| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/18/2009 10:22:12 PM | | I am a person who will talk to any and everybody. Just my personality. I strike up conversations with total strangers all the time. I have noticed though, that alot of times when I speak to a woman I don't know, she seems to assume I am hitting on her. I have had women who I would not touch with a ten foot pole get real defensive because I made a comment about the weather. The other night I was at a POF party and when I go I try to talk to as many people as possible especially if I have never seen them before. Just trying to make people feel comfortable with the group. I noticed I got the cold shoulder treatment when I spoke to a couple of women. This has happened before at POF parties. So ladies, do you always assume a man is hitting on you when he speaks to you if you don't know him? | |
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/19/2009 8:05:03 AM | ^^^^^sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't 
i think this dilemma comes from women that "do" have some kinda mental problem...rd, i've told several people from pof how we sat outside and chatted for a spell at the boathouse, and what a nice guy you are...made me feel comfortable in a strange area that i had never been to before...i too talk to everyone from 2 to 100, regardless of their sex, creed, or race...i love to make people smile...especially the older guys at meijers, i give them a smile and a wink, and it looks like it just makes their day...jeez i wonder if they all think i'm hitting on them? | |
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/19/2009 8:13:13 AM | especially the older guys at meijers, i give them a smile and a wink, and it looks like it just makes their day...jeez i wonder if they all think i'm hitting on them?
Yup and we could totally have you too... if we wanted to: grow some nads, wax our back, pluck our ear hairs and took our heart meds...
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/19/2009 11:18:51 AM | A POF party/meet/event ARE different from some other single dances. I for one went to another dance recently at a hotel, went in to mingle as I normally do and felt like I was rocking the boat. I am also very out going and mingle. Isn't that why we're here If these women were from the OTHER single group, maybe they just were not used to POF. Don't let this discourage you, if they can't handle it then phewy on them.
Actually feel sorry for those that go and sit, stand by the bar, or hold up the walls. What's with that | |
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/19/2009 4:09:33 PM | RD, funny you should say that. i have an opposite story. i went out with friends a few weeks ago. i struck up a conversation with a nice man. he laughed and talked with me. i approached him. he seemed very interested. i was really geeked. he kept smiling and laughing as we stood there. then out of the blue he says, "hey, what's the best way to approach a girl you think's hot?" and i say, "well, just tell her you think she's hot." so me, being completely naieve thought he was interested in me. LMAOOOOOO!!! he says, "okay. watch me. i am going to see if i can get that hot girl over there interested in me. " talk about a letdown! i assumed he was going to tell me he was interested in me. will i ever learn? good lord! LOL
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/19/2009 6:16:49 PM | | I don't talk to women I don't know because of this. I just don't approach women in bars public places. Many women treat you like a jerk. I do make an exception to this rule at ballroom/swing dances where women outnumber men. If someone has been sitting awhile I will offer a dance. But there most people know it is just a dance and your not treated like your trying to get into their pants. | |
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/19/2009 9:51:56 PM | I wasn't just talking about POF parties, this happens elsewhere probably more often. I was standing in line at Meijer one day waiting for the woman in line in front of me to get through. I was staring off into space daydreaming and suddenly noticed that the woman was giving me dirty looks. She had assumed that I was gawking at her.
Strange thing about the POF parties. women always say they like confidence, and what is more confident than walking up introducing yourself? Strangely, this dosen't seem to work at POF parties as I have seen over and over women go and ask a casper milquetoast type guy sitting in a corner to dance. Go figure!
Michkat, thanks for the kind words. People seem to think I am pretty strange until they actually sit down and talk to me for a bit. That is why I liked the Bob's Boathouse parties. I got to know people more there than any other POF parties as many of us would step outside to enjoy the night. | |
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/20/2009 3:09:48 AM | however, it would be easy to make the assumption if someone approaches you in a bar and starts up a conversation. especially people just entering into the dating scene. they may assume if you are chatting with them, there is an interest. since i've never been to a pof party, i don't know how they operate, but it does make sense if you approached a woman that you are expressing an interest in at least talking to her!
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:57:02 AM | casper milquetoast type guy ?
RD I agree with just being yourself. I think it's refreshing for a guy to talk me up. I would never turn down a dance, drink, or a conversation.
Some people become intimidated, when stared at, some like me will ask what's on your mind
It's strange how it goes both ways, women/men seem to have the same problem. | |
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/20/2009 10:18:10 PM | Oh yeah, I have got the silent treatment. Whats even worse is when you attempt to join a group of people and get the silent treatment from the whole group. I have had that happen to me too.
Blue Liz, I guess "Caspar Milquetoast" has become a defunct expression. It refers to an individual who would rather blend into the wall than actually have to make a social risk. It's true though. I have seen this many times at POF parties. A guy will be sitting there in a booth by himself trying not to be noticed and a woman inevitably asks him to dance. This is of course after she has snubbed me for trying to start a conversation with her. It leaves me wondering why women say they like self-confidence in men?
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/21/2009 5:34:14 AM | I do have to say that i do agree with msg. 15, but i want to add that it goes both ways for the women too. Some men would think they are being hit on as well when approached by a female. In social settings like a singles get-together, you just dont really know! Some people are afraid to respond back thinking that they dont want to 'lead' that person on. I do know because i have experienced this myself, that sometimes when you do just go with the flow and conversate back n' forth, the other person takes it the wrong way and thinks you indeed are interested and flirting when all you are doing is being friendly. Huge misunderstandings can lead to hurt feelings.
Short of saying, "Hi my name is Jane/John. Nice group, huh? Oh and btw, im not hitting on you,,just being friendly!"......How else are you supposed to know? lol | |
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/21/2009 8:17:02 AM | Any woman, or man, that assumes that just because someone talks to them they are being hit on has an over inflated ego or perhaps think that everyone else is like them. Maybe they are the ones who are hitting on everyone that they feel are WORTHY of conversing with.
Oh yeah, I have got the silent treatment. Whats even worse is when you attempt to join a group of people and get the silent treatment from the whole group. I have had that happen to me too.
Some cliques are like that, most aren't though. I've been to a couple of POF parties and I've noticed that there are cliques though there are those that deny they exist. But there is nothing wrong with cliques, after all they are just group of people who enjoy each others company. If the people in a given group only talk to people approved of by the entire clique they need to grow up. They have let their collective ego's destroy their own individuality. What these types of cliques see as strength in numbers actually shows a weakness in the ability to be independent.
"Hi my name is Jane/John. Nice group, huh? Oh and btw, im not hitting on you,,just being friendly!".
I didn't think Rip was listening to me when I said that to her because she kept hitting on me!!!!! | |
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/21/2009 2:17:13 PM | Been there, done that. Both sides of the situation too I'm sure.
Maybe not so much "hitting on" each other as making unreciprocated interest clear.
When a woman does that to me I can almost hear "Danger Will Robinson, Danger" somewhere in the distance. I'd hate to hear what the voice in her ear says when the shoe is on the other foot though.
But it is just as easy to misinterpret the signs too, which is probably what the original question is really about. One really clear signal to me that this is going on is when she says something like "I'm married" completely out of context.
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 5/21/2009 11:19:10 PM | | Smartazzjohn, you are absolutely right about cliques existing at the POF parties, and like you say, there is not anything wrong with that. My complaint is that the people who go to POF parties are really not all that friendly, unless you are incredibly good looking, then they all talk to you. I went to a POF party on the other side of town one time and the only people who spoke to me were people I knew from the downriver parties. I've always been an individual who figures bad attention is better than no attention, so I went around attempting to strike up a conversation with anyone who looked friendly. Needless to say I didn't have much luck, so now I go to the downriver parties and thats it. That is also why I attempt to talk to people who do show up that I have't seen before. | |
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| Do women always assume you are hitting on them when you speak to them?
Posted: 6/1/2009 11:05:38 PM | | I remember my first POF party about a year and a half ago. Naive as I am, I thought you were supposed to go around and talk to fellow POFers and be friendly. I walked up to a table with a guy and a woman sitting there who were wearing POF beads or something, and I introduced myself. The man looked at me and said "I'm not gay". I said "neither am I. Just thought we were supposed to be friendly", and I walked away. I guess it was kind of funny, but why even have parties if you want to be alone with someone or want to be part of select group? | |
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