| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 1:21:50 PM | Say you met someone new and you guys are going real well and you find yourself having feelings but you been dating about 4 months.
When do you think is the right time to say I love you ? cause that is the way you feel inside without scaring him/her off!!!
Is there ever a good time? | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 1:26:04 PM | | i think that are ways to hint around about it so that you can gauge their reactions without really telling them staright out. That way if they dont feel the same they will never know if you love them or not. I dont think that there is a single right amswer to your question about love though. people fall in love fpor many different reasons and it doesnt have to be in a set amount of time. If you know for sure thats what it is..then it is what it is. After 4 months though i would just do teh hinting around thing. there is a saying that goes something like this" if you can fall in lov e that easily you can fall out just as easily". But of course thats relative, everyone is different. Good luck! | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 1:30:38 PM | | Maybe try "easing" in to it. Tell thta person that you are coming to really care for them...see how they react...if they seem fine with it..say that for a bit whenever you want to share what you feel for them. Then after another month or too..they wont be too surprised to hear it..cause your earlier comments have been leading up to it. And it also lets that person know you are possibly receptive to hearing what thier feelings are. Good luck :-) | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 1:32:24 PM | http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts3529026.aspx
When they learn to do thread searches!
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2419025.aspx
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts5769593.aspx
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts10662070.aspx
Don't be sorry hun. Thats what forums are for..to ask. It's a free site and you can talk all you want. If he or any others want to waste time whining that its been discussed earlier than thats thier thing.
Funny coming from someone who has so many mail resections (rules) on their profile!
Oh the hypocrisy! | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 1:33:08 PM | | Thank you for your response...yah I think you areright hinting around would probably be the best way to do it for now...the rejection is the hardest thing to accept.... | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 1:33:46 PM | | No two people are alike. IMO you tell one person you love them after 4 months some will accept it others will not. I've known of people falling in love they both felt the same after a year but one stepped up told the other they loved them it didn't work because the person said they felt it was to soon. People are different and telling someone you love them depends on if you feel the time is right...Who knows better than the person in love? | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 1:37:36 PM |
Oh sorry the Rock Man...didnt follow the rules...
Don't be sorry hun. Thats what forums are for..to ask. It's a free site and you can talk all you want. If he or any others want to waste time whining that its been discussed earlier than thats thier thing. I'm glad I was able to help in any small way *smiles and hugs* | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 2:02:05 PM | I just had this conversation with a 'man'friend yesterday.
His take on it was this.... all men are pr*cks, dont tell him that you love him until he tells you. And then if your smart you still wont tell him.
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 2:05:40 PM |
Is there ever a good time? A better question would be... Is there ever a bad time?
Why wait to tell someone that you love them? Something could happen to you or them tomorrow and you could lose the chance forever of telling them exactly how you feel... | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 3:17:00 PM | | My boyfriend told me he loved him 6 weeks into our relationship. It was a slip of the tongue, but he loved me, so he said it again. He has said it himself, he was more emotionally attached then I was in the beginning. I waited almost 3 months before saying I love you. Even though I knew a few weeks after he had said it, I couldn't say it out loud. I did promise (and he knows this) that I wasn't going to be the first one to say I love you. It had to come from him first. | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 3:21:39 PM | shell225 and her astute friend have about got it. yes there are exceptions, but to assault the unprepared male ear with such phrases (especially after only 4 months!..... and hey, you might change your mind) can be an extremely traumatic thing. if you have to ask, then you should just keep yer big mouth shut. buy him a new spatulator for the grill instead.
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 3:26:45 PM | The good time is when you feel you love them. However, rather than making a statement ask a question. ex. How do you feel about me? Do you feel what I do in this relationship? More brazen - Do you love me?
4 months is adequate time to declare. | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 3:29:04 PM |
"I want to marry you and have your babies and you'll never see or date or have sex with another woman ever again as long as you live and you'll have to trade in your Harley and your bachelor pad for a station wagon and a home with a white picket fence, which we're going to need to keep the eight children we have inside, four of whom are going to need braces, all of whom we'll have to put through college, and one of whom will want a sex change operation one day, plus I do expect to live in the manner to which I'd like to become accustomed so I have to have a beautiful home in the 'burbs and a huge yard and a swimming pool with a koi pond around it and be able to go to bridge parties and afternoon teas and get my hair and nails done every week and go to the tanning bed and exercise salon so I can keep myself beautiful for you. You DO want me to keep myself beautiful for you don't you? WELL??? DON'T YOU???"
Now darling you and I both know the only thing a man heard in all those words is:
"I want to marry you"
and from there on it was loud, annoying, screaming blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
and "so's your mother and mine!"
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 4:48:33 PM |
Say you met someone new and you guys are going real well and you find yourself having feelings but you been dating about 4 months.
When do you think is the right time to say I love you ? cause that is the way you feel inside without scaring him/her off!!!
I could tell you the absolute best time to tell him so....
But I might get banned for doing so.... | |
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| ~~ When to Tell Someone You Love Them ~~
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:15:40 PM | I'm a loving person and even tell my friends I love them. If you love them, tell them. It feels good to be loved. I ams what I ams...people who know me, know I remind them from time to time how I feel about them.
