| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:29:55 PM | Wow I couldn't do it ~ is there anyone else who can't make the "first" contact with "matches". I've read a whole lot of them. I wonder if it is just the fact that it is online....... something that I've never tried before. I work with the public - I have no problem walking up to strangers and introducing myself and maintaining a conversation. But it is so different sitting at my computer table with my music cranked , as I see it I've got two choices here:
-get over it and make contact
-run and hide, withdraw from site, give in to my fears again....
....what to do ?? | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:36:14 PM | | Go ahead and make contact, ivaneid. Depending on how far away they are (as in not right next door) they are unlikely to bite. You may not get a reply as that seems an all too common occurance, but that just means you can scratch that one from the list. If you do receive a reply, then other doors may open. But basically, sending a message can't hurt you and may even be positive. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:37:03 PM | it's really frightening ... I mean ... "what if they ...?" fill in the blanks!
I've met several men thru PoF ... and am still fishing ... but ... why not try?
if I DON'T do SOMETHING ... I suspect nothing will ever happen ... I, too, have no problem chatting with strangers ... and it is frightening to initiate contact ...
when/if I find someone who sounds interesting at all ... I go ahead and make the first contact ... I say something about what interested me about their profile ... and say something like "check out my profile and see if you're interested" ... or something like that ...
as stated before ... I'm still fishing!
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:37:42 PM | | In a hundred years, who is going to care.....................make contact, but don't take it too seriously. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/27/2009 4:44:34 PM | Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!
~by the brilliant Shel Silverstein | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/27/2009 5:58:25 PM | OPie, more than two choices, lol! Don't make contact first, and just wait. . . . I made first contact several times, and it didn't work. Got a couple of jerks, and several read/deleted. I quit. Going down the third path, softly, it took ten months for the Bingo! to happen. On the whole, much better than I've ever done in meat life. . . .
eat: | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/27/2009 6:45:47 PM | | Your fear is natural and proper to express at length at the top of any email you dare send, explaining in detail your fear as a feeling and giving several examples of situations that portray your fears coming true. After those opening paragraphs, ease into saying what you do hope for that makes courage worthwhile. And end on the upbeat, perhaps saying you look forward to reading of his own fears. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/27/2009 7:15:50 PM | I agree it is a little scary but I have decided to at least try it a few times. I have also learned to not read anything into a "read-deleted" message. There's no explaining attraction (or the lack of it). I have made a couple of first-contacts that turned into a face-to-face meeting, but no sparks, yet. I'm definately "still fishin'!" | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/27/2009 9:12:43 PM | Still couldn't do it......but I haven't run away.
For now I'll keep reading
HaHa hopefully I'll bump into something/someone
that I can't let slip past without giving it a try....
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/27/2009 9:28:49 PM | It is hard for me too, OP. In fact I haven't made a first contact yet, I'm painfully shy. Especially being a BBW, it is tough in today's dating world. You are relatively new here and I think that as you get acclimated to POF, you will start taking chances. Just give it some time, and I am sure you will soon overcome your fears.  HUGS | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:42:38 AM | Just look at it like you don't really care if they reply or not (and believe it).
Like the Nike slogan.. "Just do it"
The worst that happens, they don't answer or they answer with a no thanks.
Then just say to youself "your loss buddy" ..and message the next one | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:44:03 AM | Each day I pass people as I drive my truck, walk down the street or shop in a store. I give them each a smile. Some return it and some do not. When driving I often wave when I make eye contact with someone, some wave back, some do not. Whether they return my gesture or not is not about me giving it, it is about their ability to receive it. I offer a smile and then release the attachment to it.
The Internet provides many opportunities to give someone a smile, a hello or a wink. I often give and receive one-line notes that say I like your picture, profile or what you said in a forum. Good luck in your search for love. I do not expect a reply and if they do reply it is usually with the same casual hi and thanks.
Give your smile; let someone know you think they are attractive or that you liked a post or their profile. Let it be a gift you give to someone who you may never see. First contact is not a proposition, or like coming up to a guy in the bar and saying “Hey handsome, how about buying a girl a drink.” It is a smile as you pass that may make someone’s day just to see a note in his or her mailbox. Give the gift of your smile and do not be attached to their response or lack of one.
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 3:56:35 PM | | This has been so hard for me to comprehend all of this ~ obviously I don't see anything wrong in being here. I would not put myself forward to saying that I'm looking for love.......... I'm taking wee little steps but moving forward all the time. I would consider myself lucky to be able to meet new friends ~ should one progress beyond friendship......... well, I'm going to have to wait that one out until it surfaces. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 4:37:56 PM | I personally have not seen 'one electronic match' that I would want to meet, cos it is the picture that makes the first impression. And started this thread lots of times to have it deleted over and over, what is the favorites all about, daily I get e-mails telling me men added me to their favorites, they never contact me, so I delete them - right or wrong??? I dont know seems a weird thing - like they got you in a holding pen - if they dont find someone they will get back to you  | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 6:19:53 PM | Hello Ivana,
It is ok for ladies to initiate a first contact. Just try it. Just forget your fears. Fears of what?
Fears of rejection? Don't take a non-response personally. We all deal with rejection in one form or another. We don't get every job we've ever applied for or even an interview. So what? There's always "next time." As to employment, we tell ourselves "someone out there wants my skill set" and we keep applying until we get an offer of employment.
Same thing with making new friends. Someone out there is looking for the combination of qualities and attributes you have going for you. Just keep at it until you find a positive respondent who'd like to meet with you and with whom you'd like to meet.
Wishing you all the very best success,
Laurissa | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:02:47 PM | | The secret here is that there is no secret. Check out peoples profiles, if you find someone of interest add them to you favorites. They'll see that you viewed their profile and added them to your favorites, then they'll go to your profile and see what level of interest they have in you, and if they have any interest they will contact you. Adding someone to your favorites list is an easy to show interest without making first contact. If the man is an type of gentalman he will respond. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:33:26 PM | Starman hits the mark--I look at writing people as a personal thanks to them for putting up a profile. It helps to find something special and unique that you notice about them, then be honest in your praise. It doesn't need to be clever; just honest.
Often times they don't write back, and that is just fine. Giving praise away without the expectation of a return is pretty cool.
Would it be great if every guy who sent my heart into overdrive answered? Yeah...but even if the guy doesn't answer, I imagine a smile on his face when he reads a simple kindness sent his way. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:40:47 PM | Op, I can understand your fears, a few times I have gone outside of my comfort zone and made contact and while the men were very nice and responsive I always felt I was bothering them and would soon stop writing.
However there are other ways to let someone know you are interested, dont just sit there and stare at your screen...visit profiles, if you read someone's profile and like it then add them to your favorites, if you see someone who you think is funny ..made you laugh, smile or whatever then write a note to them about whatever in their profile you liked, struck a cord with you etc. Start as a friend..start the email off with I really enjoy reading "this" in your profile..thanks for making my day brighter etc...once you realize that the opposite sex is just as confused and leary as you are and you made a few contacts then you will find alot of the pressure is off.
Good luck to you! | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 7:49:26 PM | I'm not here looking to meet anyone at this time, but there was a time when that was what I came here to do. During that time I contacted men that I thought I might like to get to know better. And you know what? Some read my note and deleted it without responding, some responded with a "thanks, but no thanks" (in some shape or form), and SOME actually did write back that they were interested too! And a few of those lucky men were able to keep my interest long enough to meet face to face.
No, there were no "happily ever afters" for any of those lucky men and I, but if I hadn't taken the chance to contact these men, I would never have known them at all.
AND I lived to tell the tale. Even though I did not find my match, and sometimes I was frustrated, I believe that it was worth it. And I learned some very important things about myself in the process: one of them being that I really am happier being single and on my own at this point in my life. Maybe someday I'll change my mind, but for now I'm happy on my own. But I wouldn't have learned that if I hadn't taken the chance and contacted a fella or two. I'd still be wonderin if I should.
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:27:30 PM | | How to take the first step............one foot in front of the other until it becomes second nature. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:28:29 PM | | Chances are you will never meet the person you message anyway, so don't worry about it and just do it. The worse you can do is make a fool of yourself, and most women will forgive you for that. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/29/2009 1:18:57 PM | | ivana you can do that. but an old song put it pretty well: "dont you know no matter what you do, you cant run away from you and if you keep on running you gotta pay the price". hey e mail the guy if you like the profile (btw he most likely can tell you have scanned the thing anyway) so drop him an e and see if you wanna chat. you have a lot going for you really and if you dont let fear stop you you can make life a whole lot better even if you never meet mr. right at least you can meet some friends and have someone to chat about and share with. much more to lose by giving up than by making an honest effort. | |
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| how to take the first step
Posted: 5/29/2009 1:45:45 PM | | Try what I do when facing an intimidating challange.....I pretend I'm someone else....in this case I'd be hottest fish in the pond. lol. Works every time....really! Kind of like acting. In time, I actually become that pretend person. | |
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