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| | What Ive discovered about the living at home issuePage 1 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | WOW! Its been a long time since Ive done any dating locally(long story). Ive come on this discussion forum in the past amazed at how harshly woman were judgemental towards men who lived at home. I had always thought it was a HUGE issue to most (American) woman regardles of the man's character and other traits.
HERE IS WHAT I DISCOVERED!!
If you meet woman outside of the internet realm, I find they dont really care about it!! WOW! So, I have to say that what I read in this forum does not match my personal experience as of late. I think I always assumed it mattered based on the JUNK I read in these forums. But to my delight, reality couldnt be further from what is written here in these forums. This is a pleasant relief. In the last 2 months, Ive met 4 ladies, (2 american, 1 spanish, and one asian) . I was set up with 2 of them and met the other 2 on my own. The spanish one said she found it VERY CUTE and ENDEARING that I lived at home with mom. LOL. She says she trusts me more cause it shows Im more of a caring family type man. Her words folks, not mine. : ) My best friend who also lives at home with his sister and his folks, has recently fallen hard for a 32 yre old AMerican girl, and she didnt even flinch about it!!! Go figure. Ive been making asumptions based on what Ive been reading on internet dating sites like this. I may have to withdraw some of my harsh judgement about how American ladies are so critical about such frivalous things. Real life experience is s h woing something completely different. These ladies Ive dated didnt ask why or care about why. It simply was a non issue!
This has also taught me that internet dating brings out the worse in people. No doubt! Its so artificial! Ya know, maybe woman just treat men differently based on how they meet him. I now believe that if these woman meet a guy (who lives at home) at church, or in a social setting such as a party, whatever, that she generally wont care. But if she meets that same man online , by looking at his profile, then she will make an issue of it. Thats the truth folks. We JUDGE differently if we are shopping, as if we are shopping for a product at the mall. Internet dating is like a meat market. You are judging somoene based on a profile!!! WHy does internet dating sites and discussion forums bring out the UGLY in people?I have completely given up on it because of this negativity it brings out in us. Ive seen it with my own eyes now. Its also where the ugly "Minimum income" judgement come in to play. YOu meet someone you like in public, it doesnt seem to matter!! Anyways, I sure as hell aint so worried anymore about whether a girl knows I live at home or not . I just know DONT DATE VIA THE INTERNET lest ye be judged!!! Good riddance to internet dating sites! | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/25/2009 11:50:38 PM | First off, glad you are finding real world better then the cyber world.
Second ... meat markets are everywhere, but would have to agree to some extent that in cyber space, people are more likely to meet the predatory or sociopathic types then your functionally-dysfunctional normal type in real life. lol
Third, I would agree ... many women on the net are a bunch of C U N T s. The good ones pretty much keep to themselves. I'm a good one who keeps to herself, but also will calmly and confidently tell people how it really is if their ridiculous or ignorance thermometer gets way too high. And I'm the same way in real life, but know when isn't the right time to walk up to someone to say something or it isn't worth saying. Yet on the internet, you get many responses from mean girls ... like the ones who giggled and teased people in jr. high and high school over stupid things like fashion, their car, or someone didn't come from a family with a lot of money or high social status. The thing is with the mean girls on PoF and many other websites, they NEVER grew up. I remember playing a MMORPG a few years ago, and the female players were the worst on the IGN boards. Oh, and after high school, if you run into the same chicks in other environments, they are too embarrassed to say anything to people who they were mean to because they know that in the real world, someone is likely to turn around and tell them to STFU. Hence, the mean girls like to relive their cruelty behind a PC screen where they can hide safely.
Anyway ... good for you that you live at home. Save up your money and take care of the family. That's how they did it in the golden days ... to bad society has changed so much for the worse in becoming more judgmental, materialistic and shallow. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:53:56 AM | Sorry, I've dated men who lived at home w/parents over and over and over again. What I found in each one is lack of responsibility.
