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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > Why can't men decide what they want?      Home login  
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 thegirl4fun
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 1
Why can't men decide what they want?Page 1 of 1    
Okay, look - I've had a profile up here for months depicting myself as a laid-back, smart, fun woman just looking for "dating". I'd get responses few and far between from men who kind of resemble the lineup at a dogpound - the rejected, dirty, homeless ones. And I'm no dog, BTW. So I changed tactics and wrote a profile saying all I wanted was a friend with benefits, had NO picture up and got TONS of responses, a lot from really hot guys I didn't even know existed. What's up with that, for starters? Don't good looking guys want a real relationship too? And if you're good looking, can't you find your hookup at your local bar, or have you already been through all the tang there? In which case, EW, get a brillo pad to scrub yourself.

And secondly - the ONE guy I meet up with for the "dating" ad, has sex with me and THEN decides he's not ready for a relationship, but would love to be my F/Buddy, and a few months later the ONE guy I decide to have a hookup with, gets pouty and clingy and asks why i won't consider him for anything MORE than just sex . . . . .

Sooooo W T F ??????????

(also, I've shot both these guys down, because when I chose them it was for specific qualities related to the "position" i was searching for . . . i.e., the "hookup" was a bum and kind of stupid, but absolutely gorgeous and fun to be around. And the "date" was sweet and smart, but seriously overweight. Do you see now why I can't find any semblance of what I want, and why i'm so confused as to why these men have done the flip on me?)
~A
 Lori922
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 2
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:33:53 AM
Why can't men decide what they want?


Seems pretty clear to me by your little rant this morning that the men contacting you know exactly what they want... sex.

What's so confusing? When you advertise for a FB, you got lots of dudes looking for a FB...when you had dating, you met a dude, screwed him and then he wanted to be your FB... seems pretty simple to me, no?
 AdM01
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 3
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:48:00 AM
Real men can decide. And by the sounds of your story, they did exactly that.
The men that responded to your ads, responded exactly to what they wanted.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 4
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:53:09 AM
I dont understand....

one guy was a bum and stupid, and the other guy was overweight..but you decided to go out with them anyway?...and then come on here and complain that neither fit your description?

If neither was fitting your description anyway, then why have sex with one, and date the other?....

your making no sense....
 jbking2
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 5
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:55:21 AM
If you can change what you want, why can't guys do the same? That's my initial thought. If you can change from wanting to date to wanting sex, why is it such a huge deal for guys to do the same? What is fair for you to do is fair for guys, IMO.

In wanting to date, some guys may see this as a minefield of challenges involving drama with little reward for themselves. In wanting just sex, this gets those that want that without the complications of a relationship. Seems pretty simple to me.

I think "good looking guys" invites way too many stereotypes in play as what is good looking to one, is very much not to someone else. What kind of model are you looking for here? Maybe the "good looking guys" want something that may be difficult to find in a bar, e.g. someone to entertain a fetish fantasy.

If you really know what you want in terms of lots of specifics, why not just go through guy by guy that meets the requirements? Could be interesting if you want to take this from that analytical perspective though you may not find what you want if it doesn't exist.
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 6
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:56:57 AM
also, I've shot both these guys down, because when I chose them it was for specific qualities related to the "position" i was searching for


I read the Karma Sutra so long ago, I'm sure I've forgotten most of it. So, tell me, what "position" were you searching for? I remember there were some wheelbarrow sort of positions that looked interesting.

Anyway, don't get me wrong: I think you're entitled to whatever position, bums, overweight dates or whatever that you want. But, if this thread isn't the pot calling the kettle black, then, you can shoot me on the spot. Sheesh.
 infraradiant
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 7
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 6:59:29 AM

"Okay, look - I've had a profile up here for months depicting myself as a laid-back, smart, fun woman just looking for "dating". I'd get responses few and far between from men who kind of resemble the lineup at a dogpound - the rejected, dirty, homeless ones. "
Because human beings (male & female) have a tendency to search for dates who are alittle higher on the quality scale than they are probably likely to get. (its the old "aim high" strategy). I think part of the reason might be psychological (if we can score a chick who is better than us, in a small way it validates our own internal bias that we are better than we actually are).. or it could be these bums you describe just wanted a meal ticket or needed a good woman because they have some dependency issue(s).


"So I changed tactics and wrote a profile saying all I wanted was a friend with benefits, had NO picture up and got TONS of responses,..."
Guys like sex. Especially direct honest & easy sex. (I don't mean "easy" as "slutty"... I mean "easy" as in "we both know what we're here for, so lets not play games or mince words.... lets get to shaggin'"


"a lot from really hot guys I didn't even know existed. What's up with that, for starters? Don't good looking guys want a real relationship too?..."
Some of them do,.. others just want sex,.. some want both. Some want neither. Your experiment is probably not large enough to extrapolate results to "all men".

