Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > humor  > The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 LordPovic
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 1
view profile
History
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matterPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
This afternoon I had just got home from a great but hot day out fishing(I live in Orlando,FL) anyway I'm sitting on the sofa and there's a knock on my door,so I get up and take a peek out the window! there are two people out there one real cute girl and some dorky guy and they have bibles and leaflets.So I open the door without giving them time to even speak and let them in telling them to make themselves at home and I'll be right back.I go into the kitchen and take my clothes off and come out with my johnson ready to go,the girl makes sort of a squealing noise and the dorky guy is like what are you doing I said I thought you were the couple from Tampa that came for the threesome,,I have never seen anyone get up and leave so fast.I'm sure that in the future I will not be bothered by that group again.. Now I want to be bothered at home when I'm relaxing on my day off!
 Wild Artist
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 2
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 5/6/2009 7:16:47 PM
LOL, and I was just going to say answer the door nude....LOL
 OpenWaterCaptn
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 3
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 5/6/2009 7:20:08 PM
i like to lie to jehovas witness when they come around and tell them that i take my beliefs from the people on cnn....but the mormons come around o the bikes i invite them in for whiskey and cigars and some good old war movies.

dont get the salesmen anymore, but im working on that answer
 candid_1
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 4
view profile
History
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 5/6/2009 7:27:22 PM
One Sunday morning just after the crack of dawn, I heard what sounded like the newspaper being delivered. My paper got stolen regularly, so I'd make a point to get up, grab it, and then go back to bed. I staggered to the door in a tank top and underwear, whipped open the door only to discover 2 very shocked Jehovahs poised to knock. Without blinking an eye, I said, "who the phuck are you and where the phuck is my newspaper?" slammed the door and went back to bed... They never showed up again.
 J_in_SD*
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 5
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 5/6/2009 11:48:50 PM

Now I want to be bothered at home when I'm relaxing on my day off!

Whatever for?
 mrniceguy77
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 5/7/2009 7:55:01 AM
1 day when i was driving home i saw there were bible bashers knocking on doors in my street so when i got home i quickly made up a pentagram in the middle of the lounge room with candles and everything and put on some heavy metal music and when they got to my place i sat in the middle of the pentagram and started chanting random stuff. Cause i had a glass sliding door they could see what was going on and quickly left without saying a word to me.
 Call me Ginny
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 7
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 5/7/2009 10:14:05 AM
I get Jehova's Witnesses fairly regularly, and after getting some uncharacteristic nasty responses when I said politely, "Thanks, but no thanks,"

I now tell them I'm a devil worpship and would they like to join my coven.
 tigger2460
Joined: 8/28/2006
Msg: 8
view profile
History
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 5/7/2009 10:21:19 AM
few years ago there was a knock at the door, looked through the window to see who it was, to find it was a couple of mormans there, the suit gave it away, (i live in Birmingham England and i have the accent to prove it), so ithought i'd have a bit of fun with them. i went to the door and in the broadest Birmingham accent said "ow am yer mat alright", never had em back since.
 JM2009sar
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 9
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 5/7/2009 11:58:18 AM
I used to share a very large house with 3 other adults (single and divorced) . A few of the others had children who would sometimes visit. I remember getting up one morning and coming down to the living room just as a couple of JW's came to the front door. My one housemate had just finished with her shower in the main floor bath so she's in her bathrobe. Another housemate is in his robe and pyjama pants (he's black which is immaterial other than it added an extra dimension to the picture), I'm in my bathrobe (just got up) and my other housemate has just gotten out of the shower upstairs and he has his son with him for the weekend who picks this very instant to run across the room naked (he was next in the bath).

Well the JW's took one look and just backed out of the room wordlessly. It occured to all of us at the same instant how it must have looked.
 thorn~4~lyfe
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 10
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 10/16/2009 11:20:17 AM
I was in 9th grade when this happened. A few of my friends had come home from school with me and we were the only ones home. My dad was at work, my little brother still at school and my grandparents at the doctor. We were actually trading items for our halloween costumes so we had fake blood, fake knives. The whole nine yards. We were playing in it to see what it would look like. We ended up having JWs knock on our door. I answered the door with a knife and a white shirt covered in fake blood.

Never seen those two people in my neighborhood again.
 greynomad43
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 11
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 10/16/2009 12:23:33 PM
I find a good way to deter said bible bashers is to have
a chainsaw strategically placed near the door.
When opening the door pick up the chainsaw, and ask
in a very low menacing voice, "did you come alone?"
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 12
view profile
History
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 10/17/2009 5:14:32 AM

I find a good way to deter said bible bashers is to have
a chainsaw strategically placed near the door.
When opening the door pick up the chainsaw, and ask
in a very low menacing voice, "did you come alone?"