These guys want everyone else to pay their way, borrow someone else's car, and take it from someone who has 2 children by them, they don't take parental responsibility either--Grandma does!!
Men out on there own seem to have some reponsibility cause no one else is going to pay their bills for them. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 9:09:17 AM |
Sorry, I've dated men who lived at home w/parents over and over and over again. What I found in each one is lack of responsibility.
These guys want everyone else to pay their way, borrow someone else's car, and take it from someone who has 2 children by them, they don't take parental responsibility either--Grandma does!!
Men out on there own seem to have some reponsibility cause no one else is going to pay their bills for them.
That's a bit of an assumption. Right now, I'm living at home, but not by choice, and i certainly have no intention of staying here much longer now that i'm almost back on my feet. Why am i living at home right now? Because i ended a 7 year relationship with a parasitic woman who, as it turns out, could not do anything for herself. ( I was going to pop the question at the 4th year, but when creditors started calling i thought better of it. )
I paid for just about everything because she was not responsible, and could not manage her finances. My biggest mistake was sticking around as long as i did, hoping she'd snap out of it. That day never came, so i packed my stuff and i left. So where's a man who's was dragged down into the financial gutter because of his partner supposed to go? | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 10:30:24 AM | since i see some seriously narrow minded answers @ Barbee1970 and Funkymonkee
whats the thoughts on an adult taking care of there parent and having to move back in with them due to the level of care needed for a sick parent.
does that scream Immaturity, lack of responsibility???
I would say to some people. pull your heads out of your high and mighty a**es and look further into the reason behind someone living with there parents..god help you find yourself having to do the same thing with an elderly parent as well and be blindly judged by narrow minded people.
No i don't live at home with my mother and haven't for 24 years, happily on my own and enjoy it, but my widowed mothers health gets worse every year and I might be facing moving back home so i can care for her better.
Nothing p*sses me off more then people blindly stating someone that lives at home is immature and lacks the ability to be responsible without first considering the reasons.
In my books if caring for a sick and elderly parent constitutes irresponsibility on my part and immaturity, then the person who has this mindset towards another persons situation without first asking questions isn't worth the paper i wipe my a** with anyways. In fact my life would probably be much richer and more enjoyable watching the back of there head as they leave, as i ALWAYS give a benefit of a doubt first before i pass judgement and get the facts first..obviously this line of thinking is something Barbee1970 and FunkyMonkee haven't learned yet.
/rant over. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 11:20:16 AM | There are all kinds of reasons for living at home, and really, only North America is so stuck on living alone. We are a strange society, where it is deemed "better" for a single adult to live in 1200 square feet, all alone.
I am all for being independant, and have been since I was out of high school, but there are also a lot of good quality people who choose to live with family over living alone, and that is fine with me. Many people my age are moving back in with thier parents as they are elderly and the family decided this was a better route than a care home. I say that is awesome.
The only time it bothers me is when the man has just left his wife, and is sleeping on his cousins/brothers/moms couch. It is temporary, he has not even gone back into the marital home to collect his things, and he is already on POF looking for his next lady. I mean COMON, get your priorities straight, get a new routine with your kids, and get a legal seperation at least before opening a dating account.
But thats just me.
As for people being 'pickier' online, well some are and some are not. We are all individuals and people can make thier own choices. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:40:06 PM | Well, I can only speak for myself. When I was first in college, my parents had to move back to Illinois because of my stepdad's job, so I decided to get an apartment in town and live on my own. Long story short, I had had some personal problems, ending up dropping out of college, started get low on money and had to move back in with my parents. Had I known how crappy the job market was in Illinois, I would have tried harder, sought help more quickly for my problems, did something.
Anyway, I move back in with my parents (now living in Southern Illinois) and I think, "Okay, I'll get a full time job, save almost all my money, and six months, maybe a year, bam, I'll be back out on my own."
