| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/9/2009 5:02:50 PM | | so a few years ago i was datin this guy and i totally thought he was the 1. i was soooo in love with him and we talked about getting married and moving in together and blablabla. he was the first guy i ever loved and he was there through a lot of major milestones that i had and was there for the hardest day of my life, when something really really sad happened (a close family member died) and tried everything he could think of to help me feel better after that. i thought i was over him but i saw him with his new gf today and i felt like my heart was being ripped out and torn to pieces all over again. i was cryin after. i don't know why i still have these feelings for him after all these years. especially since he treated me like crap, he smoked pot all the time, he was always late, he lied to me and i think he may have cheated on me, but i don't have any proof. he hurt me more than anyone i've ever known. why can't i get over him? | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/9/2009 7:32:57 PM | | Sorry it's still causing you pain. It sounds like you miss the good bits, the way he tried to make you feel better, but not the bad bits. If he was there through a lot of life's experiences, then he is always going to be a major part of your life and memories. If he did treat you badly as well, then it's easy to think that you aren't worth more. It's possible you feel sad because you couldn't have the good without the bad with him. Unfortunately, that's just the way he was. You could be with someone who is kind to you and doesn't feel the need to throw in all the bad bits too. I'm sure this will happen as soon as you realise you are worth it. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/9/2009 9:15:48 PM | It sounds like you never had completely got over losing him. And we all know that if he was your "first true love " , you went out and above the normal circle to please/be with him. You gave him all that you had to give. Then you found your "dream lover " was a dud. I do feel sorry for you! You ex probly moved on in life, and had a little feeling left to help you with your "loss of a family member". But you failed to move on in your life. Do you have issuses with other male that have crossed you path/people who act somewhat like your ex? Or you go into a realationship knowing it's not going end well? These issuses you need to deal with,other wise you'll keep finding fault with others-even that it's not their fault. Pain is a great reminder of what we all have lossed. And the pain of "anyone first Love lost" ,will stick in our minds for ever. But we all learn,try to live better,and not make to many foolish mistakes later on. Be cautious,but don't harden your heart, it will cause a great deal of pain if you do.And that it might let "the real love pass you by". Enjoy life.
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DNici
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Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 4 | |
| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/10/2009 6:40:18 AM | | I'm sorry for your pain. I wish I could tell you when you will get over him and how to do it. Unfortunatly, it just doesn't work like that. Even if you never want him back in your life, and you are over him, you may not be over what he did to you. He hurt you badly and that pain is something that you will carry for the rest of your life. Hopefully you will learn not to let it haunt you and damage future relationships. All I can tell you is that this pain is going to help you become a better person. Just know that you will not tolerate such things in the relationships to come. It's most painful because he was your first love. And it is my experiance that the first is the hardest to forget. Surround yourself with family and friends that care about you. If you are a good person, then good things will come to you in time. He will get what he deserves. If you feel like you need to cry, then cry. But don't do it alone. Find a shoulder you can cry on. I hope you find happiness and you don't have to wait too long for it. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/10/2009 7:21:52 AM | | You think you are in love with a man who treated you very poorly. You said yourself that he was there through a lot of major milestones that you had and for the hardest day of your life when a close family member died. In general you are lucky you got away from this guy because he sounds like a bad person. However there were times when he supported you and this is the guy you are thinking about when you say you still love him. It is also hurting you that he has a new gf - yes you could be replaced! That's just your ego talking. You sound very young. It also sounds like you haven't had a significant relationship since then and that is important too. Keep dating, get involved in things that take your mind off of him, widen your social network and make sure you keep your friend in your life. This will help you a lot. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/12/2009 12:06:54 PM | | I know how you are feeling and have recently had my heart broken by someone who was messing me around and seeing someone behind my back and I also bumped into him with this girl and was totally blanked at the time. I broke down for days even weeks. I don't have many friends to confide in so I stay in most times dwelling on the past and wondering what could have been but that does no good at all. Go out with your friends and family and you will meet more people as you go and this will take your mind off all of the bad this guy has caused. I wish I could take my own advice. I guess it is difficult to let go as you loved him but it will get easier and time is a good healer. Hope things work out for you.. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/12/2009 7:11:02 PM | | i dont know how to tell u how u can get over him, i just wanted to say i feel the same way about my sons dad. He kicked us out about 2yrs ago and i still cant move on. I knew i was in love with him and that i loved him more than any other boyfriend i ever had but i never realized i loved him to the extent that i do. Even though i know that he has moved on and has a live in girlfriend and a new baby i still think about what if. I tried to date but im just not really that interested in anyone, i guess because deep down inside i still love my ex. I think that i am scared to put myself out there again bc im afraid of getting hurt- i guess ive put a wall up. So long story short if u figure out how to get over him let me know so i can do the same thing. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:12:21 PM | | oh im sorry im going through the same thing and i have twin boys..hope things get better for you :) | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:33:57 PM | It's hard on you because you "Don't know what good is" you've never had it before!