As fantastic as that is, I think you'd leave a more lasting impression if you grinned as widely as possible, opened your eyes REAL wide, and giggled slightly
 YourBravoZulu
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 13
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 10/17/2009 8:40:19 PM
I prefer to get rid of JWs the slow way. The slow way is more enjoyable, and involves getting into a lengthy discussion. They start off by saying we are living in the end of days, and that's really all it takes, as I then dispute whether or not we are in the end of days, and they then decide that they are throwing pearls before swine and leave (though they are very polite in doing so). They never come back.
 Jokemaker
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 14
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:17:16 PM
I just don't answer the door...
 picpurfect
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 15
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:32:45 PM
My old boss was mormon and would send his "sisters" to my house. They would always ask if they could help with something. Well our house was a fixer up and we were killing the lawn and it was pretty much dead when a couple of the sisters came and asked if we needed help. Then one looked at our yard and said, "we could help you with your yard work." I gave him one look and said with a serious face, "what do you mean help me with the yard, it took me forever to get it just perfect! What are you trying to say?!?!" Well let's just say the subject went from "can we help you, to can we pray for you." So I messed with them one more time and started by saying "Star light, star bright...." and they looked at me like I was crazy. The last time I ever saw the "sisters" again. It was such a great feeling knowing that after months of being bothered, that it was over!!!!
 92sc
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 16
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 10/12/2011 6:00:32 PM
invite them in for bong hits
 rrgypsy
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 17
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 10/13/2011 5:36:34 AM
I had a couple of jehovas witness come to my house once and my dog started barking at them and they asked me if my dog bites and I just looked at them and said " sometimes" ... they got in their car and drove away
 Luckyq3
Joined: 6/16/2012
Msg: 19
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 7/16/2012 9:00:28 AM
I was helping a friend hang some shelves at her house. I had been drinking I answered the door with a beer in my hand, I let some drool come down my chin I looked at the girl your really pertty said it like that.. I was in my 30's she was barley 20 if that.. They took off never came to my friends house again..
 yawning1
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 20
view profile
History
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 7/17/2012 1:15:52 AM
This is an old joke, been told a million times before.
 thatbrunettechickxo
Joined: 5/18/2012
Msg: 21
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 7/18/2012 2:43:32 PM
My dad is a catholic priest. He answered the door wearing his robes, started going on about the bible and asked them if they wanted to stay for mass.
I swear they couldn't leave fast enough haha.
 Slowrider1953
Joined: 10/28/2008
Msg: 22
view profile
History
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 7/18/2012 7:53:07 PM
My 2nd nwife and I were nudest. We were planning on going to the camp right after she got home from work. She took off a cpl of hrs befor me. She had f orgotten to lock the walk thru gate,She heard a knock on the door and not thinking she went to the door in her thong. Low and be hold it was the JW's. She shhe our German Shepared was looking around the corner also. She yelled at them to get the F*&K out and shut the gate befor the dog our dog tore them a new ass hole. She said both of the guys had there mouthes open in shock and had thier hands over the boys eyes and the girl just smiled,so to the girl she asked if she wanted to come in and play........They all took off and we never seen them again.....BTW we were Bikers back then also lol
 maninthemask92
Joined: 6/14/2012
Msg: 23
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 7/18/2012 9:50:14 PM
JW's and Mormons never go to one of my friend's houses anymore because his mom has converted too many of them to Christianity. :D
 00Azzy
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 24
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 7/19/2012 3:49:41 AM
ERMAHGERD!!! We dont get bible humpers, but my friends came up with one of us answering the door dressed in some BDSM outfit covered in blood holding a whip with two of us in the background making sex moans calling for satan.
 Saruman256
Joined: 2/15/2006
Msg: 25
view profile
History
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 7/19/2012 6:54:34 AM
I just used to let my wolf hybrid answer the door, she would just poke her head out there and smile, showing those big teeth, they would just turn around and leave, and the wolf smiled at me like a child that knew she had yanked someone's chain.
Good girl, have a cookie.
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 26
view profile
History
The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter
Posted: 7/19/2012 8:45:24 AM
I like this one:

http://z7.invisionfree.com/Real_Doctor_Who_Fans/ar/t1167.htm
Show ALL Forums  > humor  > The quickest way to get rid of bible thumpers or anyone else for that matter