| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 6:41:34 PM | And out of the ashes comes the triumphant! But at what cost?
I was watching a news story last night and in one of the human interests segments, they did a segment on single mothers that were left to raise their children on their own. Not just any single mothers that is, but women that by anyone’s standards would be considered successful. Fantastic careers, beautiful homes, nice cars and personalities that were so down to earth it was hard to believe that they lived through everything that they did and weren’t bitter or jaded towards men.
One particular lady caught my attention. She had been dating the father of her twins for just over a year when it was apparent that she was pregnant and at the first sign of pregnancy, he left her… but not before he emptied her bank account, their apartment of all the furniture, and ran up huge credit card debt for her.
As a result, she lost her apartment because she just couldn't recoup monetary losses like that quickly enough, and after giving birth to two beautiful girls after many physical complications, she also lost her job.
But, the nice side to this story was, with much hard work, trial and tribulations, this lady did indeed manage to pull herself up by her bootstraps so to speak, and not only managed to survive, but thrive. Granted, this took her two and a half years overall, but triumph she did. As of the news story, she'd just put a deposit down on her own home, was employed and thriving in her current vocation, and her children are well-maintained and happy.
So, how did she get to be so successful and financially independent from being absolutely destitute? She became a stripper!
So I guess my question is, does it really matter, when we hear a story about triumph against all the odds, exactly how one arrives at their personal triumph? (Assuming it's not by illegal means, that is). Or...would it make you respect one less, for having done *anything* to manage to surpass the odds that were thrown at them?
Would you start a relationship with them? | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 6:55:20 PM |
So I guess my question is, does it really matter, when we hear a story about triumph against all the odds, exactly how one arrives at their personal triumph? (Assuming it's not by illegal means, that is). Or...would it make you respect one less, for having done *anything* to manage to surpass the odds that were thrown at them?
She harmed no one by becoming a stripper, did she? People who go to peeler bars will go there anyway.... and she was able to feed her children and provide a good home for them in the process.... who are we to judge? I personally could not do it (never mind the fact that I don't have the body for it - LOL)... but if she can, and she can live with herself, then where is the harm? I guess to me that is the crux of the matter - can she sleep at nite, secure in the knowledge she did her best? Is SHE happy with her own decisions? Because, at the end of the day, we have to be true to ourselves and answer to ourselves.... nothing else matters. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 6:56:22 PM | I would say for the most part it should be OK, as long as she does'nt get those "DOUBTFUL" jobs to get the money easier and faster.
About being a stripper, its hard to draw the line into prostitution. Some of those strippers sit on guys laps or let them kind of touch the boobs to put the tips in their bra's...to me thats pretty blurry...... kind of prostitution in a smaller scale.
I am no one to judge, I guess only her girls are the ones thta could suffer later on if they find out the wrong way.
Now I must say in her defense, she is not stealing, or making fake welfare claims or other worse things .
JMO | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 6:57:53 PM | | People do what they can to survive sometimes that means putting aside ones pride. Its a hard world out there and you will run into people who will make your life misserable, but doing what you think you need to do is what people have done since the begining of time. I think that what she did was still amazing she pulled herself out of a disparing situation and was able to make what happened to her into something of a life, is it the life she was expecting? no but its still a life and now that she is in a better situation she can do something else. Its more then I can say for alot of the people I know personally who have given up hope. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 7:00:53 PM | I think it would matter what "anything" was and whether it had the ability to rear it's ugly head in a relationship, but then again should it? Are we to pay for the rest of our lives for something we did when we were 20 for example? Let's say someone dealt drugs but had been in legitimate businesses for years. If there was no association the spouse and children would not be in danger and the person changed long before he/she met the spouse.
Many people that made more than an average mark on society did things that were immoral, unethical, sometimes illegal and not all "paid" for those things. On the other hand, there are things that are considered truly evil like Nazi war criminals and most people believe that no amount of restitution they have done to soceity, no number of years they have been model citizens and engaged in financial and personal philanthropy, can make up for their past. Essentially they are seen as too tainted to associate with.
