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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.      Home login  
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 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 1
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I've been bantering around thoughts on menopause and being post-menopause and I was curious about how this has affected others when it came / has come to their relationship(s). I can happily say I'm over the extreme highs and lows and the other crazy symptoms.
I have come to realize that some of the things I did and how I reacted to them were so out of character to who I was before this natural change in my life.

I'll give a couple of examples of what I'm talking about. One not my own but of a friends mother.
I had my car keyed by a woman I never met due to arguing over a bloody parking space. Prior to MP.. I'd be ticked but let it go.
Things my SO used to do that ticked me off.. now started to make me cry and those things that made me cry now made me furious. (roller coaster emotions)

My friend's mother hit his father over the back of the head with a ceramic statuette while he sat at the kitchen table eating his dinner... and there was no provocation (at least in the time-frame leading up to the bonk)

If you care to share.. As a male or a female: How is or has this natural female phenomina affected you?
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 2
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 12:14:14 PM
I'm a nicer person since I don't have PMS anymore.
 safisher57
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 3
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 12:17:20 PM
Hope you came out on the good side and not the bad side. As for me, it cost me my marriage of 16 yrs. I was such a **** to everyone around me and I couldn't even stand myself. I would find fault with my husband for everything he did. I would belittle him and make him feel like nothing. The change came about after my heart attack at age 45. I didn't even know that I was going through it. Didn't have any of the signs..no hot flashes..nothing. Well, after the husband taking this abuse for 5 yrs, he left. And I don't blame him. Went to the doctor after he left and was told that I was at the end of the menopause thing. They gave me some meds to get through the last of it. I came out on the good side of it. I do not treat anyone like that now. I am a more caring and loving person now. Just to bad the husband didn't understand when I told him..we are now divorced. My ex mother-in-law came out on the bad side of it. She was such a sweet woman before and now she is the **** I was.
 Oh-Zone
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 4
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 12:25:25 PM
I have never had a problem.
I am no different now than I was before.
I never had PMS.
I did have monthly cramps until I started using Lydia Pinkham's Compound.
It worked magic.
I have to wonder if all you with PMS have dietary deficiencies.
 Call me Ginny
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 5
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 12:29:31 PM
Not a problem. I'm happily post-menopausal. Had a few "personal summers," but never affected my mood. The only change I see is an increased libido. And I don't call that a bad thing.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 6
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:26:06 PM
Fortunately I resumed my (mostly :0) reasonable demeanor after it was all said and done. I get the odd "granny sweat" now but that's about all.

I actually felt more energy during the height of it all and now, have somewhat less energy than previously but, I suspect that is due to the Vitamin D defidiency that I have.. It's getting better since I've been on the replacement therapy. I couldn't go on Hormone replacements because of the breast cancer history in the family.. however, I'm quite happy that my libido is working quite nicely in spite of.

For the poster who feels she ruined her marriage due to her menopause.. Do you think it was because of your symptons .. you didn't have the patience to put up with things like you once could?

Thanks so far for all your responses..
 buzzy9876
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 7
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:33:51 PM

How is or has this natural female phenomina affected you?


It lead to our breakup, plus other things. She came out with no sexual desire. However, she still wanted the cuddling. We tried, but with little satisfaction. I could tell she just wasn't intersted. How can you cuddle with someone you love and that turns you on with no satisfactory end result. This is not the main reason we ended, but a strong contributing factor. It was our sexual relationship and closeness that helped push the other things away. With that gone everything caved in.
 P.R.Handgrenade69
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 8
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:39:18 PM
@OP:

I am not there yet, but am going through perimenopause. I have hot flashes once in a while and the kids where I worked used to tease me. I was an assistant manager at the time and business was slow at this particular time of the day. The heat started low and reached up into my face and I felt dizzy. I asked my associate was it me or was it hot in the store. He said it was that the store was hot and I was crazy. Later he came clean and said I had a hot flash. Then they all got together and made a gift that included Estroven and Hot Plants. Cute kids.

