| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:10:29 AM | This girl drove my older son crazy for 4 years both legal adults now.She played him like a puppet on a string. he even lost a large sum of weight because of her contantly critisizing and control.She knew he loved her more than life itself.She wasnt happy unless she was making him unhappy.My son has been away for 3 weeks doing extra work.
Well this girl(23) calls up my younger son (20). Talks him into having sex.She purposely marks her territory so it could get back to my older son.She covers him in hickies and claws his back raw .Shes doing this to get a mean reaction from my older son.
She has mental problems she is a self- mutalater and cuts her body. And constantly wants to test a guys love for her by seeing how mad she can make him and he still loving her.She goes for other bad boy types gets them to beat her then comes to my older son to protect her. Her father abandened her .Her brother whom she was very close to died in car crash this summer.She had a baby by a drug addict who beat her and is in prison.She gets mad my older son wont get angry enough to hit her.(Im tempted !)
She keeps trying to anger my older son.How can I encourage my younger son to leave her alone before things get rough.I want her out of both my sons lives.My younger son in it for the sex Im sure. I cant believe my younger son had sex with her knowing it would hurt his brother.What should I do at this point to try and keep harmony.ALso I dont want my older son to find this out . Clearly she does. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:25:39 AM | What should I do at this point to try and keep harmony
toss the b*tch a box of razor blades and tell her to get it over with.
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:09:14 AM | | thank you for your reply. Oh yes Ive thought of the razor blades.lol. Ive been doin some research on her uh mental illness. I been begging her to try a mental health proffessional for years .I even told her mom what was up .The girl keeps wanting to confied in me and my sons.Im not qualified I remind her . It just makes me so angry when someone trys to come between my sons and dystroy thier relationship with each other. Believe me Im very pi$$ed at my younger son.I dont want either of my sons near her. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:28:41 AM | Are your sons living at home? If so it's time for a restraining order... at least that way you have legal precedence to get her arrested if she tries to come around.
I'd recommend to them to get one too, but it sounds like they're both stuck to her. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:34:41 AM | I been begging her to try a mental health proffessional for years .I even told her mom what was up .The girl keeps wanting to confied in me and my sons.Im not qualified I remind her .
It sounds like you are deeply involved in this relationship web, and there's lots of drama coming from all quarters. Maybe you shouldn't be involved quite so much with your son's girlfriend, your son's girlfriend's mother, your adult sons' sex lives, etc.
It just makes me so angry when someone trys to come between my sons and dystroy thier relationship with each other. Believe me Im very pi$$ed at my younger son.I dont want either of my sons near her.
They're both adults. By all means speak to both of them about your concerns for their relationship, but anything beyond that will add to the drama, and isn't really your business anyway. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:07:56 AM |
She covers him in hickies and claws his back raw ^^^^^
OP, your son is 20, if he wishes to make stupid decisions that destroy his relationship with his brother you cannot stop him but one way to try is to tell him to stop screwing his brother's girlfriend or get the hell out of your house.
Have you sat down and explained to him that in most people's eyes that is akin to incest? The girl is a train wreck but your boys are apparently stupid because this shit is way over the top and has been going on for years.
You have had no impact up to now, I suspect when they hit rock bottom they will stop allowing her to manipulate them.
I don't mean to be hateful but they are adults, you cannot live their lives for them but you also don't have to support their stupid choices by continuing to allow them a soft place to land with you. Your choice, if you allow it, stop b!tching about it. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:21:46 AM | sounds like both of your sons have issues too.... if they didn't they wouldn't be messing with this girl...
your boys are grown.... sadly they have to learn their own lessons..... even if it means destroying their relationship with each other.... | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:27:24 AM | | What should you do? That is simple. You sons are grown, you should do nothing. I know it isn't easy, but that's all you can do. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:29:51 AM | They're both adults. By all means speak to both of them about your concerns for their relationship, but anything beyond that will add to the drama, and isn't really your business anyway.
So .. who taught your 'boys' their sense of loyalty to each other?? .. and who taught them about what sort of woman they should avoid? Who instilled in them that sense of self - worth and esteem? ** Not to mention > Respect for women?? hmmm 
OP - I Really think you should not be so involved in your Adult sons sex lives .. IMO it's a tad creepy.
