| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/10/2009 2:49:32 PM | | I am just wondering, since I had my relationship ended by my partner,,(which came as a huge surprise) I have been devastated and crushed. Still am but working on it. I not once have been angry at her. She was my angel and we were crazy for each other. She helped me with lots and is a very kind giving person.I am quite confused of the how come part of it. She never did give me any real explanations except there is no time for us. I don't think she is seeing some one else or ended our relationship for someone else. She was and is quite in dept due to other circumstances and is working 7 days a week, 12-14 hours a day trying to clear the dept. A very proud woman. No time for us so I doubt there would be another. I am wondering how terrible and hurt she might be feeling over the split. Are there any ladies out there that were on that end of this kind of scenario that can comment on this??? | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/10/2009 3:55:19 PM | | To be honest it depends on the situation. I have broken up with someone and either felt good or have no feelings about it at all. But I have felt bad at times too. But the person doing the breaking up usually gets over things faster than the other. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/10/2009 5:11:19 PM | | nature play, I can understand that you miss your g/f and are engaging in rationalization, attempting to make excuses why she is not dating or sleeping with another guy. Unfortunately when someone breaks up with a partner they are no longer psychologically or physically connected and whether or not she is with another guy is irrelevant because she is not with YOU! So what I suggest you do is try to keep occupied and any time thoughts about her being with another guy enter your thoughts merely distract yourself and continue to move forward. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:50:07 AM | Hey, nature. We've communicated privately. Not a gal, but...yeah, I'm sure she feels terrible too.
I'm here if you need a buddy. I need a brother myself...to replace the one that succumbed to cancer. Two years prior to his death, he was heartbroken because the love of his life dumped him...maybe I can be of more help this time-! | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/11/2009 10:43:50 AM | The real difference is the one who ends it had time to process the relationship ending. They went thru everything the dumped one goes thru, before they told you.
I have been 'dumped' once. I also have had to do the breaking up. I almost prefer being dumped actually. At least being dumped I am not worrying about the person, who I hurt on top of being sad that the relationship didnt work out. JMO | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/11/2009 2:54:19 PM | | i agree with brown except the person leaving doesn't really care about you anymore so you are just a memory if that. its never a easy situation and the dumpee has to struggle with finding a way to deal with it. i hope that you find a way to help yourself time heals all | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:39:02 PM | | Well, mine was that I was "cold and emotionless" and she wouldn't say anything else. I still don't know what she was talking about at the time, but I found that new hobbies deffinately help. Also, hanging out with friends helps as well. If they are friends, they will help out along the way too. In general, all you can do is kep living because the world is still turning and there are so many beautiful and fun things in it. Hope this helps. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/11/2009 4:34:32 PM | | i want to say they do, but they store in a place not seen to us, i dont know if were blind to it or not, i was married 22 years and 1 day she said she did not want to be married anymore, logic what logic! that simple, she was gone ,do you feel that she ruined you for anyone else, all i can do is forgive, but not forget, my friend you can't forget! john | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/11/2009 4:59:54 PM | Yes, yes, yes. I told my spouse/friend that I wanted to end our 16 year marriage last year - told him at a very weak moment in my life - a surprise (should not have been) to him. Even though the marriage had run its course, and all that could be said and done had been said and done, to this day, my heart aches that I have hurt my dearest, dearest friend.
On the other hand, I have also broken up with someone many years ago in an effort to save my life - it worked - and I never looked back.
But, there's never, ever a good time, whether you are man or woman, to say it's time to turn out the light. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/11/2009 5:22:20 PM | | If the relationship had a compassionate core BUT was insufficient to sustain the relationship then it is possible that the dumper will feel bad regarding hurting their former mate. However if this simpatico for their partner was lacking it is also possible that the dumper will walk away and move on with her/his life with little if any gult or compunction. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/11/2009 5:26:45 PM | I broke up with my boyfriend almost 2 months ago and am still hurting bad, though getting a little better now. I broke up because he broke dates and promises among other things.
The boyfriend before that I also broke up with and I hurt bad over that one for a long time too... the relationship just wasn't going to work though because he was a control freak among other things.
In my case, both break-ups were very painful... I did not want to break up because I loved them both, but there were things going on that would have only got worse, thus more pain later.
Sorry you are going through a heart break yourself and hope it gets better soon. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/11/2009 6:02:22 PM | Whenever I broke up with someone (which hasn't happened often) yes I felt terrible, probably not as bad as the one I broke up with, after all I knew what was coming, they didn't. But yes it does hurt a lot having to break up, it's not a fun thing to hurt someones feelings that deeply.
Hopefully a guy breaking up with a girl would feel the same way. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:56:54 PM | | Thanks every one for the feed back. My mind thinks one thing and my heart thinks a different thing. I wont talk about my mind thoughts because they are negative. My heart thoughts say she broke thingfs off because there was too much going on in her life, working 12-15 hours a day, 7 days a week, her ex having little time to live, her son moving away, and herself being a recovering cancer victom from a year ago. Thank god it hasn't returned. So breaking our relationship was the right thing to do for my sake, seen as their was no time left for our relationship. Then of course my desperation thought of getting back together after all the crap is behind her always pop's into my head. I know, I know, that is wrong to think that but I figure the new job she has will get her out of dept in 3-4 months where normal working hours will return and her ex is not expected to live another 3 months so if nothing comes about in 6 months then I will have to realize there is no chance. Am I insane for thinking this???? | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/12/2009 6:56:08 PM | I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago and I think it's much harder on me than it is on him. I did it rashly in anger, so I regret it. I didn't really want to lose him and I wish we had talked about the problem. But, it's not good to dwell on the "if only's"... a good quote I read recently:
"My mind is expert at taking one negative and ballooning it into many until I have enough balloons to throw a pity party."
