| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:05:41 PM | I love getting to know people. Hearing what's going on their lives. I have a lot of curiosity and interests.
And the way it goes with on-line dating. We have a great converstion on the phone and establish a rapport , and at the end of the convesation inevitably she says "I would like to meet you, how about we meet for coffee."
And there's a pain in my gut, anything but that. Coffee and Chat always ends up feeling like an interview, and that's not fun for me.
I'm torn up inside and I feel bad because they are a nice person, and I would like to get to know them. And I understand the process they are trying to use.
There's got to be another way.
I once had a first date, we met in Lowe's paint department. She wanted to paint her bath room. She had never done anything like that before, and needed some advise on what to buy. I was painting several rooms in my house and I needed a woman's perspective on color selection. It lasted 20 minutes, we helped each other out, and we got to know a little bit about each other. That was fun!!
I'm finding, I don't want to go out for coffee, dinner, or anything which resembles an interview date.
I just want to have fun, and get to know someone along the way.
Am I the only one who feels this way? | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:09:17 PM | | I personally love the coffee/dinner idea for a date. You view the "interview process" as a bad thing, but I adore it! I especially like it when we can ask each other tricky questions, or talk about controversial issues. Those are the most interesting dates to me. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:24:57 PM | | Try activity dates, where you actually do something fun together, and don't just sit at a table under a bare light bulb being interrogated. A suggestion can be countered with one of your own. Have something in mind to suggest, and try to ask her out before she gets the chance to haul you in for questioning. If it can't be helped, then know your rights and ask for a lawyer to be present before you answer any of her questions. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:33:50 PM | You know what it could be? It could be that a lot of women are trying to not talk about themselves, and instead talk about you ... yet it comes out like an interview.
I know I'm guilty of this. Plus I'm often genuinely interested in the person, and want to know things; people fascinate me regardless of my intentions with them. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:40:02 PM | If you don't want to meet for coffee why not think of something else?
Or maybe just meet for coffee, you might want to take a minute to consider the comfort and safety of a woman meeting for you for the first time and try your best to put your discomfort aside. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:55:20 PM |
There's got to be another way.
I completely agree. I think I've done my best to figure out a way around that silly meet/greet stuff. I refuse. Yep ~ I out right refuse. I spend a lot of time in email then maybe move to phones, then MAYBE we'll talk about meeting. By then the interview is likely at a conclusion and things are interesting enough to want to meet in the real world. It's probably sort of like a "chemistry check" at that point for me and those I meet, but that's discussed during the email/phone time. Unless they are of the same mind-set, there's really no need to move forward and no one's wasted much more than some time in email or logged a few cell hours. Everyone does it differently, I just do what works for me. Good luck OP.  | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 5:57:57 PM | I think there are lots of people who don't like the interviewing/judging atmosphere of first dates. I am not sure this approach works well to assess a person's true character, either in first dates or jobs!
I agree with taking the activity approach to a first date. Do something together that is not passive (like watching a movie). You may want to brainstorm a list of activities before you start communicating with someone interesting and find yourself stuck wondering what to do on short notice. For example, my list might include things like flying kite(s) together or playing a game of cards in the coffee shop.
The way a person behaves tells you much more than their words do. As I used to tell my daughters, play Monopoly with your dates - the guy who cheats at it is not someone you want to be with!
Happy dating | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:05:19 PM | | I have been interviewed by a few people I have met on here, and I have to say, it is such an obnoxious thing to do to someone, what a turnoff! One guy kept shooting questions at me all night, designed to see just who I was, and if I was "suitable" for him, problem was, at the end of the interview/date, he got mad because I didn't ask him enough questions! how could I? I didn't have a chance to say anything after answering his questions! Some people want you to fill out a questionnaire when meeting! Whatever happened to just finding out about someone in time and just have fun on a date? | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:38:23 PM | Op, I was reading another forum a couple days ago, with the topic "Flatliners". The Op there was upset because people who answered his messages usually replied to his questions but didn't ask any of their own, giving him nowhere to go, conversationally-speaking. Yours is the exact opposite; you don't want to be questioned.
I have a hard time asking questions of people, as I feel like I'm intruding on their privacy and/or being nosy. Instead, when I send someone an e-mail, I tell them a bit about me and then invite them to pass along anything they would like me to know about them. It doesn't necessarily cover the important 'need to know' issues, but it's a start and does circumvent the ask/don't ask questions dilemma. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:11:23 PM | | I sometimes meet at the grocery store. Heck, we both have to be there at some point anyway. Then if we don't hit it off too well, i can say "hey, i have to run back over to the produce".....park my cart and hit the door !!! | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:37:49 PM | I am just not a Starbucks sorta guy. I try and meet for happy hour for a drink. Just somewhere casual.
Cowboy | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:37:52 PM | | I couldn't agree with you more, OP! I would much rather go for a walk, a wander through a mall, or even play a game of pool, than be left feeling like I am either being interrogated or forced to listen to someone praise themselves to all and sundry. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 7:39:02 PM | I understand what you mean, but that really isn't so much a problem with the world, just more of a problem with you.... and that does sound a little bit mean. Even I am a little hesitant when having a get together with someone for the first time because maybe I am a little panicked about what might happen. After all.... things could get better or they could get worse, and maybe that cool person you liked to chat with, you would never hear from again. You don't really have to create a important get together of any sort, this is just your opportunity to chat with the person in person without having to worry about what could really go wrong. You don't even have to spend any of your own money.