... and it's a little late to be stepping in with "parenting" lessons .. a 20 year old guy with a hardon and excess testosterone who hasn't learned the art of self control, discretion or "taking it in hand" .. well 'most' would jump on any 'flopping fish' that doesn't smell .. (Too bad) lol ..
sorry OP .. just the way I see it .. >> Back off and let 'em learn what they weren't taught early on . .
drama drama drama .. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:35:06 AM | p.s. >
Riv´er`y
a. 1. Having rivers; as, a rivery country.
ri·val·ry Listen to the pronunciation of rivalry
Pronunciation:
\ˈrī-vəl-rē\
Function:
noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural -ries
Date:
1598
: the act of rivaling : the state of being a rival : competition
I didn't think you meant running water between your "boys" .. hehe | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:57:08 AM | JMO but ... Why are you trying to keep harmony? This is a bad situation and requires LEARNING FROM ... not HIDING FROM!
Your children are adults and the most you can do is offer advise and set boundaries to stop yourself from becoming 'involved'.
Personally, I would tell my youngest son that he should tell his older brother the truth, comlete with his own feelings about whether he feels bad or not. Tell him to be wear protective clothing.
I would also sit both of my boys down ASAP and tell them it's time to get some SELF ESTEEM ...AND I would SUGGEST ways of doing so. If you're unsure what those ways are, read books and/or see a counsellor. I'd tell THEM to seek counselling too!! Most people won't go until they hit their own personal bottom but suggest it anyways. Take responsibility for the fact that you didn't prepare them for 'times like this' and their happiness is important to you.
Your oldest son is allowing this woman to test his boundaries of what PROVES love. I don't understand why of course, and so am wondering if their OWN father has taken an active role in parenting your sons OR been a good husband? My guess is a definite no but of course, I could be wrong.
I hope for the best for your son's. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:16:31 AM |
How can I encourage my younger son to leave her alone before things get rough.I want her out of both my sons lives.My younger son in it for the sex Im sure. I cant believe my younger son had sex with her knowing it would hurt his brother.What should I do at this point to try and keep harmony.ALso I dont want my older son to find this out . Clearly she does.
You certainly make this women sound as terrible as any Mother trying to protect her children can. The problem here is that your Sons are no longer children. As full grown adult men they have a right to live their lives how and with whom they choose. They have chosen to be with this women for whatever reason. If this women is as terrible a person as you have indicated on here then one has to wonder why they even have any interest in her. Surely your youngest Son has to know what she has put your eldest Son through. I certainly understand a Mother's drive to protect her Son/Daughters no matter what their age. Some Sons/daughters would appreciate a Mothers interference in their relationships. Only you know how appreciative your Sons might or might not be. The fact that you are stressing on trying to figures out what is best to do indicates to me that your Sons might not be as appreciative as some. If this is the case then I would suggest that you stay out of their women problems no matter how hard that might be.
God bless Mothers.... | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:28:01 AM | yes please excuse my spelling. as for the father situation. The father chose to run away from responsibility.He left when they were around 7.I admit my fault in this.I know I aparntly went wrong in some of the up bringing.However my kids know right from wrong wether they chose to do right or not I cant help it .Thanks to some for the****ness and blaming me again I accept my responsibility in this .no need for harshness. Thank you for the inteligent responses so far. As for those trying to outwit each other for a laugh carry on. It reflects a nice image.
Im trying to learn to back out and let them be but as a mother I want to protect them as much as I can. I took pride in the fact they used to be so close .
Thank you people Im listining to your advise. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:35:36 AM | Google "enabling" and "codependent" and follow some of the links, and read. Take a look at the website for Co-Dependents Anonymous, first for yourself, and later for your sons. www.codependents.org .
The four of you are caught up in a dance together. The only thing YOU can do is stop dancing. Then, their dance MUST change. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:48:14 AM | very dysfunctional........very very dysfunctional.........PITY
the OP, the girl, the 2 sons and the girls mom.......all belong in counseling, you're all sick. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:48:15 AM | Have you discussed this *stuff* w/your younger son? I understand the "easy sex" but does he know of or understand the *big picture* - where his choices and participation affect the entire family (including you)? If so ~ you've done what you can do within your legal control. If he's living at home - ESTABLISH rules and boundaries. He'll either accept or not accept your tough love. If all else fails - get a restraining order to keep that psycho and the individuals who choose to associate w/her.. away from your haven. Plan C: Move on (for yourself). Some people MUST struggle before they'll ever grow up.
I'm sorry you're enduring this (unecessarily so).  | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:59:49 AM | hmm...You are wondering why your son's have no balls ??
Try letting them lead their own lives instead of nosing in on their buisness!
I think it is awful that one son would even think about having sex with a girl his brother was with!
You think it is because "she talked him into it"??
No one can make you do what you really dont want to do! Stop making excuses for him, he are just as wrong as you think this girl is!!
Perhaps you should have thought about teaching your children loyalty, moral values and integrity when they were growing up then you wouldnt have to worry about them picking the wrong girls!
