| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:54:44 AM | I say this because my therapist says I should not kiss on the first date because men get the wrong idea. I said so when should I kiss? He said on the second date. lol. So He can get the wrong idea on the second date? I don't get all these rules and double standards. A woman kisses and she is an easy piece. A man kisses and its just a kiss. Whats the difference if you kiss on the first date or the 10th date? Yes its true that first impressions are important. Just because a person likes to kiss does not mean they are saying lets have sex. I don't want to wait till the tenth date to find out a guy is not a good kisser. Yes then everyone can say that about sex. Don't want to find out someone is not good in bed. Its crazy that we all have to play the dating game and end up with duds in order to find a match. No matter how you do it someone is going to say you did this wrong or that wrong. lol Its enough to drive a person nutty. No I am not nutty but who is normal anyway?
btw I go for therapy for ptsd from a violent past marriage. Happy to say I am doing very good and even advocate for battered women. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:12:41 AM | RULES ON DATING?!?!?!
There is NO rules on dating, only the ones YOU set for YOURSELF out of SELF RESPECT.
Now, NO therapist in the world will ever say "not kiss on the first date because men get the wrong idea." (for many many reasons), he will orient you toward your bounderies, self worth vs self evaluation, and your self respect; never a crappy generalization of gender and frivolious statement such as this; so right from the bat your post is BS or your therapist in not a real one.
Now to answer the question: if at age 54 you cannot make the difference between the first date (evaluation) and the 10th date (where BASIC evaluation, bounderies, trust, respect etc etc as been established); and the difference between a small short kiss and a thong-e-tomie kiss....well you have a serious problem...and it's no one else but you who is the root of your own problems. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:22:21 AM | I'm going to have to agree with commonsens; either you misinterpreted what your therapist was saying or you have a very, very bad therapist.
To answer your question, I agree that kissing on a first date isn't a bad thing. The whole "men will get the wrong idea and think you're easy" mindset is similarly foreign to me -- the men I date seem to understand that, while we both want sex, it does bring complexities to the relationship that might be best taken slowly.
Having said that, if I ended up in bed in the first date with someone I really liked, I wouldn't run down to church to be absolved either. What wrong idea did he get? That I'm also a sexual being, just like himself.
People, what can we do to get rid of these silly, "Oh, he only wants one thing" -- using sex as barter -- "hump 'em and dump 'em" mindsets? CAN we do away with them?
Sorry, maybe a topic for another thread. Must have more coffee. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:33:41 AM |
A woman kisses and she is an easy piece. That kind of thinking belongs in the arena of dating for sex.
A kiss can be sexually stimulating, and when aroused a person will typically follow up with more stimulation and at some point because that is sexual stimulation and arousal, sex of some kind is being had, whether it leads to any specific sex acts or remains a fumbling sort of writhing of stimulation. The kisses that are not sexually stimulating probably don't happen on dates very often, since people tend to date with sexual interest in mind, unless the kiss was intended to be but failed. I'm not sure how you would go about kissing a man and have him enjoy it without inviting his sexual appetite to grow and throb. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:33:58 AM | OP: No. A kiss is not an invitation to have sex but that is entirely dependent on the manner of the kiss. In your case OP, I suggest you do not kiss. Per your prior threads, men cannot resist you. This may be your dilemma.
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:35:15 AM | | Sorry if I offended you with my reply. It was all meant in jest as was your profile. You are beautiful and seem to have a good sense of humor and intelligence. Good luck to you | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:38:43 AM | in my opinion, a kiss can be delicious in its own right
it isn't necessarily a precursor to anything, except, hopefully, a shared enjoyable experience when lips meet | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:44:55 AM | Sometimes, a kiss is just a kiss.
Even if it is more, is that altogether a bad thing?
Serious, energetic, and enthusiastic kissing is another thing, though. High power kissing often does lead to sex. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:54:47 AM | A kiss just shows and shares another part about you, and how you just might fit with the one you are kissing.
It is not an invitation to anything other than hopefully a second kiss, if wanted.
I enjoy a kiss at the end of the first meeting if there is any attraction at all. A kiss can tell very much about the person you are with, their sensuality, and how they use it.
There are a few things that I look for when meeting with another, that become messages for my internal make up when dealing with attraction, chemistry, and compatibility.
One is the kiss, and how they kiss back. The second is the way we touch each other, during our meeting, and I am not talking about groping each other, even though that has happened a time or two over the years, but much more the hand on the arm, knee, small of your back, etc., and how that initiates internal pleasure or not. The third is how we communicate with each other, both verbally and with body language, because that becomes the mental combining with the physical, and that is a major factor for chemistry.