Turns out though the economy is SI is so shitty (and this was nearly a DECADE before the current housing crisis, stock collapse, and all that stuff) and the job market so bad, that my plan was reduced to, "Get a crappy part time job, save a little money, save a little money, oh, damn, car needs fixing, savings gone. Save a little money, save a little money, oh, crap, medical bill, there goes your savings."
After a few years, I went back to college on a Pal Grant, graduated from a two year college, decided to go onto the university (had to take some loans, of course) and I GRADUATED from college about a year and a half ago. Shortly after graduation, at my parents urging, I moved out into a public housing apartment complex. (I had kind of wanted to save some money first, have at least a month's rent or so stored away, but they were in a bit more of a hurry.)
And no?
Well, I work a 32 hour minimum wage job. Despite having a degree, I didn't really learn enough I need for the jobs related to my field, and of those few people who are hiring in this area, most want experienced people.
So, yeah, a lot of people (living at home or not) don't have too much ambition to improve their lives and make something of themselves (hell, I see that a lot where I live) but at the same time there are those of us who are trying and just can't seem to make any headway. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:05:01 PM | funkymonkee
Hmmmm! Not a single mom here, but I am moving back to my fathers home for 1 year, within the next few weeks!
I am going back to school this Sept and my practicum is going to be in another city starting next Aug! I have decided to live with him to save some money so that I don't go severely into debt while in school as my income will be reduced! This is fiscally responsible and it is a choice, so how am I lacking both responsibility and maturity? I am still going to be paying my own way, all my bills and such and will give him some money for rent but at a reduced amount! | |
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Sonhos
| | Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 10 | |
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:21:44 PM | There is a difference between living at home and living with your parents because you're taking care of them. Outside of Caucasian culture, it's common for the older parents to reside with their parents. Single mothers may live at home because their mother may help with babysitting while the single mom goes off to work.
I'll be honest, if I met a man that was living at home who was 40, I would question it a little but I would ask why. Legitimate reasons like job loss or an expensive divorce are normal in this day and age. I would be a bit less understanding of someone that lived at home to save money or if they expected their parents to take care of them. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:48:14 PM | Steve, are you actually saying you are going to take back all the stereotypes and generalizations you've been saying on here about American women? How much of gold-diggers we are, how evil we are and how we are ALL so terrible?
Look, both online and in real life, people have certain things they want in a partner. I'm not a gold-digger. I don't care how much a man makes as long as it's decent enough that he can pay his bills, have decent transportation (because public transportation is bad where I live) and has a decent place to live (where I feel safe if I go there). I am not dating a man living at home because I don't want to deal with mom and dad in the next room or having to worry what they will think with the whole staying over thing, etc. When I was in my 20s, yes, I would. But I'm 37 now, and I'm just not doing it. I don't think that makes me shallow.
However, I'm sure there are women who will go for men living at home. That's fine, too. Everyone has different things they want in a partner.
I just wish you would realize that you make generalizations based on your experience. I'm very proud to be an American woman. I live in a great country and have been afforded many great opportunities because of this. I'm glad to live on my own. I am not materialistic, nor are a lot of American women. But since I've been reading these forums, you have said all types of horrible things about American women!!!!! | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 8:32:05 PM | I've not found a guy yet that was living at home in order to "take care of" Mom, or even both parents because they really needed someone there with them due to illness or just being old and needing help. I can understand if there are legitimate reasons, but I have yet to find that to be the case. It's always turned out to be guys who don't want any real responsibility, and Mom and Dad have money. They show a serious lack of character, no goals or aspirations other than partying with their buddies, and they're willing to live off of Mom and Dad. One guy was even using Mommy and Daddy to pay to keep his ex tied up in a totally ridiculous custody battle. He didn't give a sh*t how it was affecting his son.
If there is a legitimate reason, that's one thing, but like I said, I have yet to come across that. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 10:33:01 PM | I guess it depends on details. If you view yourself as living with your mom it's one thing. If you view it as your elderly mom living with you it's a different story. It doesn't matter too much who' s house it is.
