Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Ceridwen
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 1
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Woo, finally got the forums to let me log in...weird that changing my password would be the ticket, oh well o.-

So I have a problem. I'm 23, fairly attractive (or so they tell me), yet I've never had a real boyfriend. The reason? I'm too picky.
It's not like I want to be. I've only been on this site a week, and already gotten messages from over a dozen different guys. However, while some of them are actually interesting and seem intelligent, I can't seem to dredge up the desire to go on a date with any of them. The simple truth is that I don't find any of them attractive. Not that they're 'ugly' per se, just that I don't personally find them sexually desirable. At all.
Now, of course, the moment I say this, people immediately jump in, calling me a shallow female dog, a stuck-up female dog, a female dog fond of doing what female dogs do....you get the point.
But would you wait a second? How is it my fault what I happen to find attractive or not?
Trust me, it sucks being dateless this long. I would LOVE if I could find the magic little switch that lets me look at someone I'm totally unattracted to, flip it, and actually find happiness in dating them. I would love it, no sarcasm at all. But if there is such a switch, I sure as heck haven't found it, let alone discovered the method for activating it.
And it really sucks, because I really get along with some of these guys personality-wise. It's just the moment they want to do anything physical that I lose all interest.

Which isn't to say all the guys on here are unattractive. Some are very cute. However, those few that are, from what I've seen anyway, tend to be 1. a little on the stupid side, or at least with no regard at all for the English language (and yes, that's a huge pet peeve of mine. We're adults now, it's not going to kill you to spell out y-o-u), and 2. are incredibly rude, often flat-out calling me ugly to my face, and that's just not nice. Even if I did think someone was ugly--and I don't put it that way, I just feel that they don't fall into my category of what I find attractive, but I'm sure there are others who would be attracted to them--I certainly wouldn't say as much to their (e-)face!

So, anyone else have this problem? And if so, anyone found a way around it? I'm starting to feel like the only one, and boy, is it lonely down here.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 2
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:53:40 PM
You are not the only one..

Men have to do cartwheels in front of me to get my attention and then I'm like.. ohhhh you're interested in me! Lemme think about it. lol. I wouldn't lower your standards. It's not a bad thing, it just severely limits your dates. You'll have a lot less bad dating stories then the rest of us!

If you truly want to change then you should continue talking to the ones that intellectually stimulate you. That lasts longer than looks anyway. You have to have some degree of physical attraction to someone in order to date them, but physical attraction can grow over time as you get to know someone.

I don't look at guys at a potential date, I just see a person in front of me. They have to get me to want to continue talking to them and then get me to understand that the lunch we are enjoying is actually a date..not just two friend out enjoying each other's company. Seems tough, but really isn't. A guy who is interested won't give up after one conversation.

Happy fishing! :~)
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 3
Stuck on myself like I sweat superglue!
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:57:38 PM
Well maybe somewhere down the line you will realize that your not as hot or attractive as you think you are. Guys dressed in drag get that much of more mail from guys, so don't let it go to your head.

Until then I would suggest leaving all those guys alone, besides dates will only cut in to your "ME" time anyways!
 BBW2Love
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 4
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:59:02 PM
Oh boy, this the thread I have been waiting for. The one in which fabulous people b*tch about how no one is fabulous enough for them. Good thing I already popped my popcorn. Have at it ladies!
 Ceridwen
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 5
Stuck on myself like I sweat superglue!
Posted: 5/26/2009 5:59:26 PM
An expected response.
Actually, I don't think I'm all that attractive. I let people look at my pictures and judge for themselves.
 Ceridwen
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 6
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:00:33 PM
Who said anything about being fabulous o.-
And why is everyone so quick to attack? Like I said, I would like to NOT be this way, I would LIKE to be able to make myself find someone attractive when I don't. But if all you can do is attack me instead of offer a viable solution...
 akimmbo
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:04:02 PM
I don't really see a problem here darlin'
You're picky....
Most guys are too homely for you
personality alone isn't gonna cut it for you

so, you just wait until somebody comes along and rings your bell
might happen
never know....

it's kindof like the lottery, ya know? I mean...somebody eventually hits it...

