| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:03:08 AM | | Ok weve been on 4 fabulous dates full of conversation and laughter. We chatted for about 2 months before our first date...................on our last date i told him I liked him and that I didnt want t o see anyone else and all he sd was "ok" . Since then I have been worried....So I asked him if I pushed or ruined what we have going he sd no and not to worry about but the vibe is different . AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did I scare him off? | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:12:48 AM | | Has he said anything that makes you think that he's not interested or scared off? Or is there a chance that your reading too much into this? | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:27:46 AM | | Chill out, you're overanxious and sometimes anxiety can scare somebody off, but then again if they're scared off that easily, who needs them anyway. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 9:35:12 AM |
all he sd was "ok" You may not have scared him off, but I don't think he wants to be exclusive with you. Ok, is acknowledgment of what you said, but he isn't agreeing with how you feel or stating he feels the same.
You can enjoy what you have, but if you can't deal that he isn't exclusive with you, get out now. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 9:53:09 AM | You took to much time getting to the meeting and greeting point which actually takes the mind fantasy to reality. Two months? Is this a distance relationship?
Think about it.......You have had four dates which could be two weekends of knowing one another, and you are promoting exclusivity, and sharing openly how much you care for this man. Is there any wonder that he might be somewhat startled, and needing to take a step back?
I could understand if you had four dates, and wanted to have sex with this man, then it is only natural to ask about others, protection, testing, pregnancy, and where it might be headed. Even with that, I would think it much more beneficial for the both of you to take it even slower, enjoy each other, the time together, the sex, and not proclaim your undying love quite yet.......
So OP, what else is going on here that you are not telling us? What has changed with him now that you have forced the issue of a single relationship? What demands have you laid out, or insisted upon? What is he willing to offer, and compromise about? Where is his large head at with all of this, and of course, where is his small one as well?
Think about it, and get back to us.
Just my opinion.......   | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:05:10 AM | Not a long distance relationship....I wanted to take it slow. So its been 4 dates one a week for a month...... no sex we both a greed to wait until were ready.
I havent laid out any demands I even told him that I understand if hes not ready for us to be exclusive and if hes still dating thats fine w/ me but i dont want to see anyone else.
Liek I sd we still chat and text but I feel off, maybe its just me..................
He is a very attentive, sweet considerate affectionate guy and I dont want to let him go. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:21:02 AM | yep!!
You scared him!!
What is wrong with "going with the flow" "enjoying each others company" "taking one day at a time"
Why do some have to Analyze EVERYTHING when boy meets girl??? | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:45:55 AM | | The game plan includes getting to know him until she is sure she wants him for the relationship she is looking for. She does this in her own mind, so when she takes a step along that plan and announces it, he can only respond to what is in view, and not directly to the plan that lives hidden in her imagination. She might have explained that there is a plan, and that this is a step in the plan, inviting him to see her plan as the context for the step that her announcement represented. Now she worries if the plan is at risk because she doesn't know how to fit his response into the plan. According to the plan he should have said, yes, let's take this next step in your plan, or, no, I do not want to take this next step in your plan. By just saying, OK, he merely acknowledged that he had understood what she said. He gave no information useful for her to know about the progress of the plan about which he is unaware. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 11:23:37 AM | If his answer was "okay"..erm....well...
Let's see. He's an adult male. He has a mouth on his face. He's met with your animated "I like you and I want to be exclusive" sort of thing and his response was ......
ok?
I wouldn't go on a 5th date with a guy who can't respond with something a tad more informative than that.
Dudd. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 1:57:11 PM | Yes, now that you have a serious member, perhaps it was too much for him.
Then again, it could be nothing. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 2:43:35 PM | Let's run it into my Guy Translation software.
"OK"
Whirrrrr, whirrrrr
Translation:
"OK"
Meaning:
Opposite of no.
A positive response.
The different vibe thing is him figuring out if YOU are relationship worthy.
Now are you scared off?
:-P
| |
|
| |
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:04:24 PM |
Who knows if you scared him or not!
Men are odd little creatures at times - you've got to love 'em though.......................
My suggestion would be to just take things as they come. No expectations at this stage. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/12/2009 7:10:06 PM | | If you can scare a guy off, it means he was already on his way out the door on some level and you saved yourself some time. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/13/2009 5:09:58 AM | | bad form, OP. really, really bad form. i don't know what he's thinking and perhaps its okay, but this is one of the quickest ways ever devised by the mind of woman to get rid of a man via the fast lane of "unintended consequences". just because you like someone alot doesn't mean you should put them on the spot with some version of the c-word after 2 months of emails and 4 dates. that's not nearly enough time, and you don't know him well enough... you can't possibly. it's okay to think these thoughts as they may naturally arise, and any woman who's met someone they really hit it off with has probably experienced the same feelings, but OMG put a sock in it!! :) | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/13/2009 5:50:03 AM | Yup, you did. Learn to keep such thoughts to yourself.