Anyway, I am alot more calmer with these changes. Only once did I let my temperament come out. I was having another hot flash while I was waiting on line at a Duane Reade store. The lady in front of me gets off the line and disappears for 10 minutes. So for me, she lost a place in line. She comes back out of nowhere when I am there at the register to try to take her place in front of me. The rest of it was history. All I know she excused herself and got in at the end of the line when I put my things on the counter and turned around to face her and possibly beat the shit out of her. I had the worse hot flash ever while all this was going on.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 9
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:49:58 PM
I never had a problem, but then I never had PMS symptoms either. The most I had was a few months of hot flashes that didn't last long. I guess I'm one of those lucky ones you hear about from time to time! Life is great and it certainly hasn't decreased the sexual side of me - in fact, it's even more liberating. My ex, on the other hand, suffered the male version with a plummet of testosterone which led to all kinds of physical and emotional problems for him on top of a pre-existing chronic depression, which led to him wanting to experience life in a different way, which I agreed to for the sake of my own sanity. Poor guy - I feel badly for him. So, although I didn't experience it for myself, I've experienced it's effects on the flip side of the coin and can relate to what many men deal with from their wives and SO's as they go through menopause.
 *Sanscheyle*
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 10
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:50:55 PM
All I can say is my bf at the time was dang happy he resided in Germany and only had to be subjected to me 4 weeks out of the year! I was like the Tasmanian Devil when I was going through the highs and lows and he was so damn glad he was on the other side of the ocean during my 'episodic personality' he would actually beg the flight attendant to allow him to board his flight before the first class passengers.

Unfortunately, being post-menopausal 12 years later I'm told I still have the pleasing personality of ole' Taz.

Although I do have to say that after menopause I took my last two tampons, stuck them up my nose and danced to Michael Jackson's "Thriller"...now that was a Kodak moment. ha!

Sans
 imsophie1
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 11
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:04:21 PM
I was hurled into menopause almost 16 years ago following a total hysterectomy. I started flashing 12 hours after surgery and for the first year flashed every 40 minutes around the clock. My flashing is now down to 10 or 12 a day. No prescription, over-the-counter, or herbal meds have helped. For the first several years I cried at the drop of a hat. I would get instantly angry about most anything, but it blew over quickly. My biggest problem (besides the flashing) has been the chronic fatigue for so many years.

At first my ex did research so he could make things a little easier for me. After a few years he stopped caring and would deliberately do things to tick me off to see how far he could push me. My girls are the ones who suffered the most since I usually kept the house to the seeing-your-breath stage, winter and summer.

Meno had nothing to do with my marriage dissolving, but meno made his abandonment of our family easier for me to handle. I've been told that after all these years of physical torment from meno, I should either be totally insane or in prison for murder.

I don't know about PMS having much to do with meno symptoms, but my PMS consisted of a day of cramping. That's it. No mood swings, no headaches, none of the things my older sister had to put up with during PMS. But she sailed through meno with no problems and I've been in hell for a lot of years with mine.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 12
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:04:58 PM
I haven't read any literature, but just from this short amount of responses, it almost sounds as though if you generally suffered from PMS symptoms, a person tends to suffer with a higher degree of menopause symptoms. Is there truth to that?
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 13
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:15:26 PM
I had a complete hysterectomy (ovaries also) when I was 46. I never had PMS or cramping, and having a hysterectomy didn't affect my moods either. The only symptoms I had were hot flashes, which I still get occasionally, and gaining weight around my middle, where I never did before.

I have no problem with vaginal dryness, nor has my libido lessened. So for me, it's pretty much been a non-issue.
 miss_contemplative
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 14
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:20:08 PM
None of the women in my family have difficult menopauses, in fact they had them with hardly any distinguishable symptoms.

I'll be blessed. They say you take after your mother with menopause. I'll do just fine then.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 15
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:22:29 PM
I have had no problems whatsoever with menopause, save for an occasional hot flash and I havn't had one of those in a long time. I kept waiting to turn and face the strange cha-cha-changes, but nothing ever happened. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones. I never suffered from PMS either.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 16
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:31:22 PM
Was never a "moody" PMSer.....
and so far......not a "moody" menopause'er!
I can think of only 2 instances in the last 3 years that I cried for no reason.....
well other than those were some very sappy commercials damnit!!!

Do have some serious hot flashes......nothing on a regular basis, thank God!

Libido is always in overdrive......and have had a few bouts of vaginal dryness.....but I keep things on hand for that issue!!
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 17
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:32:06 PM
Holy CRAP!!!! If I go batsh*t like my Mom did, please kill me now.

She had nightsweats, hot flashes, went from total evil to a ball of tears in a matter of seconds... would call me on the phone ( I was living in another state at the worst of it) and she would yell at me and say some of the most horrible things to me until I would be in te ars and unable to function at work, because she had me so upset. Now, please understand that I am in the advertising industry, and my whole livelihood counts on me being extremely creative and totally on-the-ball with clients as well as in production. So her morning rants would totally destruct my day, and cost me $$$. Oh, and as for not answering those calls... she would call my cell, my office, demand that my secretary put me on the phone, whatever it took to make sure that she could vent on me.
We all begged her to go on HRT, or do the natural black bean/soy thing, take some freaking xanax or anti-depressants, but nooooooooooo, she is a nurse and knows all those stupid risks and insisted that her menopause was not affecting her that badly.

