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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/6/2009 8:23:59 PM | On several of the dating sites one of the things you can read about a person in their profile is what age range they are looking for, or at least open to.
Here on POF it isn't routinely listed in the profile text, but it is something that some users specify in the bottom section under the mail settings.
Does anyone else ever pay attention to that or maybe see something worrisome about the age range a person states. When I say worrisome, what I mean is, "a potential red flag."
For example- When I see a woman who is say, 44 and she states an age range for men at 28-53, I have to wonder, why any mature woman would want a man that is so much younger than her? Is she immature, or lacking in self-confidence and needs the ego lift of knowing she can get a much younger man? Or is she insecure?
And I've seen women who put an age range for men from twenty to three years younger, meaning, they definitely want to be older.
That's just one example.
Men seeking younger women is not as disturbing to me, because historically men have been the leaders in their homes. So a man that is 44 could easily be the leader with a 28 year old, though that is getting pretty young for a lot of things.
But how is a 28 year-old-man going to be the leader in his home with a mommy figure?
Maybe the older women who want much younger men are liberated feminists? I don't know. Help me out here. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/6/2009 11:29:54 PM | Older women wanting younger men. Is that the question? Are you running out of women your age Wes? hehe. You could always go for us younger chicks. 
Anywho.
I've been told. That older women like younger men because they are not yet set in their ways. Trainable so to speak. Younger men don't tend to have backbone enough to stand by any set standards and are pretty flexible. No offense if you're a younger guy with a backbone. I realize there are a few of you. ha ha
Anywho.
Trainability... Control.. Lack of... You name it...
I've even heard older women say they like sex with younger men better too.. More willing to try new things. Go figure.
But yea.
There ya have it. But then I'm not an older woman. So what do I know?
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/6/2009 11:45:42 PM | I forgot to add.. my age range is from22 to 99. I doubt I'd ever date a 99yr old but I wouldn't mind making friends with one.
When I'm actually doing a search I usually do 30-45. Though most days I feel like doing 39-50 just because it seems like their profiles match mine better. Go figure.
It's not age. It's where you're at in life. Some of us have so much room to grow. Some of us are set in our ways. Others just don't really give a hoot either way.
All in all age is just the number of years you've been around. I don't think it has anything to do at all with who's right and who's wrong.
I look for older guys because usually they're more set in their ways. Not so flexible. I know what I'm getting for the long haul. I like the security in that.
Some women might go for the younger guy because of the flexibility. Some women have lots of room to be flexible.
I don't think it's says anything bad or good about a person just looking at the age of man she wants to date. Just show's more where she's at in life. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/7/2009 8:58:28 PM |
Men seeking younger women is not as disturbing to me, because historically men have been the leaders in their homes. So a man that is 44 could easily be the leader with a 28 year old, though that is getting pretty young for a lot of things.
Oh god we aren't going to start talking about 'calm submissive behavior' now are we? This is starting to sound more like a Cesar Millan discussion. 
I have put on my profile that I have no interest in dating anyone over 30. I chose this age because older guys are more mature, IE: guys 25+ at least they tend to be on some levels anyway. I however do not have a daddy complex and think anyone over 30 is simply too old. I don't care if they are my age or slightly younger. I had to put a "limit" because old people were hitting on me and it creeped me out. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/9/2009 12:27:12 AM | I think your question might speak more about you than them...you seem to have some preconceived notions that cause you to view data through a filter that colors your conclusions.
Not meaning to be derogatory, it just comes across that way to me. See below:
For example- When I see a woman who is say, 44 and she states an age range for men at 28-53, I have to wonder, why any mature woman would want a man that is so much younger than her?
I think you've got this out of context. The age range just limits who can initiate the first contact. It doesn't specify who she might prefer/ want to settle down with, *if* that is even her intent. You also are missing the part where the upper age range is 53...why do you not also question why a 44 year old woman would want a man who is so much older than her?
Is she immature, or lacking in self-confidence and needs the ego lift of knowing she can get a much younger man? Or is she insecure?
