| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 1:44:55 AM | | Guys out there, have you ever had a bad experience with a single mom (such as the fact she had children be too much to deal with, forced into the picture too soon) and swore them off completly...to turn around and date one again (maybe you REALLY liked the girl, or maybe you were desperate )? If so, is the reason for that relationship not working out due to the fact because of the children? Would one bad experience witha single mom turn you away from them completely? Thanks! | |
|
| |
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:34:42 AM | To my understanding...It would . But the general understanding of POF ...it"s not uncommon. Being a "mom " is not against any policy. What we have heard... is what you think of your own thinking of you???
 | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:35:04 AM | | Depends on the guy really, and the age range. Im hitting the younger angle of age ranges here and comming out the other end of a relationship filled , what most would call a "teenage immature phase" of relationships where its "the best thing in the world" till they dump you for someone else. and finally hitting that stage a year or so ago where growing up really kicks in. So from my view a single mum is just as dateable as anyone else, saying that ive dated a few single mums in the past 3/4 years, probably unwisely, and your right it can leave one hell of a bad taste in your mouth so to speak. I personally, rather strangely, enjoy looking after kids (i know.. a guy... that enjoys childcare...wow) so a single mum wouldnt be an issue, however from my experience i wouldnt get into a relationship with a single mum now unless they were really special, since the whole family thing can be very very heads on and stressful and yes being brought into that Boyfriend meets child situation too early can ruin it all. | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 2:58:39 AM | I can't see a situation where I would date a single mom.
It's nothing personal, but right now, at this point, I couldn't do it.
It's the kid, all the kid, I admit. It's just not something I feel prepared to be involved in. Best for me to just stay out altogether. | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 3:15:56 AM | | Thanks for the posts so far. I'm not really looking for specifically "would you date a a single mom", but more like "have you dated a single mama, and said you never would again",but lo and behold, you found a lady you really liked, so ended up back in the dating-a-single-parent situation? | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 3:25:55 AM |
Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Only once and that was on accident. She didn't say anything for 6 weeks. Was at her place and there were no toys, kids clothes, kids books, lunchables in the fridge, etc. No indications whatsoever, and her body showed no signs of having had a child. Too bad too because she was an AWESOME young woman. I probably would have slid a bit on my "no single moms" rule but after 6 weeks (1 or 2 dates a week) I couldn't shake the feeling that she went beyond not telling me and actively hid the fact. Couldn't deal with the perceived dishonesty.
I don't think a bad experience with a single mom would turn me away completely though. For me its a two fold issue. 1) I want to start a family with someone who didn't start without me. 2) I want to enjoy being married for a bit before kids come into the picture. I just think it'd be cool to be a married couple first and enjoy being with each other just the two of us. But I digress, the point is everyone is so different a bad experience with someone doesn't sour me on an entire group. Like if I date a black woman who cheats I don't stop dating black women, or if I date an older woman who chooses her job over me I don't stop dating older women. I can't see why a bad experience with one single mom would make me stop dating all single moms.
~N | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 5:24:44 AM | | I had a relationship with a single mother (I never intended on getting together with her because she had a child, but you can't control who you fall in love with sometimes). The fact that we didn't work out wasn't because she had a child, it was because she was a child haha.I did love her but it wasn't mutual. She was one of those people that are impossible to please. She was very pushy...wanted to get married right away and have another child! I haven't gone back to a single mother and I have sworn them off since. I know that may sound a little harsh but I don't want to deal with the baby daddy drama and risk a chance that the woman just wants me as a "sponsor" and a "father figure." I'd rather have true love. Not saying all single mom's are this desperate but in my mind they are...at least for the time being. | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 6:52:37 AM |
If so, is the reason for that relationship not working out due to the fact because of the children?
Here's the thing... unless their child is speaking in tongues, head spinning and spitting pea soup around the room... the breakup has nothing to do with the children.
It might have something to do with how she treats her children. Or how she prioritizes them to a new man in her life.
But it's never the fault of the children.
I've dated some single moms who were lousy mothers. That was quickly brought to an end. If she can't treat her kids properly, I'm not wasting my time with her.
I've been with some who would put their children on the back burner as they put their focus on me. I appreciate attention, and being made a higher priority than most things in their life. But a parent should never put anything before the wellbeing of their children.
The other problem is, as you say, putting the children in the picture too soon. It makes me question the wisdom of a woman who will introduce their kids to a new man on the first or second date. I appreciate that she trusts me, but, she hasn't really had a chance to get to know me. What if I was some pedophile or something? She's exposing her kids to possible danger without a thought. And that worries me.
I have no problem with dating a single mom.