So, kiss away and enjoy the experience, just as long as you know who is in charge of that kiss and why.
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:58:37 AM | | After a girl kisses me I assume she wants me to move into her place, thats why I always keep my sh!t ready in the trunk. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:59:42 AM | This thread made me think of a Flight of the Conchords song…
A kiss is not a contract, but it's very nice
Yes, it's very nice
Just because you've been exploring my mouth
Doesn't mean you get to take an expedition to the south
A kiss is not a contract, but it's very nice
Yes it's very, very nice
As for whether or not a kiss can lead to sex, I suppose it depends upon the people smooching, the type o’ smooching they’re doing, and the circumstances in which said smooching occurs. However, just as shaking a business prospect’s hand after meeting is no guarantee that you’ll be closing the deal, a kiss on the first date is no guarantee you’ll be opening the legs.  | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:09:32 AM | Bodies pressed against each other, arms wrapped around each other touching their back or perhaps buttocks, hands moving up and down touching, feeling, breasts against chest, penis enlarging against your body, and you are asking about a kiss...geez, that is a hug that I described. You don't think a kiss is more intimate, having someone's mouth pressed against yours, tongue entering each others mouths exploring the warm soft wetness? The next step is ripping each others clothes off
You don't know the guy, give him a hug. I save kissing for at least the third date. I don't see kissing strangers. If we are really feeling it, oh yeah, no rules in stone, but I try to resist.
Do you really feel you want or need to get that intimate with someone you may never see again? I know it isn't the same as sex, but seems like he doesn't see you again after the kiss you might question if that is what caused it.
A little sexual tension and build up never hurt anyone! | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:13:56 AM | I thought therapists werent supposed to pass judgement?
If you want to kiss but not have sex the guy will figure it out pretty quick. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:14:06 AM | Anyone who starts with "my therapist says..." should not even be thinking about dating. You should go to you tube and find the video on "Kissing With Confidence" by Will Powers [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5X0-dMYvwvk].
I said so when should I kiss? He said on the second date. lol. So He can get the wrong idea on the second date?
Good one. So what was his answer? | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:14:11 AM | A prolonged French kiss at the door as you pull the person inside and start removing clothes is....
Having said that, I kiss almost all my lady friends on the cheek if nothing else. I know when my lesbian friends kiss me on the lips that besides the hugs that go with that nothing is happening.
I know that the couple of Gay guys that are in my circle of friends know that hug Hi or Bye is just that. Hello and Goodbye.
On a date, I usually kiss a lady Hello on the cheek when we first meet and when I kiss them on the lips goodnite and if they turn their head to offer a cheek that is a clue that this MIGHT be a last date as well. It might also mean she wants to take this slow.
On the flip side, a kiss on the lips does not mean I need to make a motel reservation either! Arm action bringing me in, molding her body to me expresses interest in another date. Lots of tongue expresses interest in it being very soon! Undressing indicates the need to prolong the date and exploring each other.
Pulling Condoms out of her purse and asking me to hurry the f$$k up is a indication that I might have made an impression on my date and if this is the first date, give me pause to wonder if I really need to be there! If I am able to pause, the answer of course is a resounding GETOUTOF THERE NOW! If I am not able to pause then I should give thanks that she has condoms because no way would I do a lady without condoms before we both were tested and agreed to a LTR. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:17:49 AM | | As the song say's "a Kiss is just a Kiss" I will often give a man a kiss on a first date. I say it depends on the kiss. Deep toung kissing for me would be an invitation for lovemaking. I believe that kind of kissing should wait until there is a loving feeling there. That takes time and a lot of conversation. But A gentle sensious kiss is an expression of interest in my books. I would say your therapist is off the mark unless he is talking about deep kissing. By the way I am also a psychotherapist so now you have the opions of two therapists. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:19:25 AM | | I kiss on the first date to test chemistry. If she's into the kiss, you can tell right away - if she's not, you'll notice a reaction... recoiling slightly, eyes still open, that sort of thing. If there's no chemistry, there's no second date. If there's no kiss, there's definitely no second date. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:25:24 AM | Depends on how the kiss goes.
