Splex
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Joined: 2/21/2009
Msg: 1 | |
| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 2:13:34 AM | Hey....... It seems when I'm around someone i think i will like, or really gorgeous, i get really quiet and shy... It wasn't always like this.. in till i started looking for a relationship, I have met a few people off this site and messed it up cause i like couldn't think of anything to say and the stuff i did want to say i couldn't cause i thought it was stupid, so by me being shy and quiet created a lot of awkwerdness.
Any advice you can give me to get over this shyness would be awsome. thanks | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:18:40 AM | If you are interested in someone, ask them questions. You don't have to worry about what YOU are going to say. Think of real questions that you can ask THEM. Have you ever met someone and they ask you where you were born, how long have you been on POF, do you have kids, do you like sports, what do you like to do on your days off, etc., etc.,?? Don't you like someone to ask you questions about yourself? Yes, well, so do they!
Also, practice, practice, practice. Another thing, get your life in order and you will feel a lot more confident about yourself. | |
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Cadoc
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Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 3 | |
| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:54:01 AM | | You just need to be yourself... what you think is stupid, they may find funny. Bottom line, if you can't be yourself around someone, the silent acwardness just isn't going away. If you find that your putting way too much thought into what to say or not say, chances are your with the wrong gal. Just live your life as you, don't worry about what other people think so much. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 3:55:05 AM | | As someone who is naturally introverted, I can say that I've managed to deal with feeling awkward in situations by forcing myself to be in awkward situations. It's uncomfortable at first, but so is anything you don't do well naturally. | |
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Splex
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Joined: 2/21/2009
Msg: 5 | |
| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 6:42:37 AM | | Thanks everyone, all this is actualy great advice.... should help alot. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 7:17:30 AM | | I'm extremely shy around women. I get tongue tied and quiet and I feel like they think that I'm not interested which is furthest from the truth. I wish I could get over it. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 7:32:11 AM | Two pieces of advice that will help you REprogram yourself. One, hit on everybody. Start with grandma, treat her like she is awesome, then do that to the next, and the next, until you do that naturally to the girls that you like. Now, this piece of advice is very important, when you see a girl you like, rather than thinking what you like about her, see her as how ugly she is, how she has too much make up, no a ss, fake boobs, whatever. The whole point is that men idolize women and put them in pedestals and from there on it's an uphill battle that you are going to lose for one simple reason, women, do not look down for a man, they look up. If you do not show that drooling attitude then they are more interested IN YOU.
For instance, I went out with his girl that had the most incredible well done set of knockers. But since I new they were, pre-fab I completely ignore them even when she showed me her cleavage. I almost looked at them as if "whatever" sort of attitude. That perpetuated her desire for me to see and touch them. Eventually she got her wishes satisfied.
Hehehe. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:46:00 AM | Xanax can work wonders!
Ok, I'm kidding.
When you find the solution for shyness please let me know! | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:34:38 AM |
the stuff i did want to say i couldn't cause i thought it was stupid
Well there's your problem!
You can never go wrong talking stupid. If you act like a dumbsh1t, they'll treat you as an equal. The dumber and stupider, the better. Try it, you'll see I'm right. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:39:47 AM |
As someone who is naturally introverted, I can say that I've managed to deal with feeling awkward in situations by forcing myself to be in awkward situations. It's uncomfortable at first, but so is anything you don't do well naturally.
This sums it up for me.  | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 9:48:18 AM | You have to realize that these good looking individuals can also be shy and introverted or have any number of their own insecurities as well. Just because they look a certain way doesn't automatically provide them with automatic self-confidence either. I've heard it said any number of times by some very good looking individuals that they find it difficult to get dates themselves because people are intimidated by their looks - go figure. When you are presented with a gift that is wrapped extragently or wrapped in newspaper, what's on the inside can hold the same product.
You say to a good looking individual or one you think you would like, the same things that you would say to anyone else. Be yourself, open your mouth and just let the words flow like they would with anyone else. Because they are someone you think you'd like or because they're gorgeous in your eyes doesn't make them any different than anyone else. The packaging is just different perhaps. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:13:45 AM | Alright OP, here's whatcha gotta do. Go stand in front of your mirror with ya shirt off.( also U have to wear that baseball cap and chain your wearing in your main pfile pic.) And tell yourself, All da women want me, im a great guy over and over. And here's the most important part, U have to film it, post it on da net and tell me where, so that I can watch it.
Not that any of this will help U get over being shy, but damn it would be funny. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 11:34:59 AM | | I am painfully shy, trying to break the habit. I try to move forward, just I stutter. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 1:26:54 PM | | I find toastmasters international is a good way for me to overcome my fear of public speaking and plus I volunteer as a lecturer at my church. It gives me boost of confidence. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 1:30:34 PM | lol!! its a tough one to get over
I try and imagine someone really attractive as just a picture in the palm of my hand and psyche myself into visualising the fact that just cos they are attractive doesnt mean they are better than me.
it might not make sense to some but sometimes it can work.... go on try it ...lol!!! | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 1:43:12 PM | | I've got fear of rejection issues, and that would really come out when I was around someone I really liked (was crushing on, or whatever you kids call it these days). I would turn into a bumbling idiot. I never fully got over it (and some girls think it's cute), but for me I just had to practice practice practice.... liquid courage helps ;) | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 2:02:35 PM | Hey yourself! Here's what I recommend. Start talking! Start having conversations with random people...anywhere, everywhere...people in a line-up at the 7/11, people at the gas bar, people at a bus stop.
