| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/9/2009 11:59:33 PM | I'm fairly new to this site and am having absolutely no success on actually talking to women... Ive been messaging and am noticing a good amount of people who have "viewed me" but i'm striking out. What can a guy say to actually make you want to respond? Or is this site purely window shopping?!? Be honest here.
-D | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 12:30:57 AM | lol I ain't a girl but this is a very common thing man just be yourself, putting on a show and saying something you are told will just be a step backwards. Find something in their profile you can relate to an interest perhaps and try a conversation from that. Its not always going to work but if you share an interest at least its something you can talk about with some of yourself in the topic.
Again don't expect a shared interest to get the conversation going always a profile / pictures are gonna be a decent part of your chance at a message back.
I suggest a profile review because that top five thing makes you sound arrogant. lol I'd go next seeing that honestly. Even though its kind of a jokily nice top 5 reasons but its still the idea behind it. | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 12:42:36 AM | | Yeah man, def. get rid of the reasons why someone should date you thing. A girl will find reasons of her own to date a guy, not be told why =P So put some more info about you, and when you message someone, don't just say "Hi, how's it going?"...be creative! Always gets my attention when someone says something totally out of the ordinary, but not too random. | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 1:04:28 AM | What?!?! Dude trust me... I've tested it. Look at my page! I have more messages now then I've ever had.
Your profile is perfectly fine. They don't care what it says... they just think they do. Here is what you do...
Get another Picture or two. The ones you have are great but women get nervous when you only have 2.
Leave your description ALONE!!!! You might tweak a word here or there to make it clear your cracking a joke and being fun but don't change what you've got.
The strikeouts are for these reasons:
1. Your not their type... they saw the picture and its not going to happen.
2. Your opening message didn't do the trick
Honestly a good success rate is about 10%. So if you message 10 girls and only 1 responds... your doing fine. Look at her profile and take your time writing something. Try this... look into the background of her picture and say something funny about that. The idea is to say something she will not hear from someone else... something unique. Ever guy is going to go to her profile and say the most obvious thing in the world. If they "think" they are slick they will read her profile and say they like the same things. But your going to be better... Your going to notice the giant stuffed animal bear in the background and make her completely open up about her inner child. Oh and the only word you should ever use to describe her looks is "beautiful" (gorgeous or stunning sometimes work). NEVER use any variation of "hot" unless she admittedly likes you. | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 1:18:51 AM | hi, OP-
i read your profile and it immediately made me smile and i didn't stop until i finished it.
you have good photos- add a couple- at least 1 body shot and maybe 1 showing an activity that you have interest in.
you're a very nice looking man, seem to be a nice guy, and your profile and photos come across well, IMO.
there seems to be a trend with a significant number of the (younger) women on this site ('ll take the flak) to not respond to many messages, based on the info. being shared in the forums. don't let that affect you from contacting who i believe you can weed out as quality women. if they do not respond, keep moving along and you will find the ones who will.
i have met quality men on this site and i have made good friends with both men and women, so hang in there and persevere.
STRYFE has the right attitude re: online communication in his post. (didn't read his profile though) | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 1:33:36 AM | | I agree...hang in there you seem funny and not bad looking at all! Just think about the emails you are sending, maybe they are not getting their attention. More pictures too!! Hang in there!!! Good luck! | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 4:05:31 AM | You are young and very handsome and not to short. You should do fine.
Don't sweat it.
Work on the bait, before you expect a bite.
Your page is cute and funny but maybe some of the content could be a bit more serious.
Go to the Profile Review Forum if you'd like suggestions on how to edit and improve your page.
Your approach... just be genuine, a gentleman, sincere and interested.
Don't say hey yah! Or WOW... in the subject line.
Make that subject line stand out from all the rest lined up in the in box.
I read the mail with the most impressive, humorous or curious subject lines first.
Don't get discouraged, not every one will respond. It's the current here, a lot of woman ignore the mail. If she reads it and deletes it it means she is not interested.. forget her, move on.
The firefighter has got it.. Find something interesting on her page or that you think you share in common and remark on that. The lady will know you read her page and this is more impressive than just saying.. Wow, nice pics.
Good luck!!! | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 7:23:22 AM | Your photo is so dark, women are probably viewing it to get a better view of it.. But when they can't see you they move on. Your second photo is of one side of your face which is ok, but that's all you got.
You need more photos. Then realize not many people get mail on this site. You can do a thread search on this topic and see that hundreds of guys have the same issue. They blame it on height, weight, bald head, women being shallow, their ethnicity, etc etc....when there is only one common denominator....they're on this site. | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:21:21 AM | Well, online dating is window shopping- that's how it works.
