| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 3:49:50 PM | So many single mothers explain their circumstances as the result of an accident. They got pregnant by accident. But accidental pregnancy doesn't mean a birth has to follow. Children born in these situations were not accidents, they were freely chosen by their birth mothers. Just becoming pregnant does not force any woman to give birth. Abortion has been legal for decades now. And adoption is also a viable alternative.
The point is, all children are here because of the conscious choice of the mother. No one has to continue an accidental pregnancy. These women have children because they want to. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 4:08:49 PM | | Not in the case where their beliefs preclude abortion. For many women, the fact that abortion is legal does not matter because they believe it is also wrong. Still, usually, they did choose to have sex and knew that leads to pregnancy. But it's naive to think that a choice exists just on the grounds of legality. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:00:08 PM | | I have to dissagree because from my stand point it would be murder plain and simple no if and's or but's about it I am pro choice don't get pregnant if you don't want to be thats the choice, But it always amazes me that it is blamed on the woman it is as much the man's responsibilty as the womans to make sure an "accident" doesn't happen, Adoption is always a choice but I admire a woman that could carry for 9 months and then give it up, The thing normally is like with me the children weren't unplanned but what happened after them was | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:04:05 PM | | I think part of the reason women get blamed more than men is because men have no legal say in determining what happens once a woman becomes pregnant. The decision belongs 100% to the woman. If the man does not want to be a father, he can be forced into it against his will. A woman can not be forced to become a parent. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:21:07 PM |
I think part of the reason women get blamed more than men is because men have no legal say in determining what happens once a woman becomes pregnant. The decision belongs 100% to the woman. If the man does not want to be a father, he can be forced into it against his will. A woman can not be forced to become a parent.
I have to agree with this 100% | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:38:25 PM | So, being a single mother of two childern, I must say that I agree and disagree. My children were not planned, we could have used more precautions, but we are so blessed and happy to have them. It changed our worlds for the better!
I do know that there are women out there that do things like claim they are on birth control when they are not, etc. BUT a man has a responsibility here too, a condom is pretty damn effective in preventing pregnancy and STDs. I don't think abortion should be a form of birth control, but if you are a mother who is not in a situation to have a child then that is your choice to make.
A man needs to take some, and I stress some, responsibility in the act as well. It takes two to tango so to speak. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 5:46:13 PM | A man has 0 legal say on what happens after pregnancy. Period.
And on top of that he has to pay child support most of the time. Like you said - it takes 2 to tango, and condoms and birth control are not infallible.
What the op was saying is that a woman with a kid is generally judged more harshly than a man for having children because ultimately having them is/was her choice in several different ways.
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 6:17:40 PM | | Yes I had my son because I wanted him. The pregnancy was a surprise and at the worst of times. BUT I will not abort and Will NEVER EVER give a child up for adoption. I was adopted myself and even though i was adopted by a GREAT family I had ALOT of emotional problems untill I turned 19 and wound up pregnant with my son. He changed my life around. I could not put another kid through the pain, the hurt, and the guilt of adoption. Always wonder what is wrong with them that they were given up. Always feeling like your not good enough. But you are right ALOT of births are not accidents. (there ARE situations where the mother does not know they are pregnant untill they give birth it has happend though not all that common) | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 6:27:31 PM |
The point is, all children are here because of the conscious choice of the mother. No one has to continue an accidental pregnancy. These women have children because they want to.
For some, yes... others were divorced, widowed, abused, or raped... and not everyone can abort or adopt out their child.
What's really your point though? You want to just **** about how "single mothers explain their circumstances"? At the end of the day, what does it matter to you? | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 6:39:40 PM | Men do have legal say. Within, child support, maybe not so much, which honestly I do think is stupid because if a man want's to turn his back on his child than that's his own loss. I believe in the father's choice to be a part of the child's life, if he is forced into it, that only hurt's the child. If he doesn't want to be involved, then let him go live his life, completely staying out of yours. However, I also believe in child support being paid by a father who is choosing to be involved in the child's life, all the burden cannot be left on the mother. However, when a man does choose to be a part of that child's life, he has legal support. It is very rare that a father is refused joint custody.
A woman should never be forced by a man to put a child up for adoption or abort the child. The father has no right, and has no idea of the mental repercussion's it may have on the woman. I made the choice not to abort my child because I know I couldn't live with myself if I had done it. That doesn't mean I'm against abortion, it's just personal choice. I also knew that my career would be over once my 9 month's of pregnancy were over. I realize this may not be the case for all woman, but I didn't see the point of already deciding to give up my career and then giving up my child too. So yes, it is a choice in the end, but think about the effect's it has on the woman before you abuse her into this choice.
Ultimately, (hopefully) it is both the woman and man's equal choice to have sex. Therefore both are equally responsible for the pregnancy. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:32:48 PM |
Ultimately, (hopefully) it is both the woman and man's equal choice to have sex. Therefore both are equally responsible for the pregnancy.
Yes, this is true. However, the decision to have the child belongs to the woman alone.
