online dating service
REGISTER | MAIL/PROFILE | HELP | NOW ONLINE | SEARCH | RATING | FORUMS | SUCCESS STORIES

 

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest 100% free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Creative/Writing  > The Psyloche (An Original Sci-Fi Story I Wrote)      Mod Threads Home login  
Page 1 of 1
 Author Thread: The Psyloche (An Original Sci-Fi Story I Wrote)
 UnaRae

Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 1
The Psyloche (An Original Sci-Fi Story I Wrote)
Posted: 5/29/2009 11:49:16 PM
Jan Miller-Jones was a girl of 15 when she first came to terms that something about her wasn't quite natural. On a vacation in Florida, Jan went swimming in the ocean for the very first time. As she swam, a powerful under-tow caught her unexpectedly, and pulled her underwater. However, rather than drown, something incredible took place. Two very small holes opened at the front of her throat, allowing her to breathe beneath the water. In this way, Jan was able to escape from the current and live to tell of it. However, she decided not to.

As she grew older, that incident in Florida never left her. Jan soon took an interest in track and field events for her high school team in northern Ohio. She grew to love the cross-country events very much, and joined that team as well. One rainy afternoon, after school had finished for the day, Jan decided to go for her daily run along the country road near her home. The day, though originally very fine, turned gloomy as Jan ran down the road that came out into open fields. There was a small abandoned house half a mile out, and Jan raced toward it as the rain began to fall in sheets.

As she got closer, ragged bolts of lightning flashed through the sky. Jan groaned aloud. This wasn't her day, it seemed, and she picked up the pace as the path before her turned into a muddy marsh. Just feet before she got to the old house, a bolt of white-hot lightning crashed into her body, and Jan fell senceless into the mud.

As she lay there, completely unconscious, huge hands reached down and lifted the drenched, muddy body from the ground. Jan groaned, dimly aware of what was happening. She had a very dim sence of entering a building, but very soon, she knew no more.

Jan came to a bit later, and found herself in a very strange room. It was a room made of white walls, floor, and ceiling. The room was brilliantly lit by lights that seemed to be installed behind the white ceiling. She was lying on a flat table of metal. There was nothing else in the room, just the blank white walls and the metal table. There didn't seem to be a door, either. Jan hopped off the table and came over to the walls. Her dark hair, the colour of coal, was twisted into a single braid. Her eyes were a dark blue that now were wide with fright. Where was she? What was happening?

Very abruptly, a part of one wall slid open. Jan stepped back in amazement. Someone entered the room. It was a man. He was of a medium stature, and had iron-grey hair and eyes the same colour as Jan's. He was dressed in a khaki uniform of some sort, and seemed to be a military man, judging from his calm, authorative demeanour. When he spoke, it was in a deep, guttural voice, but full of warmth and kindness.

'So you're awake at last, mavourneen,' he said to the startled young woman who stood before him. 'You didn't seem much affected by the storm, I see. Very good. No doubt you've alot of questions. I'll try to answer them if I can. I'm your uncle. My name is very hard to pronounce, so you may call me Chuck. I'm the brother of your late mother, Moira.'

'My late mother?' Jan replied, looking at the man in astonished amazement. 'Sir, my mother is living. Both my parents are living. Neither of them ever had any siblings, so I've no aunts or uncles. What's this all about?'

'No, Jania. That's what we decided to let you believe. Your father sent you to live in the care of another family. He went to the wars, as was his duty. Your mother, your real mother, died long ago. She cut her throat in a state of depression. The people you live with are not your true parents, nor are you really from their world. I've proof. That wall behind you. Turn and watch this.'

With wobbling knees, Jan obeyed. The wall suddenly became a sort of screen, and a series of short films played. Her uncle explained the films to Jan, who looked at them in shocked surprise. The first depicted her birth, along with a boy, her twin brother, Phinneas. Her uncle explained the events of the next film, several doctors examining Jan after her birth.

