| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 5/24/2009 3:40:06 AM | | Im always the second rate guy, its either i have a friend whos a girl and she likes me but prefer to date another guy yet im always there to help her if she needs it. And i dont mind that i like it but its like im the gay friend. If you know what i mean... Or im dating a girl and im giving her everything and anything i can and she still leaving me for her ex boyfriend or someone else. Im done with being the second rate guy i just want some that wants to be treated like a lover but can talk to as a friend. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 5/24/2009 10:11:48 AM | | Dude i can relate. I met a wonderful girl, i thought she was everything i needed.. but she was into a "poly" relationship. I couldnt be apart of that. So basically it came down to being in a full on relationship with me.. where we would love each other or be in a fwb with him... yeah that was great. Anyways it worked out for the best, we are just friends now and im out looking for a girl that wont do that. :/ | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 5/24/2009 10:33:15 AM | This happens a lot with guys who lack sex appeal. Guys, get a makeover. Let your girlfriends pick a wardrobe out for you or a haircut or whatever, that will make you look hot!
Then see what happens.
Some people just need a bit of help to get out of the "boy friend" look.
See a hairstylist...they are usually good to help with stuff like this. I know, that's what I was for 15 years. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 5/24/2009 10:48:20 AM | Dude, I'm with ya and have been there and done that. If you want to be "treated like a lover but can talk to as a friend", then act exactly that way. If you feel her sappily pulling you into her "friend zone" and can painfully see that you're not going to get her p---y, start to withdraw emotionally. She'll pick up on it and take the hint.
Don't CARE so much. A certain attitude of callousness and apathy (even a healthy anger) is required when you feel your soul getting sucked dry without any tangible reward you seek. Just say "I'd really love to hear about this, but busy now, bye". Be a bit of an A-hole. Women seem to like it lol. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 5/24/2009 11:08:06 AM | | You have to meet a ugly sisters sisters before you meet cinderella and play a bit harder to get and stop being all over them not all women like that just be you that is enough and if they dont like it stuff them someone will. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 5/24/2009 11:54:10 AM | sounds like me but the opposite.. i'm always the second rate girl... the one they turn to when they have an issue with their girlfriend.. or something like that... its frustrating | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 5/24/2009 1:09:50 PM | wow wow wow.. little harsh on the sex appeal thing. Actually the girl i was with she really enjoyed the sex with me and the other guy was emotional.. :( I always thought i would be the other way around.
And i have got a short hair cut now | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 5/24/2009 1:55:32 PM | A lot of us feel this way. Sometimes, I feel this way. I'm tired of being such a good "friend" but not the one guys want to date. It happens at times to everyone.
Cheer up! | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 5/24/2009 4:10:11 PM | don't feel bad. As a woman, I am tired of being the "second rate" gal as well.
I am good enough for being friends, and nothing more and I am personally getting tired of it as well - which is why I dumped the whole deal and walked away from the dating pond. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 5/24/2009 7:24:38 PM | miss contemplative, it is not necessarily a matter of a lack of sex appeal but could be the type of women these guys are attracted to! So it is not merely a matter of getting a new haircut or wardrobe but of seeking out women with whom these guys share common interests and values.
Although keeping oneself well groomed is essential for men and women, this concept of a "boyfriend" look is poppycock! IF a woman likes a guy she will be attracted to him for him, regardless of his haircut or wardrobe and NOT for some vacuous concept as a so-called "boyfriend look. In fact if a haircut or wardrobe is what a woman is seeking let her date a male mannequin from a department store that meets her superficial needs. In fact any woman who is focused on such trite characteristics rather than the inner qualities of a man should be a warning sign to any savvy guy to move on expedtiously. | |
|
| |
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/24/2009 10:57:10 PM | Be the nice guy for the sake of being a nice guy, not to get the girl.
Unfortunately there is a disconnect in dating in regards to this very subject. It seems like the nicer you treat someone, the more it drives them away. You can do things to avoid it, but if it is in your nature to be caring and nice, I encourage you to keep doing this. You might not get the girl, but why would you date a girl that doesn't appreciate you for you?
Trust me, they are doing you a favor. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/24/2009 11:58:55 PM | Well about the looks, like what has already been mentioned in most cases are just not so. I seen men that really look like shit and are actually with a woman that is of "high mantinance"and eaven a complete knock out; so it's not nessesarly the looks.
but yes on the other hand, being the"nice guy" is also part of my personality as well. I know exactly wher you are comming from on this subject. I know exactly how you feel about being the "second rate guy". I tend to feel like a girls gay buddy more than aything.
the way I look at it, If they can't except me 4 me than TOUGH SHIT.
 | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 5:54:48 AM | Every "boyfriend" I have ever had has been obsessed with some other woman who didn't really want him but kept him around as a friend she could use. I was the
girlfriend for them while they had their real love as a friend.
Then eventually they find someone else to love and leave me.
So it happens to women too. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 6:19:10 AM | Im always the second rate guy, its either i have a friend whos a girl and she likes me but prefer to date another guy yet im always there to help her if she needs it. And i dont mind that i like it but its like im the gay friend. If you know what i mean... Or im dating a girl and im giving her everything and anything i can and she still leaving me for her ex boyfriend or someone else. Im done with being the second rate guy i just want some that wants to be treated like a lover but can talk to as a friend.
1. Log onto Amazon.com
2. Grab a copy of 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Glover. Can be had for under US$10.
3. Start making some changes.
You are what's called a 'doormat' nice guy. You ALLOW women to use you this way. You need to build on your self confidence and self respect. The book is not about going from nice guy to asshat...it's about improving your self esteem, and setting some healthy boundaries so that you are a doormat no more.
