| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:10:37 AM | I'm just wondering about something from a man's point of view. Do you prefer that a woman who isn't interested (for whatever reason) just not reply to you, or do you want her to reply with the dreaded "thanks, but no thanks".
I have so many men contacting me who are not at all what I'm looking for or attracted to. I don't like the idea of posting a 'laundy list' in my profile of what turns me off, as negative profiles are no fun to read, but I'm starting to wonder if this would help to weed out some of the emails that I get.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:18:09 AM | | I am the king of rejection , so i would say a nice line would be nice , after all the guy took the time to check you out, and he may reply back, it is our nature to try, after the secound nice no ,then get rude , we are all doing the same thing so everyone has that on this site, just be nice. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:19:17 AM | Personally I would prefer a "thanks, but no thanks. Best of luck...." BUT you do not owe anyone anything. Whatever your comfortable doing is good enough. If the guy can't handle a minor rejection then he has major issues.
I tried the laundry list approach and it totally did not work. Actually it more or less blew up in my face. You run the risk of coming across as a pretentious jerk. A few items are cool like "Must not live in parents basement" "must not 'collect' star wars toys" "need to be stable emotionally and fiscally". If you start getting really specific like "Must be at least 5'7'' but under 6'1'' with blonde hair green eyes" "Must drive a hybrid car" "must not have ever needed dental braces" "must not have a genetic family history of mental retardation" then you really run the risk of being labeled something rather unsavory.
just my 2 cents.. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:23:41 AM | Personally, if I got a message saying "I'm not interested" or something similar it wouldn't bother me. I'd send back something like "Ok, thanks for letting me know. Good luck fishing." or somehting.
If I don't hear anything back I just assume she isn't interested.
Either way works. Sometimes people can get insulting if you say you're not interested though, and that must be considered. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:23:50 AM | I do not see anything wrong with including the major deal breakers in your profile. Do it politely.
As far as not interested, well, it doesn't really matter to me, If I would have emailed you with interest in the past and you did not email me, oh well, and if you did, oh well.
I have learned a lot since getting on POF. I do think that some people cannot handle rejection and might get fueled by an email others won't.
I personally, have been geting a lot of email via the forum, I answer every one of them, but I have changed my reason for being at POF. I must say, I have met some nice people , even if briefly, it nice to know there is life out there.
Good luck
***Anotomy*** Thanks for the profile review not long ago. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:31:44 AM |
Do you prefer...no reply...or 'thanks, but no thanks.'
I prefer thanks but no thanks just as much as no reply.
What I would really prefer is "Hey, profile things are meaningless, let's get off of this thing and go paint some pots!"
I don't like the idea of posting a 'laundy list' in my profile of what turns me off, as negative profiles are no fun to read
Greater specificity and depth in what you are seeking should (theoretically) help weed people out without resorting to a laundry list of negatives. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:43:45 AM | | I for one, would appreciate your refreshing candor and respectful reply. However disappointing your response might be for me... at least I would know I was barking up the wrong tree. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:50:39 AM | No just dont respond hon. Further communication, encourages still more communication. Being az your not interested in this person, why bother ? Either that or what about a really scathing form letter. Something like,
Dear guy I would never, ever, ever, ever have sex with. Even if U were the last person on earth. It was so nice hearing from U, but lets not ever communicate with each other again.
Now have a peachy dy, sincerely , ( whatre U kidding me, Im not telling U my name,loser. )
Guinness_girl76
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:52:45 AM | | I've gotten used to no reply, but I woud prefer a read/deleted as an indicator. I think that any additional reply should depend on the message you received. I get lots of compliments on my profile along with the contact messages I receive and I always thank the women for their compliments and do it in a way that suits what they've said. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 11:55:14 AM | Try using the mail settings and set some restrictions. This may help with your weeding.
ie. No intimate encounters , no married men, no other relationships, must have pictures, age restrictions... etc.
You may not have to be so wordy about your dislikes.
Also a positive spin on this...instead of saying what you don't like how about
saying what you DO WANT... more specifically. Everyone has preference so
what are yours?
Is unfortunate that the restrictions don't include .. no whine bags, no arrogant a$$hats, no rude pigs...
this you will have to decern for yourself. It's a process OP.
You may have to kiss a lot of toads before you find your handsome frog.  | |
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hip89
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Joined: 3/21/2009
Msg: 12 | |
| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 12:00:37 PM |
Do you prefer that a woman who isn't interested (for whatever reason) just not reply to you, or do you want her to reply with the dreaded "thanks, but no thanks".
There is no general consensus option on this topic. Some people will prefer the "no thanks" reply, some will prefer no reply, and others don't care.
I have so many men contacting me who are not at all what I'm looking for or attracted to. I don't like the idea of posting a 'laundy list' in my profile of what turns me off, as negative profiles are no fun to read, but I'm starting to wonder if this would help to weed out some of the emails that I get.
Put a small list of your most important basic requirements on your profile. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 12:20:33 PM | | But I guess if I had an inbox jam-packed with unwanted solicitations.... from who knows who.... hmm I can see how that might get tricky, not to mention arduous, and time consuming to properly reply to them all. Luckily that's never been my problem. :) | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 12:33:58 PM | Consider the effort that a guy might have put into a nice introduction. If it look like he spent some considerable time into writing to you, than a nice "thanks, but no thanks" would be very nice to hear.  | |
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bhi99
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Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 16 | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 1:21:50 PM | | I think I would get more annoyed with a girl who just doesn't bother replying than someone who told me she's not interested. No matter how bad the reply is, I'd rather get one than not. Some girls are really smooth with it and some girls aren't, the ones who have learned to be mature are ones that I like to retain a friendship with (if they're interested) regardless of dating pursuits. Some have learned to use more soft languages like "Sorry, but I don't feel an attraction to you" as opposed to the "You're ugly and I don't want to talk to you". I'm glad I haven't met any girls to that degree yet, but hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I would suggest it is best to be courteous, especially if the guy has put some decent work into his intro. However, if he's a complete ass or is try to e-sex you on the first email, then he deserves an outright message deletion. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 1:59:52 PM | Read/delete is the norm around here. I spend quite a bit of time crafting a 2-3 paragraph email so I appreciate an "I'm flattered that you took the time to write a personalized message but I am pursuing other people" type email. I know I'm not god's gift to women and not everybody's cup of tea.
You shouldn't reply if a guy wrote you a cut and paste email. Those should get placed in the read/delete pile. | |
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| I'm Not Interested - What's the Best Approach
Posted: 5/23/2009 2:10:57 PM | You can always lie and say.." I just met the perfect man and I am going to give him a fair shot. " They never get mad at that. They wish you good luck and no one gets hurt.
Now, I won't confess to ever having done that.
Okay.... maybe once or twice.  | |
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