Also, I think it's harder on the instigator because they have the added anguish of wondering if it was the best decision (at least for me). | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:16:02 PM | | Well it depends if she was in love or not it is hard to tell sometimes. The more you love them the more it hurts and id have to say i broke up with 2 guys that i really loved and it really hurts. One was recently and he was very abusive and i just couldnt live like that anymore but it sucks because i loved him very much and is the father of my kids he just doesnt want to change. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/12/2009 9:32:46 PM | | ABSOLUTELY! Women for many reasons end relationships and guggle many realtionships, family, work , children, and self. While they can end the relationship as men can...it may be an insight into the future that they see...perhaps a charactoristic that you have continued to express or show that has caused them to end the relationship...however, let's not forget that women also change their minds quickly...I'm not part of that group...I usually now what I want and when I find IT try to keep it....happy...very happy! | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:26:30 AM | Exactly !
I totally agree with what you said "They went thru everything the dumped one goes thru, before they told you."
I've been dumped a few times myself and even when you end up talking/chatting with them later and they behave like nothing's bothering them. I am going throught that right now.
How come they don't to be your lover and more but have no problem being your 'freind' ?? | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/13/2009 10:53:43 AM | I think you are wrong.Women are raze differently than man.They are way more emotional than a man. Most of the women don't store it in side,it is the man that do that. Cording to the male gender ,man should not show they feelings .It is not manly.
Daja | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:05:39 PM | | Your right datedaja. I wasn't meaning it the way I wrote it. I feel realy terible for the man. He must be scared beyond scared. I am having a hard time understanding any of this time of my life. My ex and I were like happy beyond happy and all was perfect and I never got a reason for the split. It happened very suddenly and coinsident or not, it was right after her ex got sick and her job pressure comenced into crazy unrealistic hours and no days off. I guess I am just trying to blame something so I can make sense of this. I just really miss her and our great times we had. I have had painful splits before but never anything this extreme. I am sorry for upseting you. I need to stop this self pity. I could be in her ex's shoes, a much worse senerio. | |
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| do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner?
Posted: 5/14/2009 12:51:37 AM | | I am in a similar situattion my girfriend of 2 years was my neighbor her now x left her i day for another girl . he was packing his stuff and i asked as i was in my drive way he said he was divorcing her at christmas 2006. She was devistated and i told him months prior how lucky he was to have a nice girl that cooked for him and took care of him he agreed 6 months prior. So march 2007 my dad passed away the night before his last call to me myself and my now x were getting more closer after more drinks we ended it in the bedroom . the following morning i got the news they found my dad dead in his home natuarl causes. she at that time is what i needed to have someone to hold and i was there for her because the house she was left was in forclosure. I then ended up building an editioanal room to my patio for her 2 kids to live in. I spoiled her rotten she never had to pay for anything and we were so happy after seven years it just came into my life i wasnt even looking she pursued me . She was 27 me 40. In october of 2008 she ended up moving out into an aparrtment i helped her with the dep . What we realized is that w were never friends we hit the sack and started moving in never knowing each other and getting used to her kids and mine teens . so after she moved we got engaged december 2008 march 2009 she left me again but now i knew this time she wasnt coming back.. NOW THE WAY SHE LEFT THIS TIME WAS RUDE AND VERY DISRESPECTFULL SHE TREATED ME LIKE I HAD RAPED HER SHE WOULD NOT RETURN CALLS OR ANSWER ME SHE HAD LEFT SOME THINGS AT MY HOME AND WE ALSO HAD PENDING BILLS THAT I NEEDED TO CLARIFY SHE STARTED RECORDING ME AND SCREEENING MY CALLS I WOULD TRY TO GET HER ATTENTION AND SHE WOULD GET MEANER AND NASTIESR I COULDNT BELIEVE WHAT I WAS EXPERIENCING THAT SOMEONE THAT LOVED ME A WEEK AGO NOW I WAS A STRANGER THAT SHE NEVER KNEW HOW COULD SOMEONE SHUT THER FEELINS LIKE THAT IT WAS IN HUMAN , I GOT MORE MAD THEN I GOT DRUNK AND DID THINGS THAT WOULD MAKE HER SPEND MONEY AND TIME TO FIX THATS THE ONLY WAY THAT I WANTED HER TO KNOW I DIDNT LEAVE AND THAT I WAMNTED RESALIUATION I DESERVED THAT. SHE GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER ON ME AND NOW I HAVE ONE ON HER AND HER NEW MAN THAT LIVES IN A TRAILER IN TAFT AN HE IS 21 SHE TOTALY WENT FOR ROAST BEEF WHEN SHE HAD FILET MIGNON , NIOW SHE HAS LOST CUSTODY OF HER KIDS AND ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT ON MY SPACE IS HER MAN . I HAVE 2 SNMALL CLAIMS DATES IN COURT FOR 5000.00 I STILL HAVENTGOTTEN OVER HER ITS BEEN 4 MONTHS AND I HAVE IT ALL BUT IT FEEL EMPTY MY HOUSE DOES ISTILL SEE HER AND THE OUTSIDE VISIONS AND HERE THERE LAUGHS MAN ITS TOUGH TO GET OVER A NICE GIRL . I ASK IN PROFILES AND WHAT I DESCIBE IS HER . | |
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