggested...go do something to work on yourself and your self esteem. And...my last piece of advice...YOU need to set some boundaries that you will NOT tolerate being violated. Do this before dating again...something like "one lie and it's over" is a nice start. If the next girl you date steps over your boundaries...call her on it. Women will push to find those boundaries in a man...and will respect you more when you call them out for pushing them. Without some healthy boundaries, you are a doormat and you will be prone to hearing "you deserve better" again in your future.
Been there...done that...learned it the hard way.
Paul ;) | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/6/2009 3:34:29 PM |
The line "you deserve better" is what people say when they're dumping somebody that they like but they're not attracted to. What they really should say is "I wish I was hot for you because you're a wonderful person. But I'm not." It may sound harsher than "you deserve better", but it's also more honest.
That's pretty much how I would interpret it. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/6/2009 5:44:45 PM | | Just a word of advice, don't give up because you still have a lot of life to live. It may be hard, but just keep your head held high and try to look for ways you can improve yourself as a person. Another thing is, don't just give out your trust. It's always good to try to look for the good in people, but it doesn't mean you have to give them your whole trust. If someone wants you to completely trust them, they should be willing to earn it. So only give your complete trust to those who really show that they deserve it. If a person isn't willing to do shit for you, then you are better off without them. Remember this: Anything that comes easy isn't worth having, and anything that is worth having is hard to get. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/6/2009 5:56:23 PM | | It happens to women too. Believe me. It does get old meeting and dealing with the same bullshit over and over. I wear my heart on my sleeve too, and I also believe people until I am given a reason not too. Guess what? I meet the same friggen train wrecks over and over. That is why I changed my headline to 50 First Dates. The same thing keeps happening to me. These guys tell me all the shit I want to hear, they get what they want then all of a sudden they seem to forget what they told me, or decide they do not know what they need. And I also get the "you deserve better" crap. I get let down all the time. Just 3 weeks ago I left a situation that basically has me pretty frkn hurt right now. I was fed a bunch of frkn CRAP and now the guy won't talk to me. HE just "doesn't know what he needs". Again, he must have forgottenn all the things he told me. People lie and manipulate. I am not going to give up, but the next time anyone does come into my life, I am just going to have to be more careful. I am not going to let the past experience ruin me. But I really did love the guy. And it hurts. I wish people would just stop crying about what they want, never had, and then when they get it, shit on us. Good luck OP. You are not alone. I do not think it means anything about attraction issues, I think people just sometimes get what they wish for then don't know what to do with it. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/6/2009 6:40:13 PM | OP, I saw this here, and it applies-her rejection was Gods protection. Sounds like they were wrong for you. We all run into the wrong ones til we meet the right one. We all feel hurt when we try hard and it still fails.
"You deserve better"-Sometimes people actually mean these things-you can be a great guy, just not the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with...doesnt mean she wishes you unhappiness, she likely does want you to find 'the one'...as she knows it is not her.
We all deserve to be with someone who loves us. You too. | |
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ryry87
| | Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 15 | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/7/2009 5:17:33 AM | Well try to be a little analytical here. You've heard the same line from the last 4. Maybe there is something in YOU that they were trying to tell you about yourself. When they all say "You deserve better" maybe you were being too demanding some how (time wise; security issues?) Think about it. Take a few steps back and examine your part. Not to be critical here but look at this analogy: The last month 4 different people told you you had bad breath. Don't get mad at them. It was bad enough for them to tell you. Start brushing your teeth.
In this case maybe its not the last 4 girlfriend who all broke up with you and gave you the same line. Start brushing your personality. Learn from the situation. You know, life's mistakes and all that. Live and learn. Learn and live. Examine your own part. Worst thing you can do is walk around being the self proclaimed victim. The "nice guy" route. You had some part in this. Figure out what. | |
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RAWRRR
| | Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 17 | |
| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/7/2009 6:04:14 AM | someone ALWAYS shows up when you least expect it
when you stop looking is when that really great one comes along
at least it has worked for me
other than that i cant convince you any better than i could convince myself, which is 0 as ive heard a range of excuses only to be shown how much of a hypocrite they can be to escape being honest | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/7/2009 8:28:35 AM | What I really hate is when she is breaking up with you and she's using all those sterotypical breakup lines that you know are bullshit. Then you call her on it telling her that she doesn't sound very honest, but proceeds to lie and even state that she is honest.