I honestly do not know how my father made it through all of it. I seriously would have smothered her in her sleep, she was so awful. Even now, she will have an 'off' day or two and we all get to suffer.

All I can say is, if I even START acting as badly as my mother, or having the sweats or flashes, I am getting something to make it easier, not just for me, but for my relationship with my child and my bf. Nothing is worth losing all of that, and there is help out there. Believe me, I still have some of the things she said to me rattling around in my head, you can never take some things back or fix them.
Beth
 Cocopuff2009
Joined: 3/4/2009
Msg: 18
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:42:49 PM
Ooooo Boy! I hope my story is not a typical one! I don't know how I survived.

Had a massive uterine tumor and had a total hysterectomy at age 44 - ovaries too. A year and a half later, I crashed into clinical depression and over the following 10 - 15 yrs was sometimes suicidal, etc. At times, I would recover and function normally for maybe 10 mos. or so. I've had 3 documented separate bouts of clinical depression. A very high sex drive throughout my life basically was diminished to zilch!

A year or two ago I finally really saw the light at the end of the tunnel - and it wasn't from an on-coming train. LOL!

Today I'm the person I lost almost 20 yrs. ago. I'm firing on all cylinders and feel so stupid that I didn't have my hormone levels checked all those years. I'm almost positive that's what it was.

Oh well! Live and learn. I intend to keep firing on all cylinders as long as I can.

I wish you all good love and good sex.
 *Sanscheyle*
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 19
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:44:35 PM
She had nightsweats, hot flashes, went from total evil to a ball of tears in a matter of seconds... would call me on the phone ( I was living in another state at the worst of it) and she would yell at me and say some of the most horrible things to me until I would be in te ars and unable to function at work, because she had me so upset.


Yep..unfortunately, that's still me 12 years later. Not making light of your post above but menopause affects each person differently and your mom should have been taking estrogen or another supplement geared towards her body. We're all different in how we react to changes whether it be in our body or our mind.

I'm sure your mom didn't mean half the things she said to you and I hope she's since apologized.

Sans
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 20
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:50:21 PM
Menopause ruined my last relationship. She lost all interest in sex. And it was her not I that could not handle that. She came to the conclusion that without sex there could be no relationship. That was that. Now on the rare occation (maybe once or twice a year) that she decides she wants alittle she can't understand why I turn her down. I keep telling her it was her decission that we could not have a relationship without sex and it is my decission that we won't have sex without one. I refuse to be bumbed down the ladder to FWB. If that was all we had ever been I'ld be fine with it.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 21
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:08:09 PM
Thanks Sans,she never apologized, which is part of the problem, but we now tell stories at family get-togethers about how horrible she has been. I just thank God that Dad had the fortitude to stay..but he is a professor for the nursing students at the local college, teaching Biology and Anatomy&Physiology, so he understands better than most.

But as God is my witness, I am going on estrogen when it happens to me, I am not putting the people I love or myself through that hell.
God Bless all of you who have made it through it.
Beth
 Chronomancer
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 22
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:55:40 PM
Carry around a Fan with you if you are around any Menopausal or Pre-Menopausal women....when she complains of being hot or if there is a hint of b|tch in her voice then fan her like she was on fire.

I would suggest using "Ye Olde Rule of Thumb" if the menopausal woman in question resorts to violence. Believe you me, she won't want to commit those atrocities again.
 pro-filer
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 23
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:26:37 PM
Many of the symptoms usually attributed to menopause happened for most of my life, and seem to have disappeared as I enter menopause - eliminated hot flashes, headaches, mood swings, and insomnia.

On the downside, my skin has a slight tendency to break out that it never had before, and I have a lot of gas.

I'm not sure I want an upsurge in libido, cause being single, what would I do with it??
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 24
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Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:33:10 PM
What you are describing is directly attributable to progesterone deficiency.
When progesterone production stops, anxiety starts. Having more estrogen but no progesterone, which is a calming hormone, causes terrible emotional imbalances.
I have experienced this recently and find that black cohosh, if taken every day, helps as does daily use of progesterone cream.
The itching and constant non stop hot flashing, starting five years after my last period, was really awful. Again, even though I didn't want to take hormones, progesterone helped.
 Arpeggia
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 25
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:53:25 PM
lol I think I am on the big incline going to the top of the roller coaster hill.. I had a friend.. ahem.. that has caught all kinds of hormonal flack oh about every 3rd month.. Its all good.. I did my thing he didn't talk to me for a week or two and then all was normal again.. Very cyclical. There were days i loved him, days I hated him but most of the days.. *happy sigh*

The aftermath is.. ya I bet he thinks I am totally nuts.

Arp
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