So you sell yourself short and convince yourself "That's all your worthy of"
Here is a real tip, When you've had enough you've had enough, and you'll finally change how you respect yourself!
You need to "Get happy" and when your there, Then shall you receive what you deserve, and that's honesty between you and your partner.
Take a break, get situated and get in focus with how you feel about things and how things make you feel...
Quit settling for dumb crap that keeps you down all the time!
If you were to have stayed with (Smokey) then that's how people would have looked at you anyway...."Just some side-kick chicka fling along and rollin' with the party"
And your not like that are you? I didn't think so...
KEEP YOU DREAMS ALIVE! Stand tall, be bold, and always keep your heart OPEN!
Mr. Look | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/13/2009 1:09:54 AM | | i cant get over my g/f so its hard everytime i think of her im a man and not supposed to cry but she broke my heart very bad im thinking of stop dating and just have friends LOVE HURTS just to much . so i feel what your going threw . my blog is women read it | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/14/2009 3:00:08 PM | | I am sorry for all the pain you are experiencing, here are some things to think about. Sometimes we give our heart and that entails the possibility of getting hurt. However this is important, don't feed your mind with negative thoughts, or what if's. Begin to take care of yourself, tell yourself the qualities you have within you. Each of us have qualities that make us unique, and wonderful. Focus on the good things in your life, rebuild your own life and enjoy your life. Sometimes we need to focus on just giving ourselves time to heal, grieve the loss, then look at things in the relationship that were not what your wonderful self deserves, ie: he treated me like crap, key word crap, no one deserves to be treated like crap and to continue in a relationship where someone treats you that way is not in your best interest. Get to know someone, if they dont treat you like the fabulous woman you are then move on. If you nurture crap you will only get more crap. See where I'm going, don't settle for anything less than what you actually desire in a relationship just to have some one. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/14/2009 5:36:56 PM | Nottielilgirl i read your posting and had to reply. I was with a man more like a boy for nearly five years. He smokes pot all the time lies and absolutley cheated on me many times. I knew it but still just loved him. I gave him everything i could from material things to all of my heart. Part of that stupidity was my age and the other half was how much I thought I was in love. He actually left me and ended up with his best friend some girl I used to beg him not to be a lone with because I just knew there was something going on. Anyways why can't you get over him? Because as women we Love. Seeing an ex with his new girl makes you wonder why your relationship didn't cut it? Or thats what I thought. the feelings come from abuse from a narcissistic man. A man that completely stripped you of yourself and made you feel like less of a person. You are likely remembering all of the horrible things he did to you and thinking that he treats her like gold rest assure if he treated you like garbage he moved on because you did not want to put up with his shit anymore and now is treating her worse.These feelings do go away but it takes a lot of time and self respect. You are feeling something we all have felt after being with a person that treated you like you were sub par consistently. No one ever forgets there first love it just gets muted. Be proud of yourself for loving yourself enough to not be with someone who treated you so badly.
Feel better and remember YOU are worth Most. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/14/2009 5:58:50 PM | Nottielilgirl ,
First of...you got lots of nice answers...so read them well and use the advise...
The common thing I see on them. is that you need to realize you are worth more than that.
Another guy mentioned a sad truth....we almost never forget our first lost love.
I'm 49 and after 25 years I went back to Boston the city where I had my first real love. It destroy me.I was sad and crying for few weeks. Get it, I'm married and have 2 kids 19 and 14....that 1st love was looooooong time ago. Also the guy was nice and loved me, we just had to part, given our circumstance, no break up, no argument, just part. We started the relationship knowing it had an end. We were both foreign student and our return to back home were scheduled. it was a 6 months thing, beautiful, but with a known end.
I also read yr profile and see you want a FWB relationship. Why??? Maybe you are scared to get hurt again if you compromise your heart in it??
I think you should give love another chance, freely and without reserve. Let your heart free to explore and maybe love will knock your door before you know it.
I wish you the best.
G. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/14/2009 8:32:42 PM | I don't even have to look at the profiles anymore, I already know which ones have posts like this...the girls /guys in their twenties.
It seems there is that really difficult "letting go" process that one has to learn before they can move on.
It can be achieved in many ways but I'm a big advocate for counseling when someone is feeling stuck. I just think it's a healthy choice to make and it can really change a lot more than memories of a soured relationship.
Why can't you get over him? Well, for starters, you won't stop thinking about him.
In order to get him out of your mind, you need to vacate the unit he's renting in your brain. Right now, his rent is free.
Sounds to me like a "what if" scenario...