'At first they believed it was a mistake,' Chuck said as the film played. 'But the unusual circumstances made it plain that the old fable was really true, after all. It was once said that there would be an infant born with powers beyond the dreams of avarice. When you were born, things began to happen, and we realised the old prophecy had become true at last. The powers are a sort of weapon, if used unwisely. You are the child who was born with those powers, Jania. You are the Psyloche.'

'The Psyloche? What is the Psyloche? Are you jesting, or serious?' Jan was very quiet as she spoke with her uncle. He smiled at her, but spoke carefully.

'No one really knows, mavourneen. We once believed the Psyloche was supposed to be a weapon that's man-made. We were wrong. The Psyloche is a biological weapon, after all. Once we knew, the doctors, your father, and I decided to keep the secret. We decided to send you to live elsewhere after awhile, but your mother died before the final plans were realised. Your brother Phinneas was also taken and put into the care of another family. He is the elder, but you are the heiress apparent to the Imperial throne, mavourneen.'

Jan went numb, but she realised that everything was true. Now she understood why strange things from her past had taken place. She looked at her uncle, and decided that she would accept full responsibility for whatever happened in her life from then on. On that day, from the ashes of her former self, simple Jan Miller-Jones, rose the Psyloche, the greatest biological weapon ever to come into exhistance in the universe.

Jan spent some time with her uncle, learning about her abilities, how to control them, and many other things. Finally, once her uncle decided she was ready to return to her adopted life in Ohio, he gave simple commands and instructions, and Jan closed her eyes and concentrated. When she opened them, she was back in the muddy field, standing on the spot where she had fallen after being hit by lightning. She continued on her way, and as she made ready for bed, she decided to test her abilities.

Closing her eyes and concentrating, Jan focused with all her might on the light-switch on the wall. The switch flipped down, and the light went off, without her having turned it off using her hands. Jan smiled and snuggled down to sleep. Life, she decided, was going to really get interesting.

Fin.
 Raxxar

Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 2
view profile
History
The Psyloche (An Original Sci-Fi Story I Wrote)
Posted: 6/7/2009 5:03:20 PM
This is a pretty good story-idea, and it has the potential to be a great story. You kind of need to pick a tense (present or recent past), and you need to have the reader experience the story as opposed to being told about the story. Show what's going on as opposed to remembering what did go on or whatever. (Even in flash-backs there needs to be more reader involvement in the events.) Then, this page would be a great intro, but needs to get to some main conflict and resolve it to truly be a story. This intro page, properly improved, could easily be the first chapter or two.

I don't mean to discourage you, I'd like to read the complete story when it's ready.
I guess I could display what I mean by improving some of it.

">
. Jan Miller-Jones was 15, swimming in the ocean. Her family was on a vacation in Florida. She stroked powerfully, moving through the waves quickly. She came over a large wave, and as it crashed behind her, there was a powerful under-tow. It pulled her far down into the water. The light became all blue. Then faded into a deeper darkness. Her breath was gone. Her lungs were hurting. Then.......something incredible began to happen.

Suddenly, she could breathe!! She could see again!
'Things do look a little different, though.' She thought. 'Clearer somehow.'
She changed her stroke and swam deeper. She noticed that her mouth wasn't open. She went deeper, and that ear-pain thing didn't happen. Wonderingly, she ran her fingers along her chest and up her throat. As she continued to breathe, she felt two holes in the front of her throat. Water was flowing in and coming out.
'How in the world?' She thought. 'Hey, y'know what? I'm not gonna die today! Wow!!!'
She swam around some more, reveling in the relief and feelings of power.
'I wonder....I'm gonna live, I'm gonna stop swimming sometime. Should I tell anyone about this? Who would believe me? It can all just be my own little secret...'
<"
Page 1 of 1
 
Show ALL Forums  > Creative/Writing  > The Psyloche (An Original Sci-Fi Story I Wrote)