You are aware that not everyone on this site is looking for the same thing, right? Some are seeking a relationship. Some might just want hot monkey sex. A few might like attention. Moreover, a lot of people, male and female -- here and elsewhere -- are lacking in self confidence, don't you think?
And I've seen women who put an age range for men from twenty to three years younger, meaning, they definitely want to be older.
Um, see above. And, I've seen a lot of men in the over 45 age range who put 20 years their junior, up to zero - x years of their age, meaning they won't even consider a woman their *own* age. What does *that* say?
Men seeking younger women is not as disturbing to me, because historically men have been the leaders in their homes. So a man that is 44 could easily be the leader with a 28 year old, though that is getting pretty young for a lot of things. But how is a 28 year-old-man going to be the leader in his home with a mommy figure?
Times, they are a-changing...
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/9/2009 10:03:04 AM | Over the years I have been around all types of people of all different ages. I've never really had an issue with age at all, but I also try to think in realistic terms and relevance. There are things about older women that are way more attractive than younger women and vice versa. To be honest, I find it really flattering when a beautiful older woman will compliment me. I'm not really sure how to explain the reason why that is. It really could be part of that mommy figure complex, because I will admit to being a mama's boy and definitely would end up in jail if came down to protecting her, lol.
But at the same time I have a bit of an immature side to me and I don't think I will ever fully grow up so younger women tend to fill that void because I can get away with a bit more of my sarcastic side or crack a different kind of joke but that is also somewhat stereotypical because we are all different and there are people of all ages with different senses of humor and things of that nature. I guess the real answer is that times have definitely changed and they keep changing as we go forward. Different things work for different people so we just need to find what works best for ourselves and try to match those qualities that work best with a partner for harmony and enough difference to keep it interesting and fun.  | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/9/2009 10:13:37 AM | Ms Eclectic,
Nice input. I looked at your profile, and between that and the things you post it is obvious you are intelligent.
When I started this thread it was to get some discussion going. Yes, I gave some of my own thoughts, but they are just that, my thoughts. Now you gave me some of yours. I did ask the question at the end asking for others' thoughts.
Technic,
Your honesty is refreshing. I mean that. You answered my question candidly. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/9/2009 12:41:12 PM | Several years ago I decided to go back to college and attain a graduate degree (I'm currently 42). On the eve of moving cross country to start school in Oregon I was having dinner with a married couple (my own age) whom I'd been friends with many years.
During dinner, my male friend made a comment. Something to the effect of: "You lucky guy...you're single and you're going to be attending a college with 1000's of young, cute women!" To this comment his wife responded "Ewwwwww!!! When I was in my 20's there was nothing more creepy than getting hit on by old men like you two!"
While well known people such Larry King and Demi Moore are now infamous for dating and marrying people much younger than themselves, such things are likely not realistic or practical for the majority of us. So, as a general rule, I try not to even think about women plus or minus 7 or so years of my own age.
When, at times, I find myself talking to young and undeniably very attractive women I can still hear my friend saying "Ewwww!!!" and I simply dismiss any silly thoughts I might have, move on, remember my friends and grin. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/10/2009 9:28:33 AM | Want to be really precise? The age range desired doesnt actually Limit who can contact you, you have to restrict that on your email settings. Often a woman will reply to somone outside the age range once they see a photo.
They might respond, that is just my fantasy range...
I also get a raised eyebrow when I see a woman seeking younger men for the same reason women sometimes prefer not to have contact from a man just seeking sex (which is NOT the same as having contacted female users seeking "intimate encounter")
There is no more shortage of women "just seeking.."than men. They're a little more inhibited about it, but its true. And this age range would be one big give-away.
The reason I dont like to see women seeking younger men is because it demonstrates a superficial, self serving, unrealistic motivation..flatter me, my age is not my age. Even though for every woman who appears ten years younger there is a man who also appears the same... So why doesnt she seek that man the same age that also looks younger? I see women here I met three years ago that are now a year younger than they were when I met them, same photos..People do what they do.