It's a shame that people cannot just see someone today and not judge them on whatever skeletons they have if they do not have the ability to intrude into the life they would create with someone else. I think I would pretty much do anything I had to in order to support my children but while I could see myself selling msyelf if my kids were starving, I don't think I would steal, so does that make me a hypothetically better past bad person? Because of the connotations, as long as it was ancient history, I would think a man could deal with someone being a thief before a retired call girl.
No, I will not raise someone elses childern. She should have been a little more careful before she open her legs. And he acted very irresponsibily with his sperm.
Thanks for that utterly brilliant contribution to the thread. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 8:55:19 PM |
So, how did she get to be so successful and financially independent from being absolutely destitute? She became a stripper!
So I guess my question is, does it really matter, when we hear a story about triumph against all the odds, exactly how one arrives at their personal triumph? (Assuming it's not by illegal means, that is). Or...would it make you respect one less, for having done *anything* to manage to surpass the odds that were thrown at them?
Would you start a relationship with them?
OP -- My answer would be a flat NO.
She took the easy way out. That shows a clear example of cutting corners. Good for her that she turned a tragedy into triumph, but I know just as many successful single Moms out there that didn't take shortcuts to get them there. I have WAY more respect for them than I would have for the "I'll be a stripper!" types.
At most I'd pat her on the back then walk away. I prefer to be with more scrupulous people. Not the corner cutters that make avails of their bodies.
Bad form to me.  | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 9:17:38 PM | Someone currently stripping, I'd have a hard time seeing as long-term material. If it's in her past - Well, I don't feel I can stand in judgement, as I'm sure I've done some things in my youth that I'd change if I could do it over.
I dated an ex-stripper a few years ago. She'd gone on to join the military, was training electronics operators before they headed out to Afghanistan, and personal training on the side. Her resume didn't give me a moment's pause. The bike gang ex who had kidnapped her kids in a bitter custody battle was a different story.
Also, not the best choice for first date discussion material!  | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 9:24:11 PM | I guess this is a question for men to answer, however, I suppose there could be the rare instance where a man could be included in this same type of scenario. I'm wondering if this shoe on the other foot would get the same reactions - that he did what he had to do/he's the scum of the earth. I'm sure it would, but probably in different percentages either way. There are a great number of men who have been left to care for very young children, had their finances ripped from under them, lost their homes...all kinds of sad stories that people of both genders go through and do what they feel they have to do at the time. It's what makes the world go around. Thank gawd there's someone for everyone, no matter past choices they've made. It's not illegal...perhaps unsavory to many but, eh...strippers (of both sexes) are people too.
I imagine it's the age you're at as well...if I was told by a guy I was dating that he had been a stripper to provide for his family at one time, I can't say it would affect me one bit...but I couldn't see him having actively done it for a long time either, so therein may lie the difference in my perception of the whole question and therefore my response. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 9:57:18 PM | He did something wrong.
She allowed it him to do what he wanted then she decided to be a stripper.
Both are wrong it thinking.
If there is a change to common sense then maybe.
She still could have made money elsewhere without degrading her morals and maybe put her kids in danger.
It would be while before I would. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 10:13:34 PM | She did this too herself; she needs to take responsibility.
First of all there are so many single mom's because there are a lot of jerks/guys who are making babies with foolish women that have unprotected sex while being mindlessly into these guys. Ridicul0us and irresponsible in todays world.
First of all she DIDN'T succeed against all odds; I'm sick of women being dumb when choosing men then playing the victim afterwards.
So many women are with bad guys then when he bolts at the first sign of problems they act shocked. Most women when they are with a guy will pretty much allow most anything and stay with them.
WHAT THE HELL WAS THROWN AT HER? She had unprotected sex with this loser and now she's a victim? it takes too.
Moral of the story; women stop being so stupid in picking a guy; look at the actions instead of the sweet words; this JUST didnt' happen; jerks dont happen overnight;
both didn't overcome anything; they deserve eachother and this isn't a success story. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/8/2009 10:22:30 PM | Unfortunately to be really successful as a stripper you'll have to compromise yourself in various ways (the same can be said for successful lawyers, politicians etc.).
As for dating strippers many become quite jaded towards men and tend to be 'adult onset' lesbians. If you are a mechanic working on cars all day the last thing you want to do is work on another when you go home. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/9/2009 1:02:03 AM | triumph despite all odds is such a vague misnomer...
Who's standard?