Even if you're at the lowest low point in your life and you hit the rock bottom financially and you do live with your mom... and she pays for your groceries it doesn't make you a bad man. But it makes you temporarily unsuitable to start a family IMHO. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 11:43:09 PM | There are all kinds of reasons for living at home, and really, only North America is so stuck on living alone. We are a strange society, where it is deemed "better" for a single adult to live in 1200 square feet, all alone.
Well said!! Its North AMerica who is the odd ball here and who has it all wrong. We lack family closeness compared to other societies, we throw our parents into old people homes and want to forget about them. Other countries dont have such cold hearts and the parents often actually live with the son's or daughter's families into old age. In most foreign countries, its completely normal that families live together even into adulthood, at least till marriage. As you say, I could live in a 5,000 sq foot home with my mom who is a great person, and actually, we do keep each other good company, I do my thing , pay all my own bills (other than rent obviously as the house is paid off anyways) . And my family feels she is safer in this arrangement too. But N. america society says "shame on you" , you MUST live alone to prove your manhood and independence(pounding chest here like a gorilla). What Crap!! Its such BS and those people are cold SOB's who have such a BS judgemental attitude towards people over such a frivilaous issue. I hope someday that those people like such as Barbee1970 and Funkymonkee someday find themselves all alone and left out in the cold streets someday with no one who cares for them, ....then see how your attitude is about people taking care of one another or simply being a close knit family unit, ...REAGRDLESS of age.
AMerica is a spoiled country due to our wealth and high standard of living. Unfortunately, it also causes such cold hearted atttitudes when it comes to family and such. In 3rd world countries especially, where life is a day to day struggle, there is no BS attitude about this issue. People dont have time or see the need to worry about someone's living situation such as to pass judgement on someone claiming they are less of a person because of it.
And cannpeters, I agree with everything else you said. I know that there are many good valued american ladies out there, especially at church. I think much of my negative experiences with american ladies is probably form meeting to many girls at clubs or bars /singles scenes. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/26/2009 11:58:39 PM |
Steve, are you actually saying you are going to take back all the stereotypes and generalizations you've been saying on here about American women? How much of gold-diggers we are, how evil we are and how we are ALL so terrible?
Ha ha ha. LOL. DOnt expect too much so fast. Perhaps in time, Ill change my mind on the rest of these areas too depending on future experiences with the American ladies .LOL. Ya know, in a way, hard times make people better and less judgemental, and less caring about focusing on a perosn's wallet when it comes to dating. Hard times will make us a better people and less artificial and less focused on material things. Ever travel to 3rd world countries? People there are so humble and appreciative of whatever little bit they have !! ITS REFRESHING to see! We americans often dont know the meaning of those words, we think too highly of ourselves to think we need any humbleness in our hearts. We're too busy spending money on brand clothes and tending to our hair and nails so and focused on the pursuit of materialism to know any different. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 2:47:02 AM | Yep, I could of told you that...lol Funny how meeting someone in person, when some or most of their requirements some how get thrown out the window if they really like you. The same person who would totally bypass your profile without a single thought.
In some ways I could see how that could happen, but other ways not. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 11:14:51 AM | The way how I see it is this...
Being a guy yes I get crap for living at home but on the same point I've nearly NEVER seen a women live alone.
Usually has a roomate or a boyfriend or is in school or the military (you can live in the barricks for free)
Considering we have an entire generation about to retire and gradually develop aliments it would be selfish to imply you can't help your parents.
Nursing home costs are sky high...easily 10K or so a month.
Housing costs are still high
Condos are harder to get than houses
Apartments fall into the same paradox because again things are done for you...you just pay the bill and that's it.
Expecting someone to have a house or condo is pretty lame. Maybe it's a regional thing but I hardly ever see women fully alone. I've never seen a women alone at a bar, resturant etc. maybe in the countryside and midwest it's the opposite but even then.
