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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > 'you can have any girl you want' -she said.      Home login  
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 coolguynyc89
Joined: 5/5/2009
Msg: 1
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
But why can't I have the one I love?

My ex keeps telling me how amazing I am, and how I always manage to make her happy and cheer her up...

But for some reason she doesn't want me.

Worst part is, she doesn't let me move on. Every time I try to get over her, she ends up texting or calling me, expecting me to save her from her sorrows... Like a weak minded coward, I help her, make her feel special, make her smile again.

Then soon after (a day or 2) she starts pushing me away again.

Then the cycle continues.. get another call from her... pushes away...

I want this to end. But I just can't =/

Help. -.-
 elaine666
Joined: 7/18/2007
Msg: 2
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 12:50:24 AM
Just have the balls to not answer her calls , you are equally as weak as her if you keep running back and forth to her ...or txt her saying 'sorry can't help out I'm out with the boys' or something on those lines xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 coolguynyc89
Joined: 5/5/2009
Msg: 3
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:14:33 AM
yeah, a lot easier said than done lol... I've been trying to be an ***hole and let her drown in her own sorrow. But.. I can't :( I wouldn't do that to anyone.
 butternutsquash29
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 4
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:39:17 AM
Dude tell her to kick rocks. Any woman that plays games like that... doesn't deserve what men offer. Having kills wanting, that's something I've learned. She knows that you will answer her calls, so when she's down and out she will give you a buzz. Trust me been there done that. NO THANKS! good luck
 dreamcatcher39
Joined: 6/12/2005
Msg: 5
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:53:40 AM

Then soon after (a day or 2) she starts pushing me away again.

Then the cycle continues.. get another call from her... pushes away...

I want this to end. But I just can't =/

Ever heard the song sick cycle carousel by Lifehouse. Listen to it. Cause it wont stop, till you step down for good.
I know it is hard to let go of someone you love. You say you cant. But, you can.
The pain of letting someone run hot and cold on you, will eventually become greater than the pain of letting them go.
you learn to let them go, and it becomes a valuable life lesson.
 evolving62
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 6
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 6:56:35 AM
Similar thing happened to me. My ex-wife and I tried to do the friend thing for a while but it just got too confusing, everytime I was around her I'd start to develop feelings again so I backed off but she kept ringing and texting with some pretext or other so in the end I told her no more and we've now gone our seperate ways. It was the best thing for my sanity and you have to do this too in my opinion. It may seem tough at the start but it's the only way. Good luck.
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 7
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 7:15:23 AM
You already know what's wrong and that you are helpless to do what you should. You said as much. Now if I tell you what you already know, will that make it possible for you to do it, as if by hearing it from me you can suddenly do what you could not do when it was only yourself saying it? In case that is the case, then what you should do is end the cycle you can't end, by suddenly being able to end it.
 KapilaMcNary
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 8
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 7:28:33 AM
Do you really love her? Do you really want to be with her? If so, you need to find a way to communicate that in a healthy clear fashion, and find out what it is that causes her to alternately reject you. Does she really not want to be with you, but is afraid to let go and be alone? These are questions you have to find the answers too. Otherwise you will stay on a very painful confusing roller coaster, until she jumps right in with someone else and causes you more pain and confusion. If you really love one another, and can truly gauge that, then do whatever it takes to make it work, and demand the same from her. And if she cant give it, then let her go and become who you want to be in order to be with the woman you desire.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 9
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:47:42 AM
But...I want YOU!

Sorry you're going through this, man. Just keep deleting those messages. Eventually she'll stop sending them.
 fortygeek
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 10
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 10:43:52 AM
coolguy,
You don't say how this relationship started or ended, and it doesn't really matter. She's getting what she wants from whatever this relationship is now. Are you? I think not.

At this point in time, you are being used as her emotional doormat and nothing more. You will NOT begin to heal until you can get away from her. It is time to go no contact with this girl and start healing up. Seriously...time to bite the bullet and ask her, once and for all, to quit contacting you. If she cannot respect that request, time to block her.



I've been trying to be an ***hole and let her drown in her own sorrow. But.. I can't :( I wouldn't do that to anyone.


It's not called 'being an ***hole'...it's called gaining some self respect and getting what YOU need. Which, at this time, would be some peace and quiet from this emotional rollercoaster.

Hope you take my advice. Been there...dated that.

Paul ;)
 Pam 1028
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 11
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:16:38 AM
Have you ever thought that maybe if she knew you weren't available anymore, she wouldn't keep dragging you back into her clutches and then dropping you? As long as she knows that you'll be there for her, she'll keep doing this. You are her fall-back guy. Have you tried explaining what she's doing to you? A nice & sane person would realize she's keeping you down.

If you have, and she is still doing this to you, she is a bad and/or weak human being and you need to get as far away from this poisonous person as you can. Change your phone number, move, change your name, etc. if you are equally weak where she is concerned. You need to get on with your life. I know this is easier said than done, but you just have to do it. You have the rest of your life to live and there is someone out there meant for you. As long as this chick is still lurking in your life, you will never find the love of your life.

Good luck to you.
 Uncle Fist
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 12
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:42:32 AM
Bro, you're doing this to yourself.

This girl is making you feel like crap and you're letting her. Stop answering her calls. Don't be a jerk to her. Just ignore her completely from now on. Eventually, she'll leave you alone.

Your rushing to make her feel better is not being supportive, and it is definitely not going to somehow win her back. All you're essentially doing is being her bìtch.

