| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:49:00 PM | I am hoping that someone can provide me with some answers or opinions into what a man is thinking when he does this so that, perhaps, I can find some level of understanding/ peace of mind. I am fairly new to this site, I have had a lot of responses to my profile; however, the experiences that I have had thus far have been a very mixed bag. Bad (REALLY scarey bad) for the most part; however, I have made a few friends so that has kept me hopeful. The question I have revolves around an out- of- state man that I came across. (He is not locked to where he is at, helping a family member out right now and will be moving soon, destination unknown- I am open to possibilities down the line too and we are both aware of one another's plans/thoughts) Struck by our similarities, we began to message back & forth. Since we are both on the shy side, we began asking 5 questions each (his suggestion)to get to know one another better before actually meeting. I have been having a progressively difficult time with this site and mentioned that I was considering leaving or at the very least just sticking to the friends (and they are just friends) that I have found here. I was not sure where he stood with things, if there was a genuine interest in meeting me, so I asked...Here was his reply:
I am sorry for the rudeness and I get it too. People are funny!! What I want is for you to be happy - if that is here or not - if it is with me or not - whatever you choose is fine with me. I would feel I lost something if you "take the back exit", but I would rather have that feeling than the guilt of knowing someone is doing something they do not want to do to please someone else. I have a great interest in meeting you. I do not like pen pals. I know we have a connection in words, but true chemistry is between two people meeting!! I am in agreement that we should continue our dialogue, but I am afraid I know what I need to know - I have been amazed at your answers and feel a bond is developing. Perhaps I am out of line for saying this, but you asked!!
He sent me another list of 5 questions of which I answered. I saw he read them... then a couple of days later (today) he closed his account without a word. I have no way to reach him, and my contact with him is severed. I had given him my e-mail address quite a few messages ago, but of course I don't know if he kept it (he deletes his messages after he reads them, which I see is ALSO a common "guy thing"). Sorry to say, but this was the last straw for me. I feel pretty bad. He had mentioned in a previous message that "I am not sure you really know just how rare of a person you are" and "This is not a place for someone so special". Well, I feel really special right now. Guys, give me some insight please... ignoring messages is one thing, but to completely close your account without even a "sorry, wish you well" is another... | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 6:54:36 PM | His wife/girlfriend found out about his shenanigans....
Because PoF is a free site, there's quite a few members who sign up for 'entertainment' purposes so you're going run into such people frequently. | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:15:49 PM | | That is def. weird. I highly doubt it was because of you because he could have simply just not replied to your messages. I think he was probably married/girlfriend like the guy above me said. | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:15:57 PM | | I'd vote with the guy above - his wife found out. You don't seem like a psycho (of course no woman does at first, at first %} ) so that can't be it. You look good for someone 3/4 your age so that isn't it. Your photos show a nice big smile, so it wasn't your teeth. So once you eliminate yourself, you can clearly see, it was his wife's fault. | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:24:11 PM | Hon, I had an online POF friendship with a guy that has closed his account - repeatedly. A week or two will go by, and boom, he's back under another name. He knows he needs to identify himself to me or I treat him like a stranger. After about the 5th exit, I stopped looking for him. I had his number and his email, but couldn't really bring myself to bother calling.
As for the compliments, yes, they're nice and would strike a cord, but I've heard similar. Proof is in the pudding... and never really trust what it is until you see the whites of their eyes. | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:24:36 PM | | Welcome to the internet, you will find plenty of situations like this. There are good, hard working, nice people mixed in with pedophiles, stalkers, and cheaters. I wouldn't be bothered by this situation and I wouldn't be surprised if it happened again. You have a well written profile and a beautiful smile, you'll do just fine in the long run. Just be smart and let little things like this roll off your back, you probably dodged a bullet. | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:28:04 PM | | Thanx for the input!! I had been wondering if it was anything I said in the last list of 5 questions that I had sent HIM (of course he closed his account before he replied)... it just all seemed odd here one day and then BING gone! | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:31:55 PM | | Don't take it personally, sometimes with people out of the region, it's a hard call to make why they do the things they do. I am suspicious when you mentioned that he deletes your messages after he reads them. I personally don't because if I get into periods of e mailing on POF, it's kind of nice to have those e mails to refer back to. I also had a women who I was smitten with, suddenly close her account and that was it. She lives locally and I have summed it up to the soon to be classic,"she's not into me". | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 7:41:28 PM | | It's curious that you mentioned the deleting of messages, because I see that is actually the norm that I have found with men on this site. I was curious as to why ment tend to do that as I, oftentimes, will refer back to something they may have said in a previous message. | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 8:46:10 PM | Hi Mtnchic,
thanks for sharing.....