Bottom line is that we all must be careful what we seek, you just might get it and then you're stuck with your own choices. And yeah, that classical male headed houshold idea has its own pitfalls and fallacies. Gender stereotypes are full of illusions that dont hold up in real life, because, yes, males and females are clearly different, but not often in the ways that we are taught to believe. It truly pays to get down to the real differences that are developmental and biologically based, and not just assume the older male pattern is best. It might also pay to figure out where any generalized assumption like the more accepted older male pattern comes from and whether its a valid belief or not.
Some generalizations such as 'women are more emotional' are overwhelingly true, others such as that men are stronger, women are weaker, need much closer examination. Pretty clear that self interest isnt the specialty of either gender! But we should be able to want what we want without having to aplogize for it. To me thats the great contribution of the gay/lesbian culture. Nothing wrong with going for what you want, but your wants are not binding on anyone else for any reason... | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/10/2009 3:23:03 PM | Well, there's always the issue of a woman in her fifties desiring to meet a guy who isn't dependent on the little blue pills too!  My last relationship was extremely frustrating in that department. That said, I'd like to keep the age range somewhere with in six-seven years of my age. Just helps for cultural references, etc. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/10/2009 3:29:30 PM | There you have the extension of the classic male led home and our pioneer mythology..Exactly what I suspected. Thanks for so quickly clarifying the source.
The book I like on all this is about the animosity between conservative and liberals called something like the "Conservative and liberal;Myths of pollitical groups," by a linguist whose name escapes me. Reprinted and released just before the recent elections.
He talks about the strong father/dangerous world myth that militaristic society thrives on and how it needs an enemy to sustain the fathers power..First it was the Soviet Union and now its the Terrorists..with of course, gays, women, radicals of all flavors added to the suspect list.
While the competing myth is one with the safe world and a more nurturing family and community, and diversity is welcome. Racial diversity, ethnic and mulitcultural diversity, freedom to want what we want, younger men, older women, and its not seen as a threat but a resource enriching to everyone.
In the former myth the wealth is concentrated in the military and industry, the center of power. In the latter myth the wealth is concentrated on the young, human resources, culture and art and natural living things, not machines. Its all about the difference between swords and plowshares..homefront versus battlefront.
Of course neither myth is true. There is danger and we need armies, and there is value in diversity but not ALL diversity..but these myths reflect basically different orientations that are inherently uncomfortable with one another. Like I am with you, instantly as you intend with the cutting remark toward my loyalties.
Dont even consider how religion has been used to inflate each of these myths to suit the agendas of those with personal interests..
Ill get that authors name and title. He was a student of Chomsky and wrote several versions of his book starting with his thesis on the topic..A Chomsky dissenter, by the way. Im not sure why. Oh, George Lakoff, is his name. His book came out right before the elections and it was perfect in describing some of the dynamics in effect at the time!
And over history those who fought for womens sufferage, child labor laws, anti-slavery, civil rights were all equally seen as fringe groups at the time and seen as outside the main stream of what "our great country" needs. Threats..Spoilers like Nader who take on power structures that place more prioritiy on profits than a few exploding pintos or shoddy bumpers..But you HAVE to be outside the power structure like Gays are in order to create meaningful change. Those within it are loyal to what needs desperately to be changed.
No one speaks of our country as Great who are not the beneficiaries of the priveleges it obtains. And this is a shrinking minority.. the homeless vietnam vet or person denied a disability benefit or innocent prisoner and there are tons of them..Its been Great for a dwindling class of corporate crooks, pretty much until a few months ago and very few are buying that myth anymore as so many are joining the ranks of the disenfranchised..and seeing how our power structures have been functioning.
Like say the Phillipino soldiers who fought in WWII and were promised citizenship. Then when they were denied citizenship they marched on DC. Then they were fired on by the national guard, just so there would be no confusion about ideals and reality. Native Americans, no, not great..powerful yes, great no. That would imply character and wisdom.