I HUG on the first date. Save the kiss for the second. But I think my last date was DISAPPOINTED that I didn't go in for a kiss on the lips (which I would've been happy to do), so who the hell knows what each woman wants these days-? | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 10:55:01 AM | Okay I can see some love to mock others who go for therapy and yet others like to make fun of people just for the hell of it. What is it with the people in Quebec who seem to have very mean dispositions? I hope everyone is not like that in Quebec but on the forums it is a bit obvious there is something wrong.
I am not the least bit embarrassed or feel I should not date because I go to a therapist. I think alot of pof people that live where its cold lol should get some therapy too. Just joking but there is nothing wrong with therapy. It has helped me a great deal. Because I am not a know it all person who thinks the world revolves around me. I need help in some areas of my life just like alot of people do. Especially if they have been screwed up by mean people. Whom I think need therapy the most.
As for kissing yes the therapist did say that because I do love to kiss and often can't wait till the second date, I should wait till the second date. If I find someone attractive and interesting I don't mind kissing. Not mauling each other. Yet men have told me that kissing is too arousing and caused them to feel very horny. To me its a delema. I want to kiss but not give the wrong impression. There has been occasions where I didn't kiss on the first date and yes there is the thrill of waiting and wondering.
Sorry you felt the need to call me stupid actuality. I bet your a real smart person lol. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:17:09 AM | There are kisses and then there are KISSES.
The first kind are the quick peck either on the cheek or the mouth, which I don't consider any kind of commitment at all. The second kind are the toe curling, goose bumping, tingling in all kinds of good places ones, where you better find a bed because rolling around on the kitchen floor is too uncomfortable at my age.
Kiss #1 is fine on a first, second or third date. Kiss #2 leads right to the nearest horizontal surface never mind what number date it is. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:28:35 AM | | As has been indicated by others, a kiss doesn't necessarily have to suggest anything more than the fact that you enjoyed being with the person and that you are at least mildly attracted to them. It doesn't imply an intent to have sex, any more than merely holding hands would imply an intent to have sex. (Do you think that even holding hands on a first date is too intimate and gives the "wrong" impression to a guy?) | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:33:05 AM | SpecialLady28,
my therapist says I should not kiss on the first date because men get the wrong idea.
You should tell your therapist you believe she said that [as an invitation to have sex]. If your therapist agrees, she's an idiot. I don't believe any therapist or therapist-wannabe would believe anything like that. You would only be giving the wrong idea if you weren't attracted to the guy and didn't like him, but either way, it has nothing to do with invitations of sex.
I don't get all these rules and double standards.
That rule doesn't exist. That's why ya don't get it. :)
A woman kisses and she is an easy piece.
Says who? You or your therapist? Again, another rule that doesn't exist.
If you walk a lady to her car, whether it be the 1st, 2nd, or 10th date, and give her a kiss and she happily complies, that does NOT imply in any way shape or form that she wants to have sex that night. If you walked her to her car, and she leaned in for a kiss, that does NOT mean in any way shape or form that she wants to have sex that night. The biggest pig-guy will not be satisfied nor breathe a sigh of relief thinking he was getting any that night. I think you want to vent about, stereotype, and bash guys or guy/girl 'rules' because things aren't going your way, and it's your easiest outlet to do so... and this one's way off the mark.
Kissing is a sexual interaction, and so is touching. It all depends on how it unfolds, when it comes to sending signals.
If a guy walked you to your car, and you JUMPED ON him, legs wrapped around him, and hopped in the back seat making out like a couple who haven't seen each other in months -- YES, that would imply that you were wanting more than just a makeout session. But you couldn't call that "a kiss", because that's a whole other story. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:47:59 AM | asueorb I know you get off coming down on me, but I assure you I am not in anyway looking to bash anyone. It looks to me like I am the one being bashed in case you have not noticed. But I can't tell a basher that I am being bashed lol.
My therapist who is a man whom is in his late fifties is a wonderful man whom I respect and find to be a great person. In fact I chose to be see a male therapist to help me understand things from a mans point of view. Not once has he said anything to me to make me feel uncomfortable or resentful. He has a great deal of insight and I respect his field. He has been doing this for many years. He did not tell me I have to stop kissing on the first date but rather to try not kissing on the first date as some men can and do get the wrong idea. I can see his point. I thought this was an interesting topic. Sorry if you feel what I say is a waste of time. If you feel that way then don't read or respond to my forums. | |
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| Is a kiss an invitation to have sex?
Posted: 5/29/2009 12:08:48 PM | Not all! But then again, all depends on what kind of a kiss we are talking here about. 
Sting's interpretation gives some tingling "food for thought":
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold ... | |
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