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Show ALL Forums  > Michigan  > Is he truly busy or just not that into you?      Home login  
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 princessy1
Joined: 2/7/2009
Msg: 1
Is he truly busy or just not that into you?Page 1 of 1    
Ok I guess I am single for a reason! I don't know how to read men! Help! I did meet someone online and we connected-mutually-we met for coffee and we actually sat lost track of time and spent 3 hours and pulled away from eachother because I had somewhere to be. Backing up we spoke on the phone and online for over a week talking quite a bit. He was a gentleman walked me to my car and asked if he could see me again. (this was about2 weeks ago) he had plans that weekend already. He called me twice that week which was last week. Last Friday was the last time we spoke (7 days ago) due to my texting him. He called me after the text and basically said he was wrapped up in his work and easy to get lost in the day to day and he actually told me he forgot and then thought about calling-didn't-and then when I text him he said I have to call her. I don't know how to take it but he seemed honest over the phone about it. He said he had a business dinner that eve-Sat he was running a race and of course Sunday was Mother's day. I understand all of that, I do. Then I was out of town for a week! He knew this. Actually while out of town I called him and said hey because we both are sooo busy I would like to give you heads up if you are available this week-end I would love to see you before I head out on vaca for 2 weeks-call me. Well since that call it has been 3 days-no text-no email-no call. Unsure of mixed signals here. He basically told me he is not shy and tells it like it is. He asked to see me again and it just dropped????? Can someone truly be that busy????? I don't want to be a stalker......I have never had someone not call or respond??? Dumbfounded????
 videogirl
Joined: 2/12/2007
Msg: 2
Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/15/2009 8:24:41 PM
Sounds like you might be way better off if you just move on. Disappointing, but true. If all of the excuses are actually true ones, he will contact you. Most likely, he's just "not that into you". So sorry.....
 athomeinportage
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 3
Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/16/2009 4:32:36 AM
We can get that busy, maybe it is a short term thing. I would ask if he sees a time open anywhere in his future (what does the next month look like?). It could be he is into you and just has higher priorities. I would keep the maybe box checked until you really know.
 ripley65
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 4
Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/16/2009 5:13:41 AM
Well wow,,,if im reading this correctly, you've only known him all of 2 weeks! Yes,,it is very possible he really is that busy. You have to remember, he did have a life before you, that hasnt stopped. Granted, you met him here at POF so he is looking for someone to date (id guess), but doesnt mean once he meets someone, his other priorities stop.

Sounds to me 'maybe' you might be coming on a bit too strong too fast? Slow down a bit and let him breathe. Give him a chance to wonder what you are up to. Let him contact you.

Good luck!
 karesse
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 5
Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/16/2009 7:14:28 AM
It's happened to many of us many times, so count yourself lucky that this is your first time experiencing this. Lots of attention, plentiful and long conversations on the phone, ..and then you meet. You both seem to have a nice time, there appears to be mutual interest and you are very much looking forward to seeing him again and continuing to get to know him better. Then BAM! Often times the very next day it's already apparent. Few . .far between ..and short communications from then on, no definite plans for future get-togethers, and he's all of a sudden always too busy. You call him although refrain from seemingly chasing him. Mostly you wait and wonder what the heck happened???

In my opinion... he's unfortunately just not that into you. And I don't say that just because I own (and live by) the book "He's just not that into you" (lol). It's disappointing to have to accept it but I truly believe that when a man is really into you, he will MAKE the time. He can't help but to make the time as he will think about you, want to hear your voice, see you. There are 24 hours in a day after all, and 7 of those days in each week. I'm just not understanding why they can't or don't just come out and say they aren't interested after all. Why do they continue contact at all, even though rare and brief.

I'm going through something similar myself..again. I met someone a few weeks ago through another site. He emailed often, we moved onto phone and the calls from him were often and we talked at great length. He even texted to my cell throughout the day. We arranged to meet and we had a very nice early dinner together which he insisted on paying for. He almost immediately expressed interest in us having a second date, he even was so sweet as to hand me a little envelope telling me it's just a "little something" and that I'm not to peek until after our date. It turned out that he stopped at a day spa local to me and bought me a gift certificate for a free massage. Wow, that was so not necessary and I've never had someone do something like that before. We later walked through a local park and talked lots and laughed. Then we went to a pub for a few drinks (which I insisted on paying for). He complimented me all evening, started to hold my hand part way through the evening, and eventually he kissed me. It was a very nice evening and he was a perfect gentleman. We both seemed to have a great time, and he truly conveyed interest. The next day however everything had changed. From then on, few - far between - and very brief calls, no emails at all, few - far between - and brief texts to my cell, no real mention of getting together again. Then it's "I have to work Saturday" (he knew this on a Tuesday), "going fishing", "going fishing", "going fishing" (lol.. got to love walleyes), and the most recent call he made to me was "I just got laid off so I won't be doing much for awhile.. and I'm renovating my kitchen.. and went fishing" (lol).