Kimbo***********************************
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 8
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:04:41 PM
Why do you feel attacked? It's not like you posted a thread saying that of the few cute men here most seem stupid, or something like that. I think you're being sensitive. I feel your pain.
 cricket333
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 9
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:07:31 PM
Well I don't have the same problem you do, I don't have dozens of emails a day or anything like that but I have run into a similar issue. There was a guy I knew, he was older than me (twelve years) and at first I wasn't physically attracted to him...at all. He wasn't fugly, I just wasn't attracted to him - at first. The more I talked to him in passing, I found he had the same similar interests as me. He would constantly surprise me with the many different conversation topics and little mentionings that I thought were my own. After a while I noticed the pep in his step, the switch in his walk, the tweaked sexy smile, glimmer in his eye...yeah, good times :). Anyway, my Grandmother was right, you can always learn to love 'em.
You just have to look past your first impression of the person if there could be a possibility you could be physically attracted to them. If your rejecting these people because of your standard, you should try tweaking it a little, try something out. You never know. I'm not saying by any means to get rid of your standard completely. If you like men that are gym rats, try men that are not as chiseled. If it's a blonde hair, blue - eyed babe, try a tall dark and handsome. Shake things up a bit and I bet you'll surprise yourself, good luck!
 Brian1342
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:09:02 PM
I find that beer really helps me be attracted to women I normally wouldn't be. Mix in harder liquors and everyone is Miss Universe. But aside from spending time with the person I don't see how you could fall for someone who you don't find attractive.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 11
view profile
History
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:14:12 PM

Why do you feel attacked? It's not like you posted a thread saying that of the few cute men here most seem stupid, or something like that. I think you're being sensitive. I feel your pain.


I completely agree. I don't understand why anybody would attack a lovely woman for going out of her way to post in a public forum that 90% of the male population is too fugly for her, and the ones that aren't are too mentally challenged to keep her attention. The fact that her profile makes her sound like a self-entitled, petulant brat shouldn't be adequate reason to go on the offensive either.

Some people will just never learn lol.
 Spitfire1956
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 12
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:15:36 PM
You've only been on this site for a week..goodness, give the guys a chance already!! Some people have been here for several years, before they met someone they clicked with, others have in alot shorter time . But, you also need to give guys a little bit better of a chance, it takes a little while to get to the top of pedestals...so be patient..:)
 Sepia777
Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 13
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:34:44 PM
hmm lets see now you start a rant bemoaning that most of the intelligent interesting men on this site are not attractive enough for you and the few who do meet your standards you regard as stupid illiterates...

um..you sure you even like men?




and boy, is it lonely down here.

can't imagine why that would be....
 memyselfandus
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 14
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:38:55 PM
Well maybe somewhere down the line you will realize that your not as hot or attractive as you think you are. Guys dressed in drag get that much of more mail from guys, so don't let it go to your head.

Until then I would suggest leaving all those guys alone, besides dates will only cut in to your "ME" time anyways!


That about sums it up...

Like they say "IT'S LONELY AT THE TOP"

and "NUMBER ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER"

I couldn't help but notice you started your 'about me' section of your profile with 'ATTENTION MORONS'...I'm not surprised you're not attracted to any of the men that wrote you--obviously they'd have to have some kind of a mental problem to write you...
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 15
view profile
History
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:38:57 PM
You're not a ****. You're just young.
 SeeameesTwin
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 16
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:46:20 PM
hell, she's only 23.. she has a lot of growing up to do! her range of what's attractive and what isn't is extremely narrow at this point.. but eventually it'll widen out.. if not, she's going to be a miserable single maid for her life!

as you get older you stop being so narrow minded.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 17
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:49:08 PM
You don't make yourself attracted to people you don't find attractive, not usually. If they otherwise seem like a great potential match, then it's worth going on a date or two to see if there are more sparks in person, or if you start feeling some attraction. The best relationship I've had was with someone it took me a couple dates to feel the sparks with, but once we did--wow.

It's not worth dating someone to whom you feel no attraction. Everyone deserves to date someone who finds them totally hot, and if you can't think that of someone, then they deserve to find someone who will. I turn down potential dates, or only have a single date with people, if I'm not feeling it and am pretty sure I won't be. It's not fair to anyone to waste their time that way (though I have met some good friends through dates that lacked romantic sparks but where we otherwise clicked).