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 9:00:17 AM | Thank you Ms Bella for your post . I wish to thank others as well.I will consider all your ideas and oppinions.
Again my biggest fear is my little 3 person family I tried to provide for and protect all these years will be broken. Im just a mom who made honest mistakes . I just had to prove to my ex that ran away , that we were fine without him. I totaly went overboard trying to protect my kids perhaps top the point of controling their lives. Hummm lesson learned ...alittle late . | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 9:20:38 AM | The 'wrong type' of protection often stems from the hurts we receive throughout our OWN lives and so I DO understand your dilema to that degree. We don't want our children to also be hurt so we compensate ... but ... the reality ... everyone should experience LIFE eventually ... and all of it's range of emotions.
Age related, so much CAN be taught to our kids while under the protection of our unconditional love and a stable home.
The problem arises because we as parents haven't learned how to deal with EVERYTHING effectively (is that even possible???) ... so ... how can we teach everything to them? The answer is to learn how and know that even if we don't learn until THEY are adults, it's never to late to pass on the information IF they ask (if they don't, its still of GREAT benefit to ourselves), let someone else help them, or let them learn THEMSELVES ... the hard way. The reality is that even if you KNOW how to deal with certain things even 'pretty effectively', your children may still need to learn the hard way BUT hopefully the lesson won't be as tough and they won't get AS hurt.
Parenting is one of the most difficult things to do.
Also, please try and understand that any harshness from other posters here - or anywhere comes from their own hurts as they relate them to your story(s). The forums are a way for people to learn and vent. As with SOOOOO very many other mothers, you and their father have made mistakes and kids have been hurt because of it. It's difficult but requires strength for you to take responsibility for your part ... and to try and seek help. Take pride in this strength.
:) | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 10:22:37 AM | I want to appologize to the O.P. for my last post. It was very harsh and being a mom I should have been more sensitive.
I know that we all have this need to protect our children and stand by them. Sometimes we dont realize that we are doing more harm then good till it is to late.
This issue with your son and this girl and what they did to his brother is something that your oldest son has to deal with by himself. It will be hard but the only thing you can do it just to be there if they need you to listen.
Please realize that this girl isnt the only one to blame with the way they all are behaving because as I said before..."no one can make another person do what they dont want to do" Especially if the other person knows it is wrong.
I hope everything works out for you! and again..I am sorry for my rant. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 10:48:25 AM | UPDATE My youngest son and I talked.He admited to his fling.Hes having guilt pains .He asked my advice on what to do .Hes affraid his brother wont forgive him.I recomended he be honest and give him time .discontinue contact with the g/f.And work on building brothers trustback.
Hopefuly Things will work out.
Thanks to all. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 10:51:34 AM | | What's wrong with your sons that one would have ever been with this witch and that the other would betray his brother to be with such a well known worthless witch? You can't do a thing about he psycho witch but you might want to figure out why your sons are so messed up over this freakshow. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 11:53:15 AM | Not meaning to kick a mother when she's down but dah-uhm!
I have to feel some smidgeon of hope within me that this is a total farce and not a real issue.
I'm praying this is a troll situation because the sadness of these people existing in reality is too much for me to handle.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow! My sons are so wonderful!!! And their women equally so!!!!
Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 12:25:45 PM | | Stay out of it. Your younger son apparently has little regard for ethical behaviour and you aren't likely to instill ethics in him atthis stage of his of life. All you'll do is alienate one or both of your sons. Your older son WILL find out unless he's a complete idiot. You should hope he does hear it from someone else before he has the opportunity to hear it from you. Otherwise, he'll be pissed off at you for not telling him. If my father had tried to help cover up something like that, I know I'd have been pissed off. Look at it this way. The sooner your older son finds out, the sooner you have a good chance of getting rid of that girl unless your younger son wants her. In that case, they deserve each other. | |
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| sibling rivery
Posted: 5/20/2009 2:10:19 PM |
please try and understand that any harshness from other posters here - or anywhere comes from their own hurts as they relate them to your story(s). The forums are a way for people to learn and vent. I disagree with this but not entirely.. There are some, I'm sure that vent due to their "own hurts" .. however; I suspect most answer in anger because they know BETTER and are incredulous that people can't figure this sh*t out for themselves. Either way.. and IMO its a p*ss-poor way to try and help someone but such is human nature.
Hopefully your boys straighten out their behaviour.. You realize, I hope, that Both of them have some issues to even want to have anything to do with this girl when they both know she is mentally unstable, skanky, manipulative, untrustworthy.. and so on. Frankly.. I'd be looking into government sponsored counceling (if you can't afford it) Best
~ Wishes ~ | |
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