bhi99
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Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 1:49:12 PM | I've often wondered this as a general question, if a partner in a hetero relationship has a gay affair, is it taken in the same context?
In most countries gay marriages are not acknowledged right? So why would gay infidelity be looked at the same way?
This is an issue that comes up once in a while, I dated a girl a while back who admitted she was a bisexual. During the course of our rather short musing, she on a few occasions made out with another girl at a party, I'll never know if she actually went further during our time together.
But I don't think I would care, I mean if I'm dating a girl and I see her kiss another man on the lips I might go crazy, but if it's a woman I wouldn't get the least bit offended.
While on the same notion I have dated two women, including my current girlfriend, who had previously dated men who cheated on them with another guy, I can honestly say they seem to take it as they weren't right for each other, instead of calling them " a cheating **stard " for instance.
Thoughts? | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:05:18 PM | | Cheating is cheating in my opinion, if you're in an exclusive relationship. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:23:15 PM | Being bisexual does not give one the right to have sex with someone outside of a relationship, unless of course that has been discussed and is ok between the 2 people involved!
Its a situation like that that gives people that are bi sexual a bad rap, and that they are all cheaters and promiscuous, which is not the case.
Cheating is cheating IMO, straight, gay or bi! | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:26:35 PM | It's still cheating.
When you're in a relationship you're supposed to be with one person. Just because you don't have the same plumbing as the person he/she is cheating on you with doesn't make it anything less than cheating. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:33:21 PM | As you have noted in your initial post OP, its a personal thing.
For me, yes same sex or other sex I would consider it cheating. However I believe that the dynamics of the 'relationship' would have to come into play. If it is a committed 'relationship' where the other has an expectation of fidelity on my part and visa versa, then it would be a serious breach of trust.
Kissing??? Nah... thats just having fun in my opinion, but take it any further and thats a deal breaker. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:33:58 PM | | i suppose its not cheating, if the woman is up front about it, and you agree, people are born the way they are, they cant help it | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:53:06 PM | | It's only cheating if you don't know about it. My girlfriend is bi,and I've told her she can have sex with all the women she wants as long as she lets me know she's doing it. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:55:58 PM | A lot of guys seem to be cool with this type of scenario since they're into the whole girl on girl thing. Others are only cool with it if they are there when it is going on or are involved in it but aren't cool with it if it happens when they aren't around or get left out. I suppose I might somewhat fit into that second category.
But overall, it doesn't matter if it's with a guy, another girl, or a donkey. It's still technically cheating. If you're going to date somebody that's into using the "bi" excuse, make sure the two of you are on the same page. If both people are cool with it, then no harm, no foul. But if the person doing the screwing around thinks it's okay and the other does not, you're in for a world of problems. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 2:58:23 PM | Cheating is simply doing something behind your partner's back, without their knowledge and consent that you couldn't do infront of them.
If I'm in a monogamous relationship with someone.. regardless if that person was with someone of the same gender or not, it would be considered cheating.
I mean if I'm dating a girl and I see her kiss another man on the lips I might go crazy, but if it's a woman I wouldn't get the least bit offended.
Why the double standard??? | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:09:49 PM | | To me, cheating is cheating no matter whether it is with a man or a woman. I do not cheat on my partner and I expect the same restraint on his part. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:18:31 PM | People and their double standards amaze me.
The "As Long As I Can Get My Rocks Off To the Dirty Little Details Afterwards"
mentallity is gonna bite you in the ass one day. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 3:27:51 PM |
Being bisexual does not give one the right to have sex with someone outside of a relationship, unless of course that has been discussed and is ok between the 2 people involved!
Its a situation like that that gives people that are bi sexual a bad rap, and that they are all cheaters and promiscuous, which is not the case.
Cheating is cheating IMO, straight, gay or bi!
I concur. Well said!! | |
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bhi99
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Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 14 | |
| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:32:21 PM |
Why the double standard???
Cultural perhaps?
If a girl I'm dating allows another guy to kiss her ( assuming she is sober ) that means she's obviously over me and has found another guy.
But if she's kissing a girl, maybe she is over me too, but.....I lost out to a woman...
I don't know, I just never look at it the same way. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:40:01 PM |
Being bisexual does not give one the right to have sex with someone outside of a relationship, unless of course that has been discussed and is ok between the 2 people involved!
Its a situation like that that gives people that are bi sexual a bad rap, and that they are all cheaters and promiscuous, which is not the case.
Cheating is cheating IMO, straight, gay or bi!
What she said. If you both agree, then fine, otherwise it's cheating. If I'm dating a woman who is Bi, and I'm not enough for her...well then she can go find a guy that is ok with that. If you're with me, then you're with me and no one else and I'm willing to live by that same standard. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 4:42:57 PM | Cheating is cheating is cheating...whether it is straight, gay, or whatever. Dry humping in the back of the car counts, too...as does kissing, oral sex or hiring a hooker. Anything that gets you sexually charged counts as cheating. Don't do it and no one will get pissed.