Same argument, you never know what might happen in the future. Life's too short to worry the small stuff. If a guy can't handle someone loving them, they are immature. If you are in an intimate relationship with someone and after a year the person couldn't handle I Love You, I'm thinking, what a dope, even four months is plenty of time to have a good idea of your feelings. | |
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Posted: 5/20/2009 5:53:04 PM | If I love someone... I'm going to tell them.
Not wait. Not play games.
A better question would be... Is there ever a bad time?
Why wait to tell someone that you love them? Something could happen to you or them tomorrow and you could lose the chance forever of telling them exactly how you feel...
Oh ack.
I tell them as soon as I feel that way.
And if I don't say it? Then I don't feel it.
...the adults decided to contribute.
The only thing I would add to this as a tiny qualifier is I don't say it EXACTLY as soon as I feel it. I like to give it a little time in order to verify that I do...that it wasn't just a fleeting feeling associated with good sex, or an incredible act of kindness.
I've been all over the place with this....
I told my 2nd wife before I'd ever laid eyes on her....and meant it.
I told my last GF after about....maybe 6 weeks? 8 weeks? And I told her even though she had told me she'd never allow herself to love another man (After I said it she then told me she loved me too....when I asked about what she had previously said, she stated I was a fool for believing her...unfortunately, she probably does feel that way now...)
I also was involved with someone for well over a year and never told them...because I didn't love them. Actually, I did, but it was the sort of love you have for a friend, or a sister. I LUSTED after them...kinda (they were a great fcuk), but I didn't love them the way I had loved others, or the way they wanted me to....or how they loved me (a love that was somewhat dysfunctional, frankly)
There has been someone who told me they loved me...but I was unable to respond in kind. I had very strong feelings for them...but I knew that I didn't love them the way they wanted to be loved. I might would have actual told them I loved them at some future point...I kinda thought I did...but when they told me they had never loved anyone like they loved me, I knew we were not on the same page. I just didn't feel that way about her - she was not the great love of my life.
The thing is....not only do people have different ideas of what love is....but they also have different ideas about what it is supposed to mean.
I still love my ex wife. I think I always will...we are like like a virus in each others veins....perhaps because we share a child, I dunno. We still on occasion fight like cats and dogs, because we still have a passion for each other...the opposite of love is not hate...it is indifference, and we sure as shit don't have that.
But you know what? So what. I ain't going back to that b1tch (yes, right now we are having a "down" period...it happens every 30 days or so I've noticed...imagine that), and she doesn't want me either. I am SOOOO over her, and I am all but absolutely certain the feeling is mutual. The feelings I have for my ex in no way shape or form impact my ability to love someone else. She isn't taking up "room in my heart" or any such thing.
Another example would be my former FWB. I loved her. I told her I loved her. And I knew I did...it wasn't the same as my FWB from years past who I never loved, and hence never told her. I told my FWB I loved her before she ever told me (she said it right after), and she would ONLY tell me she loved me if I had just said it. And, to be honest, based on the sum of events, especially towards the end, I don't think she loved me the way I loved her...I think it really was more as a friend. My love for her was certainly not of that nature.
So what? Just because I loved her didn't mean I thought we could have a successful relationship. I knew we couldn't, hence it never happened. I had experienced enough love and relationships to know the two are only tangentially related when it comes to relationship success. I sure as hell knew enough to understand that the fact that I loved her (and I did) wasn't going to compensate for the things I knew would be barriers for us to be together.
So...in summary...I see no reason to (significantly delay) telling someone you love them, if you do. And I sure as shit don't see any reason to play "they have to say it first" stupid games...what if they are playing the same childish tactic?
That said, I also don't see why people think saying "I love you" means anything terribly significant. Fcuk, truth be told, it doesn't even mean I like you, so it sure as hell doesn't mean we should get married or any other type insanity....
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| Glad to see....
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:07:11 PM | | ^^^^Em that was so very sweet. If I love you..I tell you plain and simple and you can do with that what you will. It just may be a momentary lapse in sanity :-) | |
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bhi99
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Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 24 | |
| Glad to see....
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:17:56 PM | I sooner tell a woman I believe I'm falling in love with her, than say " I love you ".
Those three words I take seriously and I wouldn't say them to a girl I have only know for a month.
I would think very long and hard about my feelings and what I would be getting myself into.
At the end of the day if I feel it needs to be said I'll say it, because the worst thing you could do is come to the conclusion you love someone and then wait on it and not tell them, expecting them to tell you, or until they end the relationship.
I find if you come to the conclusion you're n love with someone it's better for you if you tell them sooner rather than later, this way you can save yourself from wasting any more time if they don't feel the same.
Course again, if you're one of those people who likes to say these words for every relationship that goes past a month, you should stop and think some more. | |
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| Glad to see....
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:56:55 PM | The key to falling in love isn't in who says "I LOVE YOU" first. The real measure is if both fish are expressing their love thru their actions.
If one fish is giving everything they can and not getting the other fishes full and undivided attention, then one needs to slowly slip away, bait your hook with a different flavor and hope the next nibble is the one holding your hand as you take your last breath 70 years later.
Basically, what I am saying is: if he/she isn't into you as you are into him/her, the element of saying I Love You is wasted air--- wait until you feel that they are giving back as much as you are giving-- then say I LOVE YOU!!!!
All in all, don't use the phrase as a test to see if she/he loves you back, you have to read that one thru their actions. | |
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