Just remember, it's not your job to fix someone else. If she's unhappy, that's her job to fix that.
 solewolf22
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 13
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 12:15:08 PM
I've made (or more importantly enforced ) the statement that I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. I just cut someone off in my life, who is the SPITTING IMAGE of this scenario. Only difference is, she went back to an ex and he wound up knocking her up, and dissapearing. He's no nowhere to be found, and who does she call ?

Me.

I told her off 17 ways from Sunday, because regardless of where you are now, you ran back to him, and he knew you would. He wanted STRICTLY sex, and you fell for it. Now you're another single-mom [ ]. I'm NOBODYS' SIDE-PIECE, and you want me to be your perfect-sucker. I stick around and raise this kid, while you find yourself right back where you started from. Sorry, but momma didn't raise NO fool.I tried compassion, kindness, understanding, sympathy, and reason, and you kept on playing with fire. It hurts when you finally get burned, doesn't it ?


Yeah, someone had it absolutely correct here. Tell her to kick rocks. She's a usurper. Any[further] emotional involvement will only be had, at the expense of your own well-being and sense of self-worth.Oh yeah, sanity too.

Take her advice. She says you can have any girl you want ? Go for it !!!!!

Myself and other gentleman have been where you are. For your own sanitys' sake. The best gift you can give this girl, is to leave her alone. She flings herself from buildings so you can be her make-shift "super-man". It's a dangerous game, and you'll lose yourself, trying to save her.

But that's one fishs' opinion among millions. What do I know ?

~Sw22
 coolguynyc89
Joined: 5/5/2009
Msg: 14
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 12:40:29 PM
Thanks for the info guys/gals... believe it or not, being told what I already know makes it easier to do the right thing.
 FunkyMonkee
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 15
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 2:03:52 PM
Yes indeed.

No one is doubting the depth of feelings and hurt you are undergoing.

You haven't filed at anything, this is the reality of real life even if it sucks, there are tons more women out there for you (not just one) and the worse thing you can do in this typ e of situation is deal with it by cutting yourself off from women for a significant length of time.

You don't have to try and protect yourself from these feelings in the future by giving less to your next relationship and loving her/allowing yourself to love her/trreat her any less.
 coolguynyc89
Joined: 5/5/2009
Msg: 16
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 4:41:11 PM
Ha... She wants to get lunch/dinner on friday -.-

Think i'm going to go, i'd tell her in person to stop contacting me.
 Pam 1028
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 17
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 4:53:55 PM
Danger, Will Robinson! Why can't you do this by phone or email? Be careful. And don't pay for her meal!
 coolguynyc89
Joined: 5/5/2009
Msg: 18
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 5:24:45 PM
I certainly won't lol.

After all this she should pay for my dinner and buy me a six-pack of beer.
 fortygeek
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 19
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:37:53 PM
coolguy,
I'll call it like I see it...if your purpose is to end all communication, going to dinner is a stupid, childish move. Your euphoria over your so-called 'gotcha' moment will be VERY short lived and might goad her into even MORE communication. And, I'm certain you won't enjoy what she has to say after dinner. Hell hath no fury...

Just end it with an email or phone call and go no-contact after that.

Paul ;)
 AHeartyLaugh
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 20
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:52:22 PM
i know exactly what your feeling and exactly what she is feeling. this went on for me with my girl for 11 months.
as long as she knows ur within reach it will not stop. she is only worried about her own feelings, thats why when she down she calls you, but what happens when she's happy ur not there right?
her calling doesn't mean she's coming around, i know you already know it, (becuase i did) but you have to listen to what ur instinct is telling you.
I hate this saying, but "time does heal with the help of your friends"
You dont want to hear," just forget it about the ****" bc you dont want to forget and you still want her no matter what.
You are a man tho. you just have to decide when ur strong enough to step up. You dont have to be mean at all to her also. be that good guy.

Zero contact is the only way, and how much it hurts you depends on how much you were devoted to her
 Moon Goddess
Joined: 6/7/2004
Msg: 21
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:54:02 PM

funkymonkee wrote: You don't have to try and protect yourself from these feelings in the future by giving less to your next relationship and loving her/allowing yourself to love her/trreat her any less.


Kudos to you funkeymonkey! That was well said!
 hunnylookin121
Joined: 6/28/2005
Msg: 22
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/12/2009 3:04:16 AM
okay this is gonna sound harsh but its what you need to hear. STOP ANSWERING THE *AMN PHONE!!! You dont deserve that and she is just using you. You to start nc plan. It works and you find yourself happier!
 Uncle Fist
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 23
'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/13/2009 5:35:10 PM
Since you said being told what you already know you need to do seems to help, I'm just going to re-affirm what some others have said here to drive the point home.

You don't need to tell her to stop contacting you. It's unnecessary and might possibly even backfire on you. Honestly, you really shouldn't have even responded to her dinner invitation. You should have just ignored it completely.

Stop picking up the phone. Stop responding to her texts. In fact, I'd recommend doing what my female friends do when they get tempted to drunk text a guy that dumped them....... delete her number from your phone.
 miss_contemplative
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 24
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/14/2009 10:28:39 AM
Maybe tell her that the next time she decides to have an unstable moment, to call her friends who care.

Take your power back man! Geez.
 pirateheaven
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 25
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'you can have any girl you want' -she said.
Posted: 5/14/2009 11:21:17 AM
OP ---

The delete key is your friend.

Cut off ALL communication.

She will find someone else to share her troubles.
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