| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/14/2009 7:14:18 PM | Ladies (and gents),
I have just finished reading another post where they said, "I will never love again, no one will ever be as good, I'm to blame, etc., etc., etc."
Enough!
A relationship cannot save you, it did not create you and it will not break you. If I could get you all in a room and take each one of you by the shoulders and give you a quick shake and then a hug, I would. Listen to me: The one who would leave you is NOT the one for you, never was. YOURS will not leave you. Yours will not turn away in disgust. Yours will not let you go so someone else can have you. THIS one was not the one. TRUST that. BELIEVE that. OWN that.
Your heart IS broken, mine was too. The heart can and does heal itself. You will learn from this. It does indeed all suck. It's the end of something, an important part of your life, sure, but if anything, it's only the very beginning of what can be a better life. THIS guy got out of the way so your REAL guy could make his way to you to find you, to love you, to hold you close.
Your right one won't have to be convinced, coerced, threatened, cajoled, to be with you. HE either gets it or he does not. If he does not, then he's being stupid anyway and you don't want that. People change all the time, so realize that when I say "this man" it can also mean the way this man is *now* It's possible he could change, people do it all the time, but until such time as he does, don't sit there holding your breath for that to happen. When he changes, he won't be "this man" anymore, get it?
Please, for the love of pete, please get it in your heads that when someone rejects you, THEY are the ones who lose, NOT you. NOT you. YOU are in the driver's seat of any and all relationships you are in. You can shape it, encourage it, inspre it to look and feel anyway you want. If your man doesn't "get" that he should want to spend time with you, then YOU pull away until he removes his head from his ass. If he dares to call you a name, insult you, ignore you, hit you, whatever, you don't pick up the dang phone until they get their crap straight. Enough with accepting half-baked attitudes!
If you "loved too much" then they didn't deserve that from you anyway and you can and will find someone who will appreciate that. If you have a habit or trait you know needs attention, tend to your business, however do not let anyone tell you you are somehow deficient in some way, you are NOT. Which leads me to rule number one on this board: Thou shalt not call names. And that means you do not insult yourself, belittle yourself, put yourself down, denigrate your previous actions, etc. You observe what happened, you see where you can improve and you move on. That's it, just don't do it again. But don't beat yourself up because that accomplishes nothing except to make you hate and mistrust yourself in the long run which in turn causes other people to treat you that way. That's no way to live or to conduct your relationships.
When you get it in your head, feel it in your heart, and know it in your soul that YOU are the prize here, THAT is the very moment your life will truly open up and your real Prince or Princess Charming will come running into your life. At that moment, only the good ones will apply for the position because the bad ones won't stand a chance, you won't give those jokers the time of day.
I love men, I really do, and I love the men in my life, but I LOVE MYSELF MORE and you should too. No one, and I mean no one, is more important in your life than yourself and maybe the flesh from your own blood, meaning, your children. No one who can't see your true worth and value can ever be a good partner to you, and if someone has left you and told you or insinuated that you weren't "enough," THAT person is blind to your real self, and that person also can't be a good partner to you. If you are or have been hiding your true self in the hopes that no one will notice or in an effort to keep someone from "running away" STOP. You don't want someone who will freak out so easy, because you can't count on that. You bring a full person to the table, and you expect a full person to meet you halfway there. If you're not bringing your full self, you are selling yourself and your potential partner short. You need someone who can take what you dish out in good faith. Of course don't abuse that, but if you mean well, your partner will be able to handle it without too much changing on either part.
If you believe that a person was brought into your life by some predestined arrangement, if you think destiny or even God brought them to you, could you not then also believe that it was that very same Power that also exited them out? Don't you think God knows better than you do? Do you not think then that the Universe is trying to tell you something? Stop fighting against it and you will come to the REAL purpose, partner, and meaning of your life that much quicker.
I haven't written this as a tirade, as a scolding, as a condescencion or anything of the sort, but it truly breaks my heart to see so much self-abuse when I've gone through the same heartbreak you all have, and I know what's on the other side. It really will be ok. I'm only hoping some of these words will help you bypass some of the knee-crumpling, soul-crushing pain I went through a couple of years ago. The pain is NOT necessary, the LESSON is.