The only thing sick is our rampant history of bigotry and intolerance. And youre directly speaking of people who I love like my family buddy. Watch it. For that there is no justification no matter what myths you may happen to buy into. Its simply viscious. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/10/2009 4:07:15 PM | [We don't all have to be so weak to let wholesome values be overrun by their (gays) sick lifestyles and agendas.] Wildoutdoorguy
This actually constitutes what Id consider a slur based solely on gender orientation. Im not black a gay or woman but when anyone attacks them, then I am attacked. I dont have to read forum guidelines to know its dissallowed.
Im reporting this comment to the moderators for censorship, because it shouldnt be tolerated. For John and Ann and Lisa and Don and all those dear souls that I love.. I forgot bob and ted. (once I figure out how that is done)
Again, thanks for the instant clarification of just a couple telling comments regarding age range and partnering that seem consistent with this sort of tradition.
I always recommend Riane Eisler who escaped the Nazis and dedicated her life to understanding these patterns, just google that name and look at Wikkipedia, she goes FAR FAR beyond femminism..and is considered by many to be on par with Tutu and Mandella and Adam Smith and on and on.. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/10/2009 5:46:00 PM | We don't all have to be so weak to let wholesome values be overrun by their (gays) sick lifestyles and agendas.] Wildoutdoorguy Im reporting this comment to the moderators for censorship, because it shouldnt be tolerated.
It's a little late for that. 75% of everything he posts on this forum violates the TOS in one way or another and it's been going on for MONTHS. I believe in equal opportunity. If the women of the world (including his ex wife, her mom, his sisters, and basically any other woman with a brain and spine) feminists, liberals, different races, non-Bible-thumpers, smokers, tall women, fat people, idealogues, environmental/social/political/religious/human rights activists, et al have all endured Wes' verbal flatulence, then gay people shouldn't be excluded. We welcome them! Yay! They're in very good company and we love them!
I don't believe in censorship, no matter where on the socio-political spectrum you are. But, I do believe in giving equal measure and being very vocal about what it is exactly we disagree with and what, exactly, we think of the people who spew such nonsense.
Most people in the Oregon forum really can't be bothered giving him too much validation, so we just make fun of him and carry on. Why do you think he never ventures beyond this little room? He'd be eaten alive on the other forums and then banned for life.
Besides, it's a badge of honor to be hated by one such as he.  | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/10/2009 11:34:10 PM | alrightie then. It seems that violations of federal law ( Id say this constitues hate speech) do violate forum terms. But if theyre loosely applied then we know thats the deal..
I dont believe in censorship either, but I do believe that certain behavior is intolerable. Some things we happily dispute and other assertions that we have agreed that, no, we dont entertain them. Yet its always good to see whatever colors one truly flies, know it for what it is, in fact. I agree, people will hang themselves, no need for anyone else to bother themselves. (Im relatively new here)
It may well be the forum guideline against illegal hate speech provides a disclaimer for the website and that is the real motivation for guidelines. Then they can avoid liability for slanders and / or hate speech like this.
I dont see any procedure for violations reporting anyway, how do you get that quote box to work, I try the brackets and all I get is brackets!
(So does this mean Wes wont date me, I thought he was cute.) Maybe you got it, hes stuck on Clay Aiken. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/10/2009 11:53:45 PM | That's really a very broad definition of hate speech. I mean, seriously, people dis fat chicks way harder than than on a regular basis and no one even blinks.
Now, if he's advocating violence, then that's a whole other thing. At this point, he's just whining and proselytizing and making a jackasss of himself.
If you really feel the need to report something, just go to the forums main page, scroll all the way to the bottom and look for the "Suggestions/Help" etc. forum and click on that. Then you will see, in bright red letters the TOS Violation Report thread.
To do quotes, you have to put the word "quote" (without the quotation marks) inside of brackets before the stuff being quoted. Then, at the end, put "/quote" inside of brackets. It'll look like this, but without the spaces between letters.....