Go get the book...minimal investment...long term returns.
Paul ;) | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 6:20:32 AM | I used to have this problem too but then i realized that i was sub consciously sabotaging myself by spending time with women i wasn't going to have because i was afraid of relationships. This was a period after my last girlfriend. After a while i realized what i was doing and treated these people as friends which opened the door to real relationship possibilities arriving instead of being frustrated all the time.
But don't think for a minute that what your doing is bad because it is all karma, the nice things your doing will come back to you. Don't compromise on your morals and being the type of friend you want to have. If they don't treat you well they will cop it one day too. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 6:32:59 AM | This reminds me of a message I got recently in which the girl droned on a bit about how neat she thinks I am, and then proceeded to write at length about her current concerns and worries with the guy she's dating...
I think, honestly, that a lot of girls are most comfortable to try and fulfill their deeper emotional needs through sources other than their significant other. I suppose that by not putting all their eggs in one basket, so to speak, it makes it easier for them to find the path back out of the woods if/when they decide they're no longer interested in the hike. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 7:51:12 AM | | hey ther i know how you feel being layed down for a spare sucks and if it would be me i turn down the freind ship if thers no chance for a good relationship becuase ther be tomuch stress and tomuch hurt feelings | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 9:04:59 AM | Ahhhh.....OP, what you are is a young "White Knight."
Learn this lesson now, whoever you are trying to save or help or whatever can only save themselves.
And I would bet that these girls that you "help" never appreciate your efforts do they?
But I bet they are beautiful, at least to you.
While all the time I am sure there is some sweet, nice, cute girl worshipping you from a far that you completely ignore or you "friend" her. She is you in female form, the only thing is one day she will wise up and find a guy who will really appreciate her, while you are still chasing the hotties.
Welcome to your future. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 9:05:08 AM | People put too much emphasis on finding a significant other. They spend too much time worrying about the things they don't have.
Guys will spend time with girl "friends" pretending that its cool that they are just friends, while all the time resenting the fact that they are not in a relationship. Then they wonder why their "friend" always chooses other guys when it comes time to f*ck.
Then they feel second rate.
Women will spend time with men who clearly aren't all that interested in them, hoping that the guy will change and choose her. They will put up with the fact that they are little more than a sperm depository, all for that hope that eventually he will see that she's the one.
Then they feel second rate.
Most of us have pretty good lives, we have family, friends, jobs, material possessions, outside interests, homes, cars, ggod health, etc.,etc., yet that all doesn't seem to count for much when we lack a significant other. We feel second rate.
This is silly. If we spent as much time reinforcing the positive aspects of our lives, concentrating on all the things we DO have, the things we don't have will seem less important. Our attitudes will change and we will become more positive, confident and better people to be around. When this happens, that's when others will find us attractive. Then the problem of being single will take care of itself | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 9:55:25 AM | Stop being your friend's GFs confidant and bestest buddy. As another guy your relationship with them should be polite, social and otherwise non-existant. It reeks of waiting around for the girl to get dumped so you can 'help' her over her misery with a little sex and comfort.
Get your own woman. You become friends with theses girls because you are not afraid to talk to them because they are already involved-no pressure. Take some of that swagger and apply it to new ladies. Or even better ask the GF to introduce you to some of their hot friends. Stop being the third wheel. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 10:28:20 AM | | I think some of you are just being pessimistic. It's either there between people or not. You can't MAKE someone find you attractive in that way (though I agree that sometimes a makeover or different approach can open up someone's eyes where they may have not noticed you before...but if they don't notice you like that on their own, then it's probably not the right person anyway) and if you are actually spending a bit of time getting to know these women, and it's not there for them, you just have to accept it and move on, and NOT take it personally. It's very, very rare for me to meet someone that I find attractive in a romantic way. Don't expect every girl you are interested in to like you back. That's just life and biology. I know it feels terrible (I'm still moping about a guy who I would spend the rest of my life with, if asked, and he's not even talking to me anymore). But it just means you haven't found the right one(s) yet. The goal is to find someone who likes exactly who you are and accepts you for you. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 11:45:34 AM |
Or im dating a girl and im giving her everything and anything i can and she still leaving me for her ex boyfriend or someone else
never make someone else a priority if they only sees you as an option! im giving her everything and anything i can problem is, you've been pretty much been a doormat rather than being an assertive person. Next time, don't give them your whole world until they have proven to be themselves worthy of your love and devotion. It's not the end of the world, there are freaking plenty of girls to go around and she won't be the only and last gal you'll end up with. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 12:48:23 PM | santa luciaaaaaaaaaaa another " woah is me Im such a nice guy thread"
For the 1000th time, its because most of you " nice guys" suffer from the " white knight syndrome" and subscribe to the " stupid chivalry theory"
Some of you guys dont get it, by getting involved with flaky, weak ,insecure, needy, clingy women, you think by being their " friend" that will win their heart, you sit there with them at all hours of the night and listen to them complain about their loser men, or how this man did this and that, and you end dating them and then they leave you to go back to the idiot they complain about?
Someday you " nice guys " will figure it out. | |
|
| Sick of being the second rate guy..
Posted: 9/25/2009 1:30:40 PM | | well, since I'm going through something similar although it's my fault for blowing it, anyway to me dude you are only "second" rate if you call yourself second rate and dwell on things. Okay the women you have been involved with left you for others or just wanted to be friends okay cool it happens, but that doesn't make you second rate just girls who dumped you are second rate. somebody will appreciate you sooner or later don't take it so personal. | |
|
Home
login 