There's probably also something to be said for age and demographics. You'd probably get different results in NYC,.. or Seattle... or Chicago. The Feb 2007 issue of National Geographic had a "Singles Map" showing the distribution of single males and single females across America. Generally speaking, east of the Mississippi (especially the east coast) had the highest amount of female singles. West of the Mississippi (especially as you get towards the west coast) had the highest amount of single males. The culture and demographics of Tx probably influence your results.
 heroco
Joined: 11/12/2007
Msg: 8
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:10:26 AM
I dunno whats wrong with ppl like you really. you are 28 a single mom you have a low paying job it seems you dont wanna have anymore children you are lookin for other relationship which i dunno what that means and certainly not the most attractive plus u rant like there is no tomorrow.

maybe one or two of those things above are reasons for guys to contact you. and how do you judge ppl saying dog pound ??based on what?also if you look for FWB you'll get guys to message you and some of them might consider themselves out of your league. I hate to admit it but most guys would sleep with anyone but not date anyone.so if you wanna date find your league and stick to it .and calling a guy over weight cant you at least look in the mirror too. you are not thin you are average.

in the end it was ur decisioin to go out with those guys the idiot and the fat boy as you called them. but why did you ?
 mrskippy57
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 9
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Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:28:07 AM
Why can't women decide what they want??? Is this even possible??
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 10
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Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:37:02 AM

Do you see now why I can't find any semblance of what I want, and why i'm so confused as to why these men have done the flip on me?)

Yes, because it is YOU that can't decide what YOU want. It's obviously not the men your choosing, it's because you appear to be indecisive in what you're looking for. You complain about looking for the right one for you, long term I am assuming, but when your original profile doesn't attract Mr. Right soon enough you change it to looking for FB and get tons of responses which you untimately act upon then whine about it when these FB's are NOT into long term. Sounds like YOU need to decide waht you really want and stick with that and not be flip-flopping back and forth on what you are looking for in the end. Might make things a bit less complicated.
 SharkSlayer101
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 11
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:43:15 AM
Well what this tells me is that 90% of the men on plenty of foolishness are looking for sex. And for the regular men that look like they're in a police line up and actually want a relasionship are screwed. The good looking men dominate this web site and are going to tell each women what she wants to hear until he is able to get the poonanny and poof they dissapear. Then the women are back on this site pissed off and ask why do men keep vanishing on them. Just my overview!
 clambroth
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 12
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 7:44:06 AM
I think everyone overestimates the potentiality of internet dating. There are certainly lots of men to meet but not the kind you would like or for the reasons you'd like. Getting the type/reason to meet in the same guy will probably take more work than you could have possibly imagined.
 Just_2_b_me
Joined: 6/22/2006
Msg: 13
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:02:59 AM
I think I’m gonna have to go with “ Who is it that can’t decide what they want ???? “

 Willys Wild Wheaties
Joined: 5/21/2008
Msg: 14
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Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:32:34 AM
"Getting the type/reason to meet in the same guy will probably take more work than you could have possibly imagined."

Not to mention having the same qualities to offer.....BTW, is that a body shot of somebody else in your profile, Op...

 steve217
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 15
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Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:50:26 AM
Maybe if you kept your legs closed a while, you'd find the right one for you.
 Bk2
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 16
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 8:57:17 AM
Hi the girlforfun!

Q: Why can't men decide what they want?

A: Recommendation is profile review.

O:)

PS best not to generalize.....
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 17
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Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:27:46 AM

And secondly - the ONE guy I meet up with for the "dating" ad, has sex with me and THEN decides he's not ready for a relationship, but would love to be my F/Buddy...
Sooooo W T F ??????????


WTF is RIGHT. He knew EXACTLY what he wanted. Even told you.
BTW...YOU had sex with him too right?

Women!
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 18
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 9:42:36 AM

Maybe if you kept your legs closed a while, you'd find the right one for you.


OUCH
 mynamesnotjesus
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 19
Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 12:33:44 PM

What's up with that, for starters?

It offers what a person wants without commitment or responsibility. Why would someone not want that?


Don't good looking guys want a real relationship too?

Yes. But they get "taken off the market" (reduce the viable pool vs those that get thrown back continually increasing) and generally have greater options than online. Or are already in them.


And if you're good looking, can't you find your hookup at your local bar, or have you already been through all the tang there?

Not as validating as the online "game." More than likely you won't run into an online person in public vs seeing the same person at the same watering hole. Online "tang" has greater potential for free delivery. No need to go out and spend any money, and it's easier to control the conversation online. Not to mention you can keep the online "tang" secret from friends so are never judged or in socially awkward situations.


Why can't men decide what they want?

Because they get rejected, called dogs and homeless, and never get what they want when they do. So they have to lie to themselves and/or women in order to get what they want.
And, at least from the OP, it seems to generally work.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 20
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Why can't men decide what they want?
Posted: 5/13/2009 12:34:00 PM
Now now...Let's not forget that it's always us guys who trick all these helpless women into having sex with us.
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