[ q u o t e ] blah, blah, yada, yada, stuff being quoted [ / q u o t e ] | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/11/2009 6:55:21 AM | The Gays/lesbians have contributed nothing that our great country needed. We don't all have to be so weak to let wholesome values be overrun by their sick lifestyles and agendas.
This is an *extremely* offensive comment. Wow. It combines ignorance, fear and malice, a tragic combination. I pity the fool who could believe this.
Sweeping generalizations rarely come from intelligent minds. I could go on, but will just say, epic fail.
To remain on topic to the thread:
Looking for any age range (as long as it is legal) is preferable to homophobia. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:10:30 PM | to get off topic in reply to your remark about hate speech, gender orientation and religion and ethnicity are specifically protected regarding non- discrimination, due to a history of viscious abuses that include a lot of gratuitious murders, beatings and smaller horrors. Therefore we have these specifically proactive federal laws. Sure its the same small spirit as would dis a fat chick, and, no, a law cant change hate, ever. But there isnt a history of flaying fat chicks, beating them up and hanging them as there is among these other groups that we need to specifically protect..not that the suffering of fat chicks isnt absolutely real, or say the mentally disabled or short men..But these traditionally persecuted groups need to know the powers that be are on their side in struggles, only after a long process of painful change.
And any personally directed attack, which this is just one example, is equally prohibited by the same token that we all deserve protection from local tyrants that write their own rules. Harold and Maude couple or what have you..and it comes under slander and defamation..but sure, whose going to police the internet!
Well you and I for one..in the spirit of the protections that are legal on another level, the spirit that indeed makes this a great nation, at times.
I understand any unwelcome contact regardless of genders involved can be adressed under sexual harassment laws..even unwelcome joking around designed to mock or belittle..Sure its a broad definition, and I for one am all for protections. Again, I think the guidelines are there to release liability on the part of the website so they can say, we prohibit that..whether they do or not.
Its very much like comparing smoking to other addictions. They both are addictive, cigarettes maybe moreso in fact. But people dont do a pack of camels and beat up the wife and rob a bank or steal cars to get money for a carton of cigs..Same problem, different magnitude entirely. Totally different scale of suffering involved. Hate is wrong, sure, but some hate is also illegal because of the history of the error..Kind of like endangered species laws. And sure it gets ridiculous..But I'd clarify that anyone has hate speech to offer better...
All I know is if someone attacks MY dear friends with more heart and talent and courage than any hundred other people I know, IM in their FACE! right now. Im not gay, but anyone with a problem with them has a problem with me. On the other hand its only foolish to let ones self be baited and waste your energy over silliness.
Thanks for the tips..NChick. And I have dear friends who are fat chicks too..I may just fall for one some day, never say never..And no hate is Ever welcome, whatever the flavor.. | |
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| Age range you are looking for. What's that say about you?
Posted: 5/11/2009 10:22:56 PM | So why haven't you jumped in when someone like the beaver assaulted "fat" women?
And why haven't you jumped in when someone openly said a derogatory thing about various Christians?
You know it is wrong to ever refer to someone's race or gender when saying something negative about that individual. And it's actually wrong to refer to their race or gender when saying something positive about them. They are given accolades on the basis of what they have accomplished as people. And their color or gender has nothing to do with that.
But when you talked about the alternative folks accomplishing things you went right to their orientation. So you did what they always do, want everyone to notice that they are what they are and we all better step aside because they and those who support them are the enlightened ones.
People have basic rights, but when they started using their sexual orientation for "special rights," that is a slap in the face of all those who don't believe that type of orientation should be a consideration. It never was until the late-70s on, when closet doors were left open and we had to see and hear about all that bologna. Which if things go right down the road, some of that orientation bull will be turned around.
And it is laughable that you put down the other hundred people you mentioned knowing when you say one or the several you knows are more talented than all those other people you know. But you'll never see it. You're too busy defending them.
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