Triumph vs what?
Personally, and take from this what you will, the only 'triumph' that matters to me is whether or not you can look at yourself in the mirror and like what you see. Anyone can put the blinders on and zero in on a bad decision destined to haunt us for the rest of our life. Indeed, none of us will escape the folly and false pride that comes with following our minds rather than our hearts. But ask yourselves what you will regret more; laying on your death beds and pondering bad experiences throughout your life, or opportunities lost? If you are anything like me you'll regret having missed a chance to roll the dice rather than bemoan the predictable disappointments than naturally come with taking the safest routes.
At the end of the dayThat said, most people already have their minds made up when they reach a fork in the road. They already know what path they are taking. The requests for input are little more than last ditch efforts to secure a reply that validates the decisons we've already made.
As for me, the ends do not justify the means. Its not enough to trick someone (including ourselves) into a temporary relationship...it always comes back to that damned mirror. We have to be able to face what we've become (and what we'e sacrificed). Yes, I could play people as so many do (and I'd be exceptional at it) but what would that gain me in the long run? A doe-eyed avid listener to the bull-crap I'm spewing...
At the end of the day, I like being me too much to be pretend to be somethig I'm not. If that means losing hundreds of easily duped women to the would-be players of the world...so be it. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/9/2009 3:10:24 AM | While stripping might not be my ideal career choice....atleast its legal and she obviously using it as a means to an end a safe secure home for her 2 little girls...when she was given a really bad deal to start with.
Maybe she could have done other things but it was her choice and I would respect it.
Who am I to judge since one day I could be faced with a similar situation and I would hope that people wouldn't be judgemental about how I decided to best provide a life for my children.....they could judge the coward father all they want though haha! | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/9/2009 3:28:46 AM | Oh My Gawd,
I cannot believe the holier than thou attitude coming from some people...mostly guys..pn this. "Nope I wouldn't date a stripper" But wait I got some money...going to the peeler club and have this stranger sit on my lap and make me cream my jeans is OK????
Who the heck are you to judge. If you would not date a stripper...your choice ...totally agree with that, Not sure I could either, but to say she took the easy way out, to judge her???? hope you ladies took not of their names cause these holier than thou folks will make your life miserable LOL.
just mho | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/9/2009 3:45:48 AM | | I'm not going to comment on whether she did the wrong thing or not. My concern for her would be that if she now chooses to do a more 'respected' job, who is going to hire her if they know her past profession? What skills does she have to bring to another 'normal' job? I think it will/would be very tough for her to now get out of that profession if she chooses to. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/9/2009 3:50:43 AM | FIRST:
She brought children into the world outside of marriage when there are MANY options available for birth control. Patch, pill, etc. for women/condom for men.
SECOND:
There are only a couple of reasons a woman would choose a mate that is as unscrupulous as the father of her twins. I won't list them. Use your imagination.
THIRD:
She sells her body for an easy ticket back to reality... or at least her version of it.
Question? Where is the evidence supporting the existence of a soul?
Another caterpillar transitioning into a butterfly story. Pure drama. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/9/2009 7:17:13 AM |
So I guess my question is, does it really matter, when we hear a story about triumph against all the odds, exactly how one arrives at their personal triumph?
Frankly, I don't consider this a story about triumph or success. All this woman managed to do was trade her self respect and self esteem for dollars. She failed to find a way out of her dilemma by using her mind and resorted to stripping off all her clothes and selling false hope to lonely men. I'm sure her father wouldn't consider that a triumph either.
Or...would it make you respect one less, for having done *anything* to manage to surpass the odds that were thrown at them?
I have more respect for those that take the hard road and fail than those who take the easy route and succeed.
Would you start a relationship with them?
No. There's no point trying a relationship with someone who takes the easy way out. | |
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| triumphing despite the odds...would the means affect you having a relationship?
Posted: 5/9/2009 7:51:51 AM |
Or...would it make you respect one less, for having done *anything* to manage to surpass the odds that were thrown at them?
Would you start a relationship with them?
This depends so much on situational ethics... If I met someone who sold off his integrity for money, I'd think less of him. IF, on the other hand, he pushed his own ethics aside ...putting himself second for the betterment of his children, I'd think MORE highly of him. | |
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