"You deserve someone better than me"
"I don't think I want to be in a relationship right now" (proceeds to get immediately involved with someone else)
It makes you feel like shit when someone doesn't respect you enough to break up with you and tell you the truth. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/7/2009 8:51:02 AM |
It's weird, but being friendly, yet unattached, not uncaring, but detached almost indifferent, brings women out of the woodwork. Conversely the remotest wiff of attachment sends women running for the hills. and pigs fly. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/9/2009 7:33:00 PM | Well, you're growing up dude. It's just growing pains. That's all.
You file this stuff away, and in time...you pay attention, and then, you get a little smarter as you go. It's good to feel empathy for all of our sisters and brothers...but when you set your sights on just one thing....it's really all about you. And , on top of that, If you got your damn heart out there on your sleeve.....well, that's just not a good place for it bro. It's too open and vulnerable to being swatted away there.
the only thing I will suggest to convince you to not give up...is.,.you're 22. right?
So, you're not going to give up. Statistically, that just won't happen.
You'll see what I mean
hang in there guy, it gets better
waaaaaaaay better..haha.
Kimbo*********************** | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/9/2009 7:56:28 PM | There are many people in our lives over the years who will disappoint us.
You have begun to experience that.
The trick is, you have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and continue on when the time is right for you, you need time. We have all been there, it's called life.
Give up? Why?
Oh, you feel like that right now but that's because your emotions are still raw, give it
some time. Feel sorry for yourself for a little while more and then get back out there and don't be a quitter. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/9/2009 8:31:17 PM | I agree with PDXpilot. Make yourself feel better each time this happens is a great way to pick up your self esteem again, plus it does make you more confident to be the man you are and makes you more attractive to the ladies.
I make the mistake time and time again to be "too soft" and sometimes I believe that throws the men off because being "too good" of a person appears to be a smoke screen we'll say. For women, they do want a man to be "a man" even if they say they don't, they do.
Some men and women give themselves up too quickly to give into every whim their lover desires...you can buy her supper, lunch, and do things for her, but don't say "yes" to everything she asks for. She'll lose respect for you. I hope you know what I mean, be a gentleman but don't let her walk all over you if thats what these women are doing and then breaking up with you.
I wish you well and hope you find a woman that treats you well so you can do the same for her!! | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/9/2009 8:50:19 PM | OP, men do the same thing. It's not just women.
Most likely, your ex-girlfriends became disinterested over time. They probably did think you were a great guy, but you weren't someone they could see themselves with.
It's frustrating and hurtful. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve. I have learned not to do that anymore. You might think you can never change that aspect of yourself but you can. It has helped me to be more happy in life in general. | |
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| you deserve better= bullshit... Convince me otherwise
Posted: 5/10/2009 1:12:03 PM | | Okay dont give up because that right person might walk into your life while you are giving up. I know it is hard to still have faith but if you dont have faith then lets face what do you really have. As a female who has been thru some of the worst kinds of guys I have heard those lines too. They are never easy to swallow but you have to pick up your head and know that you will be better off than they will. You seem to be a really good guy and it would be a shame to loose one of those very few men in this world cynicism. What they said is prolly not what they meant but what they said is the truth. If any of them lied to you then that is because to them you werent worth the truth in their opinion. But that doesnt mean to someone else you arent worth much more. While you are giving up there is someone who is looking at you and just wanting the chance to make you happy. Try looking past the looks and seeing that gurl that has always and will always be there for you. The best gurls for a guy are those gurls that have been your friend and been there for you thru all the gurls that have hurt you. She is just waiting for you to realize how special and good for you. Looks can only go so far in a relationship. Look for quality because only the good ones have it. | |
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