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 xLivingxProofx
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 1
Seperated but not divorcedPage 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Ok, so i'm chatting to a girl on here and we are getting on pretty well and then i ask her why she has 'seperated' on her profile so she tells me because she is seperated and has been for 2 years.... so then i ask well why are you not divorced yet? And she replies with 'well... it's kind of complicated.... i'm from America but i want to stay here so in order for me to stay here i need to keep the papers' so then i ask 'wouldn't it feel strange wearing the ring of another man while out dating? And she replies with 'well i don't have a problem with it but it looks like you do so happy searching' and then she blocks me so i couldn't explain why i asked!

Anyway.... what's your analysis?
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 2
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 3:21:22 AM
Welcome back to the boards first of all...love the main picture (yes I am laughing my ass off...)

She's playing a game and you asked the sane and logical questions that most normal people who aren't so desperate would ask. If she's still here hopefully she'll see this and realize you're not that stupid. Or slow.

If she blocked you that fast, she actually did you a favor. This way you won't post a "why did she dump me and go back to her husband" thread down the road.


Happy fishing....
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 3
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 3:22:55 AM
I think she didn't want to play "20 questions" about her status. You asked and she gave as much info as she was willing to give. But based on your questions she was expecting you to keep on the issue so she ended it.
 xLivingxProofx
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 4
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 3:33:15 AM
Welcome back to the boards first of all...love the main picture (yes I am laughing my ass off...)


Thanks but i didn't change my main profile photo because you were saying to do it.... i changed it because i wanted to....

And i figured she maybe looking for someone who is Naive & Gullible! I also thought that she could possibly go back to her husband whenever she felt like it but she had also told me that she hardly ever speaks to him.... they ended the relationship on good terms but it's long time dead!
 2Live4TX
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 5
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 3:38:03 AM

Thanks but i didn't change my main profile photo because you were saying to do it.... i changed it because i wanted to
-- Changing the photo is easy, changing the attitude -- well, that's going to take some doing!
 RLPhi
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 6
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 3:56:04 AM
Why don't seperated people just take some time to themselves and wait until the divorce is final and save us all from their drama and mixed up minds!!
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 7
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:10:44 AM

Changing the photo is easy, changing the attitude -- well, that's going to take some doing!


What he said smarty. I'm laughing cause you DID it...after all your sputtering that you didn't need to, you did anyway. I love a man who is wishy washy.


I also thought that she could possibly go back to her husband whenever she felt like it but she had also told me that she hardly ever speaks to him.... they ended the relationship on good terms but it's long time dead!


She can tell you that the sky's made out of Gouda cheese...does that make it true? No. What I mean is that she obviously is lying or omitting something. What that something is really doesn't matter. YOU dodged a bullet. Be happy...really...be very happy.
 Brunette Girl 425
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 8
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:20:04 AM
That you asked too many questions and it spooked her because you were right. Don't about it as you'll soon find out there are plenty of weirdos on Plenty of Fish.
 Amma63
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 9
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:30:59 AM
Why don't seperated people just take some time to themselves and wait until the divorce is final and save us all from their drama and mixed up minds!!


And why don't YOU stop painting "all us seperated people" with the same darn brush??

I've been seperated for almost two years now. No divorce is in the near future, nor will my children's Father and I ever reconcile. Am I going to explain my circumstances to YOU - not on your life.

My mind is crystal clear - not mixed up - but thanx anyhow. Jeesh....................

~OP~: unfortunately, seperated people like the one you were chatting with give the rest of us a bad name. I can't imagine why she would not be more up front with you. It does sound like perhaps she was hiding something. I don't, when chatting with people. If they inquire as to the seperated/not divorced thing...........I have no issue what-so-ever in discussing it with them. Nor do I take offence to their inquiry.

B.
 daydreamer57
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 10
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:43:52 AM
Prob looking to latch on to someone else....looks as though she did you a favor...good luck!
 xLivingxProofx
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 11
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:44:34 AM

That you asked too many questions and it spooked her because you were right. Don't about it as you'll soon find out there are plenty of weirdos on Plenty of Fish.


Not crying about it at all.... was just asking your thoughts!
 RLPhi
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 12
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:54:23 AM
Oh yes I'm sure you have a reason for not being divorced you all do, financial, kids, insurance, blah,blahblahblah!!
 bklynrebel
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 13
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 6:48:36 AM
Be grateful you dodged a bullet. She did you a favor.
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:26:56 AM
"Why don't seperated people just take some time to themselves and wait until the divorce is final and save us all from their drama and mixed up minds!!"