I had pretty much written him off 3 days after our date although I do talk to him the rare instances that he does decide to call. It still totally boggles the mind however.But the way I see it is that I'm not out anything. I had a nice time, a nice dinner, I enjoyed the company, and heck! I have a free massage to make an appointment to go in for
 karesse
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 6
Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/16/2009 7:45:38 AM
As the old saying goes.. "never place all your eggs in one basket" (I know, I know... this is probably showing my age) . Despite that saying, I personally have found that I can only be interested in one man at a time and I suspect a number of females feel the same way as I do. I therefore do tend to apply the "he's just not that into me" rather quickly when the signs are there and I move on. For that reason I must add the disclaimer that my advice may be somewhat biased

If you are able to be interested in more than one man at a time, by all means don't write him off just yet but continue your search, get to know others, date others. If this one man is into you and truly just busy for the time being, he will undoubtedly contact you when his time frees up a bit. Good luck, OP!
 single terri
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 7
Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/16/2009 11:03:38 AM
i agree with karesse. if a man is interested he won't be able to stop thinking about you. funny how they have all this available time, then suddenly busy. we can all certainly all understand someone being very busy at work, and having their own life. the man could be a project engineer and have a tight schedule with deadlines, etc. the way i see it, the only way a relationship really works is if they are into YOU totally. men have a way of convincing women to be interested in them, but if they are not into you from the beginning, it seems it never is going to happen. if you can't get them interested in you right away, just move on...yes, i would say he's not that into you if all of a sudden the txt msgs stopped and rare phone calls, etc.......................
 michkat55000
Joined: 5/4/2008
Msg: 8
Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/16/2009 5:36:56 PM

Then I was out of town for a week! He knew this. Actually while out of town I called him and said hey because we both are sooo busy I would like to give you heads up if you are available this week-end I would love to see you before I head out on vaca for 2 weeks-call me


lol, well seems that "you" are busy three of four weeks....so why is it so hard to perceive that "he" can honestly be busy too...maybe "he" felt that "you" were too busy for him princess

ripadoodles is right...we all have lives....children, families, jobs, hobbies, etc....at times it would be impossible even if we wanted to, to cancel plans just because we met someone that we're interested in...buttttt on the other hand, if the guy was interested in a big way, he would not let the grass grow under his feet cause he'd be afraid that if he snoozed he'd lose...so with that thought in mind my opinion would be, " he just wasn't that into you"
 RunnerFive
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 9
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Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/17/2009 9:46:04 AM
I'm busy too but I go to Grand Rapids for business quite often.

Just say'n. ;)
 Stephanie4265
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 10
Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/17/2009 4:41:49 PM
Well....as adults often times we wear to many hats, financial advisors, handyman, babysitters, maids, nurses, accountants, counselors....etc, all rolled into one person, so people do get busy and often times it’s unexpected. I have to admit, the last 3-4 wks I’ve been extremely busy along with having a lot of things on my mind. Needless to say, I’ve been pre-occupied and my social life has been a little “up in the air” so to speak...lol It’s my choice to not share too much of my personal business when I’m unsure of a situation and possibly this man you reference chooses the same at this point. So....I can totally relate to the other side of your coin. Sometimes the timing for situations just...for a lack of a better term...SUCKS! LOL This man COULD be giving you true reasons and not excuses. Unfortunately, there’s times in life when many priorities seem to hit us consecutively and there’s not much we can do about it. Considering this potential relationship is fairly new, it’s at your discretion to allow it a bit more time or just move on.

My suggestion, and take it for what it’s worth....just sit back, be patient, don’t close doors for any opportunity, if your sincerely interested in this person for something permanent, allow a bit of time, see if some of his time opens up, and keep the door cracked for this man if he chooses to peek through it. One thing...be prepared to accept that.....sometimes a friendship is better suited for some people.


Stephanie
 DebiDuzDishes
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 11
Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/17/2009 6:59:46 PM
I see these things as "windows of opportunity".... They are interested for a moment in time... then POOOF... the window closes. This is due to having TOO many options. Internet dating means there are "plenty of fish?" Maybe someone else is getting his "window of opportunity"... and some men need a few dates before he can decide if hes "into you"

LOL.. Turn your back on him... stay busy... IF he calls again.. make him buy you dinner!! OR maybe his "window of opportunity" will be closed for you by then. I SOOO know its hard to multi date. BUT.. when you are single.. remember .. you are single!!.. Just keep your mind open to new opportunities. Sucks to get our hopes up.. But that is the life of a single girl.
 RDtoo
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 12
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Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/17/2009 11:04:10 PM
If a man is truly interested, even though he is busy, he will find time for a short phone call or some contact. On the other hand, 3 days is not a long time for someone who is busy. I did like Ripleys advice about giving the guy some room to breathe. I remember a woman who was interested in me and I was interested in her also. She kept pushing and constantly contacting me until I was no longer interested. That does happen.
 datingsucks43
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 13
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Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/18/2009 4:10:24 PM
Do not call him...get on with your life, let him call you! Life is short to wait for me when there are so many good ones out there! No one is too busy to call and tell you he is very busy but wanted to say hi!

~Beachbaby~
 AsFarAsIam
Joined: 4/30/2009
Msg: 14
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Is he truly busy or just not that into you?
Posted: 5/19/2009 7:52:22 AM
Welcome to the real word princess. Somretimes, and this happens a lot, but he just isn't ready for you. It isn't weather or not he's into you or not, you have insinuated that he has a long term potential or he percieves that you are about to get your hooks into him and he's not ready for that kind of commitment as evidenced by the comment "I was gonna call you but didn't" He thought about it and played out some scene in his head where you morph into one of his past relationships.

What you should have done is called him to "shoot the shit" and say you did it just because... In reality you called to pin him down, at least in his mind, and that scared him away. Again it's him avoiding commitment because of something he thinks is gonna happen. You can't fix this dude.
Show ALL Forums  > Michigan  > Is he truly busy or just not that into you?