In many cases where a couple has a child. especially in unmarried couples, the man has no input in the decision. Obviously this isn't the case all the time, as in many instances the man and woman plan the child together. However, it does seem unfair to men to have no say in the matter. Many men deal with an unplanned child honorably, by supporting the child emotionally and financially. However, many men don't. Most men and women in these relationships eventually break up. Most do not get married.
It just seems that many women don't think about this aspect, that of the men having no choice, of bringing a child into the world, when the pregnancy was unplanned. Many women seem angry at the fathers of the children who leave, are uninvolved, or who do not pay child support willingly. In fact, they seem surprised that the men are acing this way. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 9:59:34 PM |
So many single mothers explain their circumstances as the result of an accident. They got pregnant by accident.
They had sex by accident?
So the child gets the death penalty? Adoption is a choice, not getting pregnant in the first place is a choice. Many choose the death penalty for the child because they feel they have no other choice. I admire every woman who did not make the abortion choice. I may think the child would be better off with adoptive parents but I admire the fact they chose life. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:18:44 PM | My pregnacy was by accident(on the pill).I did think long and hard about abortion and adoption but just the thought of either made me upset and angry with myself.I opted to take responsibility and have this precious child and keep her.I have no regrets at all and she is my gem.
Mind you though I am very much pro-choice.Not every women is cut out to be a mother or the pregnacy was a result of rape.But for women to use abortion as a method of birth control then they need to have thier tubes tied.
Beachdancer....death penalty? .....really?*shakes her head* | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:22:18 PM | Adoption is always an option. Why should an innocent baby who did not make that decision get the death penalty.
I was not ready to have mine when I did, but I made the decision to have them. They are happy to be here. They both work and are contributing members to society. My youngest is a fireman intern, 4th in State of Illinois.
My parents were married. My father wanted me, my mother didn't. Maybe adoption would have been better than me living my first 7 yrs of being beat up, thrown, hair pulled out, etc by her. My Dad was afraid of divorce as in the '70s moms always got custody. Dad had a plan and won custody, giving me a 2nd chance. (She nearly killed me). I have trust issues, but I work every day to better myself. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/12/2009 10:41:01 PM | Many more fertilized eggs and embryos die than ever become children, and that has nothing to do with abortion. Just trying to conceive a child causes embryonic death. So are women having children giving the death penalty to all of those other embryos?
John Opitz, a professor of pediatrics, human genetics, and obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Utah, testified before the President's Council on Bioethics that between 60 and 80 percent of all naturally conceived embryos are simply flushed out in women's normal menstrual flows unnoticed.
http://www.reason.com/news/show/34948.html | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/13/2009 1:50:44 AM | Dude I think you should just give up on this thread.
You're trying to make a logical point about a very emotional issue. The fact that most people are responding thinking you're advocating for abortion just proves this fact. Logic interjected into an emotional issue is almost always contrued as an attack. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:54:50 AM |
Yes, this is true. However, the decision to have the child belongs to the woman alone
Yes I do agree with you there, and with many shades of gray in between, and as a single mother myself, I am going to take the side that man should have a choice, to walk, or be involved. It does the child no good to have someone who is suppose to love and care for them in their lives despise them. However, I think there should be a careful line drawn with this. If the father gives up his right's to the child and chooses to walk away, than those rights are gone forever. None of this, one year I decide I want to be there, the next I change my mind and disappear again. Same goes on the side of a father wanting to keep a child that the mother want's to abort. The mother should sign the right's of that child a way to the father just the same. I realize this isn't realistic due to the fact that woman are ultimately the ones that give birth, there for it is their body. Just my thought's on the matter. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:59:48 AM | P.S.
Logic interjected into an emotional issue is almost always contrued as an attack.
I think it is a reasonable discussion, and something worth (logically) debating. People protest around abortion clinic's all the time emotionally harassing people using them. It is those people that are more likely to get emotional in a discussion like this (although not always), and those are the people that need to open their mind a little, and however "upsetting" it is, they don't have to read comment's made and are perfectly free to go back into their plastic bubble world. | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:04:24 AM | I gave the a-hole a choice. Actually i gave him several choices. Just like *I* had several choices.
1) sign his rights over and never NEEEVVVVEEERRRR come around again. To which he replied "what kind of man would that make me" 
2) Be a part of the child's life and get regular visitation and I wouldn't go for child support. My logic was if he was a part of her life if he ever saw she needed something he wouldn't hesitate to give her anything she was needing.
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3) Be a bum and do nothing but still try to take the "daddy glory" and pay child support.
He took option 3.
I think the OP is correct that women do have most of the rights to the decision but meh- men have the upper hand in a lot of other aspects in life....so get over it.  | |
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| Unplanned Pregnancy Doesn'Have to Lead to Birth or Parenthood
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:24:17 AM | | If the courts were fair in custody issues and women knew they did not have an almost 100% chance of getting the bulk of the kids time and the likely hood of child support also being ordered against the man, I bet you lots more women would pick abortion. If women thought that the man might get custody and they would also have to pay support to the man, you can bet less would be having the children out of wedlock. You see adoption is only an option for some women if they know the dad does not want the kid also, because then they would be on the hook for support if they went the adoption rout and the dad said I will take the child. | |
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