Those can hang people up... | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/15/2009 1:23:04 AM | I can relate so well... I was married for 17 years to my first boyfriend and together for 19 years.... we have two wonderful children who i wouldnt give up for the world....but Im not really sure I ever really loved him.. well not the way you should when you marry someone...... then about a year ago I met this wonderful man...... who I fell head over heals for...... Feelings in me were new and deeper than I ever expected .... I know he was the love of my life........ and ill always love him and he me....... but circumstances kept us apart.....we still talk all the time and confess how much we love each other ....... but we know at the moment we cant be together...... I know ill never get over him...... and part of me lives in hopes that oneday we may get the chance to share the life we planned.....Im really scared Ill never find the love I feel for this man......... and although I cant put my life on hold for a maybe.... I know I have to try....and explore what life sends my way..... so far my attempts have been futile.. as I know my heart still belongs to him..I cry most days with the memories and moments we shared.....I know now he was my soul mate and my true love.. I just hope i dont sabotage any possible future happiness I have with someone that may come along.... Im scared ill be alone for the rest of my life........ as he cant be mine.......It all began as friends and feelings grew so fast and so deep......in such a short time... I truly believe we were ment to find each other and he believes the same thing..... People come into our life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime....... We both believed we were for a Lifetime...... but life itself got in the way...... and has placed us both in a very painful situation..... so it can be both ways..... pain..But.... we have both come to the realisation...... THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.......... We just have to figure out what that reason is...... Hopefully my pain will allow me to move on one day....... with him or in a new relationship.......
Good Wishes to all of us lost souls who are feeling the pain of love lost......... | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/15/2009 1:40:40 AM | You were grieving for someone and he could not support you through this. Reframe your life again remember the good times and start over. Its hard to live on the hope, memories and longing for love to happen you have to be able to create this again and choose another who can support your openness and honesty.
Everyone in your life is a peice of it Relationships(Good or Bad)Family but dont let lifes casulties drag you back or be a victim of these as there are plenty more good times ahead. Its sometimes a pity the bad things hurt the most but the pain can be managed and controled by new a emotion love of lifes gifts. Go out and create a new part of the tapestry.
Take care of you
Edsen | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/18/2009 9:00:20 AM | Im going through the same situation. I was living with my ex for close to 3 years. He dumped me and I moved back in with my mother. He found someone on this site and they've had three dates already and Im SOOOOOOOOO jealous.
I still love my ex and want to be with him. But he knows how I feel and avoids me to no end. We go out for coffee sometimes during the week were Im all smiles and act like nothing is wrong.
People tell me to stop seeing him and just move on. He's my best friend and the only one I hung out with for three years so it's a little hard for me.
Trying my best over here. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/18/2009 5:03:28 PM | lovetattoos22 has pretty well summed it up...."A man that completely stripped you of yourself and made you feel like less of a person. You are likely remembering all of the horrible things he did to you and thinking that he treats her like gold rest assure if he treated you like garbage he moved on because you "
Still though... I always wonder if he is showing her a different side... LOL why do we do this to ourselves? | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/18/2009 8:04:27 PM |
'Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, f forget about those who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
Live well. The best revenge is to live well, and get everything you ever wanted in life. Live well in spite of the people that crap in your Post Toasties. Live well, and be generous with the people that took from you. Let them understand their mistake, and be reminded of it as you live well while totally moving beyond them. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/18/2009 9:37:26 PM | Um....... do you smoke pot all the time too? Ok, I'm definately getting flamed for that one lol....
Ok, no, seriously, some people just take time to get passed. The only thing that will heal this is time and life. Don't forget that the world is still turning, and your only options is letting this guy become poision in your mind, or picking yourself up and getting back out to life. There's no secret, you just gotta get out and go back to life as useual. If you see him, you're probly gonna have the same feelings, but you gotta just learn to let it slide off your back girl. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/19/2009 10:56:02 AM | Op, sounds like you have an inferiority complex, big time!
Anyone who allows another to even conceive they can drag you along, much as like being dragged behind their car, well, anyone who co-operates with these people
definitely needs some kind of self-esteem shoring up.
Over time I've met these types, they only get as far as you ALLOW them ,with their silly tricks.
Don't be his fool!
Assess your weak points, and if need be, stop looking to him to steer you!
Get a life ! | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/19/2009 4:13:13 PM | | The whole situation is not about you it is about him .....a man will never treat his lady like s..t.You need to think about the bad days and ask yourself what makes you fall in love with loosers.You need to change and have better self respect not to fall in bad relationships!Good luck! | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 5/19/2009 4:31:35 PM | | I'm sorry for your pain..first love is never easy and the hardest to get over, in fact, i think in some ways we never really do get over that first love..Its the first time to ever experience true love with our first boyfriend. In time tho you will heel and someday when you're ready to get over him you will and look back on this as a distant memory. Know that he was never the one but he was lifes lesson learned.. The next best thing is out there waiting for you and he will be the one. | |
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| how do i get over him?
Posted: 7/22/2009 10:25:10 PM | because he doesn't want you and he's happy with his new girlfriend. and you wish he was miserable. and he wanted you back. because you are a woman and you will lie to yourself for the rest of your life and make excuses for a guy simply because you love him and you expect him to love you back and forever. especially if it's first love.
i've rarely seen first love last forever.
you will get over him. you will forget what first love even felt like because you will find new kind of love that comes from a loving relationship with a man who treats you well and it will be 100 times better. that i promise. | |
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