Not trying to be harsh but I did the same thing myself not too long ago and I will regret it always as I lost someone wonderful that way. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:00:48 AM | First, if someone is really into you then it is almost impossible to "scare" them off.
Are you sure it isn't your own insecurities coming into play making you constantly look and search for some kind of "vibe" instead of seeing what is right in front of you? If the consistency and substance of communication is the same then I would say that you are driving yourself crazy (and likely him in the process) by over analyzing every little nuance of what he now says, how he says it, when he says it, etc.
Besides, the vibe should be different and that's not a bad thing. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:43:24 AM | farceur:  
But I agree. OP is over thinking. Meanwhile, I suggest it is entirely possible he has forgotten the conversation completely. So relax, OP. Letting go at this point can only help. | |
|
| Oh, dear.
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:11:10 AM | It's the dreaded, "I've said too much!"
My take, there are two things going on here. One is that your feelings are progressing faster than his. This happens all the time one way or the other and is, IMO, no cause for concern in and of itself.
The other is that this fellow is just not communicating. Sure it'd be great if he'd said he didn't want to see anyone else either, but you'd probably still feel more comfortable now if he'd opened even up so much as to say that he feels that's a little fast and hopes you'll give him some time. Something (anything!) that at least acknowledges what you said, and gives you an open emotional response.
You are probably simply not going to get that, at least, not now. I'd suggest taking a few days for yourself, not talking with him; spend time with friends, go to movies, library, tour old houses, whatever you like best. Some space really does help to lend a little perspective, so you can decide whether or not this dynamic is accepable to you - which is the most important question of all!
Hope some of that's useful. Good luck! | |
|
| Oh, dear.
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:50:28 AM | | I think it's good that you were clear on what you expect. But don't stop there--why not ask him if he's totally on board? | |
|
| Oh, dear.
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:44:57 AM | You have only had 4 dates. The exclusive talk should have waited for at least 4 more.. You may have scared him off, you may not have. Sounds to me like the "OK" was his way of letting you know that he heard what you were saying. However, it doesn't mean that he is going to go along with it.
Let him come to you now.
JMO Felanie | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/13/2009 2:57:30 PM | So after 4 dates you want to be exclusive with him? Granted, you did talk to each other for 2 months beforehand, but it's not so much what you said as how you said it:
on our last date i told him I liked him and that I didnt want t o see anyone else and all he sd was "ok"
Why the big deal?
Because even the most 'modern' and independent women I know are throwbacks to previous generations when it comes to men and romance. Rather than gently open a conversation about where he felt the courtship was going you instead told him how you felt with the purpose of making him share how he felt.
I've found this strange method of communication quite common in many women. If a woman wants a man's opinion on her outfit often time she'll say "I think this dress makes my butt look fat" rather than "do you think this dress makes me look fat?". Many won't see the difference, but when a woman wants to know an answer to something on her mind and injects her opinion or wishes as you have it makes it doubly hard on the man to answer cause now he has to answer in such a way that your own viewpoint isn't insulted.
I understand why woman make declarative statements intended to be questions. It's the sneaky way of making a man make the first move in areas that women feel the man should make the first move. Still, it can be a pain in the ass dodging mines and can mentally exhaust a guy to the point where it's more work than it's worth so do it sparingly. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/13/2009 3:43:06 PM | Did you scare him off? Only you and/or him can truly answer that.
I just don't think I would tell a man after only 4 dates that I plan to be exclusive to him...people are sometimes fickle and the way things work these days is far different than when I was younger.
Just try and slow down a bit and let things happen as they will ~ fate will give you your answer in time. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:16:36 PM | No, you didn't scare him off, but he looked up your profile on POF and your screen name sent him running over the horizon with his head on fire...
Now, I'm going to give you some invaluable advice that's worth everything you're going to pay for it....
Always, ALWAYS, pick a Romanized version of an obscure third world dialect that does not translate directly into English for a screen name. | |
|
| I think I scared him off
Posted: 5/14/2009 12:27:20 PM | | The screen name is a joke but I might need t o change it................... | |
|
Home
login 