There most definitely IS a light at the end of the tunnel. That tunnel is dark, it's uncertain, it's even frightening for some to have to go through this pain, sometimes for the frst time and for some of us, we've been through it before and we all want it to be the last time. I completely understand, but if you can keep going forward in FAITH and just telling yourself especially in your darkest moments that you WILL make it out the other side a better, happier, more fulfilled person, that none of this is in vain, that you are heading towards something better, then your trip through that dark tunnel will not only seem shorter, it will be shorter, not so completely intimidating, and you are most definitely not traveling it alone. | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/14/2009 8:00:02 PM | | No replies???? No wonder. You summed up everything. Thankyou for your words of wisdom. There is a reason for everything. There is a reason I felt compelled to read your words. I know now more on how to word it to others who are in pain. Comunication!! | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/14/2009 8:24:18 PM | I want to disagree with the part about how "you" are the most important person in the world.
Even if you did say that your children are just as important, which I agree with, I still disagree with the statement on a purely scientific basis.
Should we all only care about ourselves then this world will be nothing more than an animalistic competition. While this may be true of much of life this is not the ideal we should work towards as this behaviour justifies wars, genocide, selfishness, etc, etc. And yes, we are quite capable of doing better than that.
To be human is to be social. We must realize that the world as a whole is more important than any one individual. We should be strong individually but to live our lives thinking there is no greater cause than ourselves?
I point to that as the biggest thing keeping the human race from reaching its potential. | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/14/2009 9:24:56 PM | | Everyone in the world is important we all must treat each other as equals we are all of the human race NOT PERFECT ..... We all have been guilty of hurting someone at some time or another in our life think about it? We all bleed when we are hurt one thing, What you sow you will reap, lets be good to one another and respect one another as we are our own individuals Love yourself and you will find your love , One that walks out of your life is not the one you want to keep in your life how stable is that ? A strong real man will not run and that goes for women as well when your weak your partner should be your strength and return the same back to them be each others rock . | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/15/2009 3:21:56 AM | Aro, I'm saying that to fully love, it begins with self love, self acceptance, knowing your boundaries and when to let go. If you cannot care for yourself and allow yourself to be abused, whether emotionally, mentally or physically, you're most likely to perpetuate that cycle.
This a post for the broken hearted, not a thread about what is more important... the collective group vs self. As humans, we're animals too. We already go through a natural selection process that is competitive. We compete for everything. You're being a bit extremist. Everyone is capable of doing better. Everyone has a passion, it all depends on how much of it they have. How can you believe in a greater cause when you can't even believe in the strength of oneself? You have to start somewhere, no? | |
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emwen
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Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 6 | |
| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/15/2009 5:41:50 AM | What a wonderful post. I'm just getting myself together and had a re-lapse but reading this has brought it back to me. You cannot force someone to love you and if they don't more fool them. I'm a wonderful person and my ex can't see it so shuffle along and wait for a smarter guy to come along.
I reckon the universe couldn't bare to see me waste my time of such a selfish git anyway so stepped in no matter how hard I took it lol.
Onwards and upwards people. six billions other people out there waiting to love me.  | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/15/2009 10:14:34 AM | I agree as well its a wonderful post. Sometimes things are just not meant to be and most of the time the problem lies with them not you. We shouldn't beat ourselves up because they are too blind or selfish to see what a worthwhile person we are.
Things happen for reason and that guy/girl just wasn't for you - they have simply gone out of your life to make way for even better guy/girl. And they do come along you will wonder why you got so upset about the last one.
Thanks neosunshine for an inspiring post. | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/15/2009 4:20:26 PM | | Heres where we all stand. Each and every human relationship will end in pain. This is so no matter how ephermal or lasting the relationship is. This fact increases the intrinsic value of any relationship. Hence, the cliche' "better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." Wheather we know it or not we all value a relationship more simply because we understand inherently that it will end. Therefore how and why a relationship ends is of little consequnce.
What truely matters is how you felt and what you learned. The butterflies in your stomach and the thump of your heart are made no less real to you because the other party may have lied and cheated to produce them. These feelings are yours forever and should be cherished. The otherside of the coin is what you learned.
Pain is natures only teaching tool. Perhaps you learned the extent of your ability to love as measured by the pain of the loss. Maybe you learned how to better spot cheating jerks. Whatever the lesson you learned through the pain caused by the failure. This to is yours forever and is no less valuable than the happiness you dervided from the relationship.
Ultimately it is up to each and everyone of us to summon the courage to embrace both the pleasure and pain that comes with each and every human interaction. You will find that doing so will not only enrich your own life but every life yours touches. | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/15/2009 5:29:03 PM |
I want to disagree with the part about how "you" are the most important person in the world.
I think the OP means to say that one should love oneself (or the divine) more than another one person so that trouble can be avoided. Some have argued that putting false gods before oneself (or the divine) leads to violence.
Great post OP...faith first!! | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/15/2009 6:05:20 PM | Great thread nesunshine.