Basically, hang in there, and consider going on some dates with someone who doesn't knock your socks off from his pictures--you might be pleasantly surprised by someone who isn't particularly photogenic, or whose mannerisms are endearing in a way that won't ever come across online.

And the reason you're getting bashed is that, from your post, it comes across that the people you find unattractive, ARE unattractive, when it's just not that simple and people are attracted to different things. "However, those few that are, from what I've seen anyway, tend to be 1. a little on the stupid side, or at least with no regard at all for the English language (and yes, that's a huge pet peeve of mine. We're adults now, it's not going to kill you to spell out y-o-u)" also comes across as judgmental; I agree on the proper spelling, but chat speak doesn't necessarily indicate stupidity. "We're not a match" is generally a better way to view it than "There's something wrong with him".
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 18
view profile
History
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:50:29 PM

hell, she's only 23.. she has a lot of growing up to do! her range of what's attractive and what isn't is extremely narrow at this point.. but eventually it'll widen out.. if not, she's going to be a miserable single maid for her life!

as you get older you stop being so narrow minded.


I was going to take offense to the age comment, but i've been told i'm exceptionally mature for my age, so i suppose i shouldn't take it to the butt :P Do you have any idea how cliche "I'm mature for my age" sounds, though? I cringe just typing it lol.
 pirateheaven
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 19
view profile
History
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 6:54:15 PM
You cannot raise yourself up by putting others down. Respecting others is a sign of maturity and intelligence. Your profile could be interpreted as a bit rude to put it mildly.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 20
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:01:29 PM
msg 9..

EXACTLY!!



And it truly does happen that way!
 Heathen Chemistry
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 21
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:03:36 PM
OP is a bit delusional about the quality of men she can pull. She is entitled to her preferences. I rate her a 6 out of 10.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 22
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:04:17 PM
I doubt any of the hot guys you are seeking will get past the first few lines of your profile without clicking the "next" button. If you are prepared to give someone who is just perusing your profile that much grief, I can only imagine the wrath you would wreak on someone you were in a relationship with. You infer you are a bltch several times in your profile, and I gotta tell ya....that is exactly how you come across. In fact, I would suspect from reading your profile you have anger management issues.

Beauty is not just the outside cover, but is generated from deep within the soul. You do not convey anthing warm, endearing or charming about you in your profile, so while you may feel you are some kind of "hot commodity", most guys will be turned off by your condescending, self-righteous attitude.

And may I add....if that is your best picture you have posted (which I doubt), perhaps many guys are not at their best in their shots either. Something to think about. Who knows what you have passed over based on your rush to judgement.
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 23
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:05:24 PM
It's tough being a dude magnet.
 ncessential
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 24
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:07:38 PM
As far as online,you can't really tell anything by some of the pictures. Some people look better in person. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you want in a guy. I would not settle for someone just to date. When you do meet the right one for you ,you will know. Yes you may not date alot ,but heck that gives you time to do things for yourself...And with friends...
I do think that it is worth the effort to give some guys a chance. I have found that a guy who has a great personality is sexier, than someone who looks great, but has no personality.
 Ceridwen
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 25
How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?
Posted: 5/26/2009 7:08:33 PM
Well, my profile was changed because I grew weary of getting a dozen messages with no more than 'hi im tim' from 50-year-olds and I was trying to circumvent some of that. Unfortunately, I don't see a method of getting the point across without being assertive--I still get messages from older men and others who fall into my category of 'do not want to date'--i.e. pEoPlE hOo tYpE lIkE ThIs, and if I put something too-nice like "Please don't message me if you are older than 35," then no doubt they'd ignore it entirely (like they mostly do now).

But go on, miss the point of my post by calling me shallow instead of offering advice on how to find a date anyway, everyone knows the anonymity of the internet breeds negativity and holier-than-thou personages.

And to the two of you who actually did provide advice--thanks. I've never ended up feeling attraction to someone after knowing them a while, but it'd be lovely if that did happen.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive?