| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/9/2009 9:42:26 PM | I was listening to the radio recently and they were discussing the reasons why a lot of women go for " Self Centered Jerks" and guys that just treat them like dirt instead of guys that treat them well and with respect. They said that most women are attracted to confident men but what happens is a lot of women inadvertently get it mixed up and go for a guy that's really just an egotistical ass.
So all this got me wondering how do women define confidence? Do you all agree on the same things? It seems sometimes there must be a very thin line in between being a "Self Centered Jerk" and Just being Confident. Could some of you please clear this up? Thanks | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/9/2009 10:08:17 PM | A confident man is one who carries with him a self assuredness that is most definitely not arrogance. It is a state where a man feels sure of himself and his abilities, knows what he is about, knows himself for what he can do, what he may be able to do, what he may fail at but does not fear to try. A confident man is in control of his destiny!
As for the difference between confidence and arrogance; arrogance is, something expressed to others, while confidence need not be. Arrogance involves putting yourself above others, claiming to be better than others, while confidence does not necessarily make any claims about the ability of others. Like the above poster said, confidence is quiet and sort of radiates from within.  | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/9/2009 10:11:34 PM | I agree...very well put...confidence is something that is very quiet and focused inward...
however I think that the easiest way to define it would be to just give examples as it relates to dating. The tell-tale signs of confidence might be:
-taking the lead in planning activities. you still are considerate about what the other person wants, but you try to avoid the "I dunno, what do YOU want to do?" back and forth exchange
-speaking up when something is wrong. I've witnessed this sign (or lack of sign) very often in dating. Lets say the restaurant got something in his meal wrong. instead of saying "nevermind", he will ask if he can get it fixed in a polite and reasonable manner
-he walks with his back straight, and his hands don't go in his pockets unless its cold
-he uses expressive gestures when he talks... he doesn't hide his hands in his lap all night
-he doesn't talk too loudly, but he doesn't mumble, either.
-he asks the appropriate questions when he doesn't know something... ie, he has the confidence to admit that he isn't an expert in a certain area
-he is able to articulate deep emotions... this definitely takes bravery
-he has a strong handshake | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/9/2009 10:38:33 PM | I was listening to the radio recently and they were discussing the reasons why a lot of women go for " Self Centered Jerks" and guys that just treat them like dirt instead of guys that treat them well and with respect. They said that most women are attracted to confident men but what happens is a lot of women inadvertently get it mixed up and go for a guy that's really just an egotistical ass.
So all this got me wondering how do women define confidence? Do you all agree on the same things? It seems sometimes there must be a very thin line in between being a "Self Centered Jerk" and Just being Confident. Could some of you please clear this up? Thanks
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Msg 6 We are simpatico. Your post hit the thread while I was still grinding.
Confidence is not constantly asking women to define any part of your manhood or persona. I mean, personally, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
I enjoy being who I am, why do I need guidance or affirmation from women about ..."hey! What turns you on?!!!" Besides which you will get a different answer from every single women you ask. So...go ahead. Drive yourself nuts. Chase your own tail.
I am embarrassed for men who ask these kind of questions. Men get their validation from other men. That's the way it is, buddy.
If I take what these ladies say to heart, I'll shortly be walking around like a cardboard caricature of a man. Maybe I could write all the "rules" on my arm in ink. A cheat sheet to refer to.
How about this: I don't really care what you think. You will like me or not. But even if I'm interested in you, I don't need you. Is that confidence? Because it's not something I cultivate. This is what comes of hard living. | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/9/2009 10:52:30 PM | | About what confidence is, I won't get in to that. Either a guy has it, or he doesn't understand it. About how a woman gets mixed up with a guy who is an egotistical jerk: that one is simple. A guy with a strong ego IS confident. Who said that a guy who is confident has to be nice? | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/9/2009 11:20:46 PM | Consider that it may be as simple as: shallow women go after guys based on their looks,
then, some of those attractive men become jerks/full of it due to landing those shallow (but hot) women?
Outside of that , non- shallow girls are not dating jerks?
So, men that are concerned when women date jerks should realize that is what shallow people do and should be expected? | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 1:06:13 AM | Confidence is the opposite of immature. As such the man has nothing to prove. He simply is smart, calm, carries himself well and doesnt have to speak a word.
~Beth~ | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 4:18:38 AM | | I believe that there is a clear distinction between confidence and arrogance. Confident men don't have to be brash or loud, they can be assertive, articulate and exude confidence in their own way. They have nothing to prove- that's what makes them so attractive. | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 8:05:03 AM | confidence is no self-doubt whatsoever= never questioning yourself.