I'm starting to feel a little better now after losing a relationship with a girl I just adored. When the feelings were raw I blamed myself and was just devastated. Now that I'm not as hurt anymore I can see the relationship and more importantly, I see her in a different light. I'm far from the loser I felt like I was and actually feel a little sorry for her now.
Again, great thread. For those hurting, you will recover. If I did anyone can. | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/16/2009 6:30:04 PM | | Wow!!!!!!!!!! This is a great post. You have got it together. I went to see a therapist to get over someone that I "loved too much". I went thinking I could change myself. Instead I realized that I am a super person with a huge heart and if someone else thought that was a bad thing, then they are the loser. | |
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emwen
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Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 15 | |
| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/16/2009 6:45:34 PM | You do get over it. You no longer think you're going to die without them. I believe every there is a lesson in everything and my lesson is to never ever make someone else responsible for my on happiness. It's funny how you 'think' you adored the person who almost destroyed you and you begin to see them in a different light altogether.
I'll still hold on to the thought that he'll come crawling back begging forgiveness just so I can say no lol but yeah, I'll let it go, so be it, it wasn't meant to be so move on. | |
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Cheba
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Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 16 | |
| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/16/2009 7:27:04 PM | not only do you get over it, but you forget about it. and then can't remember his name. and then do remember his name. think of him fondly and then focus on that other cute guy jogging past you.... T_T now that's a real tragedy when a man like that is free to roam in public....
back to topic: it's easy to say, it will get better. sometimes it can take years. we forget the pain. or we learn to live with it. you have to remember that it's hard and no matter what you will tell a woman or a man who is moaning in self pity and loathing, the only way to deal is to go through it. | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/17/2009 4:03:30 PM | Thank you so much for this post..
This is the first time I've visited the forums and the subject line drew me in immediately.
Having just gone through some heartache, reading this post almost made me tear up with a sort of relief, and a strange sense of joy. I always believed in the idea that hearts mend, and they sometimes mend quickly. This isn't my first heart break, and i'm already pretty much back on my feet but there are still parts of me that are sore from the whole ordeal.
So, I just wanted to say thank you for the reminder that i'm not the one losing.
"The one who would leave you is NOT the one for you, never was,"
I'll remember this.
xo | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/17/2009 4:04:26 PM | I just happen to pick up this line. I have been down and out for a couple of weeks. The one I thought I loved --- loved me on Saturday and dumped me on Sunday. It was a four month relationship. He was my best friend and lover. I lost my husband of two years ago and finally thought I was ready to get into dating again and then. . ."WHAM!"
It is a lesson learned. I'll probably be stronger for it, but for now, I am down on self-worth as he left me for a woman that took his "breath away."
Thanks for words for encouragement and I see that I am not the only woman that has been through these troubled waters and probably there are many more to follow.
Carol | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/17/2009 11:52:22 PM | "Words for the broken hearted..."
My version ...
Look forward not backwards - you life is NOW .... right now. | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/18/2009 9:10:10 AM | | I have to say those are some very strong words their , my ex recently left me, we were in a 5 year relationship and i feel very broken right now but those words helped me a little and i thank you, i will keep that in mind or come read this again when my heart starts to ache. | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/18/2009 10:19:15 AM | WOW - Words to live by - thanks so much for this post! I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months, and although I had given him my whole heart he didn't give me his. Instead, he lied to me, ignored me, and wouldn't respond to my request to talk. I only ever asked for truth and honesty from him, and he couldn't give me that. Definitely not the one for me. Thanks for helping me realize that. The pain is still there, but there is light at the end of the tunnel! I can see that now.
He can't see what a truly wonderful person I am, because he can't see the good in himself. He feels the need to lie to hide who he really is. And that person is someone who cheats. I need an honest man in my life. Someone who will be devoted to me...not to pursuing other relationships. I don't need numerous partners to feel validated or loved - I just want one. One to love me for who I am, faults and all....because really, who is without fault? There is none that is perfect . I wish my ex well, and I'll pray for him - he does deserve the love of a good woman - but he needs to love himself first before he can open his heart to a love with only one woman. | |
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| Words for the broken hearted...
Posted: 5/18/2009 4:27:49 PM | WOW!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to commend you on this. DAMN!!!!!
I took what you said and applied to me I'm a guy and damn did I feel better after reading it. My confidence went sky high after reading your post. You were right about everything you said. Take a bow please.........I recently had a break up with someone I went back with 3 times. I know I shouldnt have but she promised she begged and pleaded to get me back. I went against my better judgement and she got me again. | |
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