What I have a problem with, is those single moms who don't prove themselves to be good parents. | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 6:55:29 AM | | Yes. Rather than repeat the lengthy bad first story I will say that I made a hard and fast rule that I would not date a single mom with children under age 18. Single moms and parents are great people but it just doesn't work. Violated my own rule couple years ago with gal with teenagers. Would have been a great match but for .... Disaster again. Children come first as well they should. However avoid at all costs. | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 6:59:54 AM | It all depends on the circumstances. Anytime you date a person with small children, you are automatically in 2nd place. That really isn't so bad, but the more kids she has, the less time and attention she has for you. Not to mention it start raising all kinds of questions about why does she have so many children and is single (if she has a house full of children)?
It all depends on the circumstances and how she comes across. | |
|
ççç™
|
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 12 | |
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:10:34 AM | Not ever again. Been there, done that (several times) Have the t-shirt. Too much drama, too much BS, they're not even my kids. BAh!
See other people with kids kept saying "Oh I didn't know what I was missing..and all that crap" ...... I learned it the hard way, so to speak. And even had to try it couple of times. 
knock on wood, never again ! | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 8:26:36 AM | Ive dated 1 or 2 single moms when i was coming out of university. For one reason or another the relationships didnt really work out.. nothing to do with the single mom thing.
One thing I did respect with each of them was that I never met their kids. I think introductions shouldn't happen until well into the relationship and only after you each know whats going on. Its not fair to kids to see a revolving door.
Oddly enough im now in a sitiation where I am pretty much a single dad. | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 9:16:46 AM |
Here's the thing... unless their child is speaking in tongues, head spinning and spitting pea soup around the room... the breakup has nothing to do with the children.
Hey, I dated her twenty some odd years ago, and it was that very experience that had me swear off single moms, I swear the boys name was Daemon & the little girls was Sybil ……. 
But yes, I did break the rule so to speak as I have been dating a single Mom for over two years now, “but” her son is 20 yrs old and, he is at least attempting to live on his own.
 | |
|
| |
| |
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 10:23:56 AM | The last time I dated a single mom with young kids, she asked me (on the second date) if I would like to join her and her kids at the house. To which, I gently replied; "I don't think that's a good idea right now. I think we should date a bit longer, and see how things go. I wouldn't want your kids to grow attached to me, until we're both genuinely certain we feel strongly about each other. Because if things don't work out between us... (heaven forbid) your children might suffer emotionally."
Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, since I never heard from her again.
Hope this helps you see one aspect of *dating single moms* through a bachelor's eyes. | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:03:36 AM | | I've only gotten as far as being very wary of single moms based on my experiences with them so far on pof, all of which have been less than acceptable. I'm not willing to rule them out, but I'm a lot less gullible with respect to being manipulated by the ``my kids come first'' guilt trip which tends to be invoked to cover other irresponsible behaviour. | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 11:10:24 AM | No wonder the majority of women on POF think this site sucks. The overwhelming majority of them are single mothers and seemingly no guy is interested in dating them. Oh yeah, that includes me too.
Here's my tale of why. In my late 20's I was in a job that moved me every 12-18 months. We're not talking about cross town but Pennsylvania to Arkansas, Virginia or something that extreme. I had a single mom respond to a personal ad and she was very nice, very sweet and I politely told her that in my professional situation I get moved around a lot and didn't want her to have to decide to move her kids, uproot them from their grandparents, dad etc. So while I was flattered I didn't think it would be appropriate for us to meet. Yeah, I got a little ahead of myself but it was a legitimate reason.
She then had a friend respond to my ad, make nice, etc. I agreed to meet for dinner one night. She no shows. More out of concern for her safety than being blown off (One of my few successful bar hookups that night when she no showed.) I email if everything was okay, was there an emergency etc. She proceeds to rip me for not having dated her friend a couple of months ago, what a lovely woman she is fantastic kids etc. that I was an a-hole for not giving her a chance YADDA YADDA YADDA.
So you know what? Forget it, I just won't bother. If I have to deal with that kind of bitterness I'm sworn off the whole lot of them. I know it's a one in a thousand story but that demonstrated level of immaturity has stuck with me for over a decade. From the profiles I read of single mothers here now I'm not too sure it's as isolated a personality as I would hope either. | |
|
| Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would?
Posted: 5/28/2009 12:12:32 PM | I've dated single moms. I haven't had problems with it. The insecurity is their issue and I can see why. I just play it by ear. Not all guys are welcome to kids.
Some are accustomed to the D.I.N.K lifestyle. Double income, no kids.
I just don't want to be thrust into the Dad spotlight. Being a meal ticket is furthest from my mind. | |
|
Home
login 