Beth | |
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bhi99
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Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 18 | |
| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:00:04 PM | Okay I have read every response here and this is interesting to me.
I honestly find women have a bigger issue with this than men.
I take it women feel if a guy sleeps with another guy then they either aren't attractive enough, or look too much like a guy that their boyfriend was able to be with.
I understand that sentiment, but on the other hand is it really worse than him cheating on you with say, one of your girlfriends?
If a girl was cheating on me with another women I would simply take it as I'm not feminine enough to satisfy some of her needs, and you know what? I would be completely fine with that. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:03:49 PM | Cheating is only cheating if what you are doing is outside of the predetermined parameters of your relationship.
If your SO is cool with it then what's the harm? | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:33:52 PM | Technically, yes, cheating is cheating.
But I think it's not being realistic to not factor in the complete hatred and stigma that surrounds two guys having sexual relations. I mean look at many of the responses on this forum from men and women about bisexual men (bisexual or gay women seem to get a pass or are more accepted in American society, assuming they're hot and not ugly; otherwise, guys are grossed out by seeing them get it on, much less hold hands).
Bisexual (and gay) men feel and understand this hatred. For a man to chance being outed could cost him his job, his relationship with his wife/girlfriend, his friends, he could be subjected to violence, and harassment, as well as many other negatives.
So why would you -- women and men -- expect a bisexual man to easily be upfront, no matter how close you two are? Not a lot of people on this forum I'm finding are all too tolerant of bisexual men. So ladies in a relationship, you think your guy is going to just open up to you about something of this magnitude?
I'm merely saying that, realistically, I can easily see why a bisexual guy might not consider a sexual encounter with another guy as cheating. He loves his girlfriend/wife -- is generally happy with her -- but he craves a blowjob, handjob, or sex with another guy from time to time. Yet because he knows the lack of tolerance for such desires, he can't just open up and tell his significant other -- not matter how much he'd REALLY like to. Don't underestimate the power of society, folks. It's intense! It's the VERY reason so many bisexual and gay men remain in the closet.
So you can factor in how men SHOULD act (if the world were perfect), or you can factor in how men (i.e., human beings in any given society) REALISTICALLY most likely will act. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:00:50 PM |
But I think it's not being realistic to not factor in the complete hatred and stigma that surrounds two guys having sexual relations.
I think its absolutely realistic to not factor in societies mucked up disdain for homosexuality. The point is, cheating is cheating is cheating. I think it's absurd to even entertain factoring society this or society that because then we can factor anything in we want to suit whatever BS behavior we want to indulge in. At what point do we take accountability for the poor decisions that we choose to make? | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:10:38 PM | Obviously, as long as it turns a man on to think of his woman w/ another woman.....
then it's OK!
Till his woman meets a woman that gives her oral like she's never recieved from a man.....and leaves him for her.....
then she is a two timing biotch! | |
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Cod57
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Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 23 | |
| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:37:32 PM | Yes. I would be angry if a boyfriend cheated on me. Whether it was with a man, woman, or a dog. LOL.  | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 8:25:50 PM | Zebra Circle - you are so full of crap!
But I think it's not being realistic to not factor in the complete hatred and stigma that surrounds two guys having sexual relations.
I think that there is more stigma attached to the lying aspect of it more so than the gay aspect of it.
I could care less if two guys want to get it on. It had just better not be MY guy!
Deception is still deception no matter how much you try to dress it up in lame excuses.
Yet because he knows the lack of tolerance for such desires, he can't just open up and tell his significant other -- not matter how much he'd REALLY like to.
Gee...maybe because the entire relationship was based on a lie and he should have told her right off the bat?!!!
And also there this thing called self restraint...people use it all the time in all different kinds of relationships!
Just because you're gay or bi doesn't mean you are the only one susceptible to temptation!
I've been tempted but I have never cheated.
If you knowingly enter into a marriage or any relationship under false pretenses
ie: claiming to be a heterosexual when you are a homosexual or bisexual
then you completely deserve all the negative blowback you described!
People deserve to be dealt with honestly and if you cannot accept who you are,
then you have no business being in a relationship let alone a marriage.
You are trying to justify deception and lying which in turn shows exactly what direction your moral compass is pointing. | |
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| Is gay cheating the same?
Posted: 5/26/2009 8:56:53 PM | | I believe cheating is cheating... male or female... and I would let it be known how I feel.... sexual intimacy in my estimation is the closest you can become to another person.. having multiple sexual partners deviates away from the exclusive relationship between two people. I find this thread ridiculous but here I am responding... it in my opinion should be obvious... | |
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