positive self-awareness, exhibited in a good way
arrogance is entirely different = negative self-attitude/ self-awareness and how it
is projected ON others | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 8:08:10 AM | | Self-centered pricks turn me off instantly. I'd rather date a slightly under-confident man than an over-confident man because the latter comes on too strong. Basically, what a confident man consists of to me is 1) a guy who does not insult himself, 2) a guy who replies to compliments with a simple "Thank you," not an "I absolutely agree" or "Nah, I'm not that great," 3) a guy who is not super sensitive and likely to spin anything you say to/about him to mean something negative, 4) a guy who sees as much good in himself and in the world as he sees bad, and 5) a guy who gives you the benefit of the doubt. I could think of more, but those five goals would be a good place for you to start. Good luck! | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 8:11:19 AM | | I am going to have to respectively disagree with artist 48 on the idea that confidence means you never have any self doubt at all. I think everyone has times when they doubt themselves. Confidence, as I see it, is an ability to move beyond those doubts and not allow them to control how you live your life. | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 8:23:56 AM | | Oh, also very importantly a guy should be secure in his SEXUALITY. The way he demonstrates this is to never show disgust towards male-on-male homosexuality. This is very important to me because my father was completely insecure. So much so to the point that he felt it necessary to point out how incredibly hetero he was by openly expressing interest in any pretty female he saw. It got to be really gross and inappropriate, esp. considering that I'm his daughter. On the other hand, my last boyfriend was a sweetheart who was not ashamed to admit that he was slightly bisexual, even though he was raised in a Catholic home. Furthermore, I find it attractive if a guy is secure enough to admit when he sees another physically attractive male. For example, whenever I pointed out a hottie in a movie, my last boyfriend would often agree with me. | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 8:28:01 AM |
Confidence starts with not caring what she thinks... Sad but true
You need to clarify that, my friend. Because if I wasn't insightful enough to know what you meant by it I might think you were a misogynist. Basically, what I think you're trying to say is that you shouldn't need affirmation from the opposite sex to know that you're good enough. On the other hand, my first reaction to it was that a man shouldn't care about a woman's feelings or opinions. I thought about it a minute and figured out that that's not what you meant, but the way you said it is ambiguous enough that some people might interpret it that way. | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 9:16:32 AM | msg 14: confidence is no self-doubt whatsoever= never questioning yourself.
This is precisely why I don't listen to what women say about men in general. That statement doesn't define a real man or a real human for that matter.
If I found a lying phony like that, I would suggest he get in the ring and fight, see if he has any self doubts or questions himself then.
Maybe you can get yourself a plastic bluff. Plenty around. Some women know the difference between a poser and a nuanced and real person. | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:12:42 AM | Confidence is being okay with imperfections, not letting them define you.
Confidence is knowing that as long as you try your best, it's okay to sometimes fail.
Confidence is being comfortable with who you are, relieving you of the need to prove yourself by:
1. putting others down,
2. putting on a tough exterior,
3. lying about yourself. | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:53:58 AM | I guess my intent was to find out the different opinions on what women feel confidence is to them sorta a poll if you will since there seems to be so much confusion and it did sorta confirm what I thought might happen for the most part, you ask 10 different women and your going to get 10 different answers. Msg 2 Summed it up very well I think when she said "Confidence is... quiet" and that's true no man should have to be directed or taught confidence. I never meant to come off as needing direction on how I need to be confident I was not hoping to be lectured, I to carry a like me or leave me attitude as well. It is important to stay firm with who you are but the point they were trying to make on that radio program I think is there's a lot of asses out there and they aren't confident just asses and they need to wake up and treat they're women with some respect some girls honestly can't recognize the difference between a straight up punk and some one that's confident. To me it's clear, I can tell the difference but I wanted to know if they can. I know a few that I honestly think have no clue what confidence really is.
On the same note though also need listen up don't be closed minded a woman's opinion does matter it is important to get feedback from women if it wasn't none of you guys would be in a "ask a girl" section so obviously you also do care, confidence is NOT ignoring a woman's opinion cause your so sure about yourself. I also understand it is important for a guy to stand his own ground and to be sure of who he is and not let every woman that comes in and out of his life sway his confidence. Anyways , Thank you all for your views and insights. | |
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| How do you define confidence?
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:55:46 AM |
msg 14: confidence is no self-doubt whatsoever= never questioning yourself.
No, this is not confidence. This, IS arrogance. If you never question yourself, then you never think you're wrong. Thinking you're never wrong is arrogant.
A confident man will question himself, but shows no fear in accepting the answers he finds
To be confident means that you're not afraid to be you. That when everyone's attention is on you, you continue to act the same as you do when only your closest friends are paying attention.
That you joke with people not to put them down or be rude, but because you have no fear that they will take it as anything more than a joke.
That you will speak your mind without fear of what others will think about you. (a little extra clarification: this doesn't mean you say things just to hear yourself talk or without thinking about what it is you're saying or to be rude or inconsiderate. It's that you are willing to say things that define who you are as a person without worrying if others will be accepting of you.
Showing self confidence to a woman means showing her that you are strong in your beliefs, you're willing to stand up and defend your positions (physically, mentally, emotionally), that you can handle any type of situation, and that you understand that you control your own decisions in life.
As for the OP. Even though they might be jerks or asses, many of the men you talk of are still confident. The more confident you are the more you put your confidences out there to be questioned by others. The more you put confidences out there the more attention you draw to yourself. If you are drawing attention to yourself and defending your confidences then you're showing alpha traits. The more alpha traits you show the more women are attracted on instinctual levels.
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