Take the focus off of gorgeous girls for a while and start having conversations with everyone. It's going to take practice, but you'll quickly see how much more comfortable you are doing this. Find a way to do this everyday, several times a day. The next time you meet someone cute, you'll be surprised to find how much easier things will go for you. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 2:23:20 PM | Wow, I can relate to the OP. I used to have a hard time speaking with anyone I thought was attractive to me. I'd be very shy and quiet, and if I did talk (somehow I could even though I had this knot in my stomach!) it would be in short bursts, nervous, and people could barely hear me! I would stumble and bumble and break down my English skills worse than President Bush.
Well fast forward about 5-10 years (yah that's a big variance but that's not the point!) and now I can *usually* chat up just about anyone I need to (keywords, need to...). I'm a quiet person by nature, I don't feel the urge to talk to random people all the time (ok so most people are that way, but I just like to be quiet sometimes...that's why I said people I 'need' to talk to). How did I at least get to this point?
I wish I could say in this age of instant gratification, that there some awesome trick to this. BUT alas, no.
Well two ways, first I gained lots of confidence working in the retail industry. I worker at an airport newsstand as a cashier, and dealt with thousands of people on a daily basis from all walks of life. I HAD to talk to them, greet them, etc. if I wanted to keep my job. That got me used to people and to stop being shy. They won't bite my head off, even if it was a beautiful woman. This one time, a really attractive woman came by. I assumed she worked out from looking at her arms (great biceps!). I complimented her "Hey you have great arms!" and asked her how often she worked out. Well she took the compliment and responded. It's too bad she had a BF and was flying out from the airport...Oh well.
Second, as some folks have mentioned above, practice! Start making small talk, short comments about something, with people you encounter on a daily basis. I know it's hard at first, I've been there, done that, still doing that actually. Hah. Often times, I will make an *attempt* with humor (defensive mechanism I suppose) about something geeky (that's how I roll). OR you could compliment someone on something you noticed (Don't say "Nice pecs dude!" you might get hurt...) say, "Wow nice ride, I've been thinking of getting one of those, any ideas on a good dealer?"
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 5:16:11 PM | I agree with the comment about working on public speaking or any other program like that...I think that is great training and you feel some of the same adrenaline. Also, working out does wonders, OP....I had been really heavy at one point due to health issues vs. really athletic in high school....no comparison...I didnt even have to work that hard and the more outgoing ones then chase you | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 5:30:45 PM | First off: drop the TV-fashion-Music manufactured fake image you have, remove that mask you are displaying around and BE YOURSELF.
I've read your profile to get a character, I will skip over the rest but one part: Pimp you say? (I wonder how many decent ladies want to be a HO) and now am here reading your thread to get help: you see where am getting at? Two completly different individuals or images: a FAKE ONE that overcompensate for your lack of security...and a real one who wants to come out and get ride of shyness. One blocking the other.
- Start to be YOU...not what you think (or your buddies) is cool
- Bring the best in you, see what possitive you really can do
- Start to see and talk to women as equal HUMAN BEINGS...not the other gender
- Ask yourself what do you want in a lady (not that, you perverts), and try to ponder what do they want...now cross that bridge: now you know what to talk about. | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 5:31:43 PM | | Don't worry about whether or not someone will like you..just be yourself.... | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:00:39 PM | As you get older, and have more experience in a social setting, you will come out of your shell. There really is nothing that anyone can say that will help you to get over being shy. You are what you are. However, People are people, we all put our pants on one leg at a time. You have to remember that we are all equal. Try to rememeber that when you can't see someone's face as you are typing to them, it can be more challenging to find a common interest. Be yourself, I am sure that it will all work out.
JMO | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:45:43 PM | Just start talking to people. Male or female. Any age. About anything.
REALIZE THIS - You must ACT first, feelings will change later. If you do not ACT, your feelings will never change. Just start - you WILL screw up royally at first, but don't worry about it - expect it - and have this perspective "I didn't hurt anyone and nobody hurt me so it's all good" secondly, people LIKE it when someone seems to be interested in them and their opinions (just make sure it IS something you ARE interested in or you'll come off as a fake).
When I was a teen I was PAINFULLY shy. Now I can give a presentation to several hundred people and not even have any jitters. It wasn't an overnight change but it didn't take that long. I just thought about what I'd like to know about people, how did they feel about certain issues that I felt were important, what made them happiest, what would they change if they could - just all kinds of things like that. I'd start telling a little about myself and then start asking questions, and just sit back and listen, they would always bring up other things that made me think of other things I'd like to know about in getting to know them. You can really learn a lot from other people, and make a lot of friends this way.
Go for it.
Rob | |
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| Getting over Shyness? >.>
Posted: 5/11/2009 8:52:56 PM | A certain amount of joy and excitement comes from going into a situation where you have no idea what you're going to say...or how she's going to respond...be interested, but not too interested, coy but real, sweet but with a bit of an aggressive edge. She won't bite you, unless she's interested lol.
A certain amount of passion helps. What are you passionate about besides women? See yourself talking about that, but including her in the conversation, looking at her to see if she's interested in what you're saying.
Know what you want from her. That might help. Visualize all the things you see yourself doing to her / with her. Just think of her like a really cool male friend who happens to look a lot better than any guy you know. That's what I do. | |
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