Even personals of women online a fair amount are group photos (leaving me to guess too)
If a women demands a man have his own place of a house or condo that's fine...I demand she has at least a bachlors and zero debt. It's possible it's just not probable. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:00:02 PM | Congratulations on getting laid.
How do your parents feel about it when you're humping some young thing in your/THEIR bedroom, hmm?
Actually, your parents are probably delighted, because now you're her problem, not theirs. Sooner or later, you'll move in with her. Then she'll be the one to crack the whip, get you to pick up your dirty laundry, make your bed, and kick your ass into submission and hard work for dough.
Corinthians: "This is why a man leaves his mother and father and cleaves unto his wife (girlfriend)". | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:35:17 PM | | I live in my mother's house and I give her a monthly amount in rent. I do alot of housework as well and do a bit of the cooking. I feel I am a responsible man that a woman would admire someday. We get along good and she is ok that I may a girlfriend who will visit lots someday. The way i see it if a woman I meet likes me enough she will find a way to accept my living situation so i dont worry about it too much. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 6:35:08 PM | | Wow , I'm surprised. Many months back when this subject was posted before, it seemed like most people were so easy to pounce on those who lived at home for almost any reason . Why the softer crowd? Could it be the economy? | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 6:46:34 PM | Looks like things got a little heated in here. here's the bottomline, DO YOU.
There is nothing wrong with living at home (it's a little unusual but c'est la vie), nothing wrong with internet dating. If you don't like guys who live with their moms steer clear.
Can't we all just get along? | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 6:57:35 PM | | Well, bugmenot has NEVER seen any women living on their own. Where are you looking? All my female friends (and male ones) live on their own without roommates, parents, etc. So I have no idea where you're living or who you are meeting? | |
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p~s
| | Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 24 | |
| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:08:01 PM | Hi Steve, I understand that living at home is viewed very differently in the west than it is in the east. I haven't had the experience of travel as you've had but I've been keeping a long distance relationship with an Indian man for about a year now and he completely looks after his parents. This is a very normal thing for Indian families that one of the children [sons] will look after them in their old age. The attitude is very different as it is a mark of respect, these children understand that their folks have worked hard to make sure they've had the best possible future the parents could give them and there is something very touching in that the family takes care of one another, something we've lost track of in the west is that compassion and family loyalty.
My own mother is still capable of looking after herself but I'm noticing that it's getting harder for her now she's older and my heart goes out to her soooo much; wish I could take care of her one day but right now she's still capable and well, as someone from North America, I'd be laughed out of town and wouldn't have a chance with anybody no matter my qualifications if I had my mommy living with me so it's a big deal if we live with our parents here.
I want to ask you, are YOU the one taking care of your parents or is it the other way around? You make it sound as though you've got a good job and are capable of independent living so why are you living at home?
I read your profile and it sounds to me as though your parents don't actually need you there, you're not doing much to contribute to their own well being . You're not living at home for the same reasons that those in the east do from what I'm understanding. | |
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| What Ive discovered about the living at home issue
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:12:45 PM | One other thing Steve. I think some of this comes down to lifestyle moreso than a ton of women being materialistic (there are plenty of materialistic women and men - I know that, too).
To me, it's about lifestyle. I enjoy living on my own and doing what I want. I cannot imagine explaining to my parents that I'm bringing a man over to the house or we are going to be busy in my bedroom. It would be ackward to say the least. So, my lifestyle isn't conducive to dating a man living at home.
To compare it to something else, I don't date men with small children at home. Not because there's anything wrong with them but because I have raised a child and am ready to do what I want to do, go on roadtrips, go out at the last moment, etc.
Now, in neither case is the guy a loser. The guy simply doesn't have the same lifestyle as me. I don't feel I'm shallow, and I certainly know I'm not materialistic. But I like my life. Because of that, I'm not going to even consider dating a man who lives at home. Luckily, this hasn't been a problem, as I've not met anyone living at home in 15+ years.
These are my thoughts on the matter. | |
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