I wouldn't take it personally......things just happen...:)
Personally, I do not delete my messages.....usually after a person deletes their profile....several days later I will get an almost identical letter again from the same person....lol.....scarios....lol..... Also these messages provide me with a story-line -when I feel they are starting to alter their story I look back at the messages..... Sooner or later with writings a person not telling it like it is will trip up......:) I recommend to keep a record...print out etc....for the ones you feel attracted to.....:))
Wishing you the best...:)
O:)
PS.... cannot comment on your responses as you never posted them......O:) | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 9:45:06 PM | I would suggest you create an account on a paid-dating site.
Join one of the major paid-sites, and you'll receive more coherent and higher quality replies to your email messages or instant messages, because when the participants pay for the privilege, they tend to be very serious about dating or establishing a long-term relationship.
I would also suggest that you not allow yourself to get emotionally wrapped up in some anonymous person (could be a woman pretending to be a man, or married man pretending to be single, or gay person pretending to be straight, etc.) that emails you. | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:32:35 PM | | Thank you. Very good advice. Perhaps I will consider a paid site, makes sense. I appreciate what you are saying about staying centered and not getting overly concerned with this. It's just one of those "murphy's laws" where out of all the correspondences I have had with gentlemen so far on this site, this particular individual was the one that I actually felt a commonality and genuine interest in. He gets cold feet and bails or his girlfriend forces him to bail... Go figure! | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:53:51 PM | Mtnchic, good luck to you. What a beautiful lady.
It does sound like he was playing games, and his reply seemed off and vague. "I have learned all I need to know."
That was a flag for me in him saying bye. I'm sorry this happened. Also, as some of the men stated, more than likely, he was married or had an s/o. | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/30/2009 12:27:33 AM | I'm not so sure that's what he was saying though...(of course, I will NEVER know...) I realize that you do not have my message that he was replying to in reference; however, I had asked about continuing messaging, getting to know one another until we felt we knew enough to be comfortable with a meeting, therefore, his reply that HE knew all he needed to know...
anyway. Just stinks whatever his motives, intention... and I think as hard as it is for me to grasp this in people (sorry, but I'm probably one of the few remaining goody two shoes out there) I think I'm leaning towards the girlfriend route. Chin up, right? | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/30/2009 4:00:18 AM | | Let the dodgy flake go, whoever he was. Forget him forever. Screw his infantile questionnaires and cryptic messages and mysterious disappearances. You deserve better than that, so act the part and end the game, once and for all. | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/30/2009 5:18:31 AM | | What some of the others said: most likely his wife found out. Either that, or "he" is a "she" and her girlfriend busted him. Who knows? Consider yourself blessed, you "dodged a bullet". Sounds like a lot of idiocy to me, with the lists of questions and "I have found out all I need to know." | |
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| Closed his account. Was it something I said?
Posted: 5/30/2009 5:34:57 AM | I've gone the paid route and found out there are just as many psychotic women on there (there was a baby hater, an gross exagerator, a seperated cop wannabe...) but I did meet a few good ones while I was on the site. Oddly enough, they were friends friends I knew from IM who Im'd me because the common friend gave them my id, and they just happened to IM me while I was on the dating site.
If you do go pay, try eHarmony as that is the only site I know someone who met their wife on the site. He seemed pretty happy with the results. | |
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