Some who don't need a spouse to stay in America just can't stand being alone. They trade from one relationship to another. This woman has made it clear, she needs to be with a person who will provide the papers to stay. She can only divorce when she is immediately thereafter getting married.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:41:57 AM
I just like looking at you dear.....ahhh Anyway, she probably thought you wouldn't understand her plight.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:43:34 AM
Stay away from the separated classification if it makes you nervous. Unless you enjoy a pile of unfinished business accompanying you on every date it is probably not the wisest move.
 pro-filer
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 17
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:44:21 AM

Anyway.... what's your analysis?

She's been b!tched at so many times that she didn't want to hear it yet again. While you *didn't* have a chance to continue with her, your later comments in this thread indicate she anticipated correctly.

I, personally, don't make a big issue out of a divorced/separated status. What I'm more concerned about is how long they have been out of that relationship, including not sharing the same house. And, how *over* the relationship they are. Some people are over a relationship in six months, even if they don't divorce for a few years. Others can get divorced immediately, and still be hooked on their ex 5 years later. Changing legal status from "separated" to "divorced" doesn't guarantee they're ready, willing or even able to participate in another relationship.

JMO.
 pushingcopper
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 18
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:53:07 AM
Some of us have already "taken the time" and are already adjusted but just have to wait for the wheels of justice to grind away...

Also, I don't quite understand why some "non-separated" people can't just text or chat someone for a couple months and get to know them. Seems to be a hard rule with some they don't even text a separated person as if its somehow "immoral" But I am in Texas.. land of a thousand churchs and a thousand strip clubs...so contradictions are a way of life.

Oh well, they lose out and I move on...
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:56:24 AM
I personally do not see where this woman was "playing games" She realized that you had a problem with her not being divorced and she ended it!
It saved you both alot of time! You should be happy and wish her well.

Perhaps you were just being to personal, and she wasnt prepared to get into explainations with you.
The two of you obviously werent right for each other, so I suggest that you get over it and move on. If you dont like the fact that a woman is "just seperated" and not seeking a divorce, then dont contact her.
As for a seperated woman getting back with her ex. Yes that does happen, but not usually after being apart for more then two years. I would think that it would be a rare circumstance.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 11:17:05 AM
I'd say it's her business, if you don't like it, don't date her but why bring her carcass here for others to bash about? Why do I care why she's separated, she's not harming me in any way, it's her life.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 11:24:02 AM
RLPhi

Oh yes I'm sure you have a reason for not being divorced you all do, financial, kids, insurance, blah,blahblahblah!!


I do! I've spent almost 30 years being separated from a man I've never seen since said separation (for those of you so soaked in the idea that I'm not over him ) just so on this day I could annoy you. That's it, I'm separated instead of divorced just to make you

Why the hell do you care why I'm not divorced, don't date separated people, spend your time doing something besides hating and making up prejudice remarks against people you don't know, get a life.

You want to know why I'm not divorced, because I've never filed and probably never will but if I ever do, it will still be none of your business. Get a hobby.
 HeyMrDJ
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 22
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 12:45:36 PM
Let it go and move on. She wants to play single while reaping the benefits of marriage(which in this case is staying the country).

Think of it like buying a car...you don't buy it unless you're getting 100% clear title. Otherwise you're dealing with the crap the previous owner didnt take care of it.
 4forumonly
Joined: 12/24/2008
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:11:54 PM
What analysis do you need?

The girl told you the truth. It's up to you to decide if you want to go further.
 star*tossed
Joined: 5/17/2009
Msg: 24
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:32:03 PM
My analysis is she used marriage to determine her residency, now she doesn't want to relocate, and so filing for a permanent divorce would require some effort on her part which is too much for her to desire doing, therefore she's going to remain "married" so she doesn't have to do the work. She's looking for a man who isn't bothered by laziness or who doesn't respect that a ring and a marriage are real relationships and not just a means to an end that you desire. I think it says a great deal about her. None of it nice or appealing so, I'd say you dodged a bullet and should feel somewhat fortunate for that.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Seperated but not divorced
Posted: 5/27/2009 1:36:54 PM
She was separated for two years, not two months. Ever heard of divorced people getting back with their ex? So what difference does the piece of paper make? Too much weight is being placed on the designation and not the person and their actual life as they are currently living it. As I see it, she was upfront in her response as to why she hasn't taken the legal step - unlike a number of married individuals here who state they're single or divorced when they're not. Should a separated individual become a hermit until a piece of paper changes their status when in all other ways they are divorced? I suppose if you're religious it might make a difference. Oh well, I'm sure she'll find someone else who isn't a stickler on semantics and the OP will find someone who's totally divorced. What does he do, however, if he finds someone who lived with someone for 10 years but wasn't married to them and has not been with them for 2 years - what will he use to judge her by then?
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