| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 12:41:52 PM | | I'm just curious how some people have dealt with being cheated on in new relationships. Back in High School when I dated girls, I honestly didn't even have a thought in the world if they would cheat on me, but as I started getting into relationships that lasted longer then 4 months, I dated 3 girls in a row that all cheated on me, and it messed me up really bad. I started to get really protective in my relationships, I would get major anxiety thinking stuff like "What are they doing right now? Who are they with? Who are they talking to? Etc." I was seeing a girl for a bit before I moved to BC and I wasn't protective at all, I noticed that as soon as the label of girlfriend gets slapped on is when the change happens. How have you dealt with the "paranoia" of being cheated on in new relationships? | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 1:02:47 PM | I dont know really how to tell you to deal with it... since ive had the same thing happen to me... where my most recent ex of 3 years cheated on me.... ive been told to make your self angered at her, which imo(in my opinion) doesn't help. Ive been told to keep all your time occupied so you dont think about it. umm or even go out and have fun. thats about all i can say to try and help you out. there is no cure on what you should do but that should help somewhat. And dont look for a relationship in all the wrong placed  but let it find you. | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 1:15:25 PM | In my personal opinion the "paranoia" comes from not having self confidence. I have always had self confidence therefore never really thought about being cheated. Nor did I care for that matter. But in my last relationship I realized that I didnt have the confidence that I once had. The "paranoia" as you say started in on me (along with a strong gut feeling). That honestly was the first time I had ever felt that. You seem to be a pretty good guy and you are good looking so I would look within yourself and realize that if a gurl is gonna do YOU wrong then they werent worth your time. When in a relationship you shouldnt have to check up on your partner but be able to trust them. If at any point they are giving you a reason not to then that is a huge problem that needs to be addressed. I think that because you have been hurt by cheating in the past that you are soo worried it will happen again. You need to realize that by putting soo much thought into cheating that you are missing out on the good things that happen in a relationship. Therefore take a step back and take a look at what insecurities that you have. Try to fix them for yourself and realize that not all gurls are like that. But also realize that not all gurls in the future should suffer for what the past ones have done. I know I know its a natural thing to happen. That all in the future to pay for the past mistakes but that doesnt mean you cant try to put the effort into trusting the new gurl more and correcting those mistakes in the past. I know that all this is hard trust me. My ex did a number on me but I have faith that one day a guy is going to realize that I am a great catch. Just like there will be a gurl that will realize that you are a great guy and that she is lucky. Just have faith and remember that those in the past are just practice for the real gurl that will take your heart and keep it because it is the only one she wants and needs. It will happen just be patient and try to work on the things you need to to make you a better person. | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 1:20:53 PM | | When any of us have a pattern of choosing the same partners, such as abusive ones or those who cheat, from one relationship to another, then the question arises as to where the problem arises. In fact it appears that you are selecting a certain type woman because there are women who do not cheat BUT you seem to be attracting the cheating types. Just some food for thought. | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 1:24:59 PM |
When any of us have a pattern of choosing the same partners, such as abusive ones or those who cheat, from one relationship to another, then the question arises as to where the problem arises. In fact it appears that you are selecting a certain type woman because there are women who do not cheat BUT you seem to be attracting the cheating types. Just some food for thought.
Haha, yes. It's a shame that all the attractive women are all cheaters! I should lower my standards huh? :P | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 1:37:52 PM |
Haha, yes. It's a shame that all the attractive women are all cheaters! I should lower my standards huh? :P
Hey I resent you saying that. I may not be absolutely gorgeous but I am no dogg either. That being said I dont cheat. I loathe those who do cheat. It shows that they have no character and no morals. I would never be one to be held to those standards. Yes you should look for other types of gurls. But you dont have to lower standards. Maybe just looking for better quality of gurls.
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 2:04:56 PM | | No rudeness intended hunnylookin121 :) Was just joking. The girls I date, it's not like I KNOW they're cheaters before I start dating them..or even when I do date them..its when I find out after a year or so is it when it sucks. | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 2:15:00 PM |
The girls I date, it's not like I KNOW they're cheaters before I start dating them..or even when I do date them..its when I find out after a year or so is it when it sucks
You are absolutely correct but when it comes to a gurl there are signs that you can look for. Not to mention your gut feeling. If you have any gut feelings about a gurl or any reservations about a gurl....LISTEN to them! More and likely they are gonna steer you the right way. If a gurl seems to be too good to be true....SHE IS!!! Some gurls have a way of being whatever a guy really wants without it being who they really are. Its kinda our way of pulling the guy in. Beware of this. It really happens quite often. Everyone has faults and no one is perfect. I know its hard when you like someone but tryin to remain level headed and seeing clearly is obviously the best choice. If there is anything that really bothers you or may seem off...take a step back and collect your thoughts on it. Ask for a gurls advice if need be. Most importantly take things slow and truely try to get to know a gurl. Good things come to those who wait. If a gurl wants to take things fast more and likely there is a reason that you wont like.
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 4:46:10 PM | Caf, noticed that you are military...if you are away a lot, that might mean something as far as cheating. Not everyone is made to hold out for something like that although I'm not sure if you are really gone that long or not.
3 in a row? Wow, something's up with that. Are you absolutely sure they cheated or did you take some random event and freak out assuming she did? I ask because I've seen guys do this, namely one of my X's who, in my view was basketcase paranoid over being cheated on for reasons I can't understand. I was probably the most faithful woman he'll ever get and never could understand his constant accusations, what a hellish turn off. But to hear him talk, he accused me and his X of being "cheating women" when it never actually happened with either of us...his X wife and I were friends (he resented that bitterly) and she also told me that she never even dreamt of cheating on him...so truth was it was in his imagination.
The guy would fabricate it...it was ridiculous how deep he could go into his stories not to mention an affront to the women he was with who were good women, I think.
Anyway...he came to mind when I heard you say that ALL 3 have cheated on you. I just can't understand why that would be the case. Cheating isn't something that is highly common despite people's insecurities about it...it's more uncommon than most think. | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 5:20:51 PM | Ok I am going to sound like a mom because I am a mom with a son one year younger then you so keep an open mind.
You are still a Kid!! Young only 20 with your entire life ahead of you. Stop focusing on "Long term relationships" before u get more then you bargain for. Chang the focus date different people work on yourself you are a kid they were kids take my word for it you may reject the "Kid" word but nobody knows what they really, really, really want at 20!!! I mean in relationships nobody at 20 is really equipped to deal with what goes into them. Get counsling if you are fixated on what "she" is doing on her down time like it or not you have early signs of potentially becomming controlling and that is never good. Why is your generation in such a hurry to take on this stuff? yes 20 year olds are married yes 20 year olds have children and yes that population has high poverty rates, children do not thrive in it and the financial stuff is way to big to handle here.
These young girls did not have the maturity or desire to "settle down" it was not about "you" . Please take this advice LIVE YOUR LIFE FIND YOURSELF WHAT DO U WANT TO B WHEN U GROW UP. BE ALL U CAN BE a nice, intelligent, independent and someday wonderful wife and mother will only come to u when u are worthy of them At this time those girls, those someday wonderful wives and mothers are preparing themselves to be in that role and when they get there u better up there or they will pass . Nobody is responsible for your happiness but you.
P.S.
You are a cute Kid I am a nursing instructer unfortunatly your current message board does not sound like you look and these one day wonderful wives, mothers and future Nightengales will not respond. | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 8:31:21 PM | | This is easy. Think about it. Is there anything you can do to truly 100% guarantee that someone will never cheat on you? Nope. That's a dream world. So why fret? And a lot of people have been cheated on. It's no special badge of courage. All you can do is be yourself, be honest and try not to be naive. | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/19/2009 9:01:58 PM |
Are you absolutely sure they cheated or did you take some random event and freak out assuming she did?
Unfortunately I know that they did for sure, because I was told by one, and found out the other 2. Two of them cheated on me with their ex's and one of them cheated on me at New Year's, I was invited to go out with her to go "ice skating" with her and 3 of her girlfriends, she hadn't spent a lot of time with them lately so i said "Nah that's okay, you go ahead and have fun". Somehow ice skating turned into drunken hot tub party and making out with guys AND girls. She told me the next day after having a family dinner, gave me a hug and expected everything to be okay. suffice to say I drove her home and promptly broke up with her.
And to what mayormcheesy said, yeah I've heard that and I'm starting to believe it lol. It just sucks I guess. I get over things by thinking "Somewhere out there, somebody's got it a lot crappier then I do". It works most of the time but sometimes when I have too much time to think it gets into my head. | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:34:01 AM | | When you take a good while to get to know a woman before you have a relationship with her, one of those things you get to know is whether she cheats or not. They say go slow for a reason. Jumping right in is fun, but full of hard lessons. | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 5/20/2009 9:26:45 PM | I will say something without reading the other and i am appologize to them and you for that.
First I would say, assume she is or can cheat anytime and know that you can too. You are no better than her
Assume she is cheating and deal with it that way........accept it and just let go, allow her the freedom to do what she wants and that freedom will be the most valued thing that you could give her.
This is what men do when they are losing their women , that is hold on tighter. That just makes them want to run harder. Isolation is a form of abuse, not to say you are an abuser but we can all lean that way and cause women to get scared. Google spousal abuse and see exteme cases and that will show why letting them go is so much more what they need.
You can't do anything about it by worrying so why worry if you can't do anything/ | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 10/2/2009 10:33:13 PM |
Haha, yes. It's a shame that all the attractive women are all cheaters! I should lower my standards huh? :P
I fancy myself a decent looking individual.
That's total crap! I've NEVER cheated on a boyfriend! | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 10/9/2009 10:29:30 AM | honestly stop
i pushed my ex away doing that he was the love of my life and i pushed and pushed with my insecuritys about other pretty girls whats he doing bla blah its so draining!!!!
seriously hun stop now
but u need to get the help for urself when u feel ready deal with it before u find someone, else ur have ur heart broken again and again.
i know where ur coming from and ive paid a huge cost 4 it!!!
confidence is key!!!!!
and rememeber u need to take chances in relationships something i didnt realise till now. just cos those girls were mad enough to do that to u dont mean there aint any other nice girls out there
best of luck
xxx | |
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| Dealing with the paranoia of being cheated on.
Posted: 10/9/2009 5:10:54 PM | Being paranoid of being cheated on is an unnecessarily thing. And really dangerous.
I have never cheated on anyone in my life and I know as a fact that I never been cheated on.
If you can think about even kissing anyone else as your beloved one (or the person who you usually waking up in the morning with) it purely means that something is wrong. You have to sit down with him/her and talk about the problems. If you fail to do this, your relationship will be death. Sooner or later.
If you think that your girlfriend/boyfriend is cheating on you, all what you have to do is ask.
But if you are accusing him/her that he/she is cheating on you just because you are paranoid it means that you accusing him/her that he/she is a liar.
Don't let unnecessarily pain to get into your relationship. It doesn't worth it. | |
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