One person offered to go out for a coffee, or for a stroll. I hate coffee, and I might be afraid like you are of doing such a thing. But the idea of a stroll really did interest me, and while you are walking with someone you don't have to feel compelled to keep the conversation going.
Just give more suitable options. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:12:28 PM | Lately... it's been with me, go on a date or go dancing?
I go dancing.
I can't bring my self to spend go on a date - even 15 minutes for coffee is too much if it's going to be Q&A.
That's where I am at right now.
My passion is dancing, so I offerred to meet at a dance, drive speparate so we can come and go as we please, and if the chemistry isn't there - no worries, it's a social dance, dance with any one they want, plenty of single guys.
Fun first, and time will determine if there's more.
I appreciate everyones insight and sharing. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 8:14:50 PM | I don't drink coffee, so being stuck in Starbucks isn't my idea of fun. How 'bout I just tell you where I'm camping and you can stop by and roast a few marshmallows? We can share a few ghost stories.
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/20/2009 9:11:46 PM | I like to have fun and get to know people along the way too, which is why I don't look for someone to date - that's what causes the "interview" effect - an agenda of finding out if the other person is date worthy.
If neither of you care, and you either keep it short enough that no one feels pressured or hang out with no expectations outside of the moment you're in, it's much better. Problem is finding someone else who doesn't care and wants to go with the flow without trying to label or steer things a certain way.
I am a big believer in just being generally social and enjoying people without goals or whatever, and if something comes of it great - but some people put way too much into a first meeting.
I often let someone know where I am going to be and they can stop by or not, I'm sometimes with friends, and sometimes enjoying myself - and a brief chat with someone new while doing other stuff is better for me than a serious one on one meet... | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 4:22:06 AM | I somewhat agree..It could seem like an interview, but isn't how it supposed to be?
Kind of? I mean you meet him/her, and try to find out if you two connect, if you two are compatible to be friends, or more.
But sitting at the table with a notepad, asking interview like questions, making notes.
Make it fun. Try not to make it so obvious. That Home Depot thing was great!
Either way I always go for a meting with no expectation, I mean I pretty much know her, since we talked on the phone, so there isn't much of a surprise.
Miniature golfing, bowling, just some of the fun date ideas. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 5:38:27 AM | I think you want to be interviewed...just not for a job related skill...
LOL for instance:
1) what color of panties do you prefer on a woman (or any for that matter)
2) Where do you see yourself in relation to my body in the next 5 days
3) What are your sexual aspirations
4) What fantasies are you hoping to fulfill, if any
5) What is your take on lingerie?
See? That was an interview! Bet you didn't mind that one huh?
Everything is relative, everything... | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 6:33:37 AM | I don't really feel as if I have been on an interview dates, but I have had dates ask lots of questions. Often, they ask me if I have any questions, and often, I say, "Not now."
There is SO much more to be learned by simply listening to a person talk about him/herself and how they talk about others. It is amusing because I am not the only one who uses this technique, and some men encourage me to talk so they can scope me out. I am a talker, and it doesn't take much to get me going, and though I am open, I also know exactly what I am saying and how I say it--and the message I intend to get across to a listener.
I also DISLIKE it when a man has nothing on his profile and says, "If you want to know more, just ask." What am I supposed to ask if I have no base to build on? What is there to pique my interest or to make me want to know more? I get emails stating that I should ask questions, and I answer, "There's nothing I want to know."
So, obviously, some people feel more comfortable with an interview!
Hey, Gudtogo21! I am buying a house . . . come help me pick out a refrigerator; I bet there is a lot to tell by whether I pick a freezer on top or a side by side. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 6:39:33 AM | i'm going to get a tatoo. for a first 'date', i was thinking of inviting someone. i mean, i'm going to be there for 3 hours. and, it's a good opportunity to just talk about stuff. the other people in there, such as the artists, would probably think that was pretty funny too. it would spark great conversation. and, if we were kind of stiff with eachother, she could just leave. no biggie.
i think you need to be a little creative and think outside the box. you don't have to get a tattoo, but you could do other things that are more interesting than coffee. bascially, anything that allows both parties an easy out.
maybe you walk every morning for excercise. you could invite someone on your walk with you.
hell, you could invite them to go grocery shopping. i know it sounds weird, but you're just chatting. so, you could chat, and get something done at the same time.
whatever fits your personality is ok. but the thought of just sitting at starbucks freaks me out. i saw a couple doing that last week, and i was thinking, OMG, i hope i never have to do that. | |
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| I don't want to be interviewed
Posted: 5/21/2009 9:51:17 AM | OP --
No one can make you answer an "interview"question.
You can always deflect the question or change the subject. Humor can also defuse a situation.
Sometimes I say "I don't want to talk about that. Let's talk about something more interesting, like you."
The venue doesn't have anything to do with the content of the date. It's entirely up to you on how things go. | |
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