Look at it like this- it's like women shopping for shoes. They want a nice looking shoe, but at the same time they want a good fit. This is how women spends hours and hours in the mall. There are many nice looking shoes, but the fit isn't good.
Women are trying you on when they look at your profile. For some reason or another, they didn't find a good fit.
Also, because the thumbnails are so tiny, a person has to click into the profile in order to see the person better. If you're not their type, they click out.
Something I would love underneath the thumbnails before even clicking in would be their age. Often I'll click into one, and he's either too young, say 23- or too old- like 47. Not a good fit for me, so I move on. If I knew straight up what their age was, I would click far fewer profiles.
Ignore the 'viewed me'- these women don't see a match. Don't feel bad about not getting responses. Keep up the effort- sooner or later it will pay off. Good luck! | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:24:32 AM | | Don't pay any attention to the "Viewed Me" option. It's just a waste of time. Not to mention that it'll frustrate you, because you're wondering why you are getting all of those page views, but no responses. | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 10:37:21 AM |
Your photo is so dark, women are probably viewing it to get a better view of it.. But when they can't see you they move on. Your second photo is of one side of your face which is ok, but that's all you got.
Yes what she said. I didn't even read your profile because I can't tell what you look like. I like to know who I'm talking to. Post a clear headshot as your avatar to at least get people to view your profile. The dark photo makes it seem like you are hiding something. | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 11:11:04 AM | To be perfectly honest: IF there is a guy who I am not attracted, there is nothing he can say or do to make me change my mind. If I can't picture myself in the throes of passion with that guy no Shakespearean sonnet will woo me over. Think of it that way. Give a decent effort when contacting them, Hi, Something Why they Caught Your Eye, Invite to Meet, Bye. Then delete the sent msg, and never worry about it again. Its just torturing yourself if you wait for the 'unread/delete'.
You're not bad looking, show a pic of your face... straight on. | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 11:35:42 AM | striker,
you're a nice looking guy but you should post a photo of yourself that is more of a close up so women can see you.
make sure you pop into some guy profiles so you can get an idea of what they post as well. not just one or two but the more the better because you can get some pretty good ideas...
and above all........straight up and right from the start, BE HONEST in all things....
best wishes
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 11:58:33 AM | It's already been mentioned in a few posts so pay attention to this:
Find some ground of common interest and try to connect from there. In the art of conversation it's called creating rapport.
(I have no concept of the messages you've sent so this is purely for example, but rapport is more than just naming a common denominator between you)
Don't just jump in and say "Hey, I see from your profile that you're into Coldplay. That's cool, so am I. Want to date?"
Use it to start a conversation. "I see that you're into Coldplay. Did you make it to the show last week? I wasn't able to make it, but I saw them last year at SuchandSuch venue. I love going to shows there. Have you ever been? So if you like Coldplay have you ever heard of...."
Okay, just an example, but you should get the idea.
What it comes down to is that with the first contact all you're trying to do is start a conversation. The fastest way to start a conversation is by asking a question. If your question relates to her she might answer. If your question relates to something in her profile, thereby showing her that you've actually read it, and you pose it in a way that shows genuine interest, you will see your responses increase 100 fold.
Obviously from your profile you have some sort of sense of humor. Humor is always a great way to break the ice, just remember that there is no infliction, body language, or tone in written text and sarcasm can sometimes be hard to discern, so using humor before someone has an idea of your personality can sometimes be tricky. (just stick with the easy to recognize type jokes until the conversation is well underway and you shouldn't have to worry)
Most of all though, is to keep in mind that all you're doing is conversing. Don't ever ask a woman out in your initial email or even hint at it. Keep it purely conversational so she doesn't have to feel apprehensive about responding to you. There are many women on here that have disclaimers in their profiles. There are reasons for this (the other men they've met on here). Many of these women are very selective when it comes to which emails they respond to. The more comfortable you can make her in your opening statements the more likely she will respond.
Relax, be yourself, lose all of your expectations, ask questions, don't stress on the lack of responses, and just enjoy fishing! | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/10/2009 12:13:38 PM | | Seriously, I wouldnt respond to a profile like this....that seems to purposely avoid a face picture.... | |
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| Spinning my wheels...
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:36:24 AM | I will admit that I will sometimes not respond simply because I don't feel that the opening contact has any chemistry with me if it is not something unique.
Photos are indeed a large factor as well. I want to see what you DO and who you like to keep company with if you have any group shots. Anything worth pursuing will be more than just a face!
I find it rather cute that some guys deliberately post pics of themselves with puppies or babies! I give points to these guys because they are actually trying to appeal a bit stronger than others.
I personally try to read between the lines of profiles, find the true self through all the descriptors of him.
In a word, "special" is what i'm sifting for. I am not going to waste my time or theirs